Category: happiness

art, fear, film, government, happiness, kindness, love, safety, Tibet, war

My Year of Hopefulness – Daniel Ellsberg and John Dean

Christa Avampato

On Tuesday night I attended an event at the New York Society of Ethical Culture. The event was a talk moderated by Ann Beeson, Executive Director for U.S. Programs at the Open Society Institute and former Associate Legal Director at the ACLU. She interviewed Daniel Ellsberg and John Dean on the eve of the release of a documentary entitled The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers. Judith Ehrlich and Rick Goldsmith, the film makers, were in attendance as well. I’m looking forward to seeing it some time soon, and you should, too. We all should. While its set around the events of the 1970s, its moral implications are just as relevant today.


From the moment the footage began to role, my eyes started to tear up. With scenes of the massive amounts of missiles that we poured into Vietnam, 7.8M tons, it was hard to not consider all that we have been doing in Afghanistan and Iraq for years. And while the specific circumstances and players may differ, the outcome is likely to be the same. Innocent people are placed in the line of fire, and harmed. Those people are looked at as casualty numbers, the equivalent of statistics in some government report. In truth, those people are someone’s parent, sibling, child, friend, neighbor, lover. And after years of watching the news night after night, watching the death tolls climb higher and higher, I can’t find a logical reason to have incurred any of those losses.

Daniel Ellsberg and John Dean, government insiders, stood up once they realized that we could not win in Vietnam, once they had proof in black and white, via the Pentagon Papers, that there was no morally, ethically, or even legally correct reasoning for our occupation of Vietnam. At great personal peril, they risked everything, even their own freedom, their own lives, to reveal these findings. It would have been easier, far easier, to turn a blind eye – at least in the short run. In the long run, they just didn’t feel like they could live with themselves if they didn’t release the classified information they had that showed the fallacy of the war. They saved, literally, thousands, tens of thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands, of lives by standing up with every odd stacked against them. Their courage is immeasurable.

As I sat in the audience I considered the bravery and fear these men must have had for years, how they risked everything of personal value for the good of the world. It was completely humbling to be in their presence. The most fascinating piece of the talk was the last question they answered: “What would you say to other potential whistle blowers out there who are contemplating taking the path you took?” John Dean couldn’t recommend it. Daniel Ellsberg asked those people to seriously consider taking the same road he took. I left understanding both of their points of view, wondering what I’d do, what my friends would do, if faced with similar circumstances.

I fell asleep Tuesday night thinking about the Dalai Lama’s letter to the world after September 11th. We later found out that he didn’t write the letter at all; it was a hoax written by someone else who was very concerned that in the wake of the attacks, we would find ourselves entering a deadly war that we could not win. The author may have felt that it had more relevance coming from the Dalai Lama; perhaps the author felt more people would listen to its reason. Perhaps that person didn’t have the ability or the knowledge to be as courageous as Daniel Ellsberg and John Dean. No matter; the author’s intention was the same – he or she felt compelled to stand up, speak up, and try to encourage others to do the same.

The letter is a beautiful one and bears repeating. I still cry when I read it; it’s that powerful. It’s reproduced below and can also be found on the website of The Government of Tibet in Exile. Daniel Ellsberg and John Dean seized the time of their teaching. I wonder if we will have the courage to seize ours, too, not just in issues of war but in issues of every day life as well.

“Dear friends around the world,

The events of this day cause every thinking person to stop their daily lives, whatever is going on in them, and to ponder deeply the larger questions of life. We search again for not only the meaning of life, but the purpose of our individual and collective experience as we have created it-and we look earnestly for ways in which we might recreate ourselves anew as a human species, so that we will never treat each other this way again.

The hour has come for us to demonstrate at the highest level our most extraordinary thought about Who We Really Are. There are two possible responses to what has occurred today. The first comes from love, the second from fear.

If we come from fear we may panic and do things -as individuals and as nations- that could only cause further damage. If we come from love we will find refuge and strength, even as we provide it to others.

