change, learning, Life, relationships, values

Step 248: 8 Lessons From My Apartment Building Fire, One Year Later

Christa Avampato

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of my apartment building fire. In some ways, I cannot believe it’s gone by so quickly and in other ways I can’t believe how much change has happened in a year. So net-net, it feels like it has been a productive year with a lot of learning. Sometimes I still shiver at the thought of the circumstances and what could have happened if everything had gone horribly wrong, if I hadn’t followed my instincts. I wrote a series of posts on this blog that recount the difficult days after the fire. They begin with my post on September 5, 2009.

The building has reopened and the walls have been painted over a pristine white. You’d never know that one year ago a fire ripped through the hallways, but every time I walk by it, I still feel the gravity of what happened there one year ago. To commemorate and celebrate the occasion, here are the top 10 things I learned as a result of my fire:

1.) I now trust my gut 99% of the time. Trusting my gut on September 5, 2009 saved my life. I had every reason to discount the feeling of dread that I felt in my kitchen when I heard my heat pipes ticking. Something told me to look a little closer, and that’s when I saw the tiles on the floor heaving. I quickly got to my stairs, without over-thinking what was happening, and despite the thick black smoke, I kept running for my life. Had I delayed even a few minutes or second-guessed my gut, the consequences would have been dire.

2.) It’s okay to ask for help. In the days after my fire, I really tried to pretend that everything was fine, that I was fine, that I was strong and invincible. The truth is that I’m strong, and human. I needed help to sort out the trauma that followed my fire and started to see Brian, my life coach. We started on a journey of self-discovery together and it is one of the most rewarding relationships of my life.

3.) Someone who wants me to move through a traumatic situation at lightning speed for his own sake is not worth having in my life. At the time of my fire, I was dating a guy whom I had really fallen for. He was a prince the day of the fire, though as soon as he saw that this wasn’t just a little blip on the radar screen of my life, he showed the less appealing side of his character. Things quickly unraveled and while we tried to maintain some kind of relationship right after our romance ended, I quickly walked away and have never looked back. That departure started a year-long effort to only have people in my life who believe that love and friendship are a two-way street.

4.) There really is no time like the present. I was sort of floating through life a year ago. I had a job that was okay, but that I honestly felt no passion for. I had been thinking of moving to a more mission-based organization, and now one year later I’m fully on that path. Destination unknown, but I know I’m moving in the right direction now by taking steps toward moving my career toward public education.

5.) Empathy is a must in all of my relationships. At the time of my fire, I worked for a woman who can only be described as wretched. She was not the least bit sympathetic toward my situation, and actually gave me a hard time about taking one day off to work with my insurance company and loaded up my plate with additional work. That moment was a definite breaking point for me, and I decided from then on that I would never work with that type of person again. Empathy is now a non-negotiable in every area of my life. (I got out of the situation with that former boss several months later, and found my way to a better internal position at my company.)

6.) True friends can celebrate with you and cry with you. I’ve had people in my life who are fair weather friends and friends who only show up when the chips are down. Real friends are the ones who show up in both kinds of situations, and everything in between. I’m blessed to have so many people in my life who fit that description.

7.) Your stuff really is just stuff. I lost almost all of my material belongings in the fire. A few things survived, but I essentially had to rebuild my material life. I had gotten to a point where I really valued my material possessions. Now, it’s just not that important to me. I only replaced the essentials – I just didn’t want “things” anymore, and I still don’t. I down-sized in a big way and feel lighter. Even if everything went up in smoke again, so long as my health and the safety of others were preserved, I really would be okay. I am not what I own. (However, PLEASE go get renter’s insurance. The peace of my mind that my Liberty Mutual policy brought me was immense. I had enough emotional fall-out to deal with from the fire itself, so not having to deal with a major financial crisis on top of it was worth every penny of my $200 annual policy.)

8.) This too shall pass. And by “this”, I mean everything. Everything always changes, the good, the bad, and the indifferent. My yoga practice has helped me accept and embrace this fact that my fire so brilliantly illuminated. And it led me to pursue my yoga teacher certification and the founding of Compass Yoga to share these insights.

