Category: frustration

creativity, experience, fate, frustration, future

This just in: Place your bet on the Universe

Christa Avampato
Image from "Life in The Universe" documentary
Image from “Life in The Universe” documentary

“In the fight between you and the universe, back the universe.” ~Frank Zappa

Have you ever just wanted to understand why something has happened, why life has unfolded in this particular way that doesn’t match the vision we have for ourselves and our futures? I spend a lot of time thinking about this idea, and when something doesn’t go my way I often go through the classic stages of grief. Because let’s face it, having life not pan out as we hoped, in big and small ways, is a kind of loss or at least a recalibration of expectations. And it feels awful.

No matter what I’m facing, the idea I come back to is the one Frank Zappa references in this quote. I’ve got grand ideas about how life should go, and they rarely, if ever, happen. But here’s what I know to be true—never, not even once, have I looked back on any time in my life and said, “If life had gone the way I wanted it to go, I’d be so much better off now.”

The Universe always gets it right, and I’m so grateful for that. It’s so much wiser, more experienced, and generous to us than we are to ourselves. That knowledge temporarily stops the whirring in my mind. It stops the incessant analyzing, bargaining, and blaming that I usually direct inward in a moment of disappointment. It helps me smile, pick up, and go on. Double down on the Universe—it’s there to support you.

balance, career, frustration, future

This just in: 2015 is already a year I didn’t see coming

Christa Avampato
Who knows what's around the bend in 2015?!
Who knows what’s around the bend in 2015?!

Whenever something surprises my 4-year-old niece, Aubree, she says, “I did not see that comin’!” in her trademark raspy little voice. I find myself saying that on a more than daily basis this year. At the end of 2014, I looked up my horoscope for 2015 and it emphasized that this year would be tumultuous to say the least. I dismissed that prediction as sensationalism, laughed, and moved on. Or at least I thought I did.

A word to the wise: when you doubt the stars, they get ticked off and feel the need to make their presence and power known. For entities that are over 4 light years away, these little buggers bring their force right to the doorstep the moment they feel disrespected.

We’re only one month in and the first word that comes to mind when I think of 2015 is “mayhem”. Nothing’s going the way I thought it would. My pup, Phin, had surgery, some of my clients are throwing curve balls at me right and left, I’m contemplating new career opportunities in new places, and some of my nearest and dearest people are having deep troubles and challenges. What’s going on?

What’s saving me now is what’s always saved me—the authors I read, the characters I write, and my friends. They give me hope, courage, inspiration, and the will to keep going. They’re lighting the path ahead of me one step, one word, at a time. And I’m learning that this slowly advancing light, however frustrating, is something to be treasured. It’s teaching me to trust in every day, in every experience. It’s not easy, and it’s about as fun as having my wisdom teeth removed. Still, I’m willing to go along for the ride. I’m willing to lift up my head and squint into the distance to see what there is to see.

Last week during a particularly low day, my friend Alex said that whenever she feels down she tries to envision her life 3 months from now. That quick technique helps her to keep going. The challenges of today are the victories of tomorrow, and the course of those victories largely depends on what we do right now with the resources we’ve got on-hand. We do what we can with what we’ve got.

I may not have seen the events of January coming, but I am equipped to handle them whatever they are. One at a time, day by day. In the words of John Lennon and Paul McCartney, I’m getting by with a little help from my friends, real and imaginary.

fate, fear, frustration, future, goals, growth

Beginning: There is a Message in There. Keep Looking.

Christa Avampato

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
Winston Churchill

I had gotten an unwieldy situation under control. I was feeling good about the progress and the step-wise solution that was in place, and then it all came apart in 48 hours. Like pulling a loose thread in a sweater, every piece unraveled. All the forward movement had been erased and then some. I showed up at Brian’s office a little worn out. Depleted. How and more importantly, why, did this happen?

Brian sensed my frustration the moment I walked into his office. “You’re living on a ledge. What kind of existence is that?” he counseled me. “What the universe, what your yoga, is trying to tell you is that you can be more. You can do more. What you’re doing now is just watching the time pass, and that’s no way to live. I’m a little worried that you’re too adaptable, that you’re too good at coping. Go where you can be well and inspire wellness in others.”

