dreams, family, passion

Beginning: The Consequence of Pursuing Passions

Christa Avampato

I believe in dreams, big and small. I believe that the only way to live, and I mean truly live not just exist, is to find a way to wake up every morning and have your first thought be, “Thank you for the opportunity of this day.”

My father passed away at a young age, long before he accomplished what he set out to do in life. In John Lennon’s beautiful words, he died with the music still in him. I learned a lot of lessons from his passing, and the most important is this: time waits for no one.

It took me longer to learn the unintended consequence of finding what you’re truly passionate about: once you know your passion, you have very little desire to do anything else. All of a sudden every moment you spend on something else begins to feel like time wasted, time that could have been spent more wisely and productively on your passion. It’s as if there’s a beautiful piano sitting in the corner, cased in glass. Lovely to look at, though not easily shared and certainly of little benefit to anyone else.

To sit down at that piano and play is to make use of your passion. And this is true too of the dream you have to start a company or program, to paint, to write, to serve a cause that’s important to you, to love. To be of real value, dreams must be brought into being, not just thought of and then shelved.

There is certainly the fear factor. It is frightening to say, “This is what I stand for, who I mean to be,” because there is no going back. Once you’ve actualized a dream, once you’ve defined it clearly for yourself, you must go do it or it literally chews you up. It haunts you, follows you around everywhere you go. There is no way to shake it loose except to grow numb. And numb is a frightening state in which to exist.

When my father passed away, he was numb on the outside and raging on the inside. He died a lonely, disappointed man. And the saddest part is that he had no one to blame in the end but himself. Yes, he faced horrendous and tremendously difficult obstacles. He struggled and somewhere along the way, long before I was around, I do believe that he tried very hard to bring the life he wanted to fruition. Then the light died; it went out of him and he became a person who lost his way.

I wish I could ask him how and why this happened, why he let the world beat him down. I wonder why he ultimately didn’t have the strength to keep going, to keep dreaming. I want to ask him why he couldn’t wake up until it was just too late.

It’s hard to live with these questions, ones that will never be answered, so instead I make meaning of his life by infusing meaning into mine. By living my passion of building and fostering healthy systems, I not only fulfill my dream for my own life; I also get the opportunity to fulfill my father’s, too. The other unintended and delightful consequence of living our passions is redemption.

career, growth, work

Beginning: The Meaning of Work

Christa Avampato

I had brunch on Saturday with my friend, Susan, in DC. An amazing and inspiring woman, Susan talked about so many strong women she knows who are now beginning to frame up their own futures in every sense. We couldn’t figure out if it has to do with our age (we’re both in our mid-30s, as are many of our friends) or if it’s more of a societal shift. Is carving our own road the way of the future? Is the entrepreneurial path, or some flavor of it, the new norm. Will we begin to become a society of people who take a role at a company for stability as we build up our own unique ideas that eventually take more of our time and generate more of our income?

Later that afternoon I had a drink with my friend, Matthew, where we talked about wanting to give our lives meaning. We believe that there is so much good work in the world to be done that we cannot simply phone it in for 40+ hours / week to a job that doesn’t fulfill a mission. There must be and can be more that comes from work. It should make our lives bigger and generate energy within us rather than leave us feeling insignificant.

There used to be an idea that a job is a job and we get paid to do a job because it isn’t supposed to be fun. Last week I sadly heard a friend of mine lament that she felt there was no use looking for a new job at a new company because every place is just as bad as every other place. She’s in her late 20’s, and my heart broke a little for her. She’s too young and too talented to be so deflated, though on some unfortunate level, I get it. Corporations beat you up. They do make you think it can’t be better elsewhere and that there is always a bad apple in every barrel. I have to challenge that notion for my own sanity. I believe the bad apples can be pitched for the sake of fostering a healthy system. It takes courage, concern, and enlightened leadership, and it can and should be done.

I got the chance to meet MJ, whom you may know from all of her amazing comments on this blog and links to resources that relate to my post topics. It’s always a treat for me to meet new friends whom I get to know through my various online channels. Whoever said technology is isolating us isn’t using it correctly. It’s expanding my network and opportunities for learning significantly.

