“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” ~Marie Curie
I am tremendously excited about moving into my new condo. I also have many moments throughout the day when I’m scared out of my mind about buying real estate. There’s a twitchy part of me that every day wants to go running and screaming from this purchase. But I don’t. I do know in my gut that this is the right thing to do. So I sit down and I breathe. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I smile. When all else fails, I hug Phineas and eat a bowl of ice cream.
I am trying hard to understand what’s behind the fear. I’ve had housing insecurity for most of my life. I know deep down that what’s irking me is change, even though I happen to very good at change. Hell, I’ve been upsetting the apple cart for most of my life. But every time there’s a big shift, a small part of me worries that I have somehow made the absolute wrong choice. I imagine myself as that tiniest of birds way out there on the very edge of the branch. It’s teetering. I’m teetering. And somehow this time my wings won’t work. I won’t be able to fly. I won’t be able to deal with whatever comes my way, even though I’ve always been able to deal with even the worst circumstances.
I have to constantly remind myself that I’m enough, that I can do this, that I will be okay, or find a way to be okay. I might be scared, but I’m doing this anyway knowing that eventually understanding will arrive.