Not a bad year of learning. And despite the unfortunate circumstances, my fire is the gift that keeps on giving. The lessons I learned as a result have brought tremendous peace and gratitude to my life. It couldn’t have been more unexpected, and looking back I can’t say I’d wish it hadn’t happened. It woke me up, which is exactly what I needed.

The image above is a picture of one of the hallways in my apartment building after the fire.

children, learning

Step 247: Small Moments of Character Taught by Kids

Christa Avampato

“Character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made in the small ones.” ~ Phillips Brooks

For the Labor Day holiday, I’m down in Florida with my family. We’re having lots of small moments – no crazy plans, no additional travel. Mostly hanging out at home, watching movies, and grilling out. Vacations down here feel like real vacations with no schedule, no requirements.

What always amazes me about time with my little nieces is the amount of lessons they teach me. My niece, Lorelei, thinks that calling someone means using Skype, not the phone. She loves everything with a glowing screen. Every greeting card is expected to have its own microchip that plays a song. But what’s wonderful is her fascination with activities that are as old-fashioned as they get. Baking cookies, blowing bubble in the backyard, and twirling while singing her heart out. Adults constantly complain about being overloaded by technology. Lorelei doesn’t. She has incorporated it seamlessly into her life – she uses it only when she feels like it.

It’s small moments of realization like this that remind me how much learning can be packed into every day, with no extra work needed, just a greater sense of awareness and a desire to connect the dots. It’s a big benefit of spending a lot of time with kids – they show us how much wonder the world can hold. I’m excited to see what other great lessons my girls will teach me over the next few days and how they’ll change how I see the world.

change, opportunity

Step 246: Opportunity is Where You Are

Christa Avampato

“The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are.” ~ John Burroughs

I’ve spent most of my life looking forward, seeking out new opportunities, professionally and personally. At times, I’ve even toyed with the idea of chucking an ordinary life and going back to my gypsy theatre ways. My former boss, Bob G., once said to me, “You know, if you stick around long enough, everything changes.” It explains why he stayed at the same company for 25 years. The amount of change and growth that happened during his tenure was staggering.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized how right Bob is. A city, a job, a relationship – they are all changing in small ways every day and it’s only when we look back along an extended period of time that we see the cumulative effect of continuous change. If we can tap into the direction of change and get ahead of it a bit, we can find opportunity wherever we are. that’s not to say we should never move – I am a big proponent of movement and growth. What I’m reconsidering if whether movement is the only way to experience change.

My friend, Sharni, writes a blog with the tag line “The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it.” Brilliant. Opportunity does lie out there in the great beyond and we should absolutely pursue it, but we can actually grow opportunity right under our own two feet, too.

books, children, education, learning, nostalgia, school

Step 245: Back to School and Life Lessons

Christa Avampato

“The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.” ~ Tom Bodett, American author and humorist

I love school. Weez is always kidding me that if I could find a way to be a student for the rest of my life and get paid for it, I’d do it. In truth, I kind of do that now. I’m an information junkie. Lots of data served up with a heaping side of industry reports please. All industries welcome. My education has followed me into the workplace and then follows me home, to the gym, out to dinner. Every experience become an opportunity to learn – and become writing material.

I went to my local CVS yesterday and nostalgically walked through the school supply aisle. Advertisements abound all over the city, in every retail window, saying “stock up for school here.” School is part of why I love the Fall – back to school might just be my favorite holiday. Everything is shiny, new, and full of promise. Sometimes people ask me how I did so well in school and managed so many extracurriculars. Some people even warned me that I was taking on too much, that I couldn’t possibly get it all done. People are funny and they project.

To be sure, I studied a lot. Kid geniuses really fascinate me because I wasn’t someone who just knew everything the moment I read it. I am a really good student, work very hard, and have a dangerously high level of curiosity. Truly, I can ask “why?” until the cows come home and never be satisfied. (Ask my mom.) I had to study and practice all the way through business school. I study and practice now, and love it. I learn the lesson, really learn it, get the test, pass. Simple. Linear. Logical. It’s true of school, and mostly true of work, too, so long as I’m working for someone else.

