choices, economy, money

Beginning: I’m Not Occupying Wall Street. I’m In It and Trying to Change It.

Photo from Occupy Wall Street
“Find a small stream in which your strengths can flow and then see if you can carve it into the Mississippi.” ~ Marcus Buckingham

I am conflicted about Occupy Wall Street. So conflicted, that I have been conflicted about writing anything on the situation other than a tweet here and there. I certainly support everyone’s right to speak their mind and raise their concerns. The frustration that has served as the fuel for the protest is widely understood and shared, by me and nearly everyone else I know. Yesterday someone asked me if I’ve been down to the protest, and when I said no, they were a bit surprised. Given my outspoken and scrappy personality, this movement seems like it would be a natural fit for me.

Here’s the rub: I can’t show up at the protests authentically. I work for a financial services company, I have an MBA, and though I grew up in a family of very few financial means, I pushed myself instead of the government or the economy to get my life on track. I never expected anyone to do anything to get me a job. I always felt fully responsible for my own well-being. The world never owed me anything, and never will, except the opportunity to try. My happiness and success falls squarely on my shoulders, and my shoulders alone.

Entrepreneurs
Steve Jobs and every other entrepreneur out there didn’t expect anyone to create jobs. They actually didn’t want anyone to give them a job. They wanted to build their own careers, their own companies. They wanted to invent the future, theirs and the world’s. Their futures were safer in their own two hands.

Thrifty People
Susan Gregory Thomas is a single mother who takes care of her family’s nutrition and personal needs on about $100 / week thanks to an oversized amount of curiosity, necessity, and a love for simplicity. To do so, she and her family went back to the land, reluctantly, in Brooklyn. She was a freelance writer who lost most of her income in the recession and had to reign in her spending in a serious way. Her story is inspiring and shows just how much we can do when the stakes are high and the options are few. We are far more resourceful and creative than we realize.

The only people I know who really make something extraordinary out of their days are those who roll up their sleeves and build it. I recognize that people feel badly about this economy and about our government. I feel badly, too. My days are not spent doing exactly what I want to do at every single moment. There is this pesky little matter of over-sized student loans that I really want to pay off as quickly as I can. I put myself through school twice, and my education is the very best investment I’ve ever made. And that investment has come at a price tag that I am responsible for paying. To do that, I have to delay my dream of working for myself for a bit.

Of course I’d like the situation to be different, but it’s not. Complaining about it doesn’t do anything except make me feel worse so I don’t complain about it. I made my choices and now I live with their consequences. I got myself a job that pays the bills and I work on my creative projects when I’m done with my bill paying job. It won’t always be this way, though for now this will do just fine. I can make short-term sacrifices for the sake of a long-term dream.

And that may just be the trick. We want short and long-term gain, in every area of our lives. Understood sacrifice is no longer a part of our national fabric. The moment we are made to make any compromises or trade-offs, the moment we are asked to be patient for anything we want, we are furious. I’m not sure how we can sustain this mindset, and there will certainly be pain in putting our economy back together. Lots of it.

It’s this very mindset, not big business, that got us into this mess in the first place. If we hadn’t been so eager to take on more debt than we can afford and if we hadn’t been more-than-willing to buy anything and everything that big business is selling, we may well have avoided this recession, or at least made it less severe. Now we are really in a tough place, and it is very painful to look in the mirror and say, “We are responsible.” That act is ALWAYS painful. Personal responsibility is a tough and often uncomfortable possession. We are looking for someone to blame, someone whom we can hold accountable for our unhappiness and our collective mistakes. And we are looking for someone to save us. The person we are waiting for is us; we must be our own saviors,

Banks, big business, and millionaires (even self-made ones) are easy, accessible targets. I’m not in agreement with the Tea Party or the GOP – I don’t think there is anything Un-American about Occupy Wall Street. I certainly think that big business prayed on our weaknesses and made their cheap, poorly made goods and services attractive in deceptive ways. But they didn’t force us to do anything. We chose where to spend our money and how much of it.

