Get yourself a friend like this: Ashley painted my soul dog, not once but twice, and then on her day off from her intense job went with me to Central Park to commemorate him by taking photos under his favorite cherry trees in full bloom of the paintings she painted and the felt likeness of him given to me by another sweet friend.
The locket I’m wearing has a lock of Phin’s hair in it. Phinny was certainly with us as we saw 5 dachshunds on our visit. His way of saying, “Hi, Mom! Hi, Ashley! I love you.” A pair of them, Otto and Oliver, were just 7 months old. Their dads had lost their 13-year-old dachshund, Arthur, a year before getting Otto and Oliver. “Nothing can bring the joy of your dog back as much as another dog.”
It’s been 3 months since Phinny passed away in my arms. This visit to his favorite part of the park during his favorite time of year with my dear friend did my broken heart so much good. I realize now this grief will never leave me. I’m learning how to carry it while also finding joy every day. We contain multitudes. Phinny is still teaching me. He’s always teaching me. Our love story continues.
This is my first spring in my new neighborhood in Brooklyn and it’s loaded with flowering trees! I went out for a long walks over the last few days, taking in the warmth and light, the scent of flowers, and the explosion of colors. My dog, Phinny, would have loved these days. I loved them for both of us.
Cherry blossoms in historic Green-wood Cemetery, Brooklyn. Photo by Christa Avampato.
It’s hard to believe Phin passed away two months ago. I’ve been looking for a locket for a few months to carry him with me everywhere I go. On Monday, the day of the eclipse!, this one arrived. It has a blue forget-me-not flower pressed into the front. It now holds a lock of Phinny’s fur. All he ever wanted in life was to always be with me. I took him with me whenever I could (and then some!) Spiritually, he’s forever with me. Now, he’s physically with me always, too, and we’re traveling together. Our love story continues.
Me in Prospect Park, Brooklyn, wearing the locket honoring my dog, Phineas.
Today is also the anniversary of the founding of the ASPCA in New York City in 1866. Phinny prompted me to become a monthly donor almost 9 years ago for his birthday. I’m so grateful for their work and honored to support their lifesaving mission for all these years.
My soul dog, Phineas, on a healthy and happy day in Central Park, Manhattan. Photo by Christa Avampato.
It’s also national hug your dog day. I wish I could hug Phineas today, so please hug your dogs for me. They are never with us long enough no matter how long their lives are. Love every day you get with yours. Here are some blooms to brighten your Wednesday.
Cherry blossoms in Brooklyn. Photo by Christa Avampato.
Friends, I have been away from this blog for over two weeks because of grief.
Phineas crossed over in my arms at 3:30am on Sunday, January 28, 2024. I went to dinner on Saturday the 27th and Phin was sound asleep in his new bed when I left. He had a good day, visited with friends Marita and Anthony, ate well, went outside, and was even walking better than he had been. When I got home, Phinny was collapsed on the floor and unable to stand. I ran him to the ER at 11:30pm. The vet felt he may have had a seizure, that his kidney disease had taken a turn for the worse, or his back legs had completely given out as a side effect to the prednisone he’s been taking for his chronic pancreatitis.
He completely fell asleep in my arms at the ER and never stirred again, not even when we placed the euthanasia catheter. I held him for hours. He was telling me it was time. Once the shot was administered, he took 3 big breaths and then was gone. He was at peace, and the last thing he knew on this plane was my heartbeat and me holding him. The cry I let out was the loudest and most guttural I’ve ever made.
This is the last photo I took of Phin just before I left for dinner on what would be the last night of his life. I have a tremendous amount of guilt that I went out that night. If I’d known what would happen, I never would have gone to dinner. The other two are me holding him in the ER shortly before he crossed over.
Phineas, I love you more than life itself and my heart is shattered missing you. I have no idea how I’ll get through this grief and life without you. You’ll always be the greatest love of my life.
Thank you to everyone who has loved and cared for us through all of our 13 1/2 years together. We’re so grateful.
I am feeling my way through. This grief is the worst I’ve ever felt. I couldn’t sleep for 36 hours. I sobbed so much my eyes were purple and swollen. My friend, Ashley, who loved and adored Phinny came over with bagels, chocolate, a prayer candle, tissues, fruit salad, and her dog, Cricket, who was one of Phinny’s best friends.
The day after Phinny passed, Ashley told me the constellation Canis minor (“the smaller dog”) was rising in the sky with Orion and Canis major. It’s no coincidence that it looks like a celestial Phinny. I’m absolutely getting this tattoo in his honor. Canis minor and Canis major are Orion the Hunter’s dogs. In mythology, the gods placed Canis minor at the banks of the river of the Milky Way so the dog would never be thirsty. Fresh water forever for Phin!
