Someday, I’m going to get on a train, sit in the cafe car, and travel across the country with a random and revolving set of travel partners. I’ll just sit down and see who sits down across from me. I’ll learn about aspects of their life stories in the snippets of the time we have together and then I’ll write about it. My guess is that we have far more that binds us together than separates us from one another. We’re all on Team Human, right?
Tag: time
In the pause: Healing takes time
Friends, I have had a rough week. One of the roughest I’ve ever had. Truly. I have been struggling mightily on so many fronts that at one point, I could feel the walls closing in on me. There were a lot of triggering events and I felt like I was descending back down into the scary tunnel of my PTSD from many years ago. I couldn’t sleep or eat for almost 3 days. Eventually, somewhere deep down in the depths of my soul, something began to rise through all the sadness and fear and noise. It was my power. It was my voice.
Your power and your voice are always there. Always. I know it can be difficult to hear them. I know that pain stands up and demands to be recognized. And I know that healing takes time. But you will heal. Be kind to yourself. Be on your own side. Be your own best advocate. Be fierce. Know your truth, and don’t let anyone else tell you who you are. You know you. You be you. Because you are so much more than enough. It takes time to know that, too. Take the time. It’s worth it.
In the pause: How to make a difficult choice easier
Whenever I have to make a tough decision, I spend about a week living each choice. Then at the end of that week, I reflect on how that choice makes me feel. How does it change what I think, what I do, and how I see the world? This method has never failed me. If you’re in the midst of making a decision right now and the options are getting muddled in your mind, take the choices out into the world and see what you find. It’s worth the time.
In the pause: Choosing how to spend our time is our most important job
“Although you may have had a tragic past, it does not need to define your future. Unless you choose it. From this moment on, your life need not be tragic. From this moment on, your life is yours to make. To heal and to love are choices.” ~Max Strom
Max Strom is one of my favorite yoga teachers and writers. His book, A Life Worth Breathing, is a book I return to over and over again because of all the wisdom and grace be packs into his words. When I think about starting this project of virtual guidance counseling for kids, Max’s words speak to what I want to do for kids. To show them that though they may feel like their choices are limited now, life won’t always be that way. Eventually, and not to long from now, all of the choices will be theirs. It can be an overwhelming step change to go from being a child to being an adult. Kids have to know that someone is cheering them on, that someone is there to support them and help them wrestle through growing up.
And it’s a good reminder for us, too. The options of what we can do with our time and talents are endless. The most important work we will ever do is to decide how to use them.
In the pause: Holding myself accountable
I’m a voracious list maker, mostly because it helps me to remain accountable for moving my ideas forward. Since the weekend, I’ve been making a list of things I need to do to test out my new business ideas for on-demand and virtual guidance counseling for students. So far, I have a few to-dos on the books and they are:
- Writing to my high school guidance counselor who inspired this idea to give him a long overdue thank you and to let him know his efforts were not in vain. I actually made it to adulthood in mostly one piece and am now giving back.
- Making a list of people I’d like to contact to do research on the roles of guidance counselors and school administrators so I can understand their pain points and how this company can be of greatest use to the kids in their schools and to their staff.
- Developing a light-weight version of a pitch deck that lays out the purpose, the impact, the methods to achieve that purpose, and my many questions.
- Setting up time to meet with a couple of friends who are going to give me advice on the aforementioned pitch deck.
- Setting up time to meet with a technology development shop that I love and want to work with.
- Making a list of influential people who I want to contact about the idea to ask for their help, guidance, and ideas.
- Set up a meeting with a designer who I hope will help me with branding, a logo, etc. She reached out to me through Instagram and I love her work!
- Reading, reading, reading. Researching, researching, researching. Learning, learning, learning.
I will say that I’m loving every moment of this. I’m loving it so much in fact that it doesn’t even seem like work. And that, my friends, is the point. We should find something that we love to do so much that the time flies and it makes us feel alive and free.
In the pause: It’s okay to collapse
“For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. So collapse. Crumble. This is not your destruction. This is your birth.” ~Zoe Skylar
We work so hard to keep things, even ourselves, from falling apart. Somehow we have managed to associate becoming undone with being completely done, forever. Don’t be ashamed of your undoing or your failure, your missteps or your losses. This is a cycle of life – catching and releasing, holding on and letting go, rising up and falling down. There’s so much to be learned and experienced in the collapse. There you can rest, restore, and rebuild. Wiser, braver, stronger, more focused, and with the knowledge that no matter what life throws at you, you will find a way to shine.
In the pause: Healing is made of magic and time
“Don’t confuse a season for a lifetime. Even your trials have an expiration date.” ~Brittney Moses
Maybe you’re going through something right now that feels sad or painful or disappointing. When we go through tough times, it’s almost impossible to imagine an end to them. But it’ll get better. And you’ll get better. It won’t be overnight. It’ll happen little by little, day by day. You’ll stand a little taller. Smile a little wider. Shine a little brighter. Healing of any kind is one part magic and two parts time. Believe in the power of both.
In the pause: How to destroy all your demons
“Do not just slay your demons; dissect them and find out what they’ve been feeding on.” ~ The Man Frozen in Time
Even the most well-adjusted, confident, and kind people have occasional thoughts and feelings in which they feel less-than. I don’t need to look any further than my mirror to find someone who fits that bill. And while I can play the game of fake it ’til I make it with the best of them, the most effective treatment I’ve found is to really get at the root of my own negative self-talk. Hack away at that root, and there is so much more freedom and joy that gets unlocked.
For example, whenever I’m searching for a new job opportunity, I read the role description and if I don’t fit one bullet my first reaction is to move on. I’ve learned that this is a direct result of my inner perfectionist (which causes plenty of other challenges for me, but let’s just stick to this one for now.) If I can’t do something 99.9% perfectly, I’m obsessing about that 0.1%.
As an adult, I’ve learned to constantly put myself in the role of being a beginner to counter this. Along the way, I have grown my skill sets, met incredible people, traveled to stunning places, and dare I say it, become a recovering perfectionist. I don’t know that I’m ever going to completely get rid of that perfection instinct, but I do know that I control it now and it doesn’t control me. I’ve learned to congratulate myself for trying something new, even when it’s a complete disaster. I’ve learned to be my own best cheerleader and my own best company. I’ve learned to value my strengths and to no longer fear failure.
And as for those job applications, I send them off. I don’t take myself out of the running for anything that sounds interesting to me. My friend, Brooke, once told me years ago that we are all born knowing nothing. We all start at zero. We learn everything we need to learn just by going through life . And that process never stops, so why stop ourselves? Now that’s what I call slaying a demon and then eating its lunch.
In the pause: Stop watering dead plants
“Sweetheart, listen to me. You’ve got to stop watering dead plants.” ~Anonymous
So many of us (myself very much included) do this far too often. People, we’re better than this. Truly. If a metaphorical plant is dead, let it decompose and move on. There are far better things that need your time, resources, and attention. Okay? Okay.
In the pause: The future takes time
If you ever grow weary over this next four years, I want you to remember that our present situation is not our future. The tide is already turning. And while this present moment seems almost unbearable, know that the majority of America believes in a brighter, better way. Our only job is to hold the space until tomorrow is today. The future takes time.
Christa Avampato 