Tag: past

creativity

Wonder: 7 years ago today my world was changed by fire

Christa Avampato

7 years ago today my apartment building caught fire and I had to start over in every sense. I feel so many emotions on this anniversary though the one now that is more prominent than others is grateful.

In the middle of that soot-covered apartment that day I had no idea what to do, where to go, or how to feel. Mostly, I was scared and filled with what-if scenarios. Had I hesitated even a minute longer, it’s unlikely that I would have made it out of the building.

I thought that day was the worst day of my life because it sent me down into a very dark and terrifying spiral—mentally, physically, and emotionally. Now with the benefit of time, I see that day as one of my best.

That day set the course I’m still following, causing me to let go of the things that don’t help me live my best life and to take chances every day. That fire caused me to lose a lot of things I loved, and it also helped to create space for me to build something brand new.

That process of rebuilding has been beautiful and terrible, and I consider all of it a great gift because it helped me to know and appreciate just how strong and resilient I am. And those are things worth knowing.

creativity

Wonder: Smithsonian Magazine goes deep into race in America

Christa Avampato

20160902_085331If you want to get deep into the discussion around race in America and approach it from a number of different perspectives, I can’t recommend the latest issue of Smithsonian Magazine enough. I’m completely engrossed in every story. It’s an incredible example of journalism that combines a long lens historical perspective, evocative personal stories of struggle and triumph (in equal amounts), and a future vision of hope that we can fully accept and explore our past and not be solely defined by it. Just amazing.

creativity

Wonder: The miracle of being where you are right now

Christa Avampato

“The miracle is that we are here, that no matter how undone we’ve been the night before, we wake up every morning and are still here. It is phenomenal just to be.” ~Anne Lamott, Stitches

Have you ever noticed the perspective that comes with sleep? We can feel agitated, angry, anxious, and upset, and the next morning we have the chance to try again. Getting back up after being knocked down isn’t easy. It doesn’t always feel good. There are times that we wonder why we even continue to try. And I’ve found that there is something powerful and empowering in the act of rising, head up, eyes ahead. I literally narrow my eyes, drop the tone of my voice, take a deep breath, and will myself to speak up and take action.

The chance to try again, every day, is a gift. And it is ours to use.

creativity

Wonder: Heaven help us all

Christa Avampato

As this week kicks off, in light of the violent weeks and months that have preceded it, I find myself turning to music to quiet my mind and lighten my heart. Music is a great unifier, a powerful form of expression, and a vehicle to help us figure out how we feel, what we know, and what we hope to build. This weekend as I read about the shooting in Baton Rouge, the protests sprawling across the country, and that gathering in Cleveland, I thought about Stevie Wonder and his song “Heaven Help Us All”. I revisited its lyrics and meditated on the creation of a better world in which none of them applied.

Heaven help the child who never had a home
Heaven help the girl who walks the street alone
Heaven help the roses if the bombs begin to fall
Heaven help us all

Heaven help the black man if he struggles one more day
Heaven help the white man if he turns his back away
Heaven help the man who kicks the man who has to crawl
Heaven help us all

Heaven help us all, Heaven help us all, help us all
Heaven help us, Lord, hear our call when we fall
Oh, yeah

Heaven help the boy who won’t reach twenty-one
Heaven help the man who gave that boy a gun
Heaven help the people with their backs against the wall
Lord, Heaven help us all, Heaven help us all

Heaven help us all, help us all
Heaven help us, Lord, here we call, help us all

Now I lay me down before I go to sleep
In a troubled world, I pray the Lord to keep
Keep hatred from the mighty and the mighty from the small
Heaven help us all oh yeah

Heaven help us all
Heaven help us all
Heaven help us all

creativity

Wonder: Telling stories takes you back in time

Christa Avampato

I’m working on a piece of writing for my dear friend, Amanda. She’s the best editor I’ve ever worked with, bar none. Whenever she asks me to write something for her, I jump at the chance every time. This particular assignment involved traveling back in time to the dark days of September 2008 when the world, my career, and my life was turned upside down by a frightening, unprecedented economic recession. I was working for a financial institution, an industry I swore I’d never join, and I was, in a word, terrified.

Rather than cower and hide, I rose up. To this day, I’m not sure where I found the strength. I guess the fear of losing my job and my livelihood was adrenalin for me. I took that energy that gets wasted by fear and used it to drive me forward, headfirst, right into the abyss of the unknown. I still shiver thinking about it. And then I smile. Time travel is a wild ride. We are so much stronger than we think we are.

creativity

Wonder: Guard your time

Christa Avampato

The older I get, the more precious time becomes to me. I have always been painfully aware of the passage of time. I’m constantly evaluating and re-evaluating my efficiency, the value of my activities, and the good I’m doing with the time I have.