MJ made a very astute correlation between work and a bucket of water. GRab a bucket full of water and stick your hand in it. Your hand is you at a big corporate job. Pull your hand out. You’re left with some water clinging to your skin as evidence that it’s been in water (call this water experience) and notice that the space where you hand once was in now filled in, the water level being every so slightly lower in the bucket. That pail of water is the corporation you work for. When you leave, there’s a minor change in the environment, but not much and it’s quickly filled in. We talked about the desire to make a change to new roles that can uniquely be filled by us, where our presence is needed and would be missed if we left.

All these conversations had me turning over the meaning of work in mind. It should be something that contributes to the mission of crafting meaningful days. I’ve no desire to feel that my work in ancillary to my life; that I am one person at work and another at play. I want to be in an environment where I can bring to bear all that I’ve learned and have the environment teach me more in return that becomes useful in my continued work the following day. That’s what I hope work becomes for all of us – just another word for “grow”.

choices, economy, government, politics, President

Beginning: Our Role in the Economic Recovery

Christa Avampato

In DC, I was struck by how much wider the street blocks are in comparison to NYC. In New York, we always feel like we’re moving quickly because it’s easy to see progress in our movements. DC has more space and so it feels like a slow march to our destination.

As we have watched the antics play out in Washington in the past month, I couldn’t help but link the seemingly too slow progress on the Hill to the too slow progress I felt as I traversed the city on foot. I pride myself on having a quick New Yorker step. In DC, my progress was slow and steady no matter how quickly I put one foot in front of the other. It felt like I covered so much more ground with so much more effort in DC than I ever do in New York.

And maybe that’s the trick. I know you’re frustrated by Washington politics. I am, too, and I really do believe that the majority of politicians on both sides of the aisle are also frustrated. As I stood in front of that great Capitol Dome, I couldn’t help but feel a very strong sense of responsibility. The awesomeness of its size and detail is overwhelming, but small in comparison to the decisions that are being made inside.

Our government housed in that Dome is an enormous, gangly beast. To tame and then reform it is quite possibly the most complicated task in the world. It takes time, patience, and commitment. There is no slam dunk answer to any problem facing government today. There is no silver bullet despite the clever sound bites being thrown around by those jockeying for a more powerful position. It is a long, multi-term slog. We will take steps forward and back in an unpredictable dance because we are so intricately intertwined with our global neighbors. The butterfly effect is more potent than ever, and it is inescapable.

It would be easy to throw our hands up and buy into the propaganda being highlighted in every major and minor media outlet. It would be so (temporarily) comforting to pin all our hopes on a political messiah who claims he or she can wave some magic Washington wand and sprinkle the glitter of prosperity across our stubbornly depressed economy. That is the stuff of fairy tales.

Recovery will take many small and courageous acts by ordinary folks like you and me. We vote every day with our purchases, large and small, as much as we do at our polling stations on election day. We decide to go to work or look for a new job. We show up and do our best, or we don’t. We decide to work hard or slack off. We decide to innovate or phone it in, on every level of our lives. We decide to be numb or be present. We are teaching everyone around us in every moment through our words and actions. Those are the choices that will create lasting and fruitful change or continue to send us down in a potentially fatal spiral. These small opportunities for choice are so embedded into the fabric of our lives that we sometimes don’t even realize we’re making them. We forget how much impact and power we really have.

I turned these thoughts over and over in my mind as I made my way up to meet friends in Northwest DC for dinner and drinks. Visiting our nation’s capitol, my former home and maybe one day home again, reminded me of the incredible responsibility that rests with all of us. If we are going to truly reap the benefits of a free nation and free markets, then we cannot turn our backs in frustration when it so desperately needs our attention. Keep tuning in. Keep asking questions, searching for solutions, and raising possibilities. It’s a big ship, and we will all need to work together to turn it around.

fate, fear, frustration, future, goals, growth

Beginning: There is a Message in There. Keep Looking.

Christa Avampato

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
Winston Churchill

I had gotten an unwieldy situation under control. I was feeling good about the progress and the step-wise solution that was in place, and then it all came apart in 48 hours. Like pulling a loose thread in a sweater, every piece unraveled. All the forward movement had been erased and then some. I showed up at Brian’s office a little worn out. Depleted. How and more importantly, why, did this happen?

Brian sensed my frustration the moment I walked into his office. “You’re living on a ledge. What kind of existence is that?” he counseled me. “What the universe, what your yoga, is trying to tell you is that you can be more. You can do more. What you’re doing now is just watching the time pass, and that’s no way to live. I’m a little worried that you’re too adaptable, that you’re too good at coping. Go where you can be well and inspire wellness in others.”

