Month: August 2010

routine, rules, schedule, work, work ethic

Step 224: The Value of Discipline

Christa Avampato

“Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly.” ~ Julie Andrews, British actress and singer

I used to dislike discipline. It stifled me, preventing me from following my curiosity in any direction I found interesting. With experience, I’ve found peace in discipline. In my yoga and meditation practices it has helped me to see myself and the world a bit more clearly. Discipline, when applied at just the right moment, in just the right amount, can actually set us free because it provides a focus to build around.

Some people are born with an innate sense of discipline. Some people have discipline only in certain areas of their lives. I fall into both camps. By nature, I am not a disciplined person. I don’t like rules and rigidity, and I don’t like setting rules for others. I started to gain discipline when I started running competitively. That’s translated into discipline in a number of other areas of my health and fitness. Exercise is one of those things that needs to have a schedule in order to see consistent, positive results. Work out once a month and it won’t yield much. Work out a few times a week, and the results are readily apparent.

I’m the same way with my writing – I sit down at this computer every day and just get it done. I wanted to be a better writer so I had to practice. Now it’s not hard for me to post to this blog every day. Actually, when I don’t post every day, I feel an emptiness. Something seems off and out-of-place in my life when I don’t write about my day. My financial savings plan is another areas where discipline is mission-critical. I pay myself before I pay anyone else.

So what areas of our lives benefit from discipline? I always go by one general principle: “what gets measured, gets done.” If you need to accomplish a goal or improve a skill, chances are discipline will help. Every accomplishment has a game plan, and if something has a game plan, then progress can be measured and tracked in increments.

And how do we build more discipline in the areas of our lives that need it? Here’s my method:

1.) Your schedule is your best friend. I live by my calendar on my phone. Once I see my schedule mapped out, I stop worrying about it. This map of my time also helps me to not over-commit. (I’m a ways off from that goal, but I’m improving!)

2.) I spend one night a week at home on my own and I guard that down time like a hawk. I need it, it’s important to me, and even if President Obama comes knocking for a meeting about how to fix the world, I’m not giving up my one free night a week. Actually, that’s not true. I have a lot of ideas about how to fix the world so if President Obama wanted my opinions on that topic, I’d take the meeting. But I’d probably re-schedule something else that week to make up for it.

3.) Write it down. What gets measured gets done, and I’m horrible at remembering my own progress. I have to write it down so I can refer to it regularly. I need that written guide. So whether it’s in excel or a note in my project notebook, it’s recorded.

4.) Don’t build discipline in areas that don’t interest you. I really love listening to jazz music, but I really don’t like playing it. I tried to develop a regular practice when I played the saxophone, but I didn’t like it. I just played an instrument because everyone else I grew up with played one. I didn’t get any joy from it. Playing the saxophone made me horribly nervous. So I gave it up and turned my attention to writing. If your body and mind are fighting discipline in an area of your life, maybe that area of your life is not deserving of your time.

5.) Break it up. A friend of mine in college gave me a tiny two-inch picture frame. I still have it on my desk at work, and it’s traveled with me to every job I’ve ever had. It reminds me that all I have to do at any one moment to get to a given goal is to do what fits inside that tiny picture frame. A huge project can be overwhelming. Separate it into tiny pieces and no one piece will seem that difficult.

What are your methods for gaining and maintaining discipline? What’s worked for you?

Uncategorized

Step 223: Small Acts of Kindness Remembered Decades Later on Facebook

Christa Avampato

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” ~ Leo F. Buscaglia

My sister, Weez, posted an interesting question on her Facebook page that read, “ How many of us really know everybody on our Facebook Friend List? Here’s a task for you… I want all my Facebook friends to post how you met me, no matter how you ‘met’ me. After you comment, copy this to your status. You may be amazed at the responses you get. This might be interesting…” Two interesting responses caught my attention because I don’t remember either of the instances very clearly, but other people remember them all these years later.

Story #1:
Weez is the youngest of my siblings. We have an older brother, Joey. When my mom brought Weez home from the hospital, apparently Joey and I made her a cake – probably the very first time either of us made anything beyond a PB&J. Joey was almost 8 and I was almost 2. My guess is that Joey did most of the baking and I probably licked the batter off the spoon. But, now that I think of it, I was a determined child so I probably did some cooking, too. What makes me laugh now is that making a cake (or cupcakes or some type of dessert) is always my go-to item for a potluck dinner or a visitor. I never did lose my sweet tooth. And neither did Joey or Weez.

