Category: encouragement

encouragement, yoga

Beginning: The Human Factor of Yoga

Christa Avampato

I’ve been known to have a fiery side of my personality. I’m a deeply passionate, committed person, I don’t take no for answer (or at least I don’t take it well), and I fully believe in the way of the will. Wherever I go, I go with all my heart. No one who has ever met me would describe me as passive. Couple this with a petite frame, and some people walk away from a first meeting with me completely perplexed, or if I’m lucky, intrigued. “How does so much fire live in one small body?” they might ask themselves. “And wait, she practices yoga? How can THAT be?” My answer, as it is so often: my yoga is the reason.

Too often yoga is equated with peace and love and butterflies. It is all of those things, and it’s something more, too. Yoga is about authenticity. Yoga is about feeling everything, even the things that don’t feel so great. As practitioners, and particularly as yoga teachers, we sit with a lot of suffering, anguish, fear, and anxiety. We feel envy, jealousy, anger, disappointment, sadness, loneliness, isolation, fear, and betrayal. All of the ugly emotions of life that we wish there were less of. Yoga doesn’t eradicate those emotions from our lives. If anything, it heightens them. We free them more profoundly than many other people.

And here’s the magic of it all: because we feel those emotions so profoundly, we learn lessons on the deepest of levels and then we can move on. Yoga doesn’t prevent discomfort; it gives us tool to confront discomfort head on and work through it with grace and strength. It helps us to hold our heads high during painful moments and appreciate joy, love, gratitude, and all the beautiful emotions of life all the more. Yoga helps us to carry on.

books, career, courage, encouragement, experience, leader, leadership

Beginning: You Have All the Power You Need

Christa Avampato

“New seed is faithful. It roots deepest in the places that are most empty…And so it came to be that over time this field, opened by burning – this field, fallow and waiting – drew just the right strangers, just the right seeds to itself. What is this faithful process of spirit & seed that touches empty ground and makes it rich again? Whatever we set our days to might be the least of what we do, if we do not understand that something is waiting for us to make ground for it, something that lingers near us, something that loves, something that waits for the right ground to be made so it can make its full presence known.” ~ Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes

I read Dr. Estes book Women Who Run with the Wolves many years ago. It remains a faithful guide all of these years later. Its pages are well-worn and yellowed. I regularly read its opening passage, particularly when I’m afraid and lonely. It’s stories quite literally began to shape the person I am today. They empowered me to realize that I can carve my own road toward a future of my design.

So it was with great excitement that I discovered that Dr. Estes had written another book, this one a novela entitled The Faithful Gardener: A Wise Tale About That Which Can Never Die. I read it in one sitting. Dr. Estes tells the tale of her Uncle who got to the end of his rope and wanted to take his power back. He set a field aflame as an invitation for new life to seed there.

In our lives, we collect clutter. Relationships that no longer serve. A job that no longer interests us. Commitments that no longer provide fulfillment. Slowly, drop by drop, our lives sometimes become something we never wanted them to be. This can leave us feeling paralyzed, regretful, and embarrassed.

This is exactly the myth that Dr. Estes dispels by sharing her Uncle’s story with us in The Faithful Gardner. One day last week, I arrived at a meditation class feeling powerless and through the meditation realized that the only one taking away my power was me. Dr. Estes explains this same principle in her book – we are all more powerful than we give ourselves credit for being.

This same idea reared its head over the weekend as I watched the documentary Stress: Portrait of a Killer. In several scientific studies, it has been found that if you perceive yourself at the bottom of the pecking order in life then your health and longevity are severely compromised. If you want to live a happy, healthier, longer life, it is critical that you find an outlet that allows you to feel in control of your own destiny. And that outlet doesn’t have to be your career or household. You could be the captain of your softball team, the leader of a charitable project, or a responsible dog owner. Somewhere in your life you need to have the opportunity to take the reigns, and if that’s not happening naturally in your life by some wonderful twist of fate, then you need to make it happen for yourself.

There’s no reason to play the victim. We all have the ability to build better lives, for ourselves and for those around us. You don’t need more schooling or experience or permission. It is yours for the taking. The only question is courage and confidence. Can you stand up and be counted? Will you make your voice heard? Can you release everything in your life that doesn’t benefit you for the sake of making room for something that truly matters? Your life literally depends on it.

career, decision-making, discovery, education, encouragement, work

Step 350: It’s Not Knowing that Really Counts

Christa Avampato

“Education would be so much more effective if its purpose were to ensure that by the time they leave school every boy and girl should know how much they don’t know, and be imbued with a lifelong desire to know it.” ~ Sir William Haley, British newspaper editor and broadcasting administrator

If Sir Haley were standing in front of me right now, I’d give him a hug. I love him for stating exactly what an education should be about – unending discovery. Rather than people striving to be the smartest person around, what would our world be like if for every answer we found we had two more questions? What if every time we became an expert in one area, we marveled at how many areas we know nothing about?

