Considering the possible alongside the impossible is one of the joyful dichotomies in product development. The excitement bubbles over when you begin to consider, and help others consider, what it would take to remove those two tiny letters, “im”, from the latter. Put another way it’s the commitment of individuals – I am (I’m) going to remove them, and help others do the same.
Yesterday, I had dinner with my college friend, Chris. I hadn’t seen him in 10 years! He’s now at Carnegie Hall working on the international education exchange program. And along the way we have both become interested in technology as a way to communicate art, and we got into a long discussion about vision and funding, whether that funding comes from donors for a nonprofit or from sales and investors for a for-profit company. Money can and often in time does follow vision. The opposite does not work. No leader can gain vision by having funding, and any leader who thinks (s)he can or should progress in that order is setting himself / herself up for a rude awakening.
And yet, it happens all the time. Organizations lose their way. Companies forget their core customer or core competency in favor of some hot trend or a fervent desire to just grow and make as much money as possible. It might work in the short-term; in the long-run failure is nearly certain. In the case of vision, an ounce of prevention is worth a least a pound of cure. So how do we, as individuals and as organizations, stay true to who we are and keep our vision front and center?
I have a few ways that I maintain my vision for my life. I have the great gift of being able to delude myself for a very short period of time (about 60 seconds several times per year). On occasion, I take a minute (literally) and imagine what I’d like to be doing, right now, if money didn’t matter. If I’m doing something radically different, chances are I’m on the wrong track. My writing helps – in print, it’s much harder to lie to yourself. We have this built-in filter that does not allow us to put falsehoods to paper without feeling really awful about ourselves. I also consider my level of sleepiness. While most people may consider their sound sleep to be a good sign, if I’m feeling worn out at the end of the day, sleeping dead to the world, something is terribly wrong. If I’m energized and ready to go 20 hours a day, then I know good stuff is happening.
And in recent months, I have thought a lot about one other remedy. I am still mourning the loss of Tim Russert, especially as this election grows closer and closer. I still flip on the Today Show and expect him to be there guiding us, coaching us along. And the sentiment that everyday he woke up as if he’d just won the lottery sticks with me. I think about people like Tim, people I admire and look up to, and consider whether or not I’d be proud to tell them what I’m doing with my days if I ever had the chance to meet them. In short, I’m trying to win the lottery of life everyday, and trying to take as many others with me as possible. That’s my vision.
Category: friendship
Public Transportation and Old Friends
On Sunday I drove to East Haven, Connecticut – my last drive in my car. I took it to Carmax for a painless 45 minute selling process. Slightly above Blue Book Value, check in-hand. I took a cab to a train (which broke down, delaying me another hour) to a bus. I had forgotten how sensitive my stomach is to jerky motions on a bus or train and I got sick on the sidewalk as soon as I got off the bus (a truly New York moment) and then was sick all night, too. Not an ideal situation the day before starting my new job. Welcome to the ups and downs of a public transit girl’s life.
The one saving grace of last night was that my dear friend, Mark, is in town rehearsing for a show and he is staying only a few blocks away. We used to spend a lot of time together when we worked on The Full Monty. And when I saw him yesterday, despite my queasy stomach, I was grinning from ear to ear. And despite the fact that I haven’t seen him in 4 years, we picked up our friendship right where we left off. Laughing and talking with the ease of old friends.
Visiting with Mark reminded me about beginnings and endings and cycles in our lives. I used to think that I’ve had three constants in my life in recent years: my cell phone number, my mom, and my car. Now, I’ve traded in that car for a subway card (and a hefty supply of Dramamine). That leaves me with my cell number and my mom, both of which I am glad to have. And my time with Mark reminded me of all those people who have made such a difference in my life, even if I don’t get to see them all the time.
Even across distance and time, there are those people who keep cropping up, who stick with us despite the hectic nature of our lives. Just knowing they’re out there, that all the memories that we have of them and they have of us keep the best parts of us alive and well, makes each day a little easier to get through. And these people, these angels in my life, seem to re-appear when I need them most. Just when I am setting off on a new adventure, like my new job, or trying to get through an ending. These people keep the cycle going, and consequently keep us moving forward.
