generosity, leadership

Step 331: Giving Our Best

Christa Avampato

“You get the best out of others when you give the best of yourself.” ~ Harvey S. Firestone

“The hardest thing on earth is choosing what matters.” ~ Sue Monk Kidd

I’ve been thinking a lot about leadership recently, and its elusive, mutable nature. I believe that the very best leadership is rooted in a deep desire to serve others. Though in its final expression it is outwardly focused on others, if we are to lead well we must have a deep understanding of what lies within us first. We must learn to enjoy and respect the company we keep in the empty moments before we can fully engage with others. We must know our own heart’s longing before we can uncover the same in others. To bring forward the very best in others, we must know and cultivate the very best within ourselves. To know ourselves, to really come face to face with who we are, who we mean to be, and how we should spend our time this time around is a lifetime endeavor.

Amid the stresses of daily life, how do we ensure that we leading a life composed of the very best we have to give? How do we make our days and years really matter? Here are 5 ways that I measure the quality of what I’m giving:

1.) Does an activity give me energy? I’m all for a good work out that leads me to a long, restful sleep, but aside from that I’m more interested in activities that boost me up rather than ones that leave me feeling depleted. If I start to feel my mind going numb, it’s best for me to move on.

2.) Am I giving and receiving something positive simultaneously? I may do a service project that helps someone else and makes me feel good about contributing to my community. I may write a blog post that helps me work out a challenge I’m having while also helping someone else. When I hang out with my nieces, the hope is that we’re all having a great time. If I’m doing anything that doesn’t strike this balance most of the time, chances are I’m not putting my best into the world.

3.) Is there laughter involved? By nature, I tend more toward the serious side of life more than the humorous side. (I’m working on balancing that out in 2011 – more details to come in a later post.) I can always rest easy when the activity I’m doing is somehow triggering laughter. Of course, always better to have people laughing with us than at us, but I’ve also been known to never be above self-deprecation if it increases the chances of a happy ending. Humility doesn’t get all the respect it deserves.

4.) Is what I’m doing furthering one of my larger goals? My blog posts are a great example of this principle. Each post isn’t in and of itself an audacious goal, but each one is adding to my goal of living a writer’s life. Smalls steps make the journey.

5.) Am I resting easy? My sleep cycle is my greatest signal of the value of my daily activities. I had insomnia for a good chunk of my life and my yoga training really helped to correct that, as did a lot of the work I’ve done with Brian. When my heart’s at peace, my mind and body follow. A day well-lived leads me into a night well-slept.

How do you measure what really matters and how do you keep track of whether or not you’re on the right path?

choices, decision-making, goals, love

Step 330: Focus on Small Intentions

Christa Avampato

“We can do no great things, only small things with great love.” ~ Mother Teresa

There is a desire in our culture to make everything big, to have all experiences be life altering. We want the very best of everything, always. We are not by nature happy with incremental change and improvement. We are a society focused on drastic shifts; we like to go to extremes.

As I’m reflecting on 2010 and thinking about 2011 goals, I feel that temptation toward big ambitions. And then today I read the quote above and reminded myself about the incredible accomplishments that can come from doing a small handful of things really well. So rather than saying I’ll own my own yoga studio, I’ll rent a tiny space in someone else’s studio and see how it goes. I’ll continue to try to make connections in the medical field to teach yoga as part of an integrative approach to health and wellness – and I’ll do it for free if need be. I’ll put together a book that uses some lessons of yoga to teach basic personal finance.

I’ll go into 2011 one small step at a time and take each step with a lot of love and care. This will be a whole new experiment for me. I’m not good at taking my time. I’m not good at being still, or even just slowing down. Despite my physical stature, small is not a common word in my vocabulary. When people meet me for the first time, they often remark that they thought I’d be taller. To be honest, I wish I was. I make up for it with a personality and opinions that are big and bold. This coming year I’m going to try to lead with my heart first. Small intentions, big love.