This quote reminded me of a post I wrote for my friend, Amanda’s, blog about being a beginner. It’s going to be the spring-board for this blog in 2011 – more details to come on this in a not-too-distant post. Life’s more fun as a beginner. We don’t know what we don’t know and therefore we ask lots of questions, we try out ideas, we explore unencumbered by any notion of what’s been done before. Beginners are the best innovators because the word “should” is not part of their thinking. They have no idea what they should do. Sometimes the resource or experience you don’t have is the real blessing.

We may not know what our life’s purpose is. We may not know what’s next for us as we turn our attention toward 2011. We’re just beginning – this is where the fun starts.

The image above can be found here.

encouragement, frustration, future, goals, growth, passion, patience

Step 338: Rainbows and Rain

Christa Avampato

“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.” ~ Dolly Parton

When I was in Florida, rainbows were popping up everywhere. It had been a long time since I’d seen a rainbow, and in many ways I felt like the ones I saw in Florida were a sign that I’m going in the right direction. This year is my one year anniversary working with Brian. For a year I’ve been working hard on myself, digging deep into what I’ve come from, where I really am, and where I want to go. In one year, I’ve seen a huge transformation in my life: my confidence has grown, my authenticity has come shining through, and I feel positioned to live my very best life going forward.

The road to self-discovery can be difficult. I had dinner with my friend, Michael, this week and we talked about how much effort and energy it takes to find the work we’re truly meant to do. It’s much easier to take what comes our way, but it’s another thing entirely seek out and fulfill a personal mission. It can feel risky to build our own road rather than travel the one laid out before us, though ultimately a truly fulfilling and extraordinary life is one we live by our own self-designed principles.

There will be a lot of rain that falls as we build our own road, one small brick at a time. The pace of progress, particularly in the beginning, can seem slow and frustrating. I encourage you to please keep going, keep seeking. This world needs the very best of each of us, and we owe it to ourselves in this lifetime to find out what it is we are meant to do. Building strength, courage, and skill takes time, but the rewards we can reap once we have them are invaluable. The rainbow is out there.

The photo above is a picture of a double-Rainbow I took at Disney World last month.

books, clarity, commitment, discovery, dreams, encouragement

Step 293: Call Off the Search for Certainty

Christa Avampato

“We search for certainty but it certainly doesn’t exist.” ~ Kristen Moeller, author of Waiting for Jack: Confessions of a Self-Help Junkie

This recession has caused a lot of us to delay their dreams, or change them altogether. We believe we have to stay at a job that’s safe, where we believe that we can stay for as long as we need to stay until things get better. Kristen’s simple, powerful quote reminded me that we don’t need to delay the life we want, that safety and certainty are things we have made up. It’s understandable to want certainty. I want it all the time, for every decision I make. The lesson of yoga that’s been the most useful to me is that certainty is not coming, but there are so many things that we just can’t know for sure. Nothing is permanent; the only certainty is change, in one form or another.

This can be a frightening revelation. We like the idea of certainty being out there somewhere because it helps us to get from day to day. It keeps us searching and hoping and wishing. But if we can grapple with it for just a moment, recognize that certainty isn’t coming, and embrace that idea, we can find a power within ourselves that is unshakable. There is no need to say some day – the life we want can start today.

Follow Kristen on Twitter and visit her site.

change, choices, courage, discovery, encouragement, frustration, gifts, gratitude, loss, opportunity, yoga

Step 201: Obstacles as Path

Christa Avampato

“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.” –Alfred D. Souza

I keep thinking about the idea of “the path of least resistance.” I don’t know what that path looks like. I work and work and work, and eventually a pathway opens, but never constitutes taking the easy road. This quote helped me put this idea in perspective. When I think about the things I’m most proud of in my life, they all resulted from overcoming obstacles. It wasn’t always a fun journey, but the results were worth it.

I’ve written about Ganesha, the Hindu god of obstacles, and how much I learned about him during my yoga teacher training. Some people have interpreted his role as a remover of obstacles. That view is mostly right. It needs the addition of “removed of obstacles on our life’s path.” Sometimes, as Alfred Souza so eloquently states, obstacles need to be placed in our way to help us realize our path.

There’s no shame in having obstacles; there’s no need for us to bemoan their presence. They can be our reasons to be grateful. They show us our strength, and if we can recognize their gifts and their reasons for being, we can often find our way around them.

books, change, community, education, encouragement

Step 24: Stay Maladjusted

Christa Avampato

I’m maladjusted and happy about it. Last week, Charlie Judy, the author of HR Fishbowl talked about Dr. Martin Luther King’s encouragement of maladjustment. He didn’t want anyone to be happy and content with the way things are. He never wanted us to adjust and accept things just as they are. He wanted us to keep striving to make things better. Our discontent, our maladjustment, improves the condition of the world.

