“Sometimes when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place.” ~ Marilyn Monroe
I went to meditation class on Monday night and settled in to my seat as I’ve done many times before. Nothing seemed unusual about the beginning of my practice but I was in for a roller coaster of surprises. This is a short story about riding the wave, never giving in, and committing to the long haul.
In a couple of weeks I’m meeting with an accountant to get myself set up as a corporation as I transition into doing more freelance work. I need to come up with a name for my company and I’ve been running up against a wall because of some underlying angst. Since making the leap last week, I’ve been wrestling with how to reconcile my professional interests in product development, writing, and teaching yoga under one corporate roof. I hoped that my meditation class would bring about some inspiration.
As soon as I settled down and closed my eyes, I knew something was wrong. In less than a minute my eyes were tearing up and tears were rolling down my face. My whole body began to feel very heavy and weak, my legs were falling asleep, and I started to feel dizzy. I stretched my legs out in front of me and pins and needles started firing from my feet to my knees. I took a long forward bend in hopes of re-grounding myself. It helped a bit, but not much. I contemplated leaving the class but decided to try to breathe through it. And I’m so glad I did.
With each breath, I felt myself releasing something that was old and stale, something that needed to be sent out to pasture and never heard from again. I’m not even quite sure what it was. Maybe old perceptions of myself or the world, maybe fear and anxiety, maybe a hard shell that had outlived its protective purpose. Underneath, I could feel the green sprouts shooting up, struggling to break new ground, reaching for some air and sunlight. A new day was dawning.
Change is hard. It hurts. It’s scary ad int’s uncomfortable. But if we are willing to hang in there and do the work to cross the chasm, something amazing is waiting for us on the other side and that something is us. We are making our way to exactly who we are meant to be and once we arrive home to our own authenticity, we will look back and realize that all of that work was worthwhile. The journey is long and arduous. It’s full of surprises, good and bad. Don’t turn back. Breathe, and keep going.
IN BRIEF
Author, journalist, digital product manager, and licensed New York City tour guide. Creator and host of NYC's Secrets and Lies. Alumna of the University of Pennsylvania (BA), the Darden School of Business at the University of Virginia (MBA), Arizona State University (Biomimicry), and the University of Cambridge (MSt in Sustainability Leadership).
I build digital media platforms, report on urban climate resilience and biodiversity, and produce live narrative experiences that connect communities to history, nature, and place.
THE DEEP DIVE
My work centers on a single thread: building systems and stories that foster deep connection to our shared world. Across digital streaming, environmental reporting, and live civic storytelling, I design experiences that help people understand complex ideas and the environments around them.
DIGITAL PRODUCT STRATEGY & MEDIA LEADERSHIP
At Carnegie Hall, I serve as Digital Product Manager, leading product strategy, operations, and technical delivery for the video streaming platform Carnegie Hall+. I translate artistic mission into scalable, high-performance streaming architecture that reaches audiences globally. Previously, I led agile product and delivery teams across operations and compliance at American Express, managed Broadway theatrical productions and national tours, and guided strategic initiatives across cultural institutions.
ENVIRONMENTAL JOURNALISM & AUTHORSHIP
As a freelance journalist, I investigate how living systems, urban infrastructure, and human culture intersect. My reported features on urban decarbonization, biodiversity, coastal resilience, and biomimicry appear in publications including Smithsonian Magazine, The Washington Post, Mongabay, Natural History Magazine, and Foreign Policy Magazine. In fiction, I write the Emerson Page young adult novel series, alongside upcoming historical fiction and nonfiction works on New York history, mythology, and human resilience. I also write Togetherhood, a LinkedIn newsletter focused on urban ecology and community restoration, and co-host the podcast Frameworks in the Wild.
LIVE EXPERIENCE & CIVIC STORYTELLING
As a licensed New York City tour guide and live event producer, I transform urban landscapes into shared narrative encounters. I created, produce, and host NYC's Secrets and Lies, an interactive live storytelling series staged across cultural landmarks including the New York Transit Museum, the South Street Seaport Museum, and the historic tall ship Wavertree. I also design and lead site-specific walking tours exploring coastal ecology, food history, and neighborhood evolution, often with partners at Climate Week NYC and the Natural Areas Conservancy.
DOUBLE OR NOTHING MEDIA
Through my independent production studio, Double or Nothing Media, I develop ventures across media, ecology, and public history:
Digital Products & Strategy: Architecting scalable digital platforms, streaming experiences, and operational models for mission-driven institutions.
Environmental Reporting & Publications: Delivering long-form reporting, books, and newsletters grounded in climate resilience and regenerative design.
Site-Specific Live Storytelling: Producing immersive live shows and educational walking tours that engage public audiences in community history.
CONNECT
Website & Production Hub: doubleornothingmedia.com and christaavampato.com
Newsletter: Togetherhood on LinkedIn - linkedin.com/newsletters/togetherhood-7273771832221089792/
Instagram & Threads: @christarosenyc
Emerson Page Novels: emersonpagebook.wordpress.com/
View all posts by Christa Avampato
10 thoughts on “Leap: When the Going Gets Tough, The Tough Keep Breathing”
Christa, This is such a beautiful piece. It is so nice to read something personal, I think it brings a sense of connection between the writer and the reader. I know I felt it. Thank you.
It’s amazing how in times of stress I will finally stop and think, “when’s the last time I took a breath?” Often, it feels like it’s been minutes, if I can even remember at all. I can also relate to your experience of starting your own company and beginning freelance work. Keep breathing–it’s an amazing experience and absolutely worth it!
I love how the mat knows. Granted this is anthropomorphizing an object but it is the best way to note how when in a place of allowed comfort and peace – all aspects of the self come out to play. Dig deep friend =)
Christa, This is such a beautiful piece. It is so nice to read something personal, I think it brings a sense of connection between the writer and the reader. I know I felt it. Thank you.
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Thanks so much, Emily. I’m so glad you liked it and found it useful.
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It’s amazing how in times of stress I will finally stop and think, “when’s the last time I took a breath?” Often, it feels like it’s been minutes, if I can even remember at all. I can also relate to your experience of starting your own company and beginning freelance work. Keep breathing–it’s an amazing experience and absolutely worth it!
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Will follow your advice, Stephanie! Thank you so much for the support!
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I love how the mat knows. Granted this is anthropomorphizing an object but it is the best way to note how when in a place of allowed comfort and peace – all aspects of the self come out to play. Dig deep friend =)
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I’ll keep digging. There’s so much to uncover!
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I’ve heard the teaching, you haven’t truly meditated until you’ve cried though a sitting. Thanks for sharing and opening your heart.
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Thanks, Juliana. Such a good point to know and remember. I’ll carry that one with me!
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The tears are watering the fertile ground of your new path.
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Thanks, Mary. I think so, too.
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