Though we’re all grown up now, I keep a picture on my wall of the three of us in my grandmother’s backyard. It was taken not long after we made Weez her welcome home cake. It’s still one of my very favorite photos. When I look at it, I think anything is possible.

Story #2:
Megan (O’Leary) Wheeler is one of my childhood friends. I must have met her when I was in kindergarten. She lived not too far from me considering that we grew up in a very rural area, and she appears in almost all of my class pictures from elementary school. Above, Megan is in second row, second from the left with the plaid dress and I’m in the second row, fourth from the left, in the white shirt and purple skirt. (Aren’t we cute?!)

When I was in 1st grade, certain toys were all the rage and anyone who’s anyone had them. My Little Ponies were particularly popular and I begged my mother for one until she finally caved. I brought Apple Jack home and was extremely proud of her. At recess, I remember that the girls with a My Little Pony all got together and played with our ponies, brushing their hair and giving them voices to tell stories.

Megan didn’t have a My Little Pony, but really wanted to be in the club so I shared mine with her so she could sit with us. To answer Weez’s Facebook question, Megan wrote, “We went to school together and I knew you through your awesome sister who rallied for me to be allowed in the very exclusive “My Little Ponies Club” in the first grade, even though I didn’t have one at the time and the other girls said, “No”…. Christa shared her’s with me so I wouldn’t feel left out. ( Not only was that insight into the wonderful person she would become, but I will never forget her kindness even at an early age.) And having the privilege of getting to know you, it was no surprise to me that you are every bit as much of an incredible person as she is.” I got tears in my eyes after reading that message.

I remember the My Little Pony Club and I remember Megan being there, but I don’t remember her not having a My Little Pony. I guess I really did think of Apple Jack as hers as much as she was mine. I guess that same sentiment comes through in my community service work today, my interest in social entrepreneurship, and my desire to someday soon return to nonprofit work. I never did understand exclusivity, and I certainly never understood why more people don’t share what they have with others.

Small actions make a big difference in the lives of others. Small kindnesses and events are remembered for decades after they happen. Our kind and generous acts continue to live in the hearts of others long after we ourselves have forgotten those acts. They matter, and by extension they help us matter, too. We just never know how much they might mean to someone.

Uncategorized

Step 222: 5 Ways to Give the World the Gifts You Have

Christa Avampato

“No one could make a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little.” ~ Edmund Burke

I saw my friend, Derek, on Sunday. I hadn’t seen him in many years and we got to talking about his work and the goals he’s been able to accomplish, much to his surprise but not to mine. He’s found a way to meld personal interests with his career in a way that has been good for him and for his community. He’s an example of someone doing well by doing good and staying true to who he is.

He told me about an interview he saw with Don Cheadle. Mr. Cheadle talked about how much the world needs whatever gifts we have to give. Someone, somewhere needs what we do. We don’t need more training or experience or money to improve the community. We don’t need to have more influence or power or exposure to get something done. Start small, dream big, and just keep going. Here are 5 ideas to get you started:

1.) Teach a free class in your field of expertise at a community center or public library. In New York City, try the New York Public Library.

2.) Give time to a cause that matters to you – and any amount of time helps. Most nonprofits have a “volunteer” link on their homepages that provide details about how to give your time.

3.) Offer to do some pro-bono work by using the same skills you utilize in your everyday life. In New York City, there is a great program to help you use your “blank”, whatever that is, to help others.

4.) Mentoring is a great way to pass along knowledge. Programs like iMentor and Big Brothers Big Sisters are always in need of more mentors.

5.) Person-to-person microlending and giving aggregators in the U.S. are giving a much-needed boost to small businesses, artists, and innovators. Kickstarter and LendingClub are two great places to learn about this growing trend and play a part, either as a lender or a borrower.

I’d love to hear stories about how you used the gifts you have to create a better world!

determination, failure, faith

Step 221: Entrepreneurs Equally Confident and Vulnerable

Christa Avampato

“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability… To be alive is to be vulnerable.” ~ Madeleine L’Engle

Entrepreneurship takes a bit of unbridled confidence. Part of an entrepreneur must remain a child forever. Go into a kindergarten classroom and ask students to raise their hands if they believe they are fantastic singers. I bet everyone would not only raise their hands, but also start to belt out their favorite tunes. Ask the same question to a room full of adults and you’d be lucky to get a hand or two. That hand or two belongs to people who are innately entrepreneurs. If we really want to make it with our own ideas turned into businesses, we need confidence more than we need anything else.