Shelby Lynne
Nearly all of my new music recommendations come from my friend, Ken. He always knows what’s new and understands my taste in music exactly. A few months ago, he introduced me to Shelby Lynne and I’ve been listening to her recent album that is a tribute to Dusty Springfield. Lynne was on CBS Sunday Morning this morning, and showed a much different personality than her sultry voice lets on.
She describes herself as a Hell Cat, someone who doesn’t like rules and doesn’t like people who like rules. Now, I like her music even more. She turned away from a big deal music career in Nashville to build her own road on her own terms. When I was a kid, my mom described me as “hell on wheels”. I’m not exactly sure what that means – maybe that I used to raise hell and then run away really fast. It seems that Shelby Lynne and I both have spicy personalities, and neither of us would have it any other way.
As general rule, I like risk takers who bet on themselves more than they bet on someone else. There’s a certain independence and confidence in those people that I greatly admire. A friend recently told me about her fear that she has no ability to take a risk – twice she has turned down professional moves to companies that eventually went public providing the partners with million of dollars each and the opportunity to do ground-breaking work. Now she’s worried those chances have passed her by. I hope that’s not true and it was a good lesson for me.
Life waits for no one so if you have something you want to do and something you want to say, it would be wise to do and say it now. There’s no rewind or pause button on the world. And if you need some inspiration or a soundtrack for your journey, I’d recommend that Shelby Lynne album.
Exchange: Honda for Granny
Recently I was visiting my friend Moya in Washington, DC. One of her roommates was running out to the store and taking the Granny cart with her. One of those rickety metal bin type things with wheels that look like they are about to fall off at any moment. Clunky, and too expensive if you ask me, but they get the job done when one if car-less with arms full of stuff.
As I was cutting up mangoes for the fruit salad I asked Moya why in the world someone doesn’t invent a better Granny cart that doesn’t make everyone who owns one feel like a loser. She stopped mashing up the avocados for the guacamole, looked over at me, and said, “I nominate you.” And then she went back to her guacamole.
I have been thinking about this now for weeks. I was toddling around the Container Store this weekend because I am on the brink of trading in my beloved Honda which has seen me through more moves than I care to admit, and many a tough time. I’m joining the legion of Granny cart owners in NYC – and those metal rickety things are indispensable here. You must have one for laundry, groceries, etc., unless you are fortunate enough to have some big hulk-y man follow you around for the express purpose of carrying all your packages. I don’t have that man, so it’s me and Granny. And because I refuse to spend $40 on something at the corner store that might make it a month or so before falling apart, I bought one that was slightly more expensive from those wonderful people at the Container Store.
Not to be purposely critical, but the Container Store could do better. Or as Moya told me when I sent her a picture of the Container Store model, “You could do better.” She’s right, and I need to stop complaining and start prototyping. I am critical by nature – my mother will back me up on this one – and I am now at a point where I can improve products and bring them to market if I put my mind and muscle to the test.
Already I’m compiling a list of improvements to Granny. The challenge is I haven’t the slightest idea of how to get a product like this made so I have begun researching manufacturing, shipping, etc. It’s fascinating to learn how all of these products that we take for granted in a store actually get on those shelves. And I’m excited to work on the project. So if you’ve been wishing for a better Granny, she’s on the way!
What bird are you?
My friend, Alex, recently had a company off-site where they evaluated their personality types in an effort to work better as a team. They took a relationship assessment that I had never heard of. Tony Alessandra developed an assessment related to birds that describes four common personality types:
The Dove: Relationship-Oriented
The Owl: Detail-Oriented
The Eagle: Results-Oriented
The Peacock: Socially-Oriented
I may have a predisposition to these type of exams because my father was a clinical psychologist and used to administer them. Alessandra’s main point is that communication type, and knowing which one you are, can make all the difference in your career progression. Of course there are always hybrids – my friend, Alex, is a pea-gle – a combo peacock and eagle. My conundrum is always that I think I have elements of each type. I strive to be relationship, detail, results, and and socially-oriented. So what do I do? How can I learn how best to work with people if I am very honestly a complete chameleon?
