friendship, yoga

Step 108: The Tough Side of Being True to Yourself

Christa Avampato

“I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself, if you can take the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.” ~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Johanna, one of my yoga teachers, frequently talks to us about obstacles. Tight hamstrings, a lack of patience, distractions of the mind that impede our focus. For a while those inner obstacles will allow themselves to be ignored, but the longer we refuse to recognize them, the more angry they get until they are unbearable. As Johanna explained to us, they will eventually become so tired of being ignored that they will flare up in our lives in ways that force us to acknowledge and deal with them. “So hand them a rose and say, ‘I see you’,” Johanna counsels us.

This is hard stuff. We want to believe that obstacles are just things we can plow right through if we’re truly strong people. And so when the obstacles bog us down, we beat ourselves up. We say things like “this shouldn’t bother me” or “I should just get over it” or “I’ll just let it go because it doesn’t really matter”. Johanna made me wonder if we might be better served to acknowledge something that is distracting or bothering us with a simple “I see you. I understand you. You’re here to teach me something.”

I’m not sure how Johanna does this, but she always addresses an issue I’m having in my life at the most timely moment and her wisdom is powerful. This weekend a friend of mine tried to get me to do something I knew I just couldn’t do and still remain true to myself. He wanted me to publish an interview in my Examiner column about a friend of his, and the profile just didn’t fit with the purpose of my column which is to inspire would-be entrepreneurs to start their own businesses. In the past I would have just published the piece, even though I knew it wasn’t something I could be proud of, because I wouldn’t want a friend to be angry with me. When I told him that the piece didn’t fit with the focus of my column and I apologized for not being able to run it, he sent me back an email that really hurt my feelings. I felt “up against it” as Johanna would say. I was really angry. And rather than just rolling over, I held my ground. I acknowledged the anger and said, “I see you. I understand you. I know I need to stand up to my friend in order to be true to myself, and I will do just that.”

And then a funny thing happened. Rather than still feeling angry or hurt my friend, I felt a release. I have an issue with creating and maintaining boundaries. In the past, I’ve allowed people in my personal life to push me around and this behavior has hurt me for many years. Setting boundaries and sticking to them in my personal life is very hard for me. “Old habits die hard,” Brian tells me consistently. I really wanted to do something that would prevent my friend from being angry with me, but I couldn’t do that and still be authentic. And if I do nothing else, I have to be true to who I am and put work out into the world that I am proud of. Anyone who asks me to compromise that isn’t really a friend at all. And that’s a hard truth to accept, but I’m trying.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

Examiner, technology, website

My interview with Anthony Casalena, Founder of Squarespace

Christa Avampato

My interview with Anthony Casalena, Founder of Squarespace, a very cool web publishing platform: http://ow.ly/1zO60

change, choices, decision-making

Step 107: Irons in the Fire

Christa Avampato

I got a chance to catch up with my friend, Amy, today. She is one of my dearest friends and will be visiting New York soon. She’s about to transition out of her current job and isn’t sure what will come next. Amy’s considering a number of different paths as she winds down from a wonderful job she’s had for the past four years. I’m so excited to see how everything plays out for her.

We talked about the need to put a lot of irons in the fire when we’re in the midst of change. When I was considering my next career move a few months ago, I applied to a PhD program, applied to a yoga teacher training programming, looked inside my current company at a number of positions, and started to look at external jobs as well. I explored every possibility that seemed interesting, and I ended up moving forward into a yoga teacher training program and finding a new job at my current company that I love where I can leverage all of my interests, from social media to technology to innovation. Exploring a lot of different options made the possibility of finding a combo I really wanted all the more likely. I found a little luck along the way and was dedicated to having my next move be one that really made me happy. Having options, and giving myself the freedom to consider all of them without being wed to one single path, was a key component for my next successful jump.

Our lives seem to move in concentric circles, Amy and I. It’s probably why we’ve been such good friends for so many years. I know her next step is going to yield a glorious new beginning because she’s worked so hard for so long and because she’s not afraid to live her life in many different directions. I’m glad I can be there to cheer her on.

change, home

Step 106: Away We Go or Do We Stay?

Christa Avampato

This week I’ve been thinking about home. Not just the physical place where we live, but the place that becomes part of our identity. The place where we belong and the place that belongs to us.

I watched the movie Away We Go on my friend, Rob’s, recommendation. It was his favorite movie of 2009 so I dropped it into my Netflix queue. It’s a sweet story about two people who are about to start a family and want to find the perfect place to live. They trek across the country and up to Montreal. Eventually they end up in a place that neither of them ever imagined being the perfect place because they’d been there before. And there it was. Perfect, and so easy.

This week was the series finale of Ugly Betty. I became a fan late in the series, and really ended up loving the kitschy, wink-wink-nudge-nudge humor. What I really loved was Betty’s desire to try to do the right thing, work hard, and follow her heart. In the end of the series, her heart lead her to a tough decision to make a new home, even when staying where she’d always been was a good deal, too.