This is the moment of your ministry. This is the time of teaching. What you teach at this time, through your every word and action right now, will remain as indelible lessons in the hearts and minds of those whose lives you touch, both now, and for years to come.

We will set the course for tomorrow, today. At this hour. In this moment. Let us seek not to pinpoint blame, but to pinpoint cause. Unless we take this time to look at the cause of our experience, we will never remove ourselves from the experiences it creates. Instead, we will forever live in fear of retribution from those within the human family who feel aggrieved, and, likewise, seek retribution from them.

To us the reasons are clear. We have not learned the most basic human lessons. We have not remembered the most basic human truths. We have not understood the most basic spiritual wisdom. In short, we have not been listening to God, and because we have not, we watch ourselves do ungodly things.

The message we hear from all sources of truth is clear: We are all one. That is a message the human race has largely ignored. Forgetting this truth is the only cause of hatred and war, and the way to remember is simple: Love, this and every moment.

If we could love even those who have attacked us, and seek to understand why they have done so, what then would be our response? Yet if we meet negativity with negativity, rage with rage, attack with attack, what then will be the outcome?

These are the questions that are placed before the human race today. They are questions that we have failed to answer for thousands of years. Failure to answer them now could eliminate the need to answer them at all.

If we want the beauty of the world that we have co-created to be experienced by our children and our children’s children, we will have to become spiritual activists right here, right now, and cause that to happen. We must choose to be at cause in the matter.

So, talk with God today. Ask God for help, for counsel and advice. For insight and for strength and for inner peace and for deep wisdom. Ask God on this day to show us how to show up in the world in a way that will cause the world itself to change. And join all those people around the world who are praying right now, adding your Light to the Light that dispels all fear.

That is the challenge that is placed before every thinking person today. Today the human soul asks the question: What can I do to preserve the beauty and the wonder of our world and to eliminate the anger and hatred-and the disparity that inevitably causes it – in that part of the world which I touch?

Please seek to answer that question today, with all the magnificence that is You. What can you do TODAY…this very moment? A central teaching in most spiritual traditions is: What you wish to experience, provide for another.

Look to see, now, what it is you wish to experience-in your own life, and in the world. Then see if there is another for whom you may be the source of that. If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another. If you wish to know that you are safe, cause another to know that they are safe.

If you wish to better understand seemingly incomprehensible things, help another to better understand. If you wish to heal your own sadness or anger, seek to heal the sadness or anger of another.

Those others are waiting for you now. They are looking to you for guidance, for help, for courage, for strength, for understanding, and for assurance at this hour. Most of all, they are looking to you for love.

My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.”
happiness, home, peace, simplicity

My Year of Hopefulness – Living With Less

Christa Avampato

My friend, Laura, and I have made a pact of simplicity, a promise to keep each other on the path of less is more. My apartment’s furniture consists of a yoga mat, my friend, Jamie’s, air mattress, and a couple of IKEA plastic chairs that I plan to use on my little patio. It’s sort of like camping indoors. I lie awake at night staring out the windows at the beautifully illuminated view, and I say a little prayer in the hopes that I will always feel this content.

I don’t know that I’ve ever been happier with the decor of an apartment. In my old apartment, I was in such a rush to get it “perfect”. I actually made that statement out loud several times and each time it felt wrong. Now that I think back on that old apartment, there was always something just a bit off about it. I felt shut in despite all of the space. Now with less room in my new apartment and fewer belongings I feel a freedom that I don’t think I’ve ever felt before at home.

