“Sometimes when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place.” ~ Marilyn Monroe
I went to meditation class on Monday night and settled in to my seat as I’ve done many times before. Nothing seemed unusual about the beginning of my practice but I was in for a roller coaster of surprises. This is a short story about riding the wave, never giving in, and committing to the long haul.
In a couple of weeks I’m meeting with an accountant to get myself set up as a corporation as I transition into doing more freelance work. I need to come up with a name for my company and I’ve been running up against a wall because of some underlying angst. Since making the leap last week, I’ve been wrestling with how to reconcile my professional interests in product development, writing, and teaching yoga under one corporate roof. I hoped that my meditation class would bring about some inspiration.
As soon as I settled down and closed my eyes, I knew something was wrong. In less than a minute my eyes were tearing up and tears were rolling down my face. My whole body began to feel very heavy and weak, my legs were falling asleep, and I started to feel dizzy. I stretched my legs out in front of me and pins and needles started firing from my feet to my knees. I took a long forward bend in hopes of re-grounding myself. It helped a bit, but not much. I contemplated leaving the class but decided to try to breathe through it. And I’m so glad I did.
With each breath, I felt myself releasing something that was old and stale, something that needed to be sent out to pasture and never heard from again. I’m not even quite sure what it was. Maybe old perceptions of myself or the world, maybe fear and anxiety, maybe a hard shell that had outlived its protective purpose. Underneath, I could feel the green sprouts shooting up, struggling to break new ground, reaching for some air and sunlight. A new day was dawning.
Change is hard. It hurts. It’s scary ad int’s uncomfortable. But if we are willing to hang in there and do the work to cross the chasm, something amazing is waiting for us on the other side and that something is us. We are making our way to exactly who we are meant to be and once we arrive home to our own authenticity, we will look back and realize that all of that work was worthwhile. The journey is long and arduous. It’s full of surprises, good and bad. Don’t turn back. Breathe, and keep going.
The short of it:
Writer. Health, education, and art advocate. Theater and film producer. Visual artist. Product geek. Proud alumnae of the University of Pennsylvania (BA) and the Darden School of Business at the University of Virginia (MBA). Inspired by ancient wisdom & modern tech. Proliferator of goodness. Opener of doors. Friend to animals. Fan of creative work in all its wondrous forms. I use my business skills to create passion projects that build a better world. I’ve been called the happiest New Yorker, and I try hard to live up to that title every day.
The long of it:
My career has stretched across Capitol Hill, Broadway theatre, education, nonprofit fundraising, health and wellness, and Fortune 500 companies in retail, media, entertainment, technology, and financial services. I’ve been a product developer and product manager, theater manager, strategic consultant, marketer, voice over artist, , teacher, and fundraiser. I use my business and storytelling to support and sustain passion projects that build a better world. In every experience, I’ve used my sense of and respect for elegant design to develop meaningful products, services, programs, and events.
While building a business career, I also built a strong portfolio as a journalist, novelist, freelance writer, interviewer, presenter, and public speaker. My writing has appeared in The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, PBS.org, Boston.com, Royal Media Partners publications, and The Motley Fool on a wide range of topics including business, technology, science, health, education, culture, and lifestyle. I have also been an invited speaker at SXSW, Teach for America, Avon headquarters, Games for Change, NYU, Columbia University, Hunter College, and the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America. The first book in my young adult book series, Emerson Page and Where the Light Enters, was acquired by a publisher and launched in November 2017. I’m currently working on the second book in the series.
A recovering multi-tasker, I’m equally at home in front of my Mac, on my yoga mat, walking my rescue dog, Phineas, traveling with a purpose, or practicing the high-art of people watching. I also cut up small bits of paper and put them back together as a collage artist.
My company:
I’m bringing together all of my business and creative career paths as the Founder of Double or Nothing Media:
• I craft products, programs, and projects that make a difference;
• I build the business plans that make what I craft financially sustainable;
• I tell the stories that matter about the people, places, and products that inspire me.
Follow my adventures on Twitter at https://twitter.com/christanyc and Instagram at https://instagram.com/christarosenyc.
View all posts by Christa Avampato
10 thoughts on “Leap: When the Going Gets Tough, The Tough Keep Breathing”
Christa, This is such a beautiful piece. It is so nice to read something personal, I think it brings a sense of connection between the writer and the reader. I know I felt it. Thank you.
It’s amazing how in times of stress I will finally stop and think, “when’s the last time I took a breath?” Often, it feels like it’s been minutes, if I can even remember at all. I can also relate to your experience of starting your own company and beginning freelance work. Keep breathing–it’s an amazing experience and absolutely worth it!
I love how the mat knows. Granted this is anthropomorphizing an object but it is the best way to note how when in a place of allowed comfort and peace – all aspects of the self come out to play. Dig deep friend =)
Christa Avampato 
Christa, This is such a beautiful piece. It is so nice to read something personal, I think it brings a sense of connection between the writer and the reader. I know I felt it. Thank you.
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Thanks so much, Emily. I’m so glad you liked it and found it useful.
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It’s amazing how in times of stress I will finally stop and think, “when’s the last time I took a breath?” Often, it feels like it’s been minutes, if I can even remember at all. I can also relate to your experience of starting your own company and beginning freelance work. Keep breathing–it’s an amazing experience and absolutely worth it!
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Will follow your advice, Stephanie! Thank you so much for the support!
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I love how the mat knows. Granted this is anthropomorphizing an object but it is the best way to note how when in a place of allowed comfort and peace – all aspects of the self come out to play. Dig deep friend =)
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I’ll keep digging. There’s so much to uncover!
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I’ve heard the teaching, you haven’t truly meditated until you’ve cried though a sitting. Thanks for sharing and opening your heart.
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Thanks, Juliana. Such a good point to know and remember. I’ll carry that one with me!
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The tears are watering the fertile ground of your new path.
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Thanks, Mary. I think so, too.
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