We are free thinkers and we make choices every moment of every day. Those collective small choices brought us to where we are today. And the choices we make going forward will determine how this whole thing shakes out. In no way do I mean to discourage people from joining Occupy Wall Street. Maybe their voices will raise a new and badly needed source of consciousness in government, in business, and in the minds of individuals.

But you won’t see me Occupying Wall Street. I’m inside the belly of the beast trying to make it more compassionate and raise its awareness from the inside out. There are a lot of people like me in financial services and big business trying to do the same. If we really want to change the financial system, we first need to understand how it operates. I’ve found the best way to do that is get in there, grab a front row seat, and then work like hell to make it a better place.

change, creative process, creativity

Beginning: Employ Your Creativity to Build a Better Life

Yesterday I spoke about my tough session with Brian this week. I had a tough week and somehow, despite my usually feisty demeanor, I let it get to me. It wore me out. I want to be working full-time on projects I am passionate about, that are of consequence, not just to me, but to the world. Not I straddle those two worlds, one foot in a place that pays my bills but gives me little in the way of meaning, and the other in my creative life, which provides my soul with so much nourishment and yet does little for my bank account. The straddle is more difficult than I like to admit.

And so the argument raged on in my mind last week – my need to be practical and grounded, and my need to care about the work in front of me. At the moment, those two things are not compatible in my life. It’s causing me to feel stagnant and exhausted for no good reason. And it perplexes me.

Brian listened to me, but rather than expressing his empathy, he recognized that I needed a dose of very tough love. “Christa, you are going to have to employ your creativity. Give yourself some boundaries, some guidelines, and tell your creativity that failure is just not an option. You have to find a way to care again, not about your present situation, but about the gifts you have to offer. If you don’t employ those with everything you’ve got, then you are losing and so is everyone else. You cannot hide from who you are.”

While I apply my creativity to my teaching and to my writing, I don’t employ it effectively in the design of my life. I’ve cooked up this hodgepodge of how I spend my time, each activity fulfilling some of my needs, but no activity filling all of them. There must be a better way, a way to feed my stomach and soul simultaneously, and no one else is going to build that opportunity for me. It is one thing I must wrestle through on my own and a non-answer, a holding pattern is no longer an option. A change is imminent, and I am the one who is going to have to usher it into being through my own creativity. 

change, choices

Beginning: You Can Change Your Mind

I went to dinner last night with a group of people and a friend of a friend of mine insisted that she has lived in New York City for 13 years and it is just impossible to be mindful here. Given my own experience, I had to disagree. It may be challenging to be mindful here, but it is certainly not impossible. Mindfulness is a choice. And if we don’t choose mindfulness, then what do we choose? To be mindless? How sad.

This brief, and rather uncomfortable, exchange prompted me to think of a picture recently shown to me by my friend, Allan. Take a look at the image at the top of this post. The world “investment”. Now look a bit closer and turn the picture 180 degrees. “Speculation” magically appears. The image is exactly the same; what you see depends upon your point-of-view, literally and figuratively.

Brian and I had a tough conversation this past week. I was lamenting my student loans and the time I’m spending every day doing things that help earn my paycheck but don’t help to change the world. He was not having it. He raised a number of topics and anecdotes that are each worth their own post. I’ll be sharing them with you in posts this coming week because they were so helpful to me, even though they were tough to hear. I think they may help you, too, particularly if you are contemplating a new, scary beginning. As I left his office, there was just one statement that kept ringing in my mind over and over again. “Christa, you’re free if you want to be.”

I just finished reading Nelson Mandela’s new book Conversations with Myself, a collection of his personal papers that he has decided to release now that he is in the twilight of his life. Of the 26 years he spent in prison, he continually said that his mind was very far from his cell. In his mind, his thoughts, he was always free, even though physically he was servicing a life sentence. This idea helped me to reason that if he could feel free, then any of us can, too.