In Real Simple Magazine this month, I read a story about a couple whose newly renovated home caught fire. They considered moving to Bali, rebuilding the house they had lost, and everything in-between. Eventually, they stayed on their property and developed a very unique new home from two structures that they had never considered turning into a house. It was in the same place, but an entirely new idea of home.

I guess sometimes we can go home again, sometimes we’re better off making our own way, far away, and other times, we can stay where we are and make it new again. I traveled a lot in my 20’s and moved around all the time. Now I’m nearly 3 years in to my 3rd return to New York. I haven’t lived in any one city for this long since I was 18 years old. I’m glad to be making a little nest of my own, and I have to admit that from time to time I wonder if there will be another home chapter after NYC or if I’m really here to stay.

I’d love to hear your perspectives on the idea home.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

luck, work

Step 105: Making Luck

Christa Avampato

“I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

When my mother was in her mid-20’s, she and a girlfriend went to New Orleans on vacation. The way she describes the city over 40 years later sounds very similar to the way it is today. Lots of jazz music everywhere, amazing food, voodoo, history around every corner. (My friend, Dan, and I are planning a little trip down there in the Fall. Neither of us have ever been so we figured it would be fun for our next vacation adventure together.) My mom and her friend were walking down the street when they passed by a fortune-teller who asked if they’d like to have their fortunes read. And so the story goes that my mother said, without missing a beat, “No thanks. We’ll make our own fortune.”

That kernel of my mom’s truth got buried deep inside me. I don’t pray for things to happen in my life. I don’t wish for things, or throw up my arms asking for help. There are many incredible things that have happened to me because I was in the right place with the right people at the right time. It’s not that luck didn’t play a role at all. It’s just that luck is far below the title of my life. First, I had to be prepared, and that meant I have always had to work very hard in order to recognize and take a chance on a lucky break when it came my way. Without the preparation and the hard work, luck wouldn’t have helped me along at all.

I definitely feel that lucky wind on my back these days. I’m getting my arms around my career and my career shifts. I’m picking up freelance writing work. I’ve happened into wonderful, loving groups of new friends. I live in a lovely little apartment and have the luxury to really enjoy my life in New York. But this didn’t come about by accident or wishing or luck. It happened because I worked my tail off, especially when I didn’t have too many signs that I was working on the right things. A lot of this wonderful life of mine came about by going with my gut and taking a chance and having confidence to believe that if I really put my heart into something, I could get it to go.

I’m with my mom and Thomas Jefferson on this one. Luck is made, not born. I’d love to hear about your “lucky” breaks and how you made them happen!

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

meditation, yoga

Step 104: The Obstacles We Need

Christa Avampato

I’ve been thinking a lot about obstacles this week. Mostly because my bum and legs are sore from all of the yoga this past weekend, and my body is requiring an unusual amount of sleep to recover. This need for more sleep is slowing down the progress on my too-long to-do list this week. I’ve been focusing on Ganesha, the remover of obstacles, in my meditations. I really needed Ganesha to get some stuff out of my way. I needed to need less sleep, work faster on all of my projects at work, and get up and down the stairs without thinking about my sore bum and legs. He’s not helping. Or at least I didn’t think he was helping me.

About a month ago I went to the kirtan at Sonic Yoga and one of the song we did was a chant to Ganesha. One of the cantors talked about Ganesha as the remover of obstacles, or the one who carefully places obstacles in our way when we need them. I didn’t understand this explanation at the time so naturally I ignored it. But it’s been nagging at the back of my mind. What obstacles could I possibly need, and why would I need them? What good does another obstacles do? I have enough, thank you, Ganesha. Take your obstacles elsewhere. What about the path of the least resistance? How about opening up that way for me?

Then yesterday in my session with Brian, I got it. And it was such a simple explanation that I felt silly for not seeing it sooner. My biggest obstacles have nothing to do with anyone else, anywhere else. They don’t even reside in my own body. They aren’t put upon me; I put my biggest obstacles on myself. My biggest obstacles lie in my mind and my heart and my spirit, and I like to avoid them at all costs. So Ganesha, in his wisdom, forces me to deal with my obstacles by placing other obstacles in my way that I must respond to, ones that I cannot turn away from. I need to slow down, to learn how to make and stick to boundaries, to find my edge and live there – mentally and physically – so he handed me a sore bum and the need for more sleep. I have to slow down this week and deal with that obstacle. I don’t have a choice.

Simple. Wise. Effective. Exactly what I would expect from an enlightened elephant.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

care, children, community

Step 103: Ella’s Community Lemonade

Christa Avampato

On Sunday, my yoga teacher training class had a long lunch break to give us time to get down to the Lower East Side to practice with yoga teacher, Shiva Rea. I was walking with a few of my friends from the class toward the subway. We passed a little girl with a lemonade stand right on West 54th Street and 7th Avenue. We all started to take out our wallets when she said, “No money. It’s free. Community lemonade.” She handed each of us a cup and on each cup she has printed her name, Ella. She was about 4 years old. “She’s branding herself,” her dad said with a laugh. “I don’t know how she came up with this, but she really wanted to do it.”