On Tuesday I saw my first sunset from my patio. I face west toward the Hudson River and my view is dotted with those beautiful water towers that are found everywhere in New York City if we turn our gaze upward. The sky was a deep ruby red and lined with puffy clouds that took on a dusty blue hue as the sun sunk down behind New Jersey. There’s an odd, comfortable feeling of belonging in this new space. I can’t explain it except to say that it feels just right, imperfect and unfinished.
My life prior to this most recent move was too full. I felt too obligated, too burdened, a little claustrophobic and over-committed. I just didn’t know how to simplify, how to free up my energy and my time. Now that I am through the stress of the most recent events, I am searching for every bright side possible. I’m too grateful for today, for every day, to not look for the bright sides. I’m turning over every stone to make sure I find as much happiness as possible.
In the past few days, I’ve found myself more relaxed and at ease, reluctant to rush or buy much of anything, reluctant to give away my time and space for anything less than those people and things that I truly, truly treasure. It’s a sweet feeling to be surrounded only with what fills us up with joy.
happiness, New York Times

My Year of Hopefulness – Happiness is Contagious

Christa Avampato

In this weekend’s New York Times Magazine there is an article about the contagious nature of happiness. I’ve been thinking a lot about the connection between the mind and the body lately, how easily our emotions manifest into physical conditions. I usually think about this in the negative sense, most often considering the effects of stress on the body. The article in the NYT Magazine points out that good conditions like physical fitness and happiness are contagious, too. You want to be happier and healthier, hang out with happy, healthy people. You’re still going to have to do some work, though it certainly makes the work easier if you have some inspiration around.

Some of my friends and co-workers are a bit shocked to see that a week after I lost my apartment and a good amount of my belongings that I’m walking around grinning. Today, one co-worker commented to me that if this happened to him he’d be “in the fetal position in a corner crying his eyes out.” I never got there. I was a little shocked, a little worn out, and tired. For a few minutes I was really angry at the woman who set the building on fire. And when I said out loud how mad I was at her, I immediately felt terrible. I still feel a little terrible for that moment of anger.
On a couple of occasions, I’ve found myself bursting into tears for the past week. For one moment, I’d become overwhelmed by the thought of what could have happened if I’d waited a few seconds longer to get out of the building, or if I hadn’t heard the kitchen floor crackling, or if I’d still been in the shower. It sends a shiver down my spine. And then I take a deep breathe and remember that someone, somewhere was watching out for me last Saturday, keeping me safe. And I am okay. Better than okay. In one week, I put my life back together while holding it together for most of the time. How could I not be happy? My smile returns.
On a more serious note, happiness is helped along by a good sense of history and remembering your own personal triumphs as well. There are defining moments when we learn just how strong we are, where we learn our capacity to recover, where we find our smile after a long period of difficulty. That defining moment for me happened a long time ago. And while it was devastating to have it happen to me at such a young age, in many ways I am grateful for it. It’s helped me weather many storms since; it most certainly made the loss from the fire last week far easier than it would have been otherwise.
It’s a funny thing about happiness – it so often occurs right alongside great unhappiness and has little to do with the actual events. In many cases we have the opportunity to choose happiness or sadness, we get the chance over and over to decide how we will react to a situation and what we will take away from it. We’re always so much better off choosing happiness, and so are the people around us.
community service, happiness, passion, volunteer, women

My Year of Hopefulness – Our Best Help

Christa Avampato

“Anybody can serve….You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

I’ve been doing some work with New York Women Social Entrepreneurs (NYWSE), a group dedicated to helping women launch and run successful social enterprises that have a profound impact on our society. Through a recent NYWSE event, I found A. Lauren Abele’s blog. Lauren “is an economic development program assistant at a community development nonprofit in Brooklyn. By night, Lauren volunteers with other nonprofits helping them with fund development, strategic planning, and social media. She is one of the 2009 NYWSE Mastermind-Mentoring Initiative (MMI) graduates and big-time NYWSE advocate.”

This week she posted her thoughts on how best to help a cause you care about. Her post really resonated with me. In relation to my post from yesterday about doing things we don’t know how to do, Lauren advocates for helping the cause, any cause that interests us, by channeling our own special gifts and talents. If we want to make a difference, we can figure out how best to do that by delving deep within our own hearts. Just begin. We best help the cause by being who we are.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about fitting into a form versus creating a form around our own passions. It’s a very different intention, a very different way of considering service. If we approach service first from the perspective of “what do I love to do, what am I good at, and when am I happiest?” and then find the circumstances that best showcase those activities, we’ll achieve our highest potential.