This whole paradigm changes, as Tom Bodett explains so brilliantly, when we leave behind school and work and just have to live in the world. Or when we start our own business or some kind of personal endeavor. Relationships of every kind fall into this class, too. You can’t study or think your way through them. You really do have to give it a whirl, maybe screw up, maybe succeed, and take note of the outcome so the next time around you can improve. It’s not fair, I know, but that’s life. You take the test, hand it in, and then figure out how it shoulda, coulda, woulda been done if you had known better. But you didn’t, and you can’t, so you just show up and do your best. Welcome to a life of improv.

A lot of my life now is about being tested and then receiving the lesson. Yoga, Innovation Station, my writing. I can study and read about these subjects all I want (and I do!), but eventually I know I’ve got to take off the training wheels, go careening down the road, learn from my mistakes, get up, and try again. I didn’t know anything about social media 3 years ago, so I started this blog. I didn’t know how to write a book, so I wrote Hope in Progress. I didn’t know how to swim so I jumped in the pool (with a lifeguard nearby) and paddled around. That’s life, too – try your luck and see how it goes.

I’ll be thinking about this idea over the next few weeks as I see the school buses become part of our traffic patterns and kids skipping home with backpacks and lunch boxes in tow. We’re all learning – students of school just have the benefit of a better sequence of events than students of life.

goals

Step 244: August Accomplishments and September Goals

Christa Avampato

The summer is slowly fading into the distance, even if the temperatures outside don’t seem to be subsiding. In a month or so, we’ll be digging out some slightly warmer clothing, starting a new school year, and making holiday travel plans. We may even see a leaf of two put on its own colorful wardrobe. So long summer, until next time.

Fall is my favorite time of and always has been. I always feel most alive during these last months of the year, and it’s always been a time of great change and accomplishment for me. I revel in it. I expect this Fall to be no exception to the norm. I will “celebrate” the 1 year anniversary of my apartment building fire that set off a year of change and transformation, and spend as much time reflecting as I do looking forward. Later in September, I’ll head up north to see my family and celebrate my mom’s retirement and her impending move to Florida with my stepfather. Times, they are always a changin’.

So here’s what’s been cooking over at Chez Christa as the summer winds down and what I’ve got on order for the coming month:

August Accomplishments:
1.) Kick off my viral, guerrilla, and social media marketing class at LIM College

My class fell through at the last-minute, which was a disappointing turn of events. I didn’t stay disappointed for long – as a result, space opened up in my life this Fall for some other wonderful activities and people. For more details, check out my post on the class cancellation.

2.) Make a decision on my apartment lease renewal. I’m thinking about a possible move to Brooklyn and doing some research before I notify my current landlord one way or the other.

I decided to renew the lease on my current apartment. The thought of packing and hauling myself to a new neighborhood wasn’t appealing since I couldn’t find better space for less money in a neighborhood as convenient as the Upper West Side.

3.) Make some headway on my out-of-school education project, Innovation Station. I recently made some valuable partner contacts to keep this idea moving as we head into the school year.

Moving right along and having more conversations with potential partners. Now that school will be back in session this month, the conversations should start to translate into actions.

4.) Do some marketing of my e-book, Hope in Progress.

I did some marketing which yielded some good results. As of August 31st, 413 uniques have downloaded the book. The book has been out for about two months so I think 413 downloads is a pretty decent number considering I haven’t done a big marketing push and the summer is a historically slow sales time. Now that my summer travels have passed, I’ll be doing some more work on marketing the book this Fall. (See #1 below in September’s goals.) To download a copy, click here.

September Goals:

1.) E-book marketing and expansion continues for Hope in Progress. My friend, Dan, asked me to get the book into as many formats as possible as fast as possible. He also said that the book may benefit from a new cover. I’m going to talk to my artist brother-in-law about helping me with the new cover. I like the image on the current cover but Dan’s right – it needs more pop. More formats and marketing on the way…

2.) Secure some more sub or regular teaching gigs and private clients for Compass Yoga. I’ve been added to the sub list at the Downtown Community Center, and there’s also a sub possibility brewing at Columbia University. Now that the summer is ending and people are returning to their routine lives, the yoga should pick up, too. I’ll also begin to more marketing on this front to get some additional private clients – so far I’ve stay close to home on drumming up business. Now that I have more time this Fall, I can devote more time to Compass.