On the one hand, I could be the perfect partner – able to work with anyone. And conversely, I could be in a tough situation because I may never be quite certain that I am being true to myself, mostly because I have the ability to adapt almost to a fault. My challenge will be identifying which of these relationship types is the one which plays most to my strengths, and perhaps which one leaves me the most energized and effective. I envy those who easily fall into one bucket or another. My path is more a long and winding road.
The Irony of Company
I love company – so much so that I sometimes I think I am running a small hotel in my studio apartment. My sister, brother-in-law, and baby niece just left after a four-day stay with me. I loved showing them around, taking photos of them in places familiar to me but new to them, and seeing NYC through their fresh and appreciative eyes.
The irony is that I have worked hard to create a very peaceful life. Odd that we should have to work at peace, but I must admit that it is a daily process rather than a destination. And sometimes I wonder if my desire for peace is causing me to create a world where change is something I resist.
This is strange ground for me — I am used to actively seeking and embracing change. Now it seems the challenge for me is how to have my peace and maintain it too, while also staying flexible and open to the world and the opportunities it presents.
10 little things
My friend, Julie, is in Tanzania for about 2 months. She’s on assignment with the Peace Corp and has started a blog to track her experiences. http://turnyourhead.wordpress.com/
On one of her posts, she takes a cue from her blogging sister and lists 10 little known things about her that are interesting and unique. I love the idea so much that I’m stealing it. Thanks for the inspiration, Jules 🙂
1.) The first profession I ever had an interest in was paleontology because I loved dinosaurs.
2.) When I was little, I memorized every fact about Africa that I could get my hands on and my mother would patiently listen to me go on for hours – if only we had the internet then.
3.) I was a Girl Scout until I was 12.
4.) I learned how to swim when I was 30.
5.) This is the first year I have ever been registered with a political party. My mother gave me a voter registration form when I turned 18 and until this year have always been an Independent.
6.) There is a tractor crossing sign on the road I grew up on.
7.) The two countries I must visit some time in my life are Rwanda, to see the mountain gorillas, and Cuba because of the movie For Love or Country.
8.) I hate talking on the phone – it’s my least favorite form of communication
9.) My favorite charitable cause is environmental protection
10.) Mary Lou Retton was my childhood idol
and a bonus fact:
11.) My sister and I have two common obsessions: The Gilmore Girls (my baby niece is named after Lorelei Gilmore!) and Dunkin’ Donuts (which we affectionately refer to as “Dunks”)
My new website is up and running! http://www.christainnewyork.com
Hooray! After a steep learning curve and months of agonizing over every word, photo, and design decision, my personal website is up and running. I created the website to drum-up freelance writing work and to grow my practice of helping small business effectively use new and emerging media to augment their marketing strategies. Launching my website today was the first step down the road to this new and exciting venture. The website links heavily to this blog and I will continue to maintain this blog with near-daily writing. I’d love your feedback on the website! http://www.christainnewyork.com
It is a scary thing to put myself out there alone. While secretly I consider myself an expert in communications, now that sentiment is out there in the world. While I’ve contributed to efforts via a company I work for, this is the first time I am putting my own talent and ambition out there, entirely on my own. That website in a very real sense says who I am, what I do, and what I believe. While there’s a tremendous freedom that comes with that kind of action, there is also a fair amount of fear and trepidation. “One step at a time,” I keep telling myself.
I must recommend the kind people over at GoDaddy.com, where I registered my domain name and purchased their hosting service. Their website, while very cluttered, is fairly easy to navigate after a bit of practice. What won me over is their fantastic phone support. I talked to a real person (!) three times this morning, no waiting, and very few menus. Great customer service!
I bought my new Mac earlier this year for its web design capability with the iWeb program. Love it! They saved me the pain of learning anything beyond my rudimentary html knowledge. I applaud people who can write code elegantly – I just have no desire to do it myself and Mac understands that.
I must especially thank my dear friend Dan for his wonderful photography and all of the advice he gave me when I was considering the design of the site.
I have so many friends who gave me ideas and encouragement as I’ve considered free-lance writing and this small consulting practice. In brief: Alex, Kelly, Steve, Monika, Katie, Amy, Lisa, Trevin, Brooke, Ken, Heather, and Richard. And to my great family who always believes in me.