He’s right of course. Sometimes I try to prove him wrong. I discount his counsel, and I waste my time in doing so. So here’s to leaving the ledge, to picking up one foot and then the other, and not looking back. There’s the message I was looking for…

dreams, frustration, future, passion, patience

Beginning: Patience is the Partner of Progress

Christa Avampato

“Patience is the companion of wisdom.” ~ St. Augustine

Lately I’ve been itching to run, just take off on the open road of life so to speak and not look back. I’m not exactly sure where this feeling came from or why it’s persisting, but it is certainly familiar to me. It’s been a while since it’s made an appearance in my life, and I must admit that it feels like greeting an old friend who has been away for too long.

Someone wise once told me many years ago that change is good and I should embrace it, so long as I’m running to something and not away from something. When the running instinct showed up at my door a few weeks ago, I had to take a few steps back and really think about whether or not to let it in. Was I just so frustrated with certain circumstances in my life, compounded by the fact that I have such a clear vision now for Compass Yoga, that I was willing to do anything to feel like I was just moving, if not moving forward? Or were the options for change laid out in front of me truly something I wanted to embrace for their own sake? It comes down to priorities.

By nature, I am an impatient person. I see what needs to be done, what must be done, and I just want to go do it. I don’t want to ask permission. I just want to have the freedom to act by my own conscience. Having such a clear picture of Compass Yoga is both a blessing and a curse. It helps me channel my efforts straight to its purpose and it has become a very centering force in my life. However, it makes it very difficult for me to do anything but further its mission.

As of late, I’ve had some really incredible career opportunities cross my path, opportunities that even a year ago I would have given anything for. I wasn’t sure what to do, and so I sat in meditation, much longer than I usually do, hoping for an answer. And I got one. I turned them all down. All of them, in favor of putting my efforts into Compass Yoga. One of them was a dream business development job. I would have been a senior person in the organization charged with growing the company 20%+. I knew I could rise to a challenge like that, but the trouble is that if I’m going to grow anything 20%, it’s going to be my own organization, not someone else’s, no matter how great I think that other company is.

Patience is hard. We aren’t wired for it, but when we have a big audacious goal, we need patience and perseverance is equal amounts. I’ve been waiting for this moment to do my own thing, it’s almost here, and I was going to cloud it with someone else’s vision? No way. I’ve waited too long to have my turn at channeling all of my resources and experiences in the direction that I see fit. I can’t lose sight of that big picture now! This choice is part of the hero’s journey.

Like Hanuman, I am laying in wait for just a little while longer before springing into action. The opportune time is almost here – I can feel it with every fiber of my being. No sense in getting sidetracked now. My work, by my own definition, is too valuable to too many people. Focus is what’s needed.

encouragement, frustration, future, goals, growth, passion, patience

Step 338: Rainbows and Rain

Christa Avampato

“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.” ~ Dolly Parton

When I was in Florida, rainbows were popping up everywhere. It had been a long time since I’d seen a rainbow, and in many ways I felt like the ones I saw in Florida were a sign that I’m going in the right direction. This year is my one year anniversary working with Brian. For a year I’ve been working hard on myself, digging deep into what I’ve come from, where I really am, and where I want to go. In one year, I’ve seen a huge transformation in my life: my confidence has grown, my authenticity has come shining through, and I feel positioned to live my very best life going forward.

The road to self-discovery can be difficult. I had dinner with my friend, Michael, this week and we talked about how much effort and energy it takes to find the work we’re truly meant to do. It’s much easier to take what comes our way, but it’s another thing entirely seek out and fulfill a personal mission. It can feel risky to build our own road rather than travel the one laid out before us, though ultimately a truly fulfilling and extraordinary life is one we live by our own self-designed principles.

There will be a lot of rain that falls as we build our own road, one small brick at a time. The pace of progress, particularly in the beginning, can seem slow and frustrating. I encourage you to please keep going, keep seeking. This world needs the very best of each of us, and we owe it to ourselves in this lifetime to find out what it is we are meant to do. Building strength, courage, and skill takes time, but the rewards we can reap once we have them are invaluable. The rainbow is out there.