A few months ago, I read an article in the New York Times about kids being hard-wired to give. Ella is living proof of that hypothesis. It was a nice day out, she made some lemonade, and decided to give it away. I learned a lot from Ella. We all have something to give, and the smallest kindnesses make a big difference. Ella’s lemonade was some of the sweetest I’ve ever had, not because of the sugar in it, but because of the sweetness behind it.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

education, teaching

Step 102: Teaching as Curation

Christa Avampato

I had dinner with my friend, Allan, on Saturday night. As we munched on the delicious Vietnamese food at one of my favorite restaurants in the neighborhood, I told Allan about my yoga teacher training (which I’m happy to report is now half-way finished!) and my continued interest in the field of education as a whole. “Do you think teaching is difficult?” Allan asked me. “Can’t you eventually just teach the material on auto-pilot?”

I thought about my teaching experience – teaching yoga at UVA, middle school economics for Junior Achievement in the South Bronx, high school business ethics for Junior Achievement in Lower Manhattan, and guest lecturing at Hunter College on the subject of social media and politics. I’ve never been able to, nor would I want to, go on auto-pilot. Going on auto-pilot isn’t teaching. It’s presenting, badly and blindly.

When I teach, I think of it as service. It’s not about me. It’s about the students. What do they need? How can I help them and what can I learn from them? Teaching is a curated dialogue, and it’s an act that needs commitment. Ever have a conversation with someone on auto-pilot? As soon as I see that auto-pilot light go on, I turn tail and run in the opposite direction. Students with teachers on auto-pilot should do the same. Presenting material is a breeze; doing it in a way that turns on a light for students and makes them see the world differently is a stunning event to witness and must be earned.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on amazing teachers who made a lasting impression on you and how they did it!

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

art, creativity, yoga

Step 101: The People’s Republic of Vinyasa

Christa Avampato

When I signed up for my yoga teacher training at Sonic, one of the requirements they told us about was a trance dance. I had no idea what this was. Johanna, one of my teachers, told us “you will love it.” I wasn’t sure about it – the description reminded me of a rave minus any of the substances normally associated with that kind of party. But hey, this training is all about getting out of our comfort zone and being open to new experiences so I decided to go along quietly.

Today I had the extreme pleasure of getting to practice and trance dance with Shiva Rea, the guru whom many of my teachers have practiced with for many years. Everyone within the sound of her voice feels her glow. Her only instruction for the trance dance was to “let it all go.” There’s no right way or wrong way to dance – we just had to let the music move through us spontaneously. No plans, no regrets, no patterns. “All our lives we struggle and struggle and struggle, when all we really need to do is let go,” Shiva said. And let go we did. All of us.

Being in the presence of over 100 people moving to their own rhythm, I got swept away in their current. In the process of being swept away, I was able to release and just be, in a way that I never have before. There we all were, twisting, turning, chanting, breathing. All on our own and all together, all at once. It felt like for a moment we weren’t on the lower east side of Manhattan. We had entered another realm where the energy we created could actually be held in the palms of our hands. That energy was a living, breathing entity that belonged to all of us. We were individuals, and yet we were all clearly citizens of the People’s Republic of Vinyasa. Born and raised.

experience, yoga

Step 100: Open the Heart

Christa Avampato

“Enlightenment means opening the chest, and thereby opening the heart. That’s a worthy goal.” ~ Keith, my yoga teacher

Keith is my anatomy teacher for my yoga teacher training program. Despite his modesty, he has an insane amount of knowledge about the body, about moving someone else’s body, and about the body’s positioning to the world around it. He’s also a little sarcastic and contrarian so that makes me like him even more.

In our class today, he emphasized the need to focus on opening. “Forget about what a manual tells you to do or what a teacher tells you to do or what some guru tells you do. Just minimize pain,” he told us. “If your knee hurts when you have a certain alignment, then change the alignment or end up with bad knees.” Straight-forward. No nonsense. Exactly my kind of teacher.

Keith really made us get under the hood of our practice and consider what it is we’re all really trying to do. Put aside all those textbook answers of improve our health, increase flexibility, etc. “Enlightenment means opening the chest, and thereby opening the heart. That’s a worthy goal,” he told us.

So now imagine if every asana we ever took, every meditation practice we ever did, every breath we ever took had that same goal. Open the heart. What if that becomes the only thing we ever tell ourselves we have to do? What doors begin to open and what doors do we choose to close? What opportunities do w seek out and take and what opportunities do we just let pass on by? With that kind of clear direction, open the heart, we now have a lens to look through for our every action and every day. Open the heart, and that’s enough.