Tag: decision-making

creativity

In the pause: Embracing uncertainty for one reason

Christa Avampato

“When nothing is sure, everything is possible.” ~Margaret Drabble

Right now, the ground feels a little unsteady. We are heading into uncharted waters that from here look turbulent and dangerous. And they very well may be. In an effort to keep moving forward and making a positive impact in the world around me, this quote from Margaret Drabble is really helping me. In this moment, right now, everything is possible. The good and the bad. The joyful and the difficult. The triumph and the struggle. There is much that is out of our control but here are the things we can hang onto—how we think, what we feel, and what we do. My mind, heart, and hands are engaged in building a better world, even if it is against all odds.

creativity

Wonder: Ladies, we’re being judged. And that’s a good thing. Here’s why.

Christa Avampato

Tell me if this sounds familiar. You’re single: “When are you going to find someone?” In a relationship: “When are you getting married?” Married: “When are you having kids?” Divorced: “Just couldn’t make it work, huh?” Have a child: “When are you having a second?” Have multiple kids: “Well, forget about ever doing anything fun for the next 10 years.” I know this happens to women all the time. Maybe it happens to men, too. I can only speak from personal experience that this constantly happens to me.

Here’s what I know to be true: people are judging you every second of every day and it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. If you choose to live your life differently than others, if you make different choices, they assume that your life is somehow a judgement on theirs.

But here is the good news: you are being judged, many times unfairly, so you might as well live exactly the life that you want. Somewhere along the way in the development of our social norms, commenting on someone’s politics or religion became off-limits and commenting on someone’s love life remained hopelessly free game.

My advice to you (and to myself): if they are asking a respectful, tastefully worded question based in true curiosity, fabulous. Let’s have a conversation. You know someone I should meet, great. Please connect us.

However, if they are rudely passing judgement and making you feel small because of your circumstances and choices, then please, in no uncertain terms, walk away. They are not your work to do. I’m serious. You are a gorgeous, talented, stunning human being, and anyone who tries to belittle you because of your life choices doesn’t deserve your time.

Smile, get up, and walk away. You have better things to do and better people to do them with. Insults and rude behavior are never acceptable. In 2017, I hope we can all experience a greater sense of decorum in all of our interactions. In the meantime, go live your best life and leave those judgements right where they belong—with the people who make them.

creativity

Wonder: A walk to remember

Christa Avampato

I’m used to walking hours a day with Phineas so since he couldn’t take a long walk, I took one for him on Saturday. I walked from my neighborhood across the city to Georgetown. We’re having an amazing weekend in D.C. with highs in the 70s, bright blue skies, and gentle breezes. It’s perfect weather.

Once I got about halfway through my walk, I started to feel a lightness. A funny sense of belonging, of feeling like slowly but surely I’m figuring it all out despite the stumbles and setbacks. I found a city I really love. Now I just have to find the right home. I found an industry I really enjoy working in, that I find fascinating, and that also supports all my creative projects like my writing and collage work. Now it’s just a matter of finding exactly the right fit. In the past two years, I’ve made a lot of big decisions and seen a long of progress. Now, it’s about refining and that realization gave me a lot of peace after a stressful week.

It’s amazing what can happen over time when we focus on making the here and now better.

creativity

Wonder: A tool to make tough decisions

Christa Avampato

When I’m making a tough decision, the thoughts in my head ping-pong back and forth to the point that there’s a tornado in my mind. I find that I’m better able to clearly see the picture if I can write down my thoughts and then sort them. For example, I know I want to buy a home and that’s a complicated decision. Condo or house? What are the positives and negatives of each? Which neighborhoods? How much money do I want to spend? What size place do I want or need? There is so much information that feeds into these questions and if I can see a map of it, it’s easier to make the decision that’s right for me.

If you have a decision like this with lots of options and moving parts, maybe writing it all out will work for you, too. It’s worth a try.

 

creativity

Wonder: How to make sure you’re making time for your priorities

Christa Avampato

“We must learn to say no to some opportunities in order to say yes to our priorities.” ~Jocelyn K. Glei

I’ve been thinking a lot about this idea lately. We have taken the idea of “when opportunity knocks…” to an extreme limit. We worry about what people will think, say, and do if we don’t do X, Y, and Z. It’s a lot to manage. Recently I’ve gone back to an old filter I used to use that served me well for a long time. Here it is: If I can’t say “hell, yes” to an opportunity, then it’s a “no”. I’m going to try it again and see how it goes. How do you separate opportunities from priorities?

 

creativity

Wonder: Grow your own creativity

Christa Avampato

“I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.” ~Oriah Mountain Dreamer

This week I faced a tricky situation. It became clear to me this week that I don’t have time to nurture my own creative projects and collaborations and continue this project I’ve been working on for someone else. I had to choose, and I chose to follow what interests me most rather than what pays.

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with this other project. The people are kind, the work is interesting, and I was appreciated for my talents and skills (perhaps a little too much!) It just didn’t interest me as much as I had hoped it would at the outset, and at this point in my life, which may very well be roughly the midpoint of my life, I am turning my attention toward the projects that give me the greatest joy—my writing, my visual artwork, and my storytelling in many different forms. Yes, the extra contract money was nice to have, but I earned it at the expense of the creative work that really makes my heart sing. And so, I’ll have to adjust other plans in my life to accommodate the shift in income, at least temporarily.

The decision sounds so much easier than it actually is. I knew the person I was working for would be disappointed, and it’s hard for me to live with the idea of disappointing someone else to be true to myself. I’ll also have to adjust some of my personal financials. The quote from Oriah Mountain Dreamer helped, and know in my gut that it’s the right decision. I had to pay attention to what makes me happiest, and that rests in my own creative work.

We have so little time really, no matter how long life is, and it’s the one resource we just can’t get back. Once we spend time it’s gone forever. We have to spend it where it matters most to us.

creativity

Wonder: In your career, be a Swiss Army knife

Christa Avampato

For a long time I struggled with the pull between being a specialist and being a generalist. Lately I’ve found I actually didn’t have to choose. If, like me, curiosity itself is your muse and embracing the new is what gets your motor running, then stand by that passion. Follow it down every rabbit hole it takes you. Learn, build, and share with wild abandon. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a Swiss Army knife with an attitude of “whatever the challenge is, I’ll figure it out.” Make it your purpose to defy any definition and every day of your life will be an adventure.

creativity

Wonder: Sometimes all you need is a little more time

Christa Avampato

“Sometimes life doesn’t give you something you want not because you don’t deserve it but because you deserve more.” ~Anonymous

The stroke of luck you need is often disguised as hardship and disappointment. I felt terrible when I had to let go of my pending condo sale on Friday because of some troubling news in the condo documents. I spent my morning meditation on Sunday asking one simple question, “what do I do now?” and the strangest thing happened.

I realized the condo was a compromise. What I really want is a home, a real home. One of the great gifts of this past year is that I lived in a home for the first time since 2007. And I’ve loved having a backyard and a front door that’s mine and mine alone. I know a home is a lot of work. I know it’s a lot more money than I was going to spend on a condo. And I also know that it’s going to take more time and savings to get there. And that’s okay.

So I’ll be a renter for a little while longer. Phin and I will find a new apartment (hopefully in our current neighborhood) after I get back from Cuba, we’ll move, and I’ll keep saving for what I really want.