friendship, relationships, work

Step 53: The Gift of Clans

Christa Avampato

“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” ~Jane Howard, British actress, model and novelist

This past week, I’ve been getting emails and phone calls from so many incredible people I worked with in my former position, and it was only then that I realized the impact my work had on others. My dear friend and co-worker, Lon, sent me this message, “I’m so proud of you! You are amazing. Knock ’em dead! I’m probably not your biggest fan (cause you have so many – and then, there is always your Mother – who can beat a Mother for fan-dom?) but I’m big and you are wonderful.” How can you ever fully thank someone for that kind of support? I did a little dance of gratefulness upon seeing this email in my inbox.

Today was my first day on the new job. As I sat in meetings today and worked through the volumes of information that I need to master to get up-to-speed, I realized how exciting it is to be behind the curve, with so much learning out ahead of me, and with so many people who are excited for me to get all of this new info straight in my head. At one point, almost everyone in one of my meetings had their smartphones of some variety out on the tables, and we were all comparing different capabilities across different platforms. We talked about social media and how to provide the best possible experience for our customers. We hashed what would be cool and useful, in balance with what was possible for roll-outs phase 1, 2, and 3. This is a dream assignment, not only because I love the work, but also because I think I found a new clan to take me in this new direction of my career.

In each area of our lives, we need a clan. Among our friends, at work, in our community, in our respective hobbies and interests. We need people cheering for us, and we need people we can cheer for. A clan makes everything in life easier, and we can accomplish more as a result of them being in our lives. With social media, our clan can certainly be online in different corners of the world. On this blog, in my city, among my friends, at my yoga studio, and in each interest area that I have I feel so much love and support from my clans. And I do everything I can think of to return the tremendous gift of their care and concern.

This post today is dedicated to all the members of my clans, to tell you how much I value and appreciate everything you’ve done for me, and to underscore the sentiment that I’m standing at the ready, always, to send that support and love back at you!

environment, nature, New York City

Step 52: Signs of Life

Christa Avampato

Yesterday I spent most of the day outside running errands and meeting up with friends. As I headed down Broadway in the morning, I could feel the Earth yawning and stretching. It was warm for a February day in New York City, 50 degrees. Birds were chirping, skies were blue. I breathed in, breathed out, and thought, “Spring, you are going to find us again.”

This has been a long, cold, tiring winter. Every once in a while I would see little sprigs of life popping up, trying so hard to bloom despite the hard ground, wind, and low temperatures. It was as if the universe was saying, “no, not just yet. Rest a little while longer.”

So I did. I had to put some ideas back on the shelf, some projects into my safe-keeping box, and wait for fairer weather. Yesterday, I felt like life all around me had turned a corner, was beginning to awaken and rise and be heard. And as a result, I felt life within me begin to rise, too.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

change, choices, decision-making

Step 51: Fixing Broken Systems

Christa Avampato

“True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring.” ~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Band-aid solutions are tempting options. They tend to be inexpensive, fairly easy to implement, and make us feel like we’re doing something good for the world. The trouble is that they are temporary fixes that soon need to be replaced, reworked, or repaired, often at a higher cost in time, dollars, and effort than the first band-aid solution, and all the while, the original problem we were trying to remedy gets further out of hand underneath.

Fixing root causes can be tiring work. It’s almost always expensive, and it usually requires a good deal of risk and a whole lot of courage. However, it’s the only fix that is truly a fix and solves a problem rather than covering it up.

This week I’ve been thinking about root causes for challenges that concern me. Some of these challenges, in order to really be overcome, are going to take significant action on my part. I can’t take care of all of them, at least not all at once. Now comes the critical step of deciding which fixes are worth doing and which fixes are better left to someone else.

I’m staring at the Magic 8 Ball of my life and asking “where do I start” and for some issues it says, “ask again later”. Right now there may be no clear cut action plan and so rather than develop a band-aid solution just so I feel like I’m making progress, I will have to let some of the challenges persist until a clear way through, even if it is a difficult path, emerges. Fixing broken systems require action, and it also requires patient inquiry. It is a great balancing act between the two.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

1

Step 50: Innovation in Banking

Christa Avampato

Here’s a sad story: I arrived home to find Fast Company in my mailbox with the cover story being the world’s 50 most innovative companies and not a single one is a U.S. bank. Not one. An entire industry that underpins our whole economy, indeed the world economy, and none are innovating to a high enough level. Of course this isn’t surprising – what is surprising is that this sorry fact is not lighting a fire under the banking industry’s behind. And it should.