The image above can be found here.

holiday, simplicity, thankful, thanksgiving

Step 329: Thankful for Less

Christa Avampato

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. Good food and lots of downtime with no pressure of gifts or any schedule. There’s a parade with colorful floats, followed by hours of sporting events and a nap or two, and the knowledge that the next month is about having as much fun as possible.

This morning I was lying in bed and counting my blessings, which I am so lucky to have in abundance. I like this exercise because it helps me realize all that I do have, but I like it best for an even more important reason – it makes me realize how much I don’t need. Right before that horrendous day known as Black Friday, this is a good thing to remember. When Phin and I went out for our walk this morning, we picked up the morning paper to find it bursting with retail fliers, some touting that their doors open at 3:00am. That is one thing I certainly don’t need.

In so many ways we’ve been conned (mostly by ourselves) into thinking we just don’t have enough, that we must hang on to everything in sight because it’s about to slip right through our fingers in the blink of an eye. So we stuff our lives and homes with material possessions, pack our schedules to the brim, and still long for more.

This Thanksgiving, I’m grateful for less. A schedule that’s not hectic, a home that has little more than the bare essentials, a good meal that fills me to just the right level, some sunshine, and simple times with my family. These days I’m living with less, and grateful for it because it means I have so much more to give.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The image above can be found here.

frustration, nature, strengths, stress

Step 328: Make Like a Grapevine and Focus

Christa Avampato

“A vine, well-exercised, produces an intense wine.” ~ Anthony Bourdain

Yesterday I was at my mom’s house watching an episode of Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. I recently finished his book, Kitchen Confidential, and love his bits of life wisdom garnered through his life in food. On yesterday’s episode he was meandering through Provence and all of the incredible cuisine that area of the world has to offer. He went to visit a restored winery and met with the owner to learn about the gifts of strong heat and rocky soil that make for incredible, intense wine. Because the vines struggle a bit through the rocky soil (and it is a delicate balance asking them to struggle enough to become strong, but not so much that it ruins the vines entirely), the flavor in the grapes is pungent and focused.

Yesterday morning I was struggling with a bit of a problem. I have been doing a lot of pitching for my out-of-school education program, Innovation Station. I’ve gotten many positive reactions to it, and people who are interested in producing it once a pilot is complete and the results are in. Trouble is that I’m not having much luck reeling in a school willing to let me run a small pilot. I have known from the beginning that a pilot it crucial as part of a larger sell-in and that a pilot created and run by someone outside of education would be a tough sell. As much talk as there is about public education wanting more innovative ideas, it is an incredibly insular world. (Consider the criticism of Cathie Black, a seasoned, respected, accomplished professional as the new chancellor of NYC public schools.) Risk is not something that public education is accustomed to.

Like good wine making, a sprinkle of struggle in a project’s life cycle can create a better product. It could be that now is just not the right time for this program. Maybe I need to focus my energy in other areas at the moment like my yoga and my writing. It could be that the schools I’ve been speaking to are not the right ones for this program and I need to keep looking for a better match. Whatever the reason, Anthony Bourdain’s analogy of a grapevine helped me feel more comfortable with a bit of struggle and frustration in my own life today. I could use a healthy dose of focus in 2011, and the order that comes with it.

The image above can be found at nyhabitat.com

books, career, change

Step 327: Your Career in Decades

Christa Avampato

I recently met someone who thinks about his career in decades. He got a PhD and spent 10 years as a particle physicist, is now about 5 years into his decade in finance, and believes his next decade of work will involve green energy. I was really struck by this framework for a career. He wasn’t the least bit phased about moving from field to field, taking an entirely different direction each time. Nor was he concerned with how to explain his jumps. He sees his career as a vehicle for learning, not as a way to build a resume. He loves being a beginner, charging up a vertical learning curve. I admire him for that.