3.) Online writing portfolio needed. I have a page on this blog with links to my freelance writing. With all the links, I now need a more formal portfolio. I’ve been in touch with several different services and now I’m weighing the options. More to come when it’s up and running.

4.) My apartment needs a makeover. Now that I’ve decided to stay in my apartment for another year, I’m going to add some color and new touches to my place. I’ll also take some time to de-clutter and reorganize myself after a whirlwind summer.

5.) I need to put some more time into my new book idea around yoga and personal finance. My friends, Dan and Sara, were very encouraging of the idea over the past few days. I think I’ve got something here…

6.) Continue to grease the skids of Innovation Station. As the school year kicks into high gear, I want to make sure that by next Spring I’ve completed a pilot program of some kind to really put some training wheels on this idea and see if I can get it to go.

Happy Fall, y’all! What are you planning?

art, celebration, children, legacy, memory

Step 243: Celebrations and Legacy Building

Christa Avampato

“A nation reveals itself by the people it honors, the people it remembers, and the people it celebrates.” ~ President John F. Kennedy

While Dan and I were in Philly over the weekend, we stopped into the U.S. Mint to see where the money’s made. Because it was a Saturday, the manufacturing floor was not operating but we could take a look at the machinery and the self-guided plaques told us about the process.

As we were leaving the Mint, there was a small section dedicated to commemorative coins. Off to the side there was a display of memorabilia that the Mint produced to commemorate Charles M. Schultz, the creator of Peanuts, one of my very favorite set of characters. I went to Schultz’s house in Santa Rosa, California, a number of years ago and was blown away by his creative process and the simplicity of his life. One time a reporter asked him if he could confirm the rumor that Charlie Brown was actually a reflection of his own personality when Schultz was a child. He replied, “Of course he is. And so is every one of the other characters. They’re all me.”

In the Schultz display at the Mint, the JFK quote at the top of this post appears next to a listing of quotes from famous artists who commented on Charles Schulz’s passing and his tremendous influence on American pop culture. In Santa Rosa, a similar display appears, though it spans roughly a 100 foot long, floor-to-ceiling wall.

Charles Schulz was loved during his lifetime, and has remained well-remembered and celebrated long after his passing. I dare say that his memory will continue on for many generations to come. The fact that we continue to celebrate a man who remained so tapped in to his childhood throughout his life gives me great hope that we can do the same, and want to do the same.

That got me thinking about the subject of legacy, the efforts we put into the world now so that we will have a last impacting long after we cross over. The people we hold up as examples of inspiration and admiration says a lot about the people we mean to be, which in turn tells us a lot about the kind of world we wish to live in, which again in turn tells us about our collective values and purpose.

Once we know our purpose, then legacy-building isn’t a chore – it’s a natural process. Charles Schulz woke up every day to turn his attention toward the concerns of the world, and mad those concerns bearable through the stories and experiences of the Peanuts kids. This says to me that we do care about the common human experience. He made us all recognize just how connected we are, and while we all have our own unique quirks, much like the Peanuts gang, we all want to be loved, accepted, and encouraged to practice. We all want to find out way. And that is an act worth celebrating.

dreams, good fortune, journey, travel

Step 242: Philadelphia Stories

Christa Avampato

This weekend, my traveling pal, Dan, and I went to Philadelphia. We stayed with Dan’s friends, Jeremy and Reese, who could not have been more gracious hosts. They also have a bulldog, Dolly – an added bonus. Jeremy took us on a tour of the neighborhood around Penn, my alma mater, and we went through neighborhoods that I haven’t thought about in over a decade. Truthfully, I wouldn’t have recognized them on my own. Philly has come a long way since the 1990’s.

Philly’s an under-appreciated city; it has been for a long time. Great food, art, culture, easily navigable, with a relaxed, casual feel. We had several great meals at local restaurants and gastropubs, went to the Philadelphia Museum of Art, checked out the U.S. Mint and the Magic Garden, a public art installation of found objects. Some of the best education and medical facilities in the country are located in Philly. It takes 90 minutes to get to New York by Amtrak – even faster on the Acela train. Slightly longer to get to D.C. And did I mention that it’s affordable and filled with exceedingly kind people?