This can’t continue. Innovation, rapid, responsive, tech-savvy innovation, has got to take the banking industry by storm in short-order. And I’m not talking about the shenanigans of creative accounting that almost brought our entire economy to a complete halt in recent history. I’m talking about enhanced servicing, products that people crave, and new lines of business that enable ordinary people to live extraordinary lives. I’m talking about innovation that invigorates the best, brightest, and most creative minds we’ve got to do the most good in the world that can be done.

Bankers have got to stop watching out for their bonuses more than their customers. They’ve got to be more concerned with being great than being rich. And this isn’t a naive wish – this is reality. If they are going to survive, let alone thrive, banks need to get with the program, stop thinking like stodgy old has-beens, and start thinking like passionate entrepreneurs who have a great sense of urgency. The top 50 most innovative companies list needs to be littered with financial services companies, not devoid of them. And it’s up to us in financial services to see that this gets done.

change

Step 49: Usefulness

Christa Avampato

“There is no power on earth that can neutralize the influence of a high, simple, and useful life.”
~ Booker T. Washington, American political leader and educator

“I release this,” I thought to myself today more than once. “I am removing myself from any attachment to the outcome of this conversation. I am free to do what I love, to do what’s useful.” This simple statement gave me a very powerful feeling and a rush of energy that I wasn’t expecting. It gave me room to breathe.

For all of the times we feel powerless or helpless or victimized, there is one remedy that we can practice that gets easier the more often we try it: release attachment to the outcome. So much of our pain is generated by trying to hang on to something that has slipped away, or worse yet something we have willingly left that has left a mark on our hearts.

So how can we let go of what hurts in favor of what heals and nurtures?:

1.) Visualization is a powerful tool. Imagine leaving something painful behind. Wrap it up, tuck it away, and then walk away knowing that it’s done.

2.) Remember that something which causes pain can also provide us with incredible learning. There is a principle in yoga that says the world gives us exactly the learning we need exactly when we need it. Something that didn’t go the way we had planned is not time wasted. We’re better for the trials we endure.

3.) A friend of mine once sent me a quote during a very difficult time. It said, “the world is a very generous place. It will give you the same lesson over and over again until you finally learn it and don’t need to go through it anymore.” Learn the lesson and move on.

4.) Tough times clear out what our lives no longer need. If we release what’s causing us pain, what’s no longer useful to us, we make room for a life composed of things that bring us joy and make our days worthwhile. When you’re going through tough times, remember that at the end of that tunnel, and no matter how bad things are there certainly is an end, there is a great and glorious light waiting to receive us. Trust the journey and keep going.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

Olympics, sports

Step 48: Just Enough is Enough

Christa Avampato

I am addicted to the Winter Olympics coverage. I am staying up way past my bedtime on a regular basis, cheering for the athletes as if I know them personally. It’s getting a bit out of hand. Thank goodness that the Olympic Games (winter or summer) only run for a handful of days every two years.

I just watched Apolo Ohno skate for the trials of the 1000 meter on the speed skating short track. He stayed in 3rd place for a good amount of time in his heat, and then made his move along the inside of the track to secure a first place finish. The commentator remarked that Ohno only pushed as much as he needed to so that he was assured a spot in the final race. “Remember,” the commentator said, “he’s got a relay leg to do tonight.”

Pacing. It’s all about the pacing. Doing what you have to do to get where you need to be. It’s a concept I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. It’s easy to wear ourselves out in the pursuit of perfection. Luckily we rarely, if ever, need to be perfect. Follow Apolo Ohno. Know what you need to do in the moment and get it done.

The photo above depicts Apolo Ohno at the head of the pack. It was taken by Wolfgang Rattay of REUTERS.

China, communication, culture

Step 47: Chicken Talks to Duck

Christa Avampato

I recently took a spin through Chinatown with my friend, Michael. He and his lovely wife, Min, have been schooling me on Chinese culture. My friend, Allan, is grateful for the help. Being from Beijing, Allan has been showing me the ways of the Chinese for almost 5 years now. With my endless questions, Allan can use all the reinforcements he can get!