The photo above is a picture of a double-Rainbow I took at Disney World last month.

frustration, nature, strengths, stress

Step 328: Make Like a Grapevine and Focus

Christa Avampato

“A vine, well-exercised, produces an intense wine.” ~ Anthony Bourdain

Yesterday I was at my mom’s house watching an episode of Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. I recently finished his book, Kitchen Confidential, and love his bits of life wisdom garnered through his life in food. On yesterday’s episode he was meandering through Provence and all of the incredible cuisine that area of the world has to offer. He went to visit a restored winery and met with the owner to learn about the gifts of strong heat and rocky soil that make for incredible, intense wine. Because the vines struggle a bit through the rocky soil (and it is a delicate balance asking them to struggle enough to become strong, but not so much that it ruins the vines entirely), the flavor in the grapes is pungent and focused.

Yesterday morning I was struggling with a bit of a problem. I have been doing a lot of pitching for my out-of-school education program, Innovation Station. I’ve gotten many positive reactions to it, and people who are interested in producing it once a pilot is complete and the results are in. Trouble is that I’m not having much luck reeling in a school willing to let me run a small pilot. I have known from the beginning that a pilot it crucial as part of a larger sell-in and that a pilot created and run by someone outside of education would be a tough sell. As much talk as there is about public education wanting more innovative ideas, it is an incredibly insular world. (Consider the criticism of Cathie Black, a seasoned, respected, accomplished professional as the new chancellor of NYC public schools.) Risk is not something that public education is accustomed to.

Like good wine making, a sprinkle of struggle in a project’s life cycle can create a better product. It could be that now is just not the right time for this program. Maybe I need to focus my energy in other areas at the moment like my yoga and my writing. It could be that the schools I’ve been speaking to are not the right ones for this program and I need to keep looking for a better match. Whatever the reason, Anthony Bourdain’s analogy of a grapevine helped me feel more comfortable with a bit of struggle and frustration in my own life today. I could use a healthy dose of focus in 2011, and the order that comes with it.

The image above can be found at nyhabitat.com

celebration, creative process, determination, frustration, work

Step 249: 5 Ways to Bring Great Ideas to Life

Christa Avampato

“Genius begins great works; labor alone finishes them.” ~ Joseph Joubert, French essayist

The past week I’ve been blown away by all of the opportunity and possibility around us. From new Linked-In and Twitter connections, to chance meetings, to introductions by colleagues, I’m connecting with potential on a new level. After many of these initial connections, I’m getting follow-up requests and invitations for continued conversations about working together on new and exciting projects. After each connection, I’ve been taking time to consider one very critical question: can the project be driven to completion?

By nature, I get tremendously excited about new opportunities and possibilities. New is invigorating. And there are so many new opportunities out there that it would be very easy to constantly be distracted by the next latest, greatest project. Finishing is tough work. It requires determination and plenty of time and effort. So how do we keep that excitement of something new when we’re halfway through? How do we keep our energy up to complete the job?

Here are some ideas that I’ve found helpful:

1.) Remind yourself why the idea was exciting to start with. Having e a mission-based approach to a project can make any mundane tasks for meaningful. Recognize that every project will have some parts (paperwork, etc.) that are not thrilling but absolutely necessary to making the opportunity a reality.

2.) Share the load. Working on a project with others (both on the creative and mundane tasks) will make them go faster and many times can make them more enjoyable. It’s especially important when halfway through a project to connect with others that can keep our energy up while we drive the project to completion. If we can get others to help us with the mundane pieces, then all the better.

3.) Keep mementos of past successes in sight at all times. When we’re halfway through a project it’s important to remember all of our other accomplishments that were made possible by our hard work. Those past successes help us see our current project as another celebration-in-the-making.

4.) Celebrate small victories. We often think of celebrations as endings. Why not make celebration a regular activity that commemorates milestones along the way? Getting each piece of a project done contributes to the whole so we should take a moment to congratulate ourselves on being one step closer to our achievement.

5.) File the new ideas for the future. I had a conversation many years ago with a would-be writer who said he could never complete a book because he always got distracted by his next book idea. He had a trail of unfinished books that he could never get anyone else interested in. New ideas can be a distraction and a way to procrastinate, even if they’re entirely valid. Don’t ignore them – one of them may very well be your next big thing. So jot it down and keep it tucked away in a file of what to do next once the task at hand is complete.