And while all entrepreneurs need confidence, they also need to put the very best of themselves out there everyday, knowing that some days they may come home empty-handed. To put our own personal brand out into the world without hiding behind another company’s name leaves us equally open to praise and criticism. People will constantly ask us how it’s going, and we have to sometimes buck up and say “could be better”. We have to remain hopeful and vulnerable all at once. We have to keep knocking on doors to keep discouraging thoughts at arm’s length.

A few months ago, I put together 27 interviews from my Examiner.com column about entrepreneurship into an e-book, Hope in Progress. Each of those entrepreneurs exhibits that perfect balance between remaining vulnerable and confident at once. I learned so much from them, and am grateful that they took the time to share their stories with me. Each of them lives by Madeleine L’Engle’s edict, expressed so beautifully in her quote at the beginning of this post: to be truly alive, we have to put our deepest desires out there into the world, listen to the response, and remain grateful for the opportunity to fully express who we really are.

creativity, discovery, friendship, innovation, inspiration

Step 220: Life on Our Own Terms

Christa Avampato

“We start off scared, and we stay scared until we’re done.” ~ Ed Catmull, President and Co-founder of Pixar Animation Studios

I wish someone would just eliminate acronyms like BAU (business as usual) and SOP (standard operating procedures). At various times in my life, I tried to live by someone else’s standards. I wince with embarrassment when I think about those times. They landed me in situations that left me supremely unhappy. Those times of living by someone else’s definitions of success and happiness were like death by a thousand little cuts. I lost myself and spent a long time digging my way out of those messes.

Many of my friends are now going through intense times of self-rediscovery. They’re trying new things, exploring, re-framing, and growing. This work isn’t easy. Sometimes it’s painful and scary. They’re unsure where all of it will lead, if it leads anywhere at all. They keep reaching even when it feels like they’re reaching into the dark. I’m right there with them. I get it; we’re in this together. I’m proud of them and inspired by them. I can’t wait to see what they create next.

From the outside it might feel foolish to upset the apple cart, to take our perfectly fine lives and chuck it all for a more authentic, original dream. But I know we’re all right in taking this route. The truly crazy, risky path is to stay in place. Fear is a healthy, helpful feeling to have so long as we have enough courage to put that fear aside and keep going. I’m all for continuous re-invention. It keeps life interesting and regret at bay.

exercise, habit, health

Step 219: A Return to the Gym

Christa Avampato

Before today, I never set foot inside a New York City gym. When I lived in Florida, DC, and Virginia, I went regularly and really enjoyed it. New York gym-going is a whole different ballgame. There used to be a stereotype of New York City gym people – they wear make-up, carefully select their outfits, and try not to sweat too much. An old-school image at best, and probably a way-too-broad characterization, though that image kept me from ever joining a gym in New York City. I like to work out; I just don’t like people watching me work out.

Today, I took my 1-week complimentary pass to New York Sports Club and tried it on for size for a few reasons:

1.) I took a few runs in Riverside Park last week, despite the awful heat and humidity. I felt like a bump on a log, sequestered indoors by summer, so I put on a brave face, grabbed my ipod, and went for it. I hated every second of it. For 2 of the 4 season in New York City, I don’t like to exercise outside. And with my appetite rivaling that of an NFL linebacker, not exercising is not an option.)

2.) My company provides a really valuable discount on the monthly gym fee at NYSC. It’s not widely advertised so I recently learned about it. (Check with you HR department to see if they have gym deals – and if they don’t, ask them if they’re interested in offering that perk. It’s a fairly large discount!)

3.) I like a variety of group fitness classes. I’ve been exploring membership at yoga studios, and while the quality of classes at studios tends to be higher (though not always, even in Manhattan where there is a yoga studio on every corner), the value of so many classes being offered as a package with a gym membership can’t be beat. Some NYSCs also have pools so there may be some additional adult swimming lessons in my future, too.

4.) NYSC is everywhere I am. Work, home, neighborhoods where I spend a lot of my free time. I didn’t realize how many locations they have and my membership allows me to go to any of them at any time, no black out times. And the hours of operation at most of the locations runs from very early morning to very late evening. There really is no excuse for me to not go 3-4 times per week.