Allan, Min, and Michael have shown me so many incredible aspects of Chinese culture, a culture we so sadly know precious little about in the U.S. P.F. Chang’s and electronics do not a culture make. Chinese manufacturing is largely responsible for our lifestyle in this country, and yet we have not taken to their literature or philosophy as readily as we should. It’s a shame, really. Their wisdom has so much to offer us as we make our way down the road to enlightenment.

One aspect of Chinese culture that I adore are the proverbs. In a handful of words, they encompass so much learning. Michael hit me with one the other day that’s been on my mind ever since. “Ji tong ya jiang” – in English it literally translates to “chicken talks to duck.” Both birds, found in the same geographies, and no matter what, they can’t understand each other. How many times a day do we have this same conundrum with others? You say something to me, I say something back, sometimes in the same language, and neither of us have a clue what the other said.

So how do we get beyond chicken talks to duck? In other words, can we learn empathy and understanding? Yes, I believe we can. It’s not easy, and if we aren’t born with an innate sense of empathy, I think it always remains a challenge. Not impossible, but indeed challenging.

Here are 6 ways to get some empathy and gain a better sense of understanding of others:
1.) Volunteer – spending time on a project with others, and particularly helping others who are struggling, instills us with a remarkable sense of understanding. It forces us to walk in another’s shoes.

2.) Travel and seek out the locals. I can’t stand resorts and fancy digs on vacation. They create such an unnatural barrier between tourists and locals. They impede understanding. So whenever I’m traveling, I get out, way out, of my comfort zone.

3.) Read literature, listen to music, eat food, and see art that’s entirely foreign to you. A peoples’ culture comes alive in their art. It tells their history, their trials and tribulations. Give it a whirl and you’ll discover things about others and about yourself that you never even imagined.

4.) Learn a new language. Inexpensive language classes and conversation groups exist in almost every major U.S. city. You really want to understand another culture? Literally try to speak with their words and you’ll learn and earn their hearts.

5.) Take up the sport, exercise, or meditation of another culture. Yoga, Tai Chi, Qigong, karate, cricket. A nation’s pastime is an enjoyable way to more deeply understand their culture.

6.) Stop in at the church, synagogue, temple, ashram, or mosque of another culture. I’m not saying you have to believe in what’s being preached. Just listen. Culture the world over is deeply rooted in religions. Learn how a culture prays, where they turn to when times are tough, and understanding their daily lives becomes easier.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

career, childhood, dreams

Step 46: Closing the Heart-Mind Gap

Christa Avampato

“The greatest distance in the world is the 14 inches from our minds to our hearts.” ~ Agnes Baker Pilgrim

On Friday, I had my annual physical and for the first time the doctor performed an EKG. I had these little electrodes placed all over my body. Even the slightest movement, even clearing my throat, caused my heart rate to change. Its beat is the center of our existence, and yet we spend very little time actually considered the needs and wants of the heart, or rather our minds spend a lot of time dismissing the heart’s needs and wants.

How do we close the gap? How do we help our lives sing out from the heart while being informed by the tremendous cognitive abilities pulsing inside our enormous brains? I just finished reading Michael Pollan’s excellent book In Defense of Food. Pollan points out that we actually already know how to eat; we don’t need any scientist to tell us. What’s happened is that we’ve allowed “nutrionism” and food science to lead us astray. He advocates for getting back to our roots to help us re-learn how to eat well. I think the same method could be used to close our heart-mind gap.

A few months back I wrote an article for Examiner.com about getting back to age 9 to discover what will make us the happiest in our careers. The trouble is that once we get too far beyond age 9, we allow too many people to tell us what is best for us. We let others tell us what to do with our lives so often that we actually begin to believe them. When we’re 9, all we can do is imagine what kind of life will make us happiest. That’s the only focus of a 9 year old. As a 33 year old, I want to have that same maniacal focus on happiness that my 9 year old self had. I deserve it. You deserve it. We all deserve it.