He’s right of course. Sometimes I try to prove him wrong. I discount his counsel, and I waste my time in doing so. So here’s to leaving the ledge, to picking up one foot and then the other, and not looking back. There’s the message I was looking for…

economy, school, wellness

Beginning: My Favorite Economic Principle

Christa Avampato
From Dr. Marc Dussault

“We are spurred by our personal goals tempered by reality.” ~ Bill Flax

You might be surprised to learn that my primary major in college was economics. I bounced around from the School of Engineering to several life science majors to international relations and then ended up loving economics. 7 years after undergard, I went to business school and econ was one of my favorite classes while many of my other classmates groaned at the thought of it.

The economy is the world’s largest machine, dynamic and always being tinkered with. It is the manifestation of our collective consciousness, our hopes and fears, our expectations, disappointments, and triumphs. It is our living, breathing history.

Bil Flax’s article in Forbes Magazine this month reminded me of how much we have to learn from watching the economy. He clearly and succinctly lays out its main tenants in a single page. He untangles some of the mystery and takes out the trepidation felt by those just beginning to study the economy. He brings it to a human level. He reminded me of why I majored in econ and the principle that driven my entire career – leverage.

In recent months leverage has gotten a bad wrap. It’s connotation denotes reckless spending and irresponsibility. The kind of leverage I’m talking about is the opportunity to make a difference. Think about what you’re doing every day. How many people is it helping? And in helping those people, are they enabled to then help others, and so on down the line. I’m in the process of making my next career move and this definition of leverage has been on my mind a lot lately. My greatest wish is to be useful, to look back from the other side of this life and say, “What I did with my days made an enormous difference in the lives of others. I helped as many people as I possibly could.”

So how am I going to get there? I’m going to lever up. I’m going to inspire, encourage, and provide wellness in all its forms to people who want to help others be well. This is economics at work.

books, leadership, learning

Beginning: The Lessons of Great Men

Christa Avampato

Forbes Magazine ran an excellent article this month by author and biographer Paul Johnson about the lessons learned from the lives of a handful of great men, and by great they mean well-known. Some of them made drastic mistakes that we can learn from. Others lived lives of nobility that we would do well to follow. I was a bit disappointed that they didn’t include any women in the article; I’ll draft that one shortly.

I highly encourage you to read Johnson’s full article – it’s articulate and very well-organized, exactly what a biography should be. In the mean time, here’s the condensed version listing the great men he includes in the article and the lesson we should take from each of their lives:

Napoleon: “The important thing about success is knowing when to stop.”

Washington: “A successful general should not seek political power; he should wait to be called by the unanimous voice of the people.” [Johnson adds here that business people who seek political power would be wise to follow Washington’s example. Donald Trump, I think he’s talking to you.]

Churchill: “Never give up.”

Jesus: “People are infinitely more important than things.”

Socrates: “Never think you know all the answers. Wisdom lies not in possessing knowledge – which quickly becomes outdated – but in perpetually seeking it.”

Darwin: “Nothing is so small as to be insignificant. Success in business is getting countless small things right. The big things then naturally follow.” [This is my favorite part of the article!]

Mozart: “Start early.”

We have much to learn from the lives of others. Noted.

meditation

Beginning: When to Quit

Christa Avampato

I’m not telling you to quit your job, though that may be immediately what came to mind when you read this headline. Quitting your job might be the answer to the question, “How can I set myself free?” It might also be a terrible choice. Quitting in its many forms – your job, a relationship, moving from the city where you live – are deeply personal decisions and only you can make them because you have to live them.

MJ, a very loyal and resourceful reader of this blog whom I will have the chance to meet in person this weekend!, sent me a recent article from the Harvard Business Review on the idea of giving up by Nilofer Merchant. It is a raw and honest account of the very personal and professional nature of quitting. What it means, how it feels, and how to handle the opinions of others. It gave me the chills to read her personal story first and then her professional story about quitting. Two very different sets of circumstances, two very different outcomes.

I’ve seen friends of mine end up on both sides of the spectrum. They quit, and it was exactly the change they needed to spur growth. Others quit with disastrous consequences. I’ve never quit and regretted it. Never. And here’s why: I don’t quit until my body tells me I must. The mind will try to convince you of all sorts of arguments, pro and con. The mind will ping-pong back and forth in a merciless volley against itself. The body doesn’t. It knows when you’re done. When it’s time to pack your things and go. The mind is clever but the body is brilliant.

