prayers – Christa Avampato

St. Patrick's Cathedral, NYC. Photo by Christa Avampato. — St. Patrick’s Cathedral, NYC. Photo by Christa Avampato.

I often go to St. Patrick’s Cathedral to find peace and solace during stressful times. I emptied my change purse, lit a candle, and said a prayer.

I prayed for my friend who passed away and for so many of my friends who are struggling through life now. To find a job where I can spend every day building a better world for all of us. For Phineas’s anxiety to subside so we can happily settle into our new home. For the continued opportunities to do my creative work, and for love.

About 10 minutes later, I had an interview with a startup that is exactly the place I’ve been hoping to find. I got an email from my publisher that the pre-order page for my book is now live (more details on that later after I do a bit of polishing on it). I checked in on Phineas and he was only barking occasionally behind his new gate which was barely audible when I got to the lobby of my apartment building. And for a brief moment, I was able to imagine my friend who passed away as being in a happier, more peaceful place now.

I can’t say for sure if lighting a candle and saying a heartfelt prayer made a difference for me today but it certainly feels that way, and that’s good enough for me. Whatever you’re facing now, I hope this same shift in energy finds you and comforts you.

Phineas had surgery to remove a small mass on his gum and several teeth along with it. It turned out to be a bigger mass than the veterinarian thought it was during the exam. Whether it grew in size between the exam and the surgery or if they underestimated it, I don’t know. I had a hard time holding it together at work. On my way to pick him up I had myself a good, long cry on the metro. He’s in a lot of pain and on heavy medication during this two-week healing process. The lab will biopsy the mass and let me know if it is benign or malignant, and then we will go from there. Obviously, I hope it’s benign. If it is malignant, then he will get the very best care that money can buy so long as he can have a high quality of life. Again, I’m immensely grateful that I got him pet insurance when I adopted him.

I get choked up when I think about it; I know someday I will have to let go of Phineas. I made that deal with the devil, and I accept it. I’m just not ready yet. Not now while it seems that the country (and maybe the world) is falling apart and my future feels so much in flux. I understand that there is no good time to lose an animal you love, and especially not one as dear as Phineas is to me and so many others who know him. But Universe, really, now is not a good time. And it won’t be a good time for a good long while. So if by chance you could help this little guy maintain his unsinkable nature for a while longer (maybe 20 years or so, just until I get my general sense of anxiety under control) then I would really appreciate it. Thanks for your consideration.