In a recent job interview, someone remarked that my professional experience was “weird”. (I ended up opting out of the interview process as a result.) By “weird”, he meant that I have always done what I wanted to do. In my career, I just follow my heart rather than some plan defined my someone else as a “good way to go”. My friend, Susan Strayer, brilliantly advocates for following your heart in her incredible book The Right Job Right Now. Susan asks her readers to look up and then look in to find out what they really want to do with their careers. It’s the only career book in my personal library and I consult it regularly to keep me leading my career with my heart.

I’m not saying it’s easy to get back to being 9. There are some things I do to put me in that frame of mind. This isn’t a comprehensive list, but it helps me and I hope it helps you, too.

6 Ways I get back to 9:
1.) Play on the swings in the park near my house
2.) Spend time with kids – getting back to 9 by osmosis
3.) I paint with watercolors, sing, and dance with wild abandon on a regular basis – even if it’s just in my apartment by myself
4.) I watch cartoons – who says there’s nothing good on TV? Sesame Street is my favorite show.
5.) I spend time in nature. As a kid I grew up on an apple orchard in a rural area of upstate New York. Getting out into nature reminds me of running around the woods with my sister, Weez.
6.) I read children’s books and fairy tales. Those words and feelings of the young characters still resonate with me, and remind me to celebrate all that I felt when I was that age.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

love, relationships

Step 45: Love, Love, Love

Christa Avampato

Valentine’s Day. I know lots of people who hate this holiday. “Invented by Hallmark,” so they say. “Gross, canoodling couples. Every day should be Valentine’s Day. Love, yuck. Men suck. Girls are mean. And all the rest of it. Who needs it?” Me. I need it.

Valentine’s Day always keeps me looking up. I don’t have a Valentine this year, but I wish I did. Love and romance are really wonderful things to have, and I do believe that the more we truly are open to them, the easier it will be to find them. We have to be positive about love. If we have a negative attitude toward finding it, or not finding it as the case may be, we can be sure it will continue to elude us.

My friends, Jeff and Ashley, and I have a little love pact. We go out of our way to find singles events that we can all go to so that we can meet as many people as possible. Parties, mixers, events, etc. If it’s possible that we can meet new people, we bring one another along. It’s our philosophy that we never know when love will find its way to us, but we’re certain that the more we get out there into the world, the easier it will be.

In our quest for love, we need support to keep us going and looking. Maybe 2010 will be my year for love. Or at least one step closer to it. Happy Valentine’s Day.

inspiration, sports, travel

Step 44: Ski, Skate, and Be from Canada

Christa Avampato

About a year ago I wrote a book review of Eat, Drink, and Be from Mississippi by Nanci Kincaid. It’s a love letter to a state and a culture that a brother and sister left behind in pursuit of dreams housed elsewhere. Their nostalgia and pride felt for their home seeps through in every line.

Last night while watching the Opening Ceremony of the Vancouver Winter Olympics I felt that same kind of pride and nostalgia that most certainly was felt in the heart of every Canadian. Earlier that day I had emailed with my friend, Derek, quite possibly the proudest Canadian there is. This morning I received a long, multi-paragraphed email from him recounting his favorite details of the ceremony. I love being an American, though there’s something about Derek’s pride, the pride of every Canadian, that sometimes makes me wish I was even just part Canadian.

At Darden, I sat next to a friend of mine from Vancouver. I’ve never been and when I asked him what it was like, he called it “the Paris of Canada.” And I love Paris. Since then, I’ve been fascinated with that city. I had planned to go about 18 months ago when I was in Seattle for a wedding. Because I had just gotten a new job, I had to sadly lob off the Vancouver portion of my trip. This year, I’m going. After those opening ceremonies, I have to see a city that inspired a show at once so grand and so intimate.

Despite that I grew up in the mountains, I’ve never been skiing or snowboarding or even snowshoeing. It’s sad really. And I have to do something about that. I think this is going to be my year to take to the snow and to get that rush that an entire nation feels when they just think of that luscious white powder. If I can’t be a Canadian, I at least want to be able to walk in their shoes (or ski boots as the case may be) for a while.

As always, the Olympics has arrived exactly when we need it most. For a few weeks, we can turn our attention and focus to the exhibition of excellence and triumph and determination. We can look at the gritty, grinning, and unflappable athletes with awe and admiration. For 17 days, we can be inspired by hope and gorgeous performance. As K.D. Lang sang with such passion last night, “Hallelujah”.