Category: decision-making

apartment, choices, decision-making, home, time

Beautiful: We Get What We Settle For

Christa Avampato

56c4727c6ae55ca9ddfedcc23445eb2e“We get what we settle for.”

This powerful statement is one of the most incredible lessons I learned working with my therapist and coach, the amazing Brian. I used to think of settling as such a negative word, as if it meant we were somehow giving up or selling ourselves short by settling. Brian turned that around for me.

I learned this lesson in a big way yesterday when I secured my new apartment. Phin and I will be taking up residence at a new place in our neighborhood on April 15th. I wish I could have found a place that was a little bit cheaper, sans any broker fee (though they did give me a discounted fee), and a full one-bedroom. Still, the place is beautiful. I get to stay in my lovely Upper West Side neighborhood right across the street from the park. Because I’m sticking with my current management company, the paperwork was a lot less than it would have been otherwise (especially since I work for myself). It has all the conveniences of my current full-service building and is newly renovated. I will continue to enjoy my western facing view, can break my current lease without penalty, and won’t waste any time hunting for a new home on a tight timeline.

I settled. The new apartment isn’t perfect. I didn’t get every single thing I wanted, but it’s a wonderful fit. And that’s what settling is all about – doing the very best you can with what you’ve got.

career, choices, decision-making, time

Beautiful: The Doors of Our Lives

Christa Avampato

3c33fede4cc8d8cc5206d8873851c641“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” ~ Flora Whittemore

I’m in the midst of choosing among different doors, literal and figurative. I’m looking for a new apartment. I’m considering where to take a long vacation this summer. I’ve got several new career opportunities in front of me – I’m now trying to decide whether to take all of them, some of them, or none of them. At the ripe old age of 37, I’m thinking about what matters most in my personal life and how that should take shape going forward.

While these big decisions can be daunting, I also have to remind myself that this is the real stuff of life. This is the fun stuff. Choosing which doors to open, which paths to take. Each of these choices alters the course of the journey, in big ways and small ways, and I am so fortunate to have the ability to decide which way to steer. Life doesn’t happen to us; it happens because of us.

choices, decision-making, dreams, money, time

Beautiful: When It Comes to Dreams, Knowledge and Heart Are More Important Than Money

Christa Avampato

3c80a0916199a692da2f1c3a572eb9a0“Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

Money takes its lead from the heart and the mind. If we have true passion to do something, that kind of passion that refuses to take no for an answer, then somehow we will find a way to afford that dream. We will sacrifice for it. We will compromise and make certain concessions in other areas of our life in order to see it through. We will make the time for it. We will find a way to make the money to fuel it.

When we consider how to spend our time, we should put the logistics aside. They are important, but they are secondary. Our focus should be what we care about and why it matters. The “how it will get done” details will flow from there.

choices, decision-making, discovery, risk, time

Beautiful: Make Room for What You Want

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest
From Pinterest

“Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it.” ~ Rabindranath Tagore

Here’s the one thing I know about getting the life you want – you must make room for the people and things in your life that matter in order to find them. To find peace, you must be peaceful. To find happiness, you must be happy. To be in love, you must love. Do the work that gives you joy so that you discover the work you are meant to do.

Making room often means taking a risk. We have to let some things go, we have to turn away certain opportunities, so that we have the space in our lives to receive the blessings we want. My very wise friend, Susan, once told me many years ago that I should never compare options to one another, but rather to compare each one to what I really want. It’s one of the truest pieces of advice I’ve ever received, and I try to live it every single day. It’s not easy, but my God is it worth it!

career, decision-making, experience

Beautiful: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself as the CEO of Your Career

Christa Avampato

growing-in-a-petri-dishI read an article yesterday about the five questions that every company should ask itself. As I read through it, I found that the questions are helpful on a personal level as well. We hear the line that “we are the CEOs of our own careers” all the time but how many of us actually live that way? When was the last time you asked yourself these questions, answered them, and made any necessary changes to align your life with your values?

The questions are:
1.) “What is your purpose on this Earth?”

2.) “What should you stop doing?”

3.) “If you didn’t have an existing way of life, how could you best build one?”

4.) “Where is your petri dish?” – a.k.a. “How do you experiment and make plans for your future without feeling hampered by your current situation?”

5.) “How do you make a better experiment?”

The last 4 center around the process of experimentation in which success is not guaranteed, or even likely. Ultimately, they ask us to consider how we will learn from taking chances and possibly falling. They also lead us to consider how we will pick ourselves back up and try again, better and stronger than we were before. This kind of reflection is worthy of our consideration.

choices, decision-making, success

Beautiful: Creating Life Goals? Make Sweatpants Sexy and Other Possibilities.

Christa Avampato

486951778429362564_rBsUPZ0j_bAmen! And why shouldn’t this be the way that life unfolds?

Here’s my proposal: break out those yoga pants and wear them out to dinner because they ARE sexy, vow to make Mondays fun because every day is a gift, eat junk food and exercise in equal amounts, cut the drama, be clear about what you want, and stay in touch with people who matter.

Sounds like a recipe for a good life, right? Go live it!

choices, decision-making

Beautiful: How to Make a Big Decision

Christa Avampato

117586240240353310_hEhlWzB8_bHave a big decision to make and unsure which way to go? If you run the decision round and round in your mind, chances are you will talk yourself into and out of every choice. There’s a better way.