So why aren’t people moving to Philly in droves? Simple – business, sadly, has no incentive to move there, limiting economic opportunities. Philadelphia has a ridiculously high gross receipts tax and city wage tax for all business owners based in the city. These fees have been around forever, and different factions have tried over many years to reduce this burden on business owners in the hopes of spurring economic growth. All to no avail. Apparently Mayor Nutter’s administration is considering another fix to these fees. Like President Obama, Mayor Nutter was left with quite a bit to fix in Philadelphia before he could get started on new initiatives. It’s my hope that he will be successful in jump starting more businesses to set up shop in Philly.

I have a personal interest in seeing Philadelphia rise up to get all that it deserves. It is a city that has had a difficult, important history. In many ways, I came of age there as a Penn student. I had some of the very best, worst, happiest, saddest, proudest, and most disappointing moments of my life there. I learned how to love and care deeply about people and community. I discovered that one person really can make an enormous difference in the world. I learned how to fail, fall, and get up again, growing stronger every time.

When I graduated my friend, Derek, gave me a photo frame with a quote inside it. “Years from now, you’ll remember and you’ll come back and hang a plaque. This is where Christa began being what she can. ~ Stephen Sondheim, Merrily We Roll Along” I didn’t know how fitting that was until the trip back this weekend. I haven’t yet hung a plaque on any wall there, but I really did begin a journey of possibility there.

Philly and I have a history intertwined. I didn’t recognize the campus as I toured through the neighborhood on Saturday. Through the eyes of my 22-year old self, I wouldn’t recognize the me of today either. Philly and I have both grown and changed in dramatic ways, mostly for the better. And I’d like to believe that for Philly and for my own life, the very best of our days have yet to be seen.

choices, decision-making

Step 241: Big Choices

Christa Avampato

The through lines of our lives can be drawn between our tipping points, those moments and decisions that are so influential that they end up shaping our path forward in a dramatic way. I’ve had a few of those moments: my choices to try to create a career in theatre and then to leave touring theatre companies, moving to Florida and then DC, enrolling at Darden for business school, and then moving to New York City post-graduation without a set job.

Now I feel poised on the very edge of another turning point, with a window of opportunity that holds a lot of promise. That window won’t remain open forever. I have a limited amount of time to crawl through. If I choose to let it close, then I am certain that another window will open, but the opportunity will not be the same. Unlike my previous tipping points, this one makes me a little more nervous. I have more to lose now. Finally I’ve gotten to a comfortable point in my life, and I’m thinking of shaking it all up for the shake of a far-reaching dream.

My decision is eminent. In the next few weeks I will have to make some tough and interesting choices. My gut is conflicted, which rarely happens and which indicates to me that this decision is multi-layered with greater complications than my previous tipping points. I promise to disclose all of the details once I’ve made a choice. Until then, I’ll be turning the options over and over, looking for more information, hoping that my gut once again can show me the way.

While I’m thinking about this tipping point, I’d love to hear how you’ve made these types of choices and what the outcome was.

art, New York City, nostalgia, theatre

Step 240: Spiderman the Musical and Nostalgia for the Theatre

Christa Avampato

Yesterday I was in midtown to get a pie as a gift for my hosts this weekend. My pal, Dan, and I are heading to Philly for a weekend – our third long weekend of travel together. (The other two were to Portland, Maine and Nashville.) We’re staying with Dan’s friends and I’m bringing a pie from The Little Pie Company as a gift for them. I went to college in Philly and haven’t been back in a number of years. Dan has never been. I’m excited to see what we find – Philly holds a mix of emotions and experiences for me, some of the very best and very worst of my life.

As I headed back to the subway from The Little Pie Company, I walked by the theatre where Spiderman the Musical will open on November 14th. The stagehands were outside the stage door having lunch. I asked them if they were working on Spiderman, they said yes, and asked if I’d like a tour of the theatre. I gladly accepted.