Freedom is all in the mind, and the mind can be changed. We can be mindful even in the mayhem of New York City; we can see an opportunity as speculation or investment; we can either lift ourselves up or keep ourselves down with our thoughts. If it is change we seek, on any scale, then we must first go inward and change our own minds.

books, choices, decision-making, technology

Beginning: My E-reader Dilemma, Solved

I’ve changed my mind a hundred times on which e-reader to buy, that is once I decided I did want an e-reader. I love books, the feel and smell of them. I even like the feel of the weight in my hands, but not on my shoulders.

I just finished Conversations with Myself, a collection of papers, interviews, and letters from Nelson Mandela’s archive. At 480 pages, it is a hefty item to tote around on the crowded NYC subway to and from work. I looked around the car and saw everyone on their devices that slide easily in and our of their bags, no sign of trouble when flipping the page or holding it close to them as they navigated the too-small space between them and their closest neighbors.

I, on the other handle, was fumbling to such a degree that I just packed the book away in my overstuffed bag, where it barely fit. On my subway car, I was the only person with a paper book, a book I borrowed from he library! Despite that I make my living working in mobile technology, I was a relic of a time gone by. Books made out of paper? They call those antiques!

And now it was time to take a serious look at my decision tree. I have been comparing models of e-readers since the first Kindle was a whisper in the market. I took my friend, Susan‘s, advice from job searching and applied it to my e-reader decision. I stopped comparing models and considered my perfect e-reader, available options aside.

Here’s what I need, in order of importance:

1.) A comfortable reading experience – I spend so much of my day looking at shiny screens and I’m already worried about my eyes. I need a near-paper reading experience.

2.) Borrow library books – I love the New York Public Library and I’d like to be able to download e-books from the library to my e-reader.

3.) An electronic notepad – I do my best writing while I’m traveling and carrying my laptop with me is getting to be a burden. I don’t need anything too fancy – just a way to easily jot down my thoughts and upload them to my laptop when I get home.

Now that I knew what kind of e-reader I really wanted, it was easier to evaluate options. By getting clear on my needs, the clear answer rose to the top: meet my new e-reader, the new Kindle Touch, featuring e-ink, library book borrowing, and personal annotation capabilities (Kindle does one better on this last point by sinking all my documents across all of my devices.)

And this is just the beginning of what it offers. It will be ready to ship around November 21st and I can’t wait to get started on it. My shoulders are going to be so happy with this decision. Already I can hear them sighing, “It’s about time!” Indeed, it is.

business, career, yoga

Beginning: Moving Away from Welfare Yoga

Last week New York magazine ran an article entitled “Welfare Yoga” about the current state of yoga teachers and their lack of income sources. Below is the letter to the editor I wrote in response. The points raised in this piece further confirm that I made the right decision by turning away from the traditional studio teaching route; my gut steered me toward a brighter future by seeking to integrate with the traditional healthcare system.

“Dear Editor,

Thank you for your excellent piece “Welfare Yoga” on October 2, 2011. As a yoga instructor, I’ve been disappointed to see how the value of yoga classes in New York has been deeply diminished by offers through Groupon, Living Social, and other similar sites, as well as the less-than-savvy marketing efforts of many studios.

In many ways, yoga teachers have created the trend of cheap-to-free yoga to their own detriment. Now their own efforts have put them in the bind of people expecting free yoga and the studios not being able to keep their doors open. Rather than fixing this broken business model, an increasing number of studios are compounding the problem by generating their income through teacher training programs that produce even more teachers who compete for an ever-decreasing number of paying teacher gigs. It’s a vicious cycle that yogis are feeding at a dizzying rate.

Unfortunately, “karma” has been equated with “free” in the yoga world, and some teachers and practitioners have come to believe that all yoga should be free to everyone, regardless of the means of their students. We live in a world where eventually there is a cost for everything. In the case of yoga classes in New York City, the ones truly bearing the cost are the instructors who have to work several jobs in addition to (their often free) teaching so they can meet their own basic personal expenses.

Sadly, the only people we have to blame for this situation are ourselves.