While this might sound like an exhausting way to live, it’s actually more exhausting for me to think that I’m not using my time to the fullest. Now, that’s not to say I don’t relax, unwind, and enjoy my life. I do. It’s a priority for me to be at my best, and my best requires rest. And even in the rest, I know my mind and spirit are doing the valuable work of recharging and evolving.

I’m lucky and grateful beyond measure. I wake up with a purpose and I go to bed counting my blessings – the big and the small, the expected and the unexpected, the wanted and yes, the unwanted. And I wouldn’t want to use my time any other way.

creativity

Wonder: A wrong righted 10 years later

Christa Avampato

 

10 years ago, I interviewed at a large retail company for a summer internship while I was an MBA student at Darden. It was my top pick for an internship and I was proceeding well in the process. The final step was a psychological evaluation that was supposed to be a formality. Instead, the psychologist dug into my family history for over an hour. She asked me a lot of very painful questions and was very judgmental about my childhood. I stood my ground, told the truth, didn’t crack, and stated how I did the best I could in the circumstances I was born into. I didn’t get the internship, and I was heartbroken. I thought the story was over, but it wasn’t.

A few months ago I received a letter from a law firm. A class action lawsuit was filed against this retail company for discriminatory hiring practices. The HR records had been subpoenaed and unsealed, and it was deemed that I may be due a payment for damages. I confirmed that I interviewed with the company during the time period in question, sent the letter back, and never gave it another thought.

When I arrived home yesterday, I had a letter from the law firm.The retailer confessed to its discriminatory practices, and settled out of court. The letter contained a check for damages. Not a huge check, but one that I can put to good use. I was shocked. I’m still shocked. I actually cried a little. And then I cried a lot. Not out of sadness, but out of relief.

I didn’t realize how badly I’d felt about this incident all these years. When you grow up without enough, you think you aren’t enough. It is a painful fact of growing up poor. And as much as I have grown into a strong, resilient, and confident woman, there is a small part of me who still carries around this slightest feeling of shame. I’ve learned to use it to go further, try harder, and reach higher.

That incident 10 years ago with the retailer brought all of those feelings into clear focus. I wasn’t mad that I didn’t get that internship. I was ashamed and deeply embarrassed because I knew that my family history made them turn me down. I was told I wasn’t good enough because I hadn’t grown up with enough. How hard I had worked for so many years to lift myself up didn’t matter to this company. And in fact it was a black mark against me.

So getting that check yesterday was a nice thing financially, but that is such a small benefit compared to what it means to me on a much more profound level. That is karma. That is the universe righting a wrong. That is the reward of standing tall, and not letting small-minded people get you down. That is proof to me that our authenticity, work ethic, and determination to making meaning of our past does get rewarded. It can take time. It can often take too much time. But it happens. It happens.

creativity

Wonder: Bitter or better

Christa Avampato

Next week I turn 40, and this is my greatest lesson in life so far: if something doesn’t go my way, I’ve got two choices – I can choose to let it make me bitter or make me better. In my life, most things haven’t gone my way. They went the way they had to go to turn me into the person I am. And no, that’s not necessarily fair. Sometimes it’s downright unfair, but those are the times I learn the most – about myself, about others, and about the world. And yes, that learning can be painful and disappointing, but I’m grateful, in hindsight, for every ounce of it.

On the cusp of 40, I’ve made a decision – from here on out, I’m only getting better. I don’t have time for bitter.

creativity

Wonder: Remake your space for your future self

Christa Avampato
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Who will you be?

“The space in which we live should be for the person we are becoming now, not for the person we were in the past.” ~Marie Kondo

So often we define ourselves by where we’ve been and what we’ve accomplished, not where we’re going nor what we’re working on. We let our past determine our future. What if we decided to craft ourselves in the image of our dreams? How much further would we go and how much more would we do if we exchanged our anchors for wings? I’d like to find out. Are you in?

creativity

Wonder: You can build the door to your own future

Christa Avampato

door-to-heavenSometimes, you happen upon a door that leads you down a path you never knew existed. And sometimes you have to build a door for yourself and then pave the path you intend to walk. Yesterday, the latter happened to me. I built a door to my future and then walked through it. On the other side of the door was Notion Theory.

I’ve been kicking around my idea for Project Rubeus, a history-based ed tech product, for about two weeks and I met with Notion Theory, a development team who could actually build a small working prototype for me. The guys at Notion Theory are kind, whip-smart, and passionate about their work. They get the purpose of the project and its many applications. In under an hour, we all walked away over-the-moon excited about its potential. It involves heavy lifting in algorithm development, computational math, and machine learning, and it can be done in about 3 months for approximately $50,000. Those are very rough estimates, and now I’m working to find a way to piece together that money.

Sometimes we’re lucky enough to have our future find us. And if that’s not happening, then we have to go out there and build our future the way we want it to be. I’m rolling up my sleeves. This is going to get interesting.