It’s always easier to listen to the mind. It’s louder. It nudges you, prods you for action one way or the other. The body’s language is a quiet confidence. We must consciously tune into it as we turn down the volume on the chattering mind. You have to sit with the wisdom of the body, sometimes straining to hear its low, though consistent, hum. It is worth the time and effort, I promise you. Take a seat, close your eyes, relax the muscles of the face, and pay attention. Follow brilliance, and you’ll know if quitting is for you in this moment.

art, dreams, faith, free, work

Beginning: Let Yourself Get Carried Away

Christa Avampato
Illusion of Control by Brian Andreas

“If you hold on to the handle, she said, it’s easier to maintain the illusion of control. But it’s more fun if you just let the wind carry you. “ ~ Brian Andreas

The image to the right the latest piece of art gracing the walls of my tiny New York apartment. Brian Andreas is one of my favorite artists so I was thrilled to find this print of his at the new Housing Works store in my neighborhood just after writing a post about “Letting Go to Be Free”. It was like a universal affirmation telling me, “Hey kid, you’re on the right track. Keep going and have fun in the process.” Thank you, Universe. Duly noted.

I have often written about the illusion of control that came crashing down on us for a solid 18 months starting in 2008. The economy had been chugging along at a healthy clip for a number of years with only a few naysayers wondering just where on Earth all this growth was coming from. We wrote them off as fast as possible, covering our ears, smiling widely, and spending to our heart’s content. And we learned that the heart is never content. It always wants more so we leveraged ourselves to the hilt, the government included, and fooled ourselves into thinking that we were safe. The mind is a slippery place; we can convince ourselves of anything if we try hard enough.

Safety lies not in your company or your professional network. Both are as slippery as the mind. Like the girl in Brian’s painting above, you can hold onto the handle to maintain the illusion of control – after all, that’s what handles are for, right?

Or you could trust the wind, your own intuition. You can tune in to the circumstances around you in a very honest way, understand exactly the resources that you have at-hand (literally), and find the best way to get the two to mesh. The wind will carry you, like it or not. Try to fight those winds, and you’re likely to struggle to no avail. Recognize their power and give yourself a chance to steer them in a direction that works for best for you. Less struggle, more fun, more learning.

From one control freak to another, let’s hold hands and see where the ride takes us.

animals, books, dogs, story, writing, yoga

Beginning: Until Tuesday: A Wounded Warrior and the Golden Retriever Who Saved Him

Christa Avampato

“I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can’t see from the center.” ~ Kurt Vonnegut as quoted by Fmr. Captain Luis Carlos Montalván

I have read a handful of books in my life that have reached down into my soul and taken root. Fmr. Captain Luis Carlos Montalván’s book, Until Tuesday: A Wounded Warrior and the Golden Retriever Who Saved Him, is one of those books. Exquisitely written, Montalván and his beloved service dog, Tuesday, made me laugh, cry, and slam my fists on the table. I read much of it with Phineas, my own canine pal, in my lap, and the book made me hug Phineas even tighter than I usually do.

I  picked up the book after seeing Montalván and Tuesday on Letterman. I usually miss the show because it’s on past my bedtime, but for some reason I was awake that night with the TV on. Montalván’s story is tremendously important to me on a number of levels, and so immediately went out the next day and got the book.

Helping returning vets
With Compass Yoga, I am very focused on helping returning veterans, their families, and caregivers. Montalván taught me so much about war and the toll it takes on a person. His story is at points devastating and my heart felt crushed for all he endured, in Iraq and then once he returned from his tours of duty. The challenges of vets and those who are care for them are complex and messy, and Montalván writes about them in such searing detail that I sometimes felt myself right beside him. It’s a situation I very much need to understand if I am going to be of service to vets when they return home. The book reaffirmed my commitment to them.