Nursing my broken heart, I left my apartment after two days for the first time since Phinny’s passing. I went to dinner with my friend Vicki. I was dreading returning home and Phin not being there to greet me. This gorgeous vase of flowers was waiting for me from Chewy, the pet supply company. I contacted them to thank them for all of the great service they’ve provided to us and to cancel any autoships and reminders that were set up for Phinny’s account. Sarah, the team member I chatted with, was so lovely, kind, and compassionate. I never expected anything like this. Sarah and Chewy made one of the worst days of my life a little brighter.
Sarah and Chewy exemplify heart-centered leadership, and concern for customers. This is how you run a business. I already loved them. Now I’m a customer and fan for life. Other companies could learn a lot from them.
I went to dinner with my friend Tara at Grey Dog, one of my favorite New York City spots. I went into the restroom and there was this dachshund print by Stephen Huneck. When I looked over at it, I swear to you I heard Phin say, “Hi Mom!”
Print at Grey Dog
Tara bought me a set of pens & this lovely notebook with Phineas embossed on it. She got it so I could carry it with me and write down any thought about Phin that pops into my mind.
The little prince is home now. I picked up Phinny’s ashes at Blue Pearl. A triumvirate of strong, compassionate, loving women working at the hospital that night helped me make the impossible choice to release Phineas’s spirit from his riddled physical body and usher him into the next realm. I will never forget their kindness. This was the most humane and loving choice for him, and a pain-filled choice for me.
I made an ofrenda for him in my apartment. He guards the door, as he always did in life, surrounded by a portrait of him painted by Ashley with the prayer candle she brought over the day he passed, his paw prints, tuft of fur, his sweaters, collar, harness, and water bowl that I never washed after he passed, treats and a piece of his kibble, toys he loved, his hair brush with his hair still in it, dried flowers from his Chewy bouquet, and a photo he had taken at his doggie daycare.
Many years from now, when I pass and am completely reunited with Phin, our ashes will be mixed together, and we’ll become a tree. For now, I’ll find him in everything everywhere all at once. His spirit is always next to me. Whenever I want to be close to him, I go to his ofrenda and talk to him. I say good morning and good night to him every day.
Phin has been showing up all over my dreams already! He showed up in a dream of mine less than a week after he passed. He was in the living room, guarding the door, just as he always did in life. He was sitting close to his ofrenda. I think he likes that spot. I said, “Phinny!” and he turned around and looked at me over his shoulder. I was so sad because the dream was so short but my friend Amy explained that short clear dreams are visitations, and that made me feel better.
I had another dream that he sent me two new rescue dachshunds. It was mayhem in my dream with them running all over the place, and it was the happiest I’ve been since his passing.
In that strange state between being asleep and awake, I had a flash of me walking across a pink bridge with a red stripe down the middle that looked like Central Park’s bridges, which we loved going across many times over the years. Snow behind us, spring ahead. I was carrying Phinny and he was asleep the way he was in the ER 2 weeks ago. I got to the other end of the bridge. I gave him a kiss between his sleepy eyes and put him down. He became his young self again and took off running into the green grass. I watched him go and then turned around and walked back over the bridge.
Our friend Cara sent me this lovely postcard and I imagine Phin running free and flying high in a beautiful place like this. She also sent me this valentine because she knew today would be hard for me. Our friend Celia painted this beautiful image for Phin and our friend KaRyn sent us this beautiful card.
Josh donated to NYCACC, Tisa donated to Frosty Faces, and Tunde donated to World Central Kitchen – all in Phinny’s honor. So many of you have sent me messages in so many forms and checked in on me. Please know how grateful I am. You are all helping me tremendously with every single small gesture. Phinny was loved by so many, and having that reminder really helps.
Phin helped me through so much – PTSD, the pandemic, cancer, new jobs, new apartments, breakups, and also celebrated an immeasurable number of joys and dreams with me. The void he’s left in my life seems like it has no end. Rest assured I’m trying to put one foot in front of the other and doing everything possible to find some comfort and peace after this impossible decision. The grief is heavy and will take a long time to process. This is just part of love persevering.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you. I love that we have a holiday that celebrates love in all its wondrous forms – for all the people and animals in our lives present and past, our communities, this beautiful planet we share, the work we do, causes and organizations we care about, and ourselves. I hope today and every day you let love fill you up and fuel your journey forward.