It’s been a while since I’ve stood on a Broadway stage. It used to make me so nervous. I’d do whatever I could to avoid standing on the stage – I have had a life-long struggle with stage fright. Or at least I used to. Today standing on the Spiderman stage didn’t make me nervous at all. It kind of felt like going back to my hometown after being away for a long time. Some things were different and all in all it felt very familiar.

I know and understand all of the reasons I stopped managing Broadway shows. I’ve never considered going back. That was a chapter of my life that I’m so glad I had, and I’m so glad I left when I did. It was still the best business training I’ve ever had, and I was so fortunate to have that experience. But for just a split second, I imagined what it might be like to go back. I could feel the exhilaration of starting something new and unique, helping bring a new vision to delighted audiences. Maybe there’s a way to weave it back into my life, not in the same way as I did all those years ago, but in some new form that better fits my life and outlook today. I’ll mull that over and let you know what I find. I find it ironic that I would have this experience just as I’m heading to Philly, where I first considered a career in professional theatre, and on the same day that I received an invitation in the mail for a New York City theatre event sponsored by my Philly alma mater. Universe, what are you trying to tell me?

For the record, Spiderman is going to be a crazy, wild production. It will be unlike anything we’ve ever seen. That’s all I’m saying so as to protect the artistic integrity and the magic of life on the Great White Way. Grab some tickets before they’re gone!

clarity, communication, courage, feelings

Step 239: The Ease of Stepping Out and Up

Christa Avampato

“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.” ~ Henry David Thoreau, American Author

There was some little snap inside me this week. I’m not sure what it is – could be that the heat has just gotten to me. (After this blistering summer heat, I truly can’t wait for sweater weather!) It might have to do with some shifting tides at work – all good and different. Brian would probably say that finally, finally, finally I am trusting my gut enough to let it have its own voice. Or he might say that the prana really loves me and therefore uses me every chance it gets. Whatever the reason, this week, for the first time in a long time, I was unmistakably me. My friend, Col, also realized this trend and wrote about it on her blog this week.

I have what some people have termed as a bold personality. Though for the past few months I’ve tempered that, particularly in public forums. My friend, Blair, gave me the nickname “Scrappy” (yes, as is “Scrappy Doo”) some years ago. Lately, I’ve lost a bit of that spiciness. This week it came shining through on several important occasions.

On Wednesday morning I had a meeting about a new initiative that I’m particularly passionate about. A lot of people gathered around a table to offer up feeble, same-old same-old opinions. So rather than tuning out and going to my happy place as I often do in meetings with people who have fancy titles and not much to support them, I spoke up. There were some arched eyebrows around the table, a few sheepish looks, and while I certainly remained professional and courteous, I pointed out that doing what we’ve always done just isn’t working and we should do x, y, and z instead. And then I produced the data to back up my opinions. I think a few people left the room at the end of the meeting saying, “and who was that woman and what part of the company does she work in?” in a positive way. I do like to encourage curiosity and push people’s boundaries.

The funny side to my boldness is that I’m also a pleaser. I do like people to like me. I like to be helpful, to strangers and friends alike. And I’m good at sharing, listening, and empathizing. I paid attention in kindergarten and got a good foundation of social skills. But pleasers have a rather dangerous lot in life – as pleasers, it’s easy to lose ourselves.

There’s a balance between boldness and pleasing, to be sure, and in the past I have often veered too far to one side of the spectrum or the other. This week, I got that balance right, dead on. While I did want some new audiences to like me, I also made it a point, without even trying, to also have some tough conversations with those parties, not for the sake of being tough but for the sake of really helping them and making our interaction a valuable use of their time. It was easier than I thought it would be, certainly easier than it’s been before. I cared less about being liked by them, and more about helping them think more clearly and contribute in a more meaningful way.

Brian told me that adolescence actually lasts into our early 30’s. Now at the start of my mid-30’s it’s no surprise to him that I’m beginning to rise up in every area of my life – personally and professionally. I do feel that after so much work of laying the foundations of my life, I’m now building castles in the air – exactly the opposite of the order that Thoreau discusses in his quote above. After this week I’m now wondering whether a good foundation naturally supports and builds a castle on its own simply because that’s what a foundation is meant to do. And by comparison, if we spend so much time working on who we are at our very core, all of a sudden do we step into the light just because that’s where we’re now ready to be?