I tell wonder-filled stories about hope and healing
“3 things students want to hear: I believe in you. You have a purpose. How are you?”
This was posted by Edutopia (George Lucas Education Foundation) this week. While it’s positioned as what we need to tell students every day, it’s something we all need. This is something we should give to others and also expect to receive in return from everyone in our lives. We all deserve this level of care and concern.
“Start ignoring people who threaten your joy. Literally, ignore them. Say nothing. Don’t invite any parts of them into your space.” ~Alex Elle
Look right through people who interrupt, disturb, or attempt to steal your joy. They’re not your work to do. They aren’t your responsibility. They aren’t worth your energy, time, nor effort. You go on being your magnificent, talented, beautiful self. The best you can do for them is to inspire them with the ripples of true joy flowing from you into the Universe. And if that’s not enough for them, then they aren’t enough for you.
Though I’m not a religious person, I do believe passionately in the power of community and love. One of my very dearest friends was dealt an incredible loss last week. If you have any spare thoughts, prayers, and virtual hugs, she and her family could really use them now. Let the goodness flow through you and out into the Universe in the hopes that we can brighten the skies a bit for everyone. Thank you so much.
When something doesn’t go your way, do you spend any time wondering “why on Earth did I have to go through THAT?” Consider this explanation:
Let’s say you’re in a relationship with someone who turns out to not be the person he represented himself to be when you first met him. It’s highly likely you’ll wonder what his purpose was in your life because now you’re really confused and hurt by the end of it all. Why didn’t the Universe just keep that guy away from you to begin with?
Take a step back because maybe it’s not all about you. Consider this: the Universe wants all of us to rise up and become our best selves, that jerk of a guy included. So you were a gift to him from the Universe. A valuable, precious, amazing gift. And, yes, you could have helped him a lot. You would have been the best thing for him. But he didn’t want the gift of you. Maybe he didn’t know how to appreciate the gift. Maybe he didn’t feel worthy of it. Maybe he didn’t think enough of himself to feel that he deserved it. Or maybe, and this is the saddest reason in my opinion, he actually doesn’t want to be happy. He’s comfortable being miserable.
Your gifts and your light are too valuable to be wasted. He didn’t appreciate the gift of you so he doesn’t get to keep it. The Universe puts an end to it all, and that’s how it has to be for your sake. This whole thing wasn’t about you at all. It was about him. The Universe would have loved nothing better than for him to evolve, but he chose not to so away you go, one way or another.
This duality of what’s in it for you and what’s in it for the system as a whole is always in play. It applies to every interaction we have in every setting. Something for you and something for someone else that together leads to something for the system of which you’re both a part. Apply it to jobs, friendships, romantic relationships, creative projects. The same principles apply.
It really isn’t all about you. It’s about all of us, together.
I love Ryan Adams, and all the more so for quotes like this: “There is nothing wrong with loving the crap out of everything. Negative people find their walls. So never apologize for your enthusiasm. Never ever.”
The negative people I meet—and sadly there are so many of them out there—often think I’m overly enthusiastic, that I’m just too excited about life. And to that I say, “Someday, I hope you realize what you’re missing.”
I do love the crap out of everything—my friends, Phineas, my city, my writing, my creative projects, music, art, books, animals, nature, my home, travel. You name it and I can find something I love about it. Negative people will knock us down; that’s their choice and we can’t control it.Whether we stay down or eventually rise up is our choice and we do control that. Their behavior has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them. Their negativity is a direct reflection about how they feel about themselves, not how they feel about us.
So here’s my advice: take every wall that a negative person throws in front of you and carve a window into it. Crawl through that window and leave those negative people behind.You are not responsible for them. They don’t have anything to offer you and they don’t want the gifts you have to give. That’s their loss, not yours. You deserve to be surrounded by love; don’t settle for anything less.
Kaufman and Hart were right about so many things, especially this – you can’t take it with you. Everything that you can hold in your hands will eventually break or be tossed aside. I don’t collect things. I don’t even like the idea of having too many things beyond the basic necessities. I am constantly amazed by how few material things I need to love a good life. What I collect and cherish are the things that will last a lifetime: the amazing relationships I have with people and the memories of experiences we have together. So let’s put our attention and energy where it really counts: focused on the people who make our lives so worth living.
Aside from celebrating the general spirit of Christmas, I’m not Christian. However, what I take from Pope Francis is one simple and powerful lesson: if all people everywhere took up the mantle of humility and service we would have a happier, healthier, safer, and more productive world. If we could spend some time every day putting aside self preoccupation for the sake of others, we’d all be better off.
My fall allergies are kicking in a bit and I’ve been sneezing up a storm. I think this caused me to have a tiny blood vessel burst in my eye so I’m looking a little funny. My coworker Rachael, who studied the intricacies of eyes and vision in grad school, explained to me that eyes are fragile but they’re also masters of healing. And that made me think that eyes are a good metaphor for life. We get hurt, knocked down, and disappointed, and when that happens we feel fragile and broken. But if we hang in there and just give ourselves some time, love, and tenderness (to quote Michael Bolton!), we find that we can heal from anything. The eyes have it, and so do we.
“Veni. Vidi. Amavi.” We came. We saw. We loved.
I adore this variation on the Julius Caeser quote, “Veni. Vidi. Vici.” (We came. We saw. We conquered.) Conquering – amassing money and power – is glorified in our media and in our communities all the time. What the world needs is more love, concern, and compassion. You want to grow your sphere of influence? Do it with heart, not might.
My friend, Sara, posted this yesterday and it really helped me. Some people who will tell you what you can’t do. And once they realize you’re resourceful, they resort to criticism of anything in sight. I had that happen to me a few months back, and to be honest it’s been bugging me ever since. I couldn’t figure out why everything I did, said, had, or thought left him at least mildly dissatisfied. He is the kind of person that has a problem for every solution. And then, Sara shared this quote with me and something clicked.
His unhappiness had nothing to do with me. It never did. I was just in the unfortunate line of fire. It was him. It was always him. And with that realization, I stopped feeling badly for myself and actually felt badly for him. All the hurt I felt just melted, and I sent him a silent wish for happiness. I know my story better than anyone. He was telling me his story, not mine, and I hope that for his sake he finds a way to change what happens next rather than continuing down his current path. I know how a path like his ends, and it’s not pretty.
You can’t rescue someone from his own decision to be unhappy, but you can certainly rescue yourself from someone who just wants to bring you down. And by forging on, unhindered, you set the kindest example for that person—you show them that there’s a better way to live. Showing them what’s possible in your own strength is the greatest act of love there is.
Christa Avampato 