5.) The New York gym and gym-goer stereotype is wrong. No one was staring at me while I got my heart rate up on the Precor machine and it wasn’t overly packed. Okay, there was the odd girl here and there who spent as much time checking herself out in the mirror as she did on the treadmill. And there were a couple of overly muscular guys who I’m very worried about because I don’t think they can even touch their knees much less their toes. Those types are just weird and they’re everywhere. But most people were there just doing their thing: burning calories, sweating out stress, and getting their workout in for the day. When I got home I felt better for having done the same.

choices, decision-making, imagination, intelligence

Step 218: Thinking and Doing Are Two Different Things

Christa Avampato

“Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one’s thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing it not enough; we must do.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German Philosopher

“Well done is better than well said.” ~ Ben Franklin

This morning Chris Brogan wrote an interesting post about setting a course that made me think of these Goethe and Franklin quotes.

I had a friend who really wanted to find a job. He’s a smart guy though I have to admit that he’s lazy. He expects his intelligence to carry him through life. He would routinely say that he’s tired of proving himself and potential employers should really recognize his intelligence. He would talk about all these grand plans he had for his career and then spent the bulk of his time playing video games and cleaning his apartment obsessively. He made a lot of plans and articulated a beautiful vision for his career, but he never followed through on anything. Intelligence really doesn’t matter if the ability to execute is lacking.

Every day this same friend would give me (unsolicited) advice on my career, my writing, dating, and myriad of other aspects of my life. If I had taken his advice, I am convinced I would now be angry and miserable. I ignored his advice, and eventually that choice ended up bringing our friendship to an abrupt halt. He wanted someone to be miserable with and when I decided not to play that role, we ended up not having much to talk about.

My friend was one of these “idea guys” who wants to surround himself with people who can bring his vision to life. And that’s an interesting idea but I don’t know anyone who wants to sign up for that gig. Everyone has ideas; the ones that see the light of the day and make a difference are the ones that move from the mind into the real world.

By all means, make plans. Change them, switch them up, talk to people to get their perspective. But eventually we have to stop planning and starting doing. There isn’t any other way forward. Actions, not plans, define who we are and ultimately what we’ll be remembered for.

celebration, change, community, discovery, experience, friendship

Step 217: 5 Ways the World Seems Small to Me

Christa Avampato

“”It was crazy how small the world truly was. It was a matter of opening up to it.” ~Colum McCann, Let the Great World Spin

My niece, Lorelei, could spend an entire afternoon singing “It’s a Small World.” She lives in Florida and when my sister and brother-in-law take her to Disney World (which happens often), she immediately asks to go on that ride. She loves all of the music, the different scenes, and the boat ride. For my niece and her generation, the world is small and growing smaller all the time.

The quote above from Let the Great World Spin, a remarkable read that I highly recommend, got me to thinking about all of my own small world examples. It still amazes me that in a city of millions, the many circles I run in merge and overlap so often. Some fun examples:

1.) My friend, Amanda, found me through my blog after we went to Penn together (graduated the same year) and lived in the same city (D.C.) for two years. I probably saw her out in the world countless times, though our writing actually lead us to one another. Our friend, Sara, found me through a mutual friend and as it turned out she lived in D.C. at the same time Amanda and I lived there, and her and Amanda have remarkably similar circumstances in their personal lives.

2.) People have a habit of recurring in my life. Even separated by many miles and years, old friends pop up in the most unlikely places and I always laugh when I learn that our paths have run so close together without even knowing it. My favorite of these is my friend, Jeff, who shows up as my little guardian angel right when I need him most – for example, when I’m job hunting (he helped start my career in professional theatre) or completely lost in Amsterdam (I ran into him on street corner when completely at my wit’s end.) We barely talk between those instances and yet it he never feels like a stranger to me.

3.) Twitter, Facebook, and blogs of every variety make it easy to find out pack. I love that geography no longer limits the relationships to begin, build, and keep. Let people talk about information overload – for us information junkies, Twitter creates a dream-come-true candy store.

4.) Books build bridges across time and space. I love that the writing of people who lived centuries before me have stories that resonate with me. And I feel such a gratitude toward them for writing it all down. Those experiences keep me writing, in the hopes that centuries from now someone may read something I wrote and think “here’s a person who gets me.”

5.) I love confluence and synchronicity. I love the feeling that rises up when something unexpected happens to me and I understand why. Steve Jobs said that we only understand our lives and how they unfold by looking backward. I agree. When I reflect on my own history, even when it seemed so random in the moment, a reason for every circumstance always appears clear as day. This realization makes tough times easier to manage.