Lauren’s shining a light on something very profound. Consider this: let’s say that you are passionate about the environment. There are so many options for you to really lend a hand to this cause. You could work with your local park or community garden. You could organize a recycling event in your neighborhood. You could support local farmers. You could write about the cause, sharing your knowledge and interest in the subject with others. There a million ways to play a part – all that’s required is that you care and then channel that care into an activity that brings you joy.

It sounds so simple and yet we spend so much time trying to do what’s “right” for the cause, what we think the cause needs, rather than taking what we do well and doing that for the cause’s benefit. Really what’s right for the cause is that we just be present, that we contribute in some way that’s uniquely, beautifully us.

The image above can be found here.

adventure, change, grateful, gratitude, happiness, New York City, travel

My Year of Hopefulness – A Real New Yorker

Christa Avampato

Yesterday I was running errands after work, collecting a few more odds and ends to organize my apartment. I had forgotten that when you go from a place with storage to a place with hardly any storage, you actually have to buy things to put your things in. 2 hours later at the Container Store…

It was hot and sticky and raining on and off. My bags were heavy and I was worn out from a long, tiring week. I was trudging along, past The Plaza, past Central Park South, toward the Time Warner Building, lost in my own personal fog. At the corner, I was waiting for the light to change so I could get down underground to the unbearably hot subway that would get me home with all my things to put my things in. I’m sure my face was a little crinkled. I’m positive I was sighing out loud.

Two guys, clearly visiting NYC, were in a Scooby-Doo style van, hanging out the windows and snapping pictures like mad. I must remember to start carrying my camera everywhere to capture moments like that. These guys were grinning from ear to ear, in awe of what they were seeing, what they were right in the middle of. They made me smile, too. One of them saw me, and asked “are you a real New Yorker?” and then snapped my picture, as if I was a rare species that they needed to capture on film to show their friends back home.

“I am a real New Yorker,” I replied. “Cool,” he said. And that made me smile even wider. Here I was sighing about how tired and worn out I was, and here are these guys, invigorated by the exact same environment.

I didn’t cross the street just yet. I sat down in one of the cafe chairs that sit at the corner of Central Park South and Columbus Circle. I took a big, deep breathe and looked around me. How lucky am I to be a New Yorker, to live in this insane, magical, always evolving place every day? I put down my load o’ bags to rest a while, to take in the glory and chaos and be grateful for the opportunity to be here in this moment.

I wish I had asked for the contact info of those Scooby-Doo van guys. I’d like to thank them for helping me fall in love with my city, again. When I picked up my bags to head home, somehow they felt lighter.

The photo above depicts Columbus Circle, New York City and can be found here.

choices, dreams, happiness, home, New York City

My Year of Hopefulness – Dream Reality Dream

Christa Avampato

“Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.” ~ Anaïs Nin


The set-up of my new apartment is nearly complete. It’s beginning to feel like a home, so to celebrate I took myself for a stroll around my new / old neighborhood. Even though I only moved four blocks north, it feels like a whole new life here. Somehow, even my old haunts look different, refreshed from this vantage point.

Everywhere I looked there were signs of new life: business springing up on every corner, new restaurants that were bustling, sidewalk artists, musicians on the streets, fresh fruit vendors. One hair salon was having a day of gratitude, thanking customers for their loyalty during these tough times. It was enough to make me giddy. Maybe we are going to be okay.

All of this new activity got me to thinking about dreams and how I’d like my life to be going forward, starting today. This year has been filled with great lessons on the power of intention. Hoping and praying for something to come to pass has its power, though on its own it’s not going to get the job done. While I believe in the energy of the universe, I believe that energy is there for us to use, not admire. I’m beginning to question this idea of what we’re “meant to do”. We may just be meant to do whatever we set our minds and hearts to.