This is a photo of me and my forever valentine – my sweetheart of a dog. It’s from 2016 so he’s about 7 here. Love you & miss you, buddy. It was taken by our dear and talented friend Rachael when we lived in D.C.
It’s been just over two weeks since I held my little guy and it’s felt like 2 years. My great hope is that he’s happy, healthy, and running free. I love you, buddy. I hope your day is filled with all the things you love.
How forest bathing reduces cancer risk In her talk and her book she advocates for 15 minutes of month forest bathing, particularly near evergreen trees, as a way to reduce cancer risk. As a cancer survivor, I do everything I can to prevent recurrence. Sadly, there’s a lot of nonsense out there and plenty of products that claim to prevent cancer. Most of it is just slick marketing taking advantage of people through scare tactics. But does this recommendation from Dr. Beresford-Kroeger have scientific research to back up the claim? Can 15 minutes a month with trees really help us reduce the risk of cancer? It does and it can.
Numerous scientific studies (here, here, and here to call out just a few) have found that the biochemicals in our immune systems (collectively referred to as Natural Killer (NK) cells such as lymphocytes) are strengthened with even brief 15- to 20-minute visits to wooded areas and the effects can last more than 30 days. These research findings support Dr. Beresford-Kroeger’s recommendation and the ancient wisdom she’s studied and accumulated her entire life.
Combining indigenous knowledge with modern medicine for optimal health Now, does this mean we can substitute forest visits for regular checkups and exams with our doctors or forgo medical treatments if we are diagnosed with cancer? No, I would not recommend that course of action. Modern medicine found and treated my cancer, and I’m forever grateful for the care I received at NYU. But did I also benefit from good nutrition, exercise, my time in nature, and my determination to find joy every day to keep up my spirits during the darkest days of my life? Yes, I did.
Preventing and fighting cancer requires a multi-pronged approach. We can benefit from ancient wisdom and modern technology. I used both to keep myself healthy before, during, and after treatment. I’ll use both for the rest of my life that I’m so fortunate to have.
Why I still got cancer even though I live a healthy lifestyle Now, you might be thinking, “Well, Christa, you go to Central Park every day and you still got cancer. So how do you explain that?”
Yes, that’s true. I did get cancer even though I have no genetic predisposition to any kind of cancer, I eat a healthy plant-based diet, I exercise regularly, I’m a healthy weight, I control my stress levels, I spend a lot of time outside in nature, and I see my doctors regularly. Cancer is a sneaky set of diseases. It wears a lot of costumes and disguises in its attempts to thwart our immune system. Even in the best of circumstances, a cell can get past our immune system, not because we’re weak but because cancer is such a deft and relentless shape-shifter. All it takes is one microscopic cell.
The Hudson Valley is a cancer hotspot We also live in an increasingly toxic world, which can wear us down without our awareness. I grew up on an apple orchard in the Hudson Valley of New York State in the 1980s and 1990s. Sounds bucolic, right? In many ways it was.
But what you may not know is during that time the rampant use of chemical pesticides was practiced all over that area. I have vivid memories of bright red tankers full of pesticides being sprayed in the air on neighboring orchards for months on end to keep the apples pest-free. Those farmers didn’t realize their sprays were poisoning our food, air, soil, and water.
At the same time, General Electric (GE) dumped 1.3 million pounds of polychlorinated biphenyls (PCBs) into the Hudson River from its capacitor manufacturing plants in Hudson Falls and Fort Edward, New York. Though they ended that practice in the last 1970s, the PCBs remain in the river sediment to this day. PCBs are known carcinogens (meaning they cause cancer).
These practices of farmers and GE have partially caused the Hudson Valley to become a cancer hotspot. My family had well water. The toxic chemicals from the pesticides and GE’s practices seeped into the water table, not to mention were directly linked to our food and air. The truth is we can do everything right as individuals but collectively, the practices of others can harm us and we are powerless to avoid the impacts once they’ve happened.
So, yes, I live a healthy lifestyle and yes, I still got cancer. But as my doctors always point out, because I was so healthy when I was diagnosed, I was able to withstand intense surgeries and treatments, and emerge on the other side healthier than ever. The combination of my good health, modern medicine, and indigenous knowledge saved me.
Fighting climate change is another way to fight cancer Preserving and expanding natural areas and mitigating the impacts of climate change is another important piece of the puzzle to maintain our health. Said another way, our best defense is a good offense. We need to have nature on our side to maintain our environments, and that means we must care for natural and wild areas.
This is why I advocate for the planting, maintenance, enhanced access, and expansion of forested areas, particularly in cities like New York where I now live and where trees are necessary for our health and wellbeing. Trees save and enhance our lives in so many ways by cleaning our air and water, lowering our stress levels, and enhancing our immune systems.