What experiences make you feel like we live in a small (or big, as the case may be) world?

childhood, dreams, imagination

Step 216: Dreaming Impossible

Christa Avampato

“When we are dreaming alone it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality.” ~ DH Camara (as quoted by Bridget Ayers on Twitter)

As kids, we dream. Somewhere along the way someone told us to do things like “grow up”, “take responsibility”, and “get a REAL job.” Those people make me mad. I have a hard time understanding why dream must be mutually exclusive from growing up (whatever that means), taking responsibility, and having a real job. Who decided that dreams are by their very nature immature, reckless, and fake?

Reading several books about Pixar and one about bring games into everyday life strengthened my resolve to dream and bring others into my dreams. These books also strengthened my conviction that a company and a career can attain wild success and have fun as a core ingredient. I might even go so far as to say that to have a company, career, and life that attains wild success, fun must be the main ingredient. Today I decided that every day going forward I must play more, no matter where I am or who I’m with.

I don’t mean that I intend to goof off as much as possible in the hope that money falls from the sky and into my bank account. I want to roll up my sleeves and get to work building, creating, and playing. Walt Disney built Disneyland in a year, from empty blueprints to people walking into his first park. People told him countless times it couldn’t be done, until of course it was done. “It’s fun to do the impossible,” he famously said. I agree.

Pictured above: a young Walt Disney and his most prized creation. Ironically, when Walt first arrived in Hollywood he thought he was late to the animation party because Felix the Cat had gained so much fame. Little did he know that he wasn’t poised to develop characters as famous at Felix, but to set the new standards for the entire entertainment industry.

art, failure

Step 215: Famous Failures

Christa Avampato

My friend, Amanda, wrote a very brave post about “failure”, meaning she tried something that didn’t go the way she wanted it to. That post coincided with my reading about failing the Pixar Way – at the speed of change.

My brother-in-law, Kyle, really should start a career as an animator, or maybe an animation historian. He knows more about Pixar and John Lasseter than they know about themselves. After a long conversation with him about Pixar, I picked up two books about the company: Innovate the Pixar Way and The Pixar Touch.

Both books gives us the background of how Pixar started and innovated its way into the top animation house in the world, despite having no nest egg to fall back on. My favorite piece of Pixar trivia: John Lasseter ended up at Pixar when Disney fired him for voicing his support for computer animation to Disney’s senior leadership. They disagreed with him, he stood his ground, and then they let him go from his dream job, the only job he ever wanted. Lasseter left Disney severely disappointed and disillusioned. By all accepted business practices of the day, Lasseter failed.

Of course, the story continues, as stories always do, and in the end Lasseter, the classic underdog, won. He now runs Disney animation, the very unit that deemed him unfit as an animator under the Disney roof. A Hollywood movie in the making.

In Innovate the Pixar Way, authors Bill Capodagli and Lynn Jackson list other famous failures and the list bears repeating. Some I knew and sometimes surprised the heck out of me!:

1.) The fax machine was a failed invention in the 1840’s

2.) The copy machine was rejected by GE and IBM in 1937

3.) John Grisham’s first novel, A Time to Kill, was rejected by 12 publishers. It took him 3 years to write it, and Wynwood Press eventually published it. It went on to become a best-seller and a Hollywood movie that grossed almost $110M. A first edition of the book goes for ~$4,000 on eBay. (Fun fact – in business school I lived in a house down the road from John Grisham’s home in Charlottesville, VA! He spoke at my University-wide graduation.)

4.) Henry Ford went bankrupt 5 times

5.) Vincent Van Gogh sold only one painting during his lifetime

6.) Orville Wright was expelled from elementary school

7.) Michael Jordan once failed to make his varsity basketball team

8.) Oprah Winfrey failed as a news reporter

9.) Winston Churchill finished last in his class

10.) J.K. Rowling was a jobless, single mom on welfare when she wrote the first Harry Potter book. (Incidentally, Disney CEO Michael Eisner passed on making the Harry Potter series into movies – even Disney still makes bad calls from time to time!)

I wrote this post to remind myself that when failure comes knocking, and it inevitably does for everyone, I don’t need to despair. In failure, I have good company. Just ask John Lasseter.

The image above depicts John Lasseter with Lightning McQueen, animated star of the hit movie Cars. The film was hailed as a critical success and its global gross topped $244M.