Championing the healing power of animals
Tuesday is clearly an exquisite animal, inside and out. Though I’ve never met him, I certainly fell in love with him and his story over the course of the 252-page book. I have been a dog lover all my life. Our family dogs were an enormous part of my childhood – the very best part of it. I adopted my rescue pup, Phineas, a year ago and rehabilitating him has been one of the proudest and happiest achievement of my life. Even on my saddest days, he is a little ray of light in my life and to everyone who meets him. He is not without his challenges, though he has now become so engrained in my life that I can’t imagine being without him. That is the magic of animals, and dogs in particular – just by showing up they teach us about commitment, devotion, love, loyalty, and empathy – all of the things that make us human. They bring out the very best in all of us. I decided to enroll us in therapy dog training this Fall so I can bring him to schools and hospitals to visit. Goodness like Phin’s needs to be shared with the world – Tuesday taught me that.We need more Tuesdays, especially for veterans.

Writing honestly to achieve understanding
Montalván is a master storyteller, and what I so respect and admire most about him is his ability to write so candidly about painful and joyful parts of his life. It took great courage to put pen to page to write this story. He is not a perfect man, and in his honest writing he teaches us that we can’t expect ourselves to be perfect either. He writes about forgiveness and authenticity. He speaks with confidence, grace, wisdom, and strength. He inspired me to continue my own personal writing, particularly about my father, which is a painful and tragic part of my past. Montalván taught me that there is so much redemption available to us through honest and thoughtful writing. He taught me just how mighty the pen can be, and just how capable we are of forgiving ourselves and others.

Until Tuesday is a truly beautiful book, a great gift that I am so grateful to receive. And so I pass the recommendation on to you – let Tuesday into your heart and he will change the way you see the world.

career, experience, work

Beginning: Learning from the Tiny Experiments of The Onion, Starbucks, and Chris Rock

Christa Avampato

On Friday, Brian and I talked about the idea of tiny experiments that get us ready for big leaps. I had been chiding myself a bit about all of the things I haven’t done yet in my 35 years of existence. This kind of topic always gives Brian a good chuckle.

A Realization Date
Last weekend I went on a date (nice guy, but not the right guy for me) and we got into talking about all of the work we’ve both been doing on our own personal projects. I tend to shy away from this type of topic on a first date because I know I am hyper-productive. Unfortunately, this guy kept asking questions and so I had to keep answering. Several times he articulated that he couldn’t believe how much I’ve done in the past two years. While I appreciate the compliment (?), I also know that I need to be with a guy who is in that same mode of productivity, who’s in this life to get as much joy from it as he possibly can. I need someone who inspires me and helps me grow.

The Mind Prepares
This date woke me up a bit and got me out of my tiny rut of being a bit down on myself as of late. I am a tough self-critic. Relentless. I expect a lot of myself. I’m a little annoyed that at 35 I haven’t made some bigger leaps in my professional life. Brian reminded me that I needed all these little pieces that I’ve been collecting over my career, that the step into full-blown entrepreneurship is a big, mind-shifting step and so our bodies and minds try to ease that transition as much as possible. It’s a step-wise process. “Inch by inch, it’s a cinch. Yard by yard, it’s hard.” Every role I’ve had has played it’s part, which might be why I’m being so darn picky about my next role. It’s got to fit in to the master plan, which is a new perspective for me to take.

So how do we cut ourselves some slack to take the small steps that prepare us for the big leaps? Author Peter Sims has some ideas. This Sunday’s Times ran an article by Sims on the “daring to stumble on the road to discovery”. Sims’s book “Little Bets: How Breakthrough Ideas Emerge from Small Discoveries” is a treasure trove of successful examples that illustrate how powerful it is to try, tinker, and try again based on experience. Starbucks, The Onion, and Chris Rock hold the same truth: try out a creative idea on a small beta scale, learn, and then go bigger.

Quiet Down
The article helped to quiet my inner critic. This is exactly the approach I’ve been taking with Compass Yoga. I offered by-donation classes – made a bit of money, grew as a teacher, no way to scale. I rented my own studio space for group classes – broke even financially, took a lot of marketing time, and brought me little satisfaction as a teacher. I attempted to partner with nonprofit organizations and grow a community of new teachers to offer free classes to their communities – no money, lots of administration, grew as a teacher and leader. None of these experiments were a waste, and ultimately they each gave me something that lead me to my latest experiment in mission and direction for Compass.

My message is this: take your time, figure out what you really want to do, and then give a small bet a-go. Hang your foot out over the edge and pay attention to how it feels. If that bet doesn’t work, place your foot back on solid ground, regroup, and try again with a new bet based on your learnings from the first bet. Get going, stumble, discover, learn, repeat. A winning formula.