A Year in the Making
I walked around all day yesterday trying to figure out what was so special about June 11th. And finally, in Columbus Circle, it hit me – I moved back to NYC exactly one year ago. I drove up to NYC with my car full of worldly possessions – very little in fact since I had sold nearly everything I owned before leaving school. I had a relatively clean slate, save for my friends and family. It felt freeing to completely release the life I had known in Virginia just 24 hours earlier, to return to a place that felt like home and yet had so many new experiences to offer.
One year later I am gainfully employed, spending time with my friends, many of whom have known me for a number of years during different phases of my life, writing every day, and living in my favorite neighborhood in New York. My family is an hour and a half away – an easy train ride. I have a new niece. There’s a rhythm to my days, and to my life. I kind of feel like June 11th is my adopted birthday – it’s the day I became more of who I am. On June 11th, I felt like I became an artist, a writer, again.
My first year back in NYC isn’t what I expected. It’s filled with many people whom I didn’t know when I arrived, and those who I saw only a few times a year for many years. Now I take my mom to brunch in the city, I go to dinner with Lisa and Dan and Steve and Brooke and Rob. Friends like Amy and Trevin and Anne and Alex and Kelly come to visit. I go to see Ken during a free weekend. And many friends have moved back after being away for so long, just like me. Somehow, by magic I think, a life came together for me that I never even knew was here. And all the while, I think it was waiting for me to get back home.
In this next year back in NY, I’m working to get my writing out to the world a bit more and I’m trying to find my professional niche. I’m working on meeting Mr. Wonderful, and I’m getting back into shape with my yoga, running, and weight training. (I’ve fallen off the wagon in both regards lately.) I’m taking a comedy writing class to improve my writing as much as to increase the amount of laughter in my life. And I’m recommitting to make sure that I honor my time as my most valuable asset.
It feels good to be home.
The tough truth about honesty
Getting what you want is tough. Figuring out what you want is even tougher. A seemingly simple sentence like “follow you bliss” or “do what you love” becomes exceedingly complicated when closely examined. Whether you’re trying to get what you want or what will make you happy, not always the same thing, in a job, a relationship, a friendship, or the city you live in, getting what you want requires honesty. Sometimes brutal honesty. And to be honest you have to get real and dig out the truth, even if you don’t really want to see it.
A year after graduating with our MBAs, some of my friends are at that one year mark when they’re trying to decide whether or not to move forward in their current jobs. They’re confronting some disappointments – a few have a different boss than they started with a year ago, a few have been shuffled into completely different responsibilities, and a few realize that they fell hook, line, and sinker for all that wining and dining companies did during recruiting season.
This last group I don’t feel quite so bad for. If you couldn’t see that wining and dining for what it really was, then you needed to learn the lesson the hard way. The two former groups I have enormous sympathy for. They signed up for a specific journey, to do what they truly wanted to do, and they spent a long time considering many different factors that are the ingredients to happiness. And then without warning, the picture changed and all of a sudden they ended up doing something they don’t really like at all, despite their best efforts.
Disappointment is tough to deal with. Doing something about that disappointment it tougher. A heart to heart with yourself or the person causing the disappointment can help. Some times the differences can be resolved and you can get what you want by taking action. So while summoning the courage to be honest can be a Herculean task, if in the end you are happier, it’s worth the effort.
The true difficulty comes into play when you make ever effort to get what you want, realize your situation is not going to improve, and then you either have to tough it out, unhappy, or walk. And there’s often no right answer in this instance that is immediately apparent. Unhappiness makes it tough to get up in the morning, and it pervades every facet of your life. Walking away into the unknown is sometimes not even possible, or at the very least it’s frightening. Sometimes it is easier to deal with the devil we know rather than the one we don’t.
I put my best foot forward to get what I want. I have the hard conversations. I take a lot of time (and I am lucky that I have the luxury of time) to reflect and consider my happiness. I am patient for a considerable amount of time. For reasons that are too long to list here, I am obsessive about being happy – I just cannot imagine being content for a moment in another state. When I’m in a funk I’ll do what it takes, even if it’s uncomfortable, to get back to happy. When it comes to getting what you want, having non-negotiables helps.
Christa Avampato 