There is a peculiar play between dreams and action. I’ve found that I have some dreams that are filled with so much passion that it would be impossible for me to not work on them. And that work is what brings them to life. And seeing my dreams brought to life begets the confidence to create new dreams. And on and on we go. This cycle enables us to live to our full potential.

Someone recently told me that she’s afraid to work on her dream because she’s actually afraid of achieving it. A part of her just wants to put it away in a little box for safekeeping so that it always stays in her mind’s eye, exactly the way she envisions it. This sounded so strange to me. Who actively doesn’t want their dream to come true? And then we got to what she’s really afraid of: if she achieves her dream, then what will she do after that? What if there isn’t anything else? What will she do when she’s run out of dreams? Will she just be hanging around waiting for life to go by?

There is another beautiful layer of truth hidden in Anaïs Nin’s quote that speaks to this fear. She’s saying that deeply embedded in every dream is the seed to a new dream that’s activated when we see the first dream become real. In other words, having a dream, going after it, and achieving it guarantees that a new dream is on the way. There’s no need to hold back. No need to give only part of the energy we have. Pour yourself into your endeavors, all of them. The well of strength and possibility is deeper than we could ever imagine. The dream you have right now, at this moment, is only the beginning.

The photo above can be found here.

experience, good fortune, happiness, luck, mood, movie, outlook

My Year of Hopefulness – Prepare Yourself

Christa Avampato

“Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

For the past few months, I’ve been thinking about preparedness. For whatever reason, my life has taken some unexpected, wonderful turns that I didn’t expect during this time. And for some other reasons that I don’t fully I understand, I have been prepared for them. Ready to raise my hand, ready to make time in my life to pursue these new opportunities, ready to be surprised.

We owe it to ourselves to be able to accept and relish happy circumstances. And I have found more often than not that happiness largely depends on our desire to be happy. My friend, Kelly, and I love to quote the movie Say Anything when John Cusack says, “how hard is it to just decide to be in a good mood and then be in a good mood?” If we keep ourselves always looking up, aiming high, and seeking good fortune, then we at least have a decent shot at living a life that’s good, honest, and worthwhile.

This life requires that we be prepared for things to go our way. We spend so much time preparing for disaster, disappointment, and hardship. I’ve spent a lot of my life hoping for the best and expecting the worst. But what if I spent even a small amount of time at least anticipating if not expecting the best outcome? These last few months have taught me that the best of times can be upon us now, even when many world circumstances look so bleak. While the world may not be clean and bright, our attitude and outlook can be, and perhaps that intention is enough to change not only our own circumstances, but the circumstances of those whose lives we touch.

The image above can be found at: http://lh4.ggpht.com/_wZoiN6j9b2k/R0s8rN24ETI/AAAAAAAAALc/57869_Jfv9E/100_3377.JPG

happiness, health, stress

My Year of Hopefulness – The Power of Compartmentalizing

Christa Avampato

You have to let it go. Breathe. Again. Breathe. This year I have really begun to appreciate the ability to compartmentalize the different areas of my life. It’s not a natural skill I have, though one I have developed over and over again with conscious effort. Some days I am better at it than others. Today, I did really well.


I have one area of my life that has been giving me trouble lately, lots of it. I’ve had to learn to let it go and focus on the other great parts of my life. It’s not easy. I’ll find myself walking along the street and it will rear it’s head again, forcing me to stop, breathe, and put it aside. It’s sort of like a bad penny or one of those crazy dreams you have repeatedly.

This exercise has shown me that I do have the discipline to keep negative events in one area of my life from spilling over into others. It’s not something that comes easily, and honestly, I used to be horrible at it. Dreadful, even. I was one of those people who would have 99 great things and 1 bad thing happen, and sure enough there I’d be at the end of day focusing on the 1 really bad thing as if the other 99 great things didn’t even happen or matter. I don’t suggest this method for living – actually, I highly discourage it. You’ll be miserable and unhappy, and quite frankly, the world has enough misery and unhappiness right now without you and me contributing any more.