My forest bathing practice in Central Park I’m fortunate to live near one of New York’s City’s green gems, Central Park. Forest bathing doesn’t mean you need to retreat to the far corners of the wilderness (though if you can, I recommend that kind of trip as well). Urban forest bathing once a month (or more) is highly effective, easy to do, and accessible.
On a sunny Saturday, I went to Central Park with my dog, Phineas. For 15 minutes, we sat near a majestic Blue Atlas Cedar (Cedrus atlantica glauca) that stands near the Reservoir. The effects for both of us were palpable. Phin closed his eyes and went to sleep as I soaked up the sun and clean air, all the time quietly expressing my gratitude to this tree.
When we got up to go home, I bowed to the tree in reverence for what this beautiful being had freely given me. “I’ll see you again soon,” I whispered.
I left with my heart and lungs full with all good things, thankful for what nature offers us if only we will take the time to accept her gifts and wisdom. When we take care of nature, nature can then take care of us. Go sit near a tree for 15 minutes once a month. You’ll be better for it.
(Below are a few photos of me and my dog, Phineas, on our most recent forest bathing trip to Central Park).
What could instantly elicit more joy than a puppy or kitten? This week we talk to Mary Talalay, an expert in fostering animals to get them ready to find their forever homes. She also mentors new fosters, especially first-timers. Mary offers advice to those new to fostering and potential fosters who are curious about what’s involved in the process. She shares stories of fosters that hold a special place in her heart and how she and her daughter initially got involved in their foster community in Maryland.
At the end of the episode I share two resources created by Best Friends Animal Society. They put together a foster program training playbook with an e-learning module, care manuals for dogs, cats, and kittens, and other helpful links. They also have free online recordings of webinars, town halls, online courses, and helpful tips on fostering.
This is a heart-warming episode for all the animal lovers out there and those who want to play a part in animals rescue and adoption.
Topics discussed in this episode:
What it’s like to be a foster as well as the commitment needed (it can be as a big or as small a commitment as you have time for!)
The community of fosters that Mary and her teenage daughter discovered and are now a part of
Memorable fosters that found shelter and safety in Mary’s home
Ways to get involved in the foster community even if you can’t take an animal into your home
About Mary: Mary Talalay has a BS in Journalism from Temple University, an MS in Organizational Dynamics from University of Pennsylvania, and an MPH from Johns Hopkins School of Public Health. She played goalie for Temple University’s Division 1 Final Four Women’s Lacrosse team and was a member of Phi Sigma Sigma.
She also studied Epidemiology in Krakow, Poland with the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine. She has certifications from Quality Matters, Sloane Consortium, (Online Learning Consortium) and is a Blackboard Exemplary Course reviewer.
Prior to joining Johns Hopkins, Mary worked as a technical and medical writer for companies such as Baxter BioScience, AstraZeneca, Pfizer, and many local biotechnology companies.
She worked as a project manager for the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine’s MD-PhD program, creating a comprehensive database of the program alumni and assisting with grants and admissions.
She was a Peace Corps Volunteer in the Slovak Republic, working as a project manager for the Slovak Ministry of Health, helping the government achieve compliance in the area of Public Health for accession into the EU. She continues to assist her Slovak colleagues with manuscript preparation pro bono.
She enjoys photography (her work has appeared in the Baltimore Sun, Maryland Zoo Annual Report, and KIWI Magazine), writing children’s books, travel, and kayaking.
One of her favorite overseas trips was spending Halloween in Transylvania. Her family fosters animals for the Maryland SPCA and they lost count after the 100th kitten.
I almost said goodbye to my beloved dog, Phineas, on June 30th. He wasn’t able to eat or drink that morning. I got scared and called my local vet. They said to bring him in to assess. The vet was so kind. She said this decision is never easy, and there is no wrong decision. I’m still processing the series of events that followed.
I signed all the papers with the vet and crematorium. Then we inserted the catheter in Phin’s front right leg. After the light disappearing from his eyes this morning, he rose up and screamed out loud “NO!” He was so loud even the nurses were alarmed. I looked in his eyes, and they were wide and wild and full of light again. He began to shake.
The nurses gave me some time with him. I held him and looked into his beautiful marble eyes. Something in my gut said I would regret doing this. It wasn’t a fear. It was an emphatic “ABSOLUTELY NOT! He has more time.” I felt him say, “Not yet. Not like this. Mom, please don’t do this.”