About a year ago I wrote a post about Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Outliers. In the book he discusses a benchmark for making a specific impact in a chosen professional field – 10,000 hours of work. Let’s assume someone works 40 hours per week for 50 weeks per year. That makes 2,000 hours per year, making it necessary to work for about 5 years in a given field. If an average career spans roughly 40 years, we have the opportunity to make a significant impact in 8 different fields throughout our careers.

My new friend and his decade rule seem to be on to something here. Why not leap? Why not strike out and try something entirely new? As long as we feel comfortable starting over, there’s so much good we can do, so many new experiences we can have. There’s no reason to feel stuck.

art, blog, creativity, imagination

Step 326: Keep a Canvas Blank

Christa Avampato

When I moved into my apartment over a year ago, I had nothing but a borrowed air mattress from a friend and a handful of clothes. My apartment building fire in my former apartment building ruined most of my belongings and the few that were salvageable were sent away for a special cleaning to remove the soot and the horrid smell that’s left in everything after a fire. It’s a smell that I’ll never forget. I looked around at my very blank, very empty apartment and my heart sank. I would have to start over. Again.

In the months after my fire I tried putting my material life back together. It was slow going. I had some art that was saved but the frames were ruined. I got them re-framed and tried to hang them on my blank walls. I couldn’t do. I’d start to put a picture hook into the wall and start crying. Starting over was painful, lonely work. Eventually, I just cried my way through it because it had to be done, and once I got to the other side of that good cry, I had walls that were decorated and a heart that felt more peaceful.

This experience caused a recent blog post by Derek Sivers to really hit home for me. Derek is the musician, programmer, and entrepreneur who created CD Baby and then gave away his company to charity to support music education. He’s a brilliant guy, generous, courageous, and best of all an incredibly honest writer. A few days ago he wrote a blog post entitled “Why wreck a blank canvas“. My only criticism of the post is I wish he had written it sooner. It would have helped me through my struggles of starting over. I wouldn’t have felt so badly about my very blank, new canvas known as my apartment, and in many ways, mirrored my life at that moment, too.

In the post Derek talks about the large blank canvases he has on the walls of his home. He leaves them blank intentionally to inspire others. A blank canvas allows every person to have his or her own unique vision of what should populate that area. It’s a conversation starter for Derek and a creativity jump starter to everyone who views those blank canvases. The comments on the post are equally fantastic – read through them. I’m taking my cue from Derek. I’m getting a blank canvas and hanging it up on my wall as a reminder that I will always be strong enough to start over.

grateful, gratitude, routine, vacation

Step 325: Gratitude Grows Away from NYC

Christa Avampato

I will be the first person to tell anyone why I think New York City is the greatest place on Earth for me. There are so many other cities in the world that I love, but none that feel so like home to me as New York. It is a city that has literally every amenity, experience, and culture imaginable, and then some. But even I, a very proud New Yorker, need a break. Last week I found myself frustrated with the subway, aggravated with the crowds, and sometimes overwhelmed by the noise. I needed time away.

For Thanksgiving week I’m in Florida, where most of my family now lives. (My brother and I are the only ones still in the Empire State.) Phineas took his first plane ride, and I’m staying with my parents for the first time in their new place after their recent retirement. I’m horsing around with my nieces, joking around with my sister, Weez, and talking with my brother-in-law about art, Cesar Milan, and all things Alabama. We’ll be taking a spin around Disney World, checking out the new wizarding world of Harry Potter, and getting our fill of cartoons and old movies. It’s a very different life down here than it is for me at home. And that’s a very good thing.

My mom reminded me yesterday of all the little things that make her life easier now: new appliances, a gym across the street, numerous restaurants she can go to for lunch with my stepfather, and all of the services within walking distance of their new place. (Phineas and I discovered the Starbucks this morning on the other side of their apartment complex.) Palm trees sway, the wading birds call (a little too early in the morning, but a far less jarring sound than the sirens I’m accustomed to), and flip-flops are well-used year-round.