Sincerely,
Christa Avampato”
economy, politics, Steve Jobs, success, Thomas Friedman

Beginning: The Secret to Everyone’s Success, a la Thomas Friedman and Steve Jobs

“The melancholy over Steve Jobs’s passing is about the loss of someone who personified so many of the leadership traits we know are missing from our national politics…He did not read the polls but changed the polls by giving people what he was certain they wanted and needed before they knew it; he was someone who was ready to pursue his vision in the face of long odds over multiple years; and, most of all, he was someone who earned the respect of his colleagues, not by going easy on them but by constantly pushing them out of their comfort zones and, in the process, inspiring ordinary people to do extraordinary things…There isn’t a single national politician today whom you would describe by those attributes.” ~ Thomas L. Friedman

This quote is excerpted from Tom Friedman’s immaculate weekly column in The New York Times. He has been perhaps the lone voice in our current policy debate who has been able not only to articulate our problems with laser beam accuracy, but to also formulate a plan of how to dig ourselves out. Friedman has been highly critical of both sides of the aisle – he’s not running for office, he’s not trying to make friends, and he’s not trying to support anyone’s agenda. He’s on our side – the side of people who are willing to buckle down and turn our economy around through our own volition. He’s giving a savvy and brutally honest voice to our concerns and worries, and also giving us a ray of hope that there actually is a way for ordinary folks to put our nation back on track toward a future that’s better than our present.

In the article he goes on to say that while it’s very easy to get caught up in what is being said – by Occupy Wall Street, politicians, and armchair pundits, “sometimes the news is also in the silence. “ What does that silence mean for us and for our communities, and for the many people who will come along after us? We need to put our own egos aside and consider what we’re leaving for them. My experience has been that the more frustrated people are, the more they shut down. Frustration leads too often to a feeling of power lost, and once someone feels completely depleted of power they have two choices: crawl into a corner or lash out.

Though I strongly disagree with the methods of Occupy Wall Street, I do understand their underlying emotional motivation. They are frustrated and feel like there isn’t anyone in policy listening to those concerns. Rather than slink off, they found others who have many of the same feelings. They have banded together in the hopes that their combined voices will be loud enough to stir change.

What they need to do now, what we all need to do, is what Jobs did so well – he didn’t like the future as it was so he invented his own and won people over to his way of seeing. As The Onion’s obituary of Steve Jobs so eloquently, if painfully, stated, “he was able to sit down, think clearly, and execute his ideas.” That was his secret and his legacy. It’s a blueprint we can all follow.

business, nonprofit, yoga

Beginning: Compass Yoga Files with the New York Department of State

Compass Yoga has taken another step on the journey toward incorporation. A few weeks back our attorneys filed our Articles of Incorporation with the Department of Education. The Articles of Incorporation explained our reasons for being, and the board and I worked closely with the attorneys to get our objectives and the associated language just right. These Articles set the stage for the financial, governance, and programming structure. Get those wrong, and the whole mission is at stake. Luckily, our phenomenal attorneys have given us top-notch support from the get-go.

The Department of Education gets involved because our mission is primarily one of teaching and instructing. Yesterday I found out that we sailed through the review process and they have given their consent for us to move to the next step – filing with the Department of State. The Department of State will now review the articles and if all goes well, then will officially give the incorporation green light for Compass Yoga.

So many of you have generously offered your support and advice in this process. On behalf of the board, I am so grateful to each of you and wanted to share this exciting update. The adventure continues, and there will be more to come!

loss, New York City, sadness

Beginning: My First Visit to the 9/11 Memorial

Freedom Tower

A few weeks ago I visited the 9/11 memorial site for the first time. The last time I set foot in that area was just a few days before September 11, 2001. I was home for a few weeks during a break from The Full Monty tour. I had never been to the World Trade Center, it was a beautiful day, and I decided to be a tourist in my own town. On September 9th, 2001 I flew back to Chicago to rejoin the tour and from there I watched as those towers came crashing down. I still have a hard time believing how those events unfolded, even though I now work right across the street from the site.