This reminded me of the time I was in the hospital for my severe allergy to a chemo drug that nearly killed me. All the doctors wanted to send me to the ICU and have me intubated because my oxygen levels were falling. I was terrified because the ICU was filled with COVID patients and vaccines had not yet rolled out widely.
An ICU nurse was called to take me down, and she fought to not send me. She wanted to try one more machine to see if my body would take up oxygen.
“You have 10 minutes,” said the attending physician.
“Then let’s give her 10 minutes,” said the nurse.
Against all odds, within 10 minutes my oxygen levels surged on the new machine.
“Holy shit,” said the attending doctor as she stood at the foot of my bed watching my monitors.
That ICU nurse saved my life. I’m certain that if I had gone to the ICU and been intubated, I would have gotten COVID and died. Now, I was that nurse for Phin. He needed me to protect him just as that nurse protected me.
As the doctor was about to come in and administer the final medication to put Phin to sleep, I ran to the lobby of the vet’s office and said, “I’m sorry. I can’t do this. I’m not ready and neither is Phin.” Instead, we gave him some injectable medication in an attempt to stabilize him and get him eating and drinking again.
I walked out of the office with Phin in his carrier. We both breathed a sigh of relief. We got home. He drank some water, ate a very small meal, and rested. There are so many other details to this story that I will write about eventually. The signs to not do this presented themselves and I didn’t see them. Phin did, and he spoke up. I can only see them now in retrospect.
I don’t know what tomorrow, or even today, will bring for my boy. But I do know that June 30th was not Phin’s time to leave this plane. I would have regretted not trying to give him more time to come out of the sedation he got late last night at the ER. He’s still here, still with me, not in pain, and I am at peace, glad and grateful to my gut for getting him extra meds, extra care, and extra time.
A few pictures of me and Phin over the last few days:
Angelina Ballerina, a dog in need of a foster home through Hearts&Bones Rescue
Are you home a lot more now in New York City or Dallas because of coronavirus? You can do so much good—you can save a life by fostering a dog with @heartsandbonesrescue. A dog reduces stress & increases joy! And I can personally vouch for this wonderful organization & their amazing all-volunteer staff.
Sometimes the fosters are just for a night or two. Sometimes they are for a few weeks. Sometimes they’re a foster fail & find their forever home w/ their foster. Have questions? Get in touch and learn more below!❤🐶
From @heartsandbonesrescue: FOSTERS NEEDED! Are you working from home the next few weeks? Looking for something to take your mind off all this craziness? Well it’s the perfect time to foster! With so many dogs in need, including new rescue Angelina Ballerina, we’re continuing to save as many lives as we can. Our next group of pups will arrive in NYC on Saturday 3/21! We’ve cancelled our adoption events for the month and will be sending all dogs straight to foster homes – so we need more amazing foster parents on board to help than usual. And don’t worry, we’ll still be arranging private adoption meetings for approved adopters over the next couple of weeks and expect many of our pups to find forever homes 🥰
Approved fosters and adopters can email foster@heartsandbonesrescue.com to sign up and newbies can fill out our easy application at the link in our bio. And if you’re looking to find your forever dog, head to our website to check out all the new cuties!
Stay healthy everyone and let’s keep saving dogs in need together 🖤
Despite the cold, my senior dog, Phineas, took me on a 2-hour hike through the North Woods of Central Park yesterday. The late afternoon light was just perfect. Time in nature is like a massage for the brain, heart, and spirit. It prompts my creativity. The movement jogs my imagination, restores my resolve to do work that builds a better world. If you need to be restored, get outside. Your restlessness has a purpose. It is meant to move you. Don’t fight it. Go with it.
My Upper West Side neighborhood is a place where neighbors sit on their brownstone stoops when the weather’s nice to say hello and visit. For writers, this is an especially wonderful practice because we hear, see, and share so many stories. It gives us a place to observe. And the fresh air does wonders for creativity.
My dog, Phineas, is a fan of this lifestyle. Here he is wishing everyone a good morning as he lounges in the dappled sunshine. I love this dog, this town, and the opportunity to tell stories.
Nothing says fun more than a park full of wieners! Phineas and I attended Dachtoberfest—a celebration of dachshunds and the humans who love them—yesterday at Washington Square Park. It was a spectacular time for the long, little doggies. I love that we live in a city where this is an annual event.
My Upper West Side neighborhood is a place where neighbors sit on their brownstone stoops when the weather’s nice to say hello and visit. For writers, this is an especially wonderful practice because we hear, see, and share so many stories. It gives us a place to observe. And the fresh air does wonders for creativity.
Christa Avampato 