“Sometimes when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place.” ~ Marilyn Monroe
I went to meditation class on Monday night and settled in to my seat as I’ve done many times before. Nothing seemed unusual about the beginning of my practice but I was in for a roller coaster of surprises. This is a short story about riding the wave, never giving in, and committing to the long haul.
In a couple of weeks I’m meeting with an accountant to get myself set up as a corporation as I transition into doing more freelance work. I need to come up with a name for my company and I’ve been running up against a wall because of some underlying angst. Since making the leap last week, I’veĀ been wrestling with how to reconcile my professional interests in product development, writing, and teaching yoga under one corporate roof. I hoped that my meditation class would bring about some inspiration.
As soon as I settled down and closed my eyes, I knew something was wrong. In less than a minute my eyes were tearing up and tears were rolling down my face. My whole body began to feel very heavy and weak, my legs were falling asleep, and I started to feel dizzy. I stretched my legs out in front of me and pins and needles started firing from my feet to my knees. I took a long forward bend in hopes of re-grounding myself. It helped a bit, but not much. I contemplated leaving the class but decided to try to breathe through it. And I’m so glad I did.
With each breath, I felt myself releasing something that was old and stale, something that needed to be sent out to pasture and never heard from again. I’m not even quite sure what it was. Maybe old perceptions of myself or the world, maybe fear and anxiety, maybe a hard shell that had outlived its protective purpose. Underneath, I could feel the green sprouts shooting up, struggling to break new ground, reaching for some air and sunlight. A new day was dawning.
Change is hard. It hurts. It’s scary ad int’s uncomfortable. But if we are willing to hang in there and do the work to cross the chasm, something amazing is waiting for us on the other side and that something is us. We are making our way to exactly who we are meant to be and once we arrive home to our own authenticity, we will look back and realize that all of that work was worthwhile. The journey is long and arduous. It’s full of surprises, good and bad. Don’t turn back. Breathe, and keep going.
Christa Avampato 