Make a choice. Commit to it and walk around living your life having made that decision. How does it feel? Does the choice change your outlook on life for the better? Does it make you cringe? Do you feel lighter or heavy with regret?

The mind can play tricks on us. We are very good at convincing ourselves of something. It plays the game of coulda, woulda, shoulda like a champ.

The body never lies. We can feel, physically feel, if a decision is right or wrong. We know it – in the pit of our stomachs and at the center of our hearts. But to tap into that knowledge, we need to give a choice a fair shot. We actually need to make the choice and sit with that decision.

Sometimes, all we need is a few hours. Other times, we need a few days. Give yourself the time you need to try it on for size. Be open to the body’s wisdom and be prepared to follow its advice. It will never steer you wrong but you must give it time to work its magic.

action, beauty, decision-making, dreams

Beautiful: The Heart Whispers. Listen Closely.

Christa Avampato

43558321365993583_jZdK8XV9_cThe world has many voices and none of them are perfect for you. They tell stories, many of them important, many of them inspiring. But the only story that will ever help you to reach your beautiful, unique potential is the one you write yourself.

Get quiet, place your hands on your heart, and let the wisdom flow into you. The voice of the heart is soft and kind, but never weak. And it never gives up. I promise you it is there; it’s always there; it’s always been there. Trust yourself more than you trust anyone. You will never steer you wrong.

choices, creativity, decision-making, experience, future, time

Leap: Give Up and Keep the Wheels Turning

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest
From Pinterest

“No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking.” ~ Voltaire, French writer, historian and philosopher

In the last few weeks, I’ve done a heavy dose of reflecting. I’m in prime planning mode for 2013. What direction will I take with my career? How will my personal life unfold? What do I want to learn? What do I want to do more often and what do I want to give up? Where do I hope to be at this time next year and how do I chart a course to get there? These are heavy questions.

Sometimes, I get frustrated. I see so many options that I get stuck and run the pros and cons through my mind over and over again. When this happens, I just stop. I close my laptop. I put down my pen. I take myself (and Phin) for a walk.

The break clears my head and I return to my challenges with fresh eyes. While on break, the wheels of my subconscious spin and ruminate without interference from the filters of my conscious mind. My subconscious goes free-wheeling to make connections between seemingly disparate bits of information. It combines information in all sorts of ways without attaching judgement. The key is that last bit: no judgement. When I let my conscious mind give up, my imagination can run wild and that is the best way to solve challenges.

Maybe this time of year invites reflection for you, too. Like me, you may be running through different scenarios for the year ahead. You will need to make choices on how to spend your time, energy, and effort. If it overwhelms you, I hope you’ll give up, too. Stop trying so hard to figure it all out. Let your mind sort it out and don’t get in its way.

This holiday, spend time with your family and friends. Let yourself laugh. Power down your devices (at least for a little while.) Be present. Reconnect with nature. Go for a walk, confident in the knowledge that the answer will rise up precisely when it is needed and that you will be both aware and relaxed enough to hear it.

animals, decision-making, dogs, loss, love, pets

Leap: Do What’s Needed

Christa Avampato
My mom snapped this picture of Phin and I about 10 minutes after we met. It was our first picture together and love at first sight.
My mom snapped this picture of Phin and I about 10 minutes after we met. It was our first picture together and love at first sight.

I’ve often written on this blog about my favorite happy, fuzzy pal, Phin. He is an amazing dog whom I rescued over two years ago from the Humane Society. While mostly perfect out of the box, he has struggled with separation anxiety off and on.

His latest bout has lasted for 3 months and I have tried many remedies from extra sessions with our trainer to medication. And just when it seems he has turned a corner, he is plunged back down into the depths of anxiety. His anxiety has begun to make him sick. He never touches a thing in the apartment; he just cries when I leave for any amount of time – an awful, sad, lonely cry. My neighbors are complaining every day. Despite all of the time I spend with him, he needs a home that has more companionship than what I can offer him as a single, working person.

My beautiful, kind, gracious, dog-loving mother has offered to take Phin into her home in Florida until I figure out a better living situation that will work for him. We now live in a tiny studio in a noisy city. My mom and stepfather are retired and are around most of the time. They have a beautiful home with a screened-in porch and a backyard with grass and a garden. They have plenty of sunshine and warmth, inside and outside their home.

Though I know that this is the best short-term situation for Phineas, I am completely heart-broken. He is my constant companion and a champion snuggler. No matter how tough a day I have, he is always there for me with a waggly tail and plenty of smooches. He thinks I am the best person on Earth.

I’m not sure what these next few months hold. I’ll bring Phin down to Florida on Tuesday when I visit my family for the holidays and if all goes well, he’ll be taking up residence there while I sort out a more conducive (read: quiet) environment for him. It is an awful decision to make. My eyes are puffy, my nose is runny, and I feel like a failure.

Life is like that sometimes. We have to make decisions that hurt. Despite our best efforts, things don’t always go the way that we hope they will. I just keep reminding myself to trust the process, to understand that everything is temporary, that fortune can be reversed, that light can and will return even though we are surrounded by darkness. I know this is the best decision to make in the current circumstances, but it’s not easy and it certainly doesn’t feel good.