I lived in Florida for a year and a half a number of years ago, though I don’t think it will ever be my home again. However, coming here is a chance for me to recharge with my family and be reminded of just how important little conveniences are. I lose sight of that in New York where we want everything we want, when and where we want it, and 99.9% of the can get it. The appreciation for the little day-to-day events that make life so enjoyable is more readily apparent away from the city that never sleeps, and I’m grateful for the reminder.

goals, meditation, writing, yoga

Step 324: Find New Pathways

Christa Avampato

“I like to think of meditation methods as portals, entry points into the spaciousness that underlies the mind.” ~ Swami Durgananda (Sally Kempton)

As I prepare my plans for 2011, I’m focusing a lot of my energy on the how, or in other words, the doors to my dreams as opposed to the dreams themselves. This passage by Swami Durgananda made me look at my goals in a new way. There are a lot of paths to a dream, and I’m not sure that the path is as critical as I’ve made it out to be.

The analogy of meditation is helpful to me. When I first started meditating as part of my yoga teacher training, I was so focused on the process. Do I leave my eyes open or do I close them? Do I sit, lie down, or walk? Can I listen to music? Should I do pranayama first? After a few months, I found what worked for me – I sit in a comfortable seat, I close my eyes, bring my hands to heart center, and count my breaths. I stopped trying to memorize complex processes because I realized my focus was just to relax and release.

My goal with my yoga classes isn’t to pack the house and make money; it’s to show people what an incredible effect yoga can have on their lives. I don’t write for money or to get tons of clicks, page views, and comments. I write to share my experiences and inspire other people to live fully, and even if I do that for just one person, that’s enough for me. My life isn’t about doing more good in this world than everyone else; it’s about doing as much good as I can possibly do with the resources I have.

When we’re facing roadblocks along our path, it’s easy to get hung up on breaking through. Swami Durgananda has some advice for us on this front: “In approaching the Self, it helps to have a doorway we can comfortably walk through, rather than having to break through the wall of thoughts separating us from our inner space.” It’s not the goal that’s the problem; it’s the approach. Where we begin has very little do with where we end up; what matters more is that we keep trying. So when one road to a dream seems too difficult, there’s no need to let it die on the vine. Just look for another way forward.

The image above can be found here.

career, celebration, choices, decision-making, opportunity

Step 323: Let Go and Swim

Christa Avampato

This past weekend I was flipping through my yoga teacher training manual from Sonic Yoga. Though we got through a good deal of it, there’s still so much to learn. With 6,000 years of yoga history prior to my first hearing of it, I feel like I’ll always be a beginner in my yoga practice. There will always be much more to learn when it come to the infinite knowledge of the subtle body.

In the back of my teacher’s manual there are a collection of poems and quotes that are especially significant to my teachers at Sonic. One of them is from the Hopi Nation and it addresses the idea of letting go in order to survive. I’ve been thinking a lot about this idea. It’s so tempting to believe that if we can just dig our nails into the shore and hold on for dear life, then we will be safe. In the poem, a Hopi Elder explains his philosophy on why it’s so much safer, and ultimately more beneficial to our personal development to let go.

When I was in Greece this past summer, I got over my fear of the open water. I let go of the shore and felt lighter for it. I didn’t learn to swim until I was 30 so the while I love the water, I certainly have never seen it as my friend. Now rather than seeing the water as an enemy and something to be feared, I see it as an amazing, immense teacher, just like my yoga practice.

Out on the open waters of Greece, I found that it wasn’t the open water itself that scared me; it was the actual act of letting go that was compounded with so much fear. What would happen to me if I couldn’t latch on to the shore? It was a lack of confidence on my part. And then as the sea crashed against the shore a bit harder, I found that yes, it was easier once I let go. I could roll with the open water instead of being thrashed by it.