So learn to breathe a little more deeply, do yoga, meditate, run, have a good laugh, and let it all go. You’ll be healthier and every other area of your life will thank you many times over.

career, Examiner, happiness

NY Business Strategies Examiner.com: Getting Back to 9

Christa Avampato

Walter Murch, the Academy Award Winning film editor and sound designer of Apocalypse Now and The Godfather among other, gave his observations about film and life to the world through the book The Conversations: Walter Murch and the Art of Editing Film. In that book, there is a passage that was recently highlighted by Gretchen Rubin on her blog “The Happiness Project”.

In The Conversations, Murch says, “As I’ve gone through life, I’ve found that your chances for happiness are increased if you wind up doing something that is a reflection of what you loved most when you were somewhere between nine and eleven years old…At that age, you know enough of the world to have opinions about things, but you’re not old enough yet to be overly influenced by the crowd or by what other people are doing or what you think you ‘should’ be doing.”

To read the full article, please visit: http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-2901-NY-Business-Strategies-Examiner~y2009m6d8-Getting-back-to-9

family, friendship, happiness, learning, New York City, writing

My Year of Hopefulness – Small moments

Christa Avampato
Lately, I’ve been trying a trick on the subway to make my commute to and from work more enjoyable. Trains are packed during rush hour and invariably I end up next to someone with some annoying habit. This morning, it was this woman who was obsessively turning the pages of the newspaper and folding it over, covering the pages of the book I was reading. I normally would have gotten very irritated with this woman. Instead, I looked at this as an opportunity for character study.

I stopped reading my book and just studied this woman. What was she wearing? How is her hair done? What part of that paper is she actually reading? Then when I got to work, I wrote down everything I could remember about her, along with some ideas for a backstory of who that woman is, what she does, and where she’s going. Eventually, she’ll turn up in some piece of writing I do. This trick is honing my observation skills, and reminds me of how much I love being a writer – every moment and inertaction, good, bad, or indifferent, has potential to be material.

I’m learning that life isn’t about the big moments, it’s about the many small ones that comprise every one of our days. My life is about my subway ride to work, my lunch time walks with my friend, Jamie. It’s about seeing my friends for dinners and movies. It’s about being on skype with my niece, Lorelei, and having her recognize my face. It’s about the books and blogs I read, the person I give directions to as they pass by me on the street. It’s about buying my groceries, and calling my mom, and getting a coffee as I walk around my neighborhood. It’s about laughing with my sister, Weez, and enjoying the warmth of sun on my face on a Sunday afternoon.

And this ‘little moment philosphophy’ is true of writing as much as it is true of life. I’ve often longed for a time when I am writing as if some great voice from beyond is speaking to me, and every word I write shows up on the page as if it were meant to be there. The truth is writing, for me, is a daily grind. I sit down and look at a very blank page every day. I sometimes sit down and have no idea what to write about or how to phrase my thoughts coherently. What matters is that I show up and keep trying. Every day, my only goal in my writing and in my life is to get just a little bit better than I was yesterday. Somedays I do a brilliant job of this and other days I fall short. On average I’m making small amounts of progress.

I’m learning that small, steady progress is much better that huge leaps forward and backwards. There’s a lot to be learned and explored during small moments. They’re my favorite parts of relationships and friendships; they’re always the things in my life that I treasure most.

Sometimes people ask me “what’s your greatest accomplishment” or “what’s your greatest failure”. I don’t have any greatest anythings. I have a lot of small things I love and cherish, I’ve had a lifetime of moments that taught me something, and when you add up all of those small things, their collective power is extraordinary. And I wouldn’t trade those thousands of small moments for a handful of aha’s, no matter how great those aha’s are. Small moments, and lots of them, suit me just fine.