Jerry Sternin of the Positive Deviance Initiative had this same philosophy. He pushed us not just to think different, but to actually act different and learn as we go. With this attitude, he brought better nutrition to millions of people in Vietnam. His small, heartfelt inquiries and actions changed the course of that nation.

Toyota believes the same thing. In business school, we studied the Toyota Production System (TPS), the secret sauce that made Toyota a global brand. Developed by Sakichi Toyoda, two of the greatest beliefs in TPS are the empowerment of the individual to make improvements and the idea of continuous improvement. Nothing is ever perfect; nothing is ever 100% as it should be.

This idea might be overwhelming at first, though let’s take a moment and see if we can find the bright spot. If everything can be improved, then there is always interesting work to be done that is useful and helpful. Incremental improvement is the focus of Dr. King’s maladjustment philosophy, Jerry’s Sternin’s initiative and the TPM, so even small steps are worthwhile. We don’t need to be paralyzed by the pursuit of perfection because perfection is never going to happen. We can instead be motivated by a desire to improve.

I just began reading Whatever It Takes, the latest book about Geoffrey Canada’s triumphant organization, Harlem Children’s Zone. Canada’s work is one gigantic bright spot in the field of inner-city public education. He is someone who embodies the idea of maladjusted positive deviance. In 2009, President Obama put forward funding and support to have HCZ’s paradigm replicated all over the country. Canada’s incremental improvements to Harlem over the course of several decades will now be levered up to create lasting, positive change for children throughout the US. He’s one individual with passion and determination. His is a bright spot worth replicating in our own lives, in our own way.

Jerry Sternin, Dr. King, and Sakichi Toyoda are smiling down on us. We’re living their legacy.

encouragement, hope, learning, love, relationships

My Year of Hopefulness – Tony

Christa Avampato

“Abundance comes not from stuff. In fact, stuff is an indication of non-abundance. Abundance is in the sacred; it’s in the connection of love. We will find abundance through hard times when we find each other.” ~ Rebecca Adamson

I fell in love with Tony 8 years ago at first sight. To date, it was the most immediate reaction I’ve ever had to anyone. Two and a half years later, after about 1,000 ups and downs, we parted ways romantically, not because we didn’t love each other but because Tony didn’t love himself as much as I loved him.

I rarely talk about my romantic life on this blog, mostly because I keep those relationships extremely private. This one though has taught me so much that I know will help others and so I’m taking a risk here and putting a little more of my heart into my writing than I have ever done. Tony taught me a lot, more than anyone else I’ve ever been in a relationship with, and these lessons should be re-told.

To date, he is the only person who sends me text messages around 4:00am exclusively. I never reach him or hear from him during the day or even at a reasonable hour in the evening. We just don’t work that way. He’s a night owl, a serious night owl. Usually I don’t get his text messages until the morning on my way to work. Last night I happened to be awake when my phone buzzed, and of course it was Tony.

“I’m still not happy in my career. The only difference is that I’m not hating me anymore…just what I let myself lose.” Now, I don’t think he’s referring to me at all when he talks about what he lost. I think he’s talking about time and effort and energy lost to a career he doesn’t like and really never wanted. He just never thought he deserved anything better. By not liking himself for so long, Tony lost a lot of his life.

I smiled when I read his message this morning. Not because Tony lost a lot of years of his life – that I will always think is tragic. I smiled because finally, finally, finally all the love I felt for him, he now has for himself, and that’s all I ever really wanted for him. He is a good, good man with a good, good heart. He’s kind and generous and brilliant. And for so many years, I wanted him to see himself the way that I saw him. No matter what I did, nothing worked. So I let him go. In the end, there was no other choice. When he looked in the mirror, he didn’t see what I saw. Now, he does.

I wrote back to him, “T – I am so happy for you. You are on the right path. And it’s never too late to make a change. Xo” I meant this – every word of it. I’d like to believe that somewhere along the line all the love I gave him helped him in his journey. I’d like to believe that me being in his life helped him flip the switch from self-loathing to self-loving. I’d always like to believe that love, when given freely and in abundance makes a difference eventually. That love, unrequited or not, is never for naught.

I thought of him all day today – of so many good times and so many not-so-good times. I thought about who I was then and what I wanted then, and how much that has changed. I thought of all the things about him that made me smile, and those things still make me smile. What’s amazing about my journey with Tony, though so long ago, is that all the hurt I felt upon leaving isn’t there anymore. Somehow all the hurt faded, and only the good stuff remains. Even the bad times just don’t seem so bad when placed side-by-side with all the happy and wonderful times we had. I hope he feels the same way. Our hearts and memories are funny, malleable things, and for that I’m grateful.