Sometimes, we get too attached to dreams and plans and ideas. When life doesn’t seem to be supporting our direction, the instinct may kick up to fight, fight, fight until we get what we want. And sometimes that instinct is dead-on, and other times, it’s the universe’s way of telling us that there is another way we need to go.

So how do we know the difference? How do we know when to let go and when to hang on? This little test works for me: am I using so much energy to just hang on that I have no more energy to accomplish anything else? Is hanging on becoming the battle of my life, and if so, is that battle worth sacrificing every other dream I have? Again, as always, it comes down to priorities.

“To my fellow swimmers:
There is a river flowing now very fast.
It is so great and swift,
that there are those who will be afraid.
They will try to hold on to the shore,
they are being torn apart and will suffer greatly.
Know that the river has its destination.
The elders say we must let go of the shore,
push off into the middle of the river,
keep our heads above water.
And I say see who is there with you and celebrate.
At this time in history,
we are to take nothing personally,
least of all ourselves,
for the moment that we do,
our spiritual growth and journey come to a halt.
The time of the lone wolf is over.
Gather yourselves.
Banish the word struggle from your attitude and vocabulary.
All that we do now must be done
in a sacred manner and in celebration.
WE ARE THE ONES WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR.”

choices, creative process, decision-making

Step 322: 5 Ways to Make Complaints Useful

Christa Avampato

“When we complain we are tearing down an undesirable structure in order to make room for something new.” ~ Daily OM

We all complain. You can be the sunniest, most happy-go-lucky type of person, and every once in a while even you will utter a complaint. And you should. Whenever someone is always upbeat, never sad or angry, and never complains, I am immediately suspicious. Pent up anger and frustration is harmful. If you don’t let it out, your body is going to find a way to internalize it. And that can only mean a lot of trouble down the line.

There’s a balance that needs to be struck when it comes to complaining. It has to go somewhere; it has to be of value; it has to lead to a better way forward. I’m all for any and every complaint that accomplishes that. Here are 5 ways to make that happen:

1.) Find a trusted, creative, honest sounding board
This is the first step to a good complaint. We all need someone who can listen to us and help us find our way. The finding our way part is the one that’s tricky. Honest sounding boards, ones who can see us through our complaints, don’t always tell us what we want to hear, but they do tell us what we need to hear. Those are two very different things. A friend or relative who can be both supportive and honest is critical to helping us turn our complaints into assets.

2.) Work it out, literally
I spend a lot of time working out my complaints when I walk Phineas. My yoga practice helps, too. Any kind of activity that stretches your body helps to stretch your mind to imagine new solutions and options – exactly what we need to turn our complaints into actions.

3.) Get quiet
Once we air our complaints, we need to spend some time actively forgetting them. When we twist something over and over in our minds, it becomes difficult to see our way past it. If we can get quiet and look past it, it’s easier for a solution to bubble up. I have a meditation practice that helps me separate myself from my complaints and worries. Getting quiet doesn’t have to be a complicated practice. For 5 minutes every day, close your eyes, sit in a comfortable position, inhale for 4 counts, and exhale for 4 counts. It’s amazing how much creativity shows up when we just remind ourselves to breath.

4.) Find others who share your frustration
I’m not suggesting that you find other people with the same frustration you have so that you can all sit around and wallow. If we can find people who share our concerns, then we can support one another by finding a way to solve the source of the complaint. We’ll also be able to see the source of the complaint from different angles, a key necessity for improving the situation. In the case of resolving complaints, two heads are better than one.

5.) Write it down
Writing out complaints is another way to get them out without saying or doing something we’ll later wish we could take back. I write about frustrations on this blog, but most of my complaints are confined to a little green notebook I have. It holds my pro con lists, my decision tress, and my brainstorms. Most of the material is throw-away, but just the act of writing out my problems really does make them feel less daunting.

What did I miss? What methods help you deal with complaints and frustrations?