I was not a fan of the design when I first saw it. I wanted it completely covered over in grass, a sanctuary to honor the thousands of souls who lost their lives there on that ground. And though I do think a park would have been better, the designer really does pay tribute to all the people we lost. A great deal of care was taken in constructing the design. There will be no way for any future visitor to forget what happened on that ground.

Flowers to honor those lost on 9/11

The fact that hit me hardest during the visit was the idea that for many families and friends, this site is a cemetery – the only place they have to visit to commemorate the loss of their loved ones. I didn’t realize this until I saw flowers stuck into the craved names of the frames that surround the giant running pools of water. These pools take their shape and position from the bases of the towers. Every visitor is hit by the enormity of those buildings and the force it took to bring them down.

The idea that I could not shake, and continue to think about every day I go to my office, is all of the lost potential that still lies in the wake of that awful day, that will continue to lie there perhaps forever. 10 years on in Afghanistan, many more lives lost, and we are no closer to a free and safe world. I wonder if that collective societal sting will always be there. On the site of this memorial, I got a very tiny glimpse of what it must feel like for all these families and and friends who are not able to move on. It’s a lovely tribute to all of those people but sadly it doesn’t seem to offer us any hope of closure or healing. The overwhelming sadness and injustice of it all is still raw and palpable.

But maybe that’s the trick. Maybe we need to confront that sadness head on. Perhaps we need to sit with it and ask it what it needs to heal. The memorial does give us a physical place to go and grieve, and to be with others who are on the same journey. It does give us a place to go to say goodbye, and in that goodbye there may very well live the opportunity to let go in some small and necessary way.

art, creativity, Muppet

Beginning: Museum of the Moving Image Celebrates Jim Henson

Jim and his colorful, famous friends

“Jim was like a sailor who had studied the compass and found that there was a fifth dimension in which someone could sail.” ~ Jerry Juhl, head writer of The Muppet Show

My pal, Dan, and I recently went to the Jim Henson exhibit at the Museum of the Moving Image commemorating his 75th birthday. Being enormous fans of the Muppets, we have had this date on the calendar for many months. I was skeptical that any exhibit could do his depth of work justice. I had no reason to be. the Museum of the Moving Image does a superb job of capturing a glimpse inside his genius mind.

Like Steve Jobs, Jim Henson inspired us to be the very best versions of ourselves. His vision was uncompromising. He was unreasonable in his expectations and it never crossed his mind that he couldn’t do something he really wanted to do. He had a different way of seeing. And even if the world around him appeared bleak, he never seemed to be discouraged. If anything the darkness around Jim just seemed to make his light shine brighter.

He is such an inspiration for those of us at the start of a new beginning, for those of us trying to do something that has never been done before. “It’s such a wonderful challenge to try to design and entire world…I love to feel I’m doing something for the first time…There are many ways of doing something. Look for what no one has tried before.” Beginnings held such a sense of excitement for him. He never sought to follow any lead but his own. Jim emphatically wanted to do things differently and personified the idea of the Apple commercial that the people who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world are the ones who do.

I left the museum grateful and nostalgic for the world that Jim opened up for all of us to share. He sought to huddle everyone together. In his imagined worlds, there is a seat at the table for everyone interested in playing a part. With its collection of ragtag unique characters, we are all welcome – and please bring your quirks and eccentricities. Afterall, they are what makes each of us special and Jim Henson wants us to come out and play, just as we are.

He showed us that it pays, quite handsomely, to be fearless.

Jim Henson’s Fantastic World is on display at the Museum of the Moving Image until January 16, 2012.

adventure, change, choices

Beginning: The Kind of Woman I Want to Be

My friend, Susan, posted this up on Facebook last week and I love it so much I’m having it framed to hang in my apartment. This is exactly the kind of woman I aim to be. There are a lot of things in the world that I’d like to change, fix, and influence. It’s easy to get bogged down by the enormity of tackling even just one of them; quotes like this keep me going.

The only thing crazier than putting all of our efforts toward crafting a better world is leaving things just as they are.