Tony showed me how much love my heart could hold. This is a powerful lesson. As much as I fell in love with Tony, just as he was, I fell even more in love with his potential. I used to regard falling in love with potential as a waste. Today, I changed my mind on that thanks to him.

Potential might be more worthy of love than anything else. Potential is hope. Potential is something to look forward to. Potential keeps us looking up and working toward a better tomorrow, toward bettering ourselves. My love for Tony’s potential was not a waste at all; it’s a remedy that he eventually used to build a better life for himself.

He gave me so much and now I finally feel like I was able to return the favor. Even though it didn’t work out for us in the long-run, I regard my time with me him as precious. I am nothing but honored and privileged to have been a small part of his healing.

The image above is not my own. I love it though, and found it here.

education, encouragement, family, hope, school

My Year of Hopefulness – Tacking into the Wind

Christa Avampato

My Uncle Tom talks a lot about tacking into the wind. He likes boats, or at least boat metaphors. When I graduated from college he wrote me a message on a greeting card that I still think about. “The winds are always on the side of the ablest navigator. Sail on.” I still get a little emotional reading that quote.

When I graduated from college I was really afraid of my future. Or rather, I was really afraid of having no future. I’d spent my entire life in school, and I did very well on that path. Now, school was over, for now, and I was completely lost. I didn’t know what I wanted to be, where I wanted to live, or how I’d survive. I knew I made it through a very tough curriculum with my sanity relatively intact, though I had no idea what I planned to do with this degree I held in my hands. It really was just a piece of paper with my name written in curly writing. I got to graduation and realized that I had spent four years just trying to get to graduation without much thought of what I’d do once I was a graduate. I did the only thing I knew how to do – I put one foot in front of the other and kept going.

Life would be terrific and easy if we just knew where we were (point A) and where we wanted to go (point B) and then just traveled in a straight line from A to B. It doesn’t work that way – or at least it never has worked that way for me. I’ve been traveling around the country, with the extent of my belongings able to fit into a car. I’ve had one fantastic opportunity after another, though I never really worked to get any of them. I was always working hard to get somewhere and something else, and always ended up in a place and doing things that were so much better than what I had planned. This has always been true. I never once planned any single thing better than the world planned something else for me.

I’ve spent my life tacking into the wind, trying to be the best darn navigator out there. My greatest experiences have been those not found on the path from A to B, but the path from A to X to G to M to Z. I plan for B, though sometimes it never shows itself or when I get there I find it’s not what I wanted after all. M looks like a much nicer place to land, at least for a while.

This is not to say that the plan doesn’t matter. It plays a role. I’ve developed certain skills because I thought they’d help me get to B. And they were very useful for M and Z and everything in between. I try to stay as sharp as possible with my eyes and ears wide open so I can grab a hold of that next gust of wind that I need. The plan prepares me, makes me aware of my surroundings.

The treasures and pleasures in life are found along the zig-zag path we take, not in the point-to-point. I try to always remember that, especially when I’m frustrated or confused or plain lost. There is a wind that will carry us up and over and through – our only job is to make sure we recognize it when it heads our way and be ready to raise up that sail.

The photo above can be found at: http://www.discount-florida-vacations.com/images/sailboat_sunset.jpg

art, calm, career, encouragement, job, meditation, peace, work

Keep Calm and Carry On

Christa Avampato

My friend, Monika, graciously hosts group dinners at her home; a small group of us are hoping to make this a regular event with each of us taking turns with the hosting duties. Yesterday, I went over to Monika’s and we were taking turns trading stories about work when I noticed a poster she just had framed. It’s reprint of a WWII British propaganda poster that reads “Keep Calm and Carry On”. I figured if the British could keep their cool during such tumultuous times, I could certainly do the same. 


At the moment I am feel a fair amount of anxiety, more than I have felt in a long time. A lot to do and not enough time to do it. All day today I’ve been working, getting things in order, and I have been concentrating on my anxiety trying to figure out how to get it to dissipate. It really is like this knot in the very pit of my stomach, and it’s casing my muscles to ache, especially in my shoulders and neck. So I sat for a few minutes on my couch, and concentrated on just breathing, just being. And remarkably I felt better despite that I hadn’t gotten any further along than I was 5 minutes before.      

I realized how much time and energy I was spending being frustrated and irritated. How much effort I was putting into my disappointment. And it was clouding my ability to see this tremendous opportunity for growth and change that was being laid at my feet. Challenging situation, yes. Impossible to get through, of course not. It’s a moment when I am rising to my potential and then some. And that is something to be grateful for, if only I can remember to “Keep Calm and Carry On”. I just ordered my poster. Get yours at:  http://www.barterbooks.co.uk/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=32036