How do you keep going when you’re in the midst of a project?

change, choices, courage, discovery, encouragement, frustration, gifts, gratitude, loss, opportunity, yoga

Step 201: Obstacles as Path

Christa Avampato

“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.” –Alfred D. Souza

I keep thinking about the idea of “the path of least resistance.” I don’t know what that path looks like. I work and work and work, and eventually a pathway opens, but never constitutes taking the easy road. This quote helped me put this idea in perspective. When I think about the things I’m most proud of in my life, they all resulted from overcoming obstacles. It wasn’t always a fun journey, but the results were worth it.

I’ve written about Ganesha, the Hindu god of obstacles, and how much I learned about him during my yoga teacher training. Some people have interpreted his role as a remover of obstacles. That view is mostly right. It needs the addition of “removed of obstacles on our life’s path.” Sometimes, as Alfred Souza so eloquently states, obstacles need to be placed in our way to help us realize our path.

There’s no shame in having obstacles; there’s no need for us to bemoan their presence. They can be our reasons to be grateful. They show us our strength, and if we can recognize their gifts and their reasons for being, we can often find our way around them.

creativity, determination, frustration, learning, Life, loss, luck, mistakes, presentation, producer, television, trend

Step 199: Why I Hate Reality TV Shows With Elimination Rounds

Christa Avampato

I have a hard time watching reality TV, especially when elimination rounds are involved. I get nervous for the contestants as if I’m on the show myself. I never knew why until my brother-in-law recently shared his view on these shows: “You don’t get judged on the body of your work; one mistake and you’re gone.” This is a horrible lesson to reinforce in our society.

Real success comes from trying a lot of different ideas, taking risks, and learning from failures as well as achievements. To support the idea that one false move means you’re down for the count is just plain dumb. Real life isn’t like that, making the idea of this kind of “reality” TV anything but.

My brother-in-law had an idea: why don’t we let all of the contestants stay until the end and have the judging be on the full season of work, not just one dish, one task, or one song? Have the weekly winners actually win something extra. Let people learn from their weekly mistakes, and actually see what they do with what they learn. That would be a reality TV show worth watching.

career, frustration, Lauren Zalaznick, regulations, rules, work

Transforming a cage into a net

Christa Avampato

I heard Lauren Zalaznick, the President of Bravo, speak several weeks ago and she drew a metaphor that I have been thinking about ever since. She is a marketing guru and someone who has lived through and thrived in hard times. 

NBC Universal (and that company includes Bravo) belongs to the giant conglomerate that is GE. And as the result of being part of a very large company within a very large empire, there are lots of rules and regulations, a.k.a. guardrails. But rather that seeing those rules as a cage, she encourages her team to see those as a net, a safety net. We have to find ways to use them to our advantage rather than feeling suffocated and down-trodden by them. This is not easy, particularly for people like me – self-professed critics of authority who enjoy small non-conventional environments. Lauren Zalaznick has been incredibly successful at turning around Bravo, despite the many rules set by NBC and compounded by entirely different rules set by GE. Clearly, she’s found a way to make it work, and I’d like to do the same. 

Here are ways that I’ve been using rules to my advantage, to build a net from what was formerly a cage:

It’s a matter of perspective – simply imaging the rules as a safety net rather than a cage has helped me to appreciate and respect them. 

It’s all good learning – I have recognized that rules and regulations are put in place for a reason, so before I get frustrated with a rule, I consider in what situations it can be helpful and necessary. And this has led me to be more grateful for, rather than resentful of, those rules. 

Transformation is led from the inside out: if you want to change the rules, you have to first learn them and use them. I am supremely interested in constant improvement, transformation, and change. And if I am ever going to make an impact on a large company, I will have to do it from the inside. This means learning the rules, and then figuring out how to improve and mold them to function exceptionally well. 

I’m not saying this new way of thinking is easy. I still get frustrated, sometimes daily, by the rules. But when I do get frustrated, following these three lines of thought helps me work through the frustration, and turns that frustration into a tool rather than a roadblock.