future, home

Step 128: Finding Home

Christa Avampato

“We are born into this world and all we’re really trying to do is find our way home.” ~ Lauren, my yoga teacher

This weekend has been another set of hours in yoga teacher training that has provided me with a lifetime of learning. The idea of finding home that my teacher, Lauren, said struck me so deeply. We struggle to find the right job, relationship, place to live, friends, purpose, and what it boils down to is very simply wanting to be at home in our lives.

Certainly, the idea of the purpose of our lives being to find home could take on a religious bent, though it could just as easily mean just finding our way. Not someone else’s way. Our way. We’ve got this life full of days and we’re all trying to sort out what the heck to do with our time here. How can we be most useful? How should we connect and with whom? Where are we needed and wanted and loved? Simple questions that can be so tough to answer.

Sometimes, I really wish life was a game of hot and cold: as we move closer to where we should be we hear a tiny whisper that says “warmer” and when we move too far away from our true purpose we should hear a tiny whisper that says “colder”. And maybe we can make that happen. I’d like to believe that as I move closer to where I should be in any given moment that I’ll feel a warmth from knowing that says “yes, this is exactly where I needed to be right now.” On occasion that’s happened; I just wish I felt it with more regularity. I wish I had a giant compass that always pointed to home.

In class with Lauren, I started to think about how I might do this, tune my inner compass. Here’s what I came up with:

1.) Check in. Often. I sit in meditation for 18 minutes a day. I make myself do it, even if I’m tired and busy. Afterward I am always able to think a little more clearly.

2.) Record powerful dreams. It sounds cliche, but our minds do make connections when we are sleeping that our conscious minds cannot make. There are a number of scientific studies that support this idea. So I’m taking notes and seeing where that leads.

3.) Use past experience. There are definitely times in my life when I feel I’m on to something, that I am in the flow, and that everything is swimming along perfectly. I try to find the patterns that are common among those times. I’ve found that when I stop worrying about money and trust myself implicitly, somehow the world catches me when I leap. I don’t know how this happens; it just does. So I’m trying to look around for just a moment, make a decision from my gut, and leap more often.

I’d love to hear the ways you’re finding home, wherever that may be.

career, Inc. Magaine, technology, work

Step 127: A Job You Like

Christa Avampato

“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.” ~ H. Jackson Brown Jr., American author

I thought about this quote as I read the profile of Tim O’Reilly in Inc Magazine this month. Tim is known as the Oracle of Silicon Valley and for good reason. He has a way of seeing what’s coming next about 5 years before other really smart people begin to put the pieces together. His road has been unconventional. He’s not a trained businessman, nor is he a trained engineer or tech expert. Trend identification is his specialty. And so is happiness. He’s a keen people watcher and listener. And he’s got an important message for us: work should support what’s important to us in life, not be the axis around which we build every other moment of our days.

“Sure, sure,” we might say. “Get a job we like. Of course everyone wants to do that. But what if I can’t pay my bills by doing what I love? What then?” I’m not sure what Tim would say to that. Maybe he’d just smile. My response would be: “find something else you can really love. Don’t do something you don’t like just to make money. There’s too much fun stuff out there to learn to waste your time doing something you hate.”

I’m not telling you to go out and quit your job tomorrow. Maybe you should do that – actually, you should definitely do that if you absolutely loathe every waking moment at your current job. But if it’s bearable, find a way to make it useful. A project you can start or help out with, a contact who you can cultivate, a skill you can learn. Or switch roles within your company to something that’s of more interest. Or use that energy to actively seek out a new job, quickly.

Truly, I hated the last role I had at work. Starting around October of 2009, I woke up every morning and groaned; that’s when I knew I just couldn’t physically stay where I was. So it was either on to a new adventure in another role, or out into the world to a new company. And once I shared that sentiment with enough people, I found my way to a new role very quickly. Finding the new job wasn’t hard; deciding that it was time for me to get on with it was the tough part.

Once we admit to ourselves that we just can’t keep going down the road we’re on, there’s no turning back. And that can be scary. But if we’re willing to really seek out happiness and satisfaction in our careers, if we’re willing to say “I can do better than this”, then the world has a funny habit of opening the way forward.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

adventure, books, change, yoga

Step 126: Reflection on The Bhagavad Gita

Christa Avampato

“As a man adorns worn-out clothes and acquires new ones, so when the body is worn out a new one is acquired by the Self, who lives within.” ~ 2:22, The Bhagavad Gita

“The awakened sages call a person wise when all his undertakings are free from anxiety about results; all his selfish desires have been consumed in the fire of knowledge. The wise…have abandoned all external supports.” ~ 3:19, The Bhagavad Gita

For my yoga teacher training class, we needed to read The Bhagavad Gita, the most famous poem in Hindu literature. It was powerful read for me. While many of our readings in the class focus on calm and steadiness, The Bhagavad Gita is a guide to action, authentic action.

On Labor Day weekend in 2009, my apartment building caught fire. I was almost trapped inside and only by following my intuition was I able to get out in time. Most of my belongings were lost to extensive smoke damage. September 5, 2009 was a kind of death date for me; a date when stripped of almost all my material possessions (my “worn-out clothes”), I realized that none of it mattered at all. I stood outside in a t-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops, holding nothing but my keys (which were now useless), watching my apartment building burn. Looking back, I think of that day as a day when I stepped out of my old, worn-out Self, and into a new frame. I still don’t know what the art inside this new frame will look like just yet. I’m a work-in-progress.

Verse 2:22 in The Bhagavad Gita resonated with me, as does that image of Shiva the Destroyer dancing in a ring of fire. Sometimes we get in the way of our own personal development. We get bogged down with belongings, material and emotional. We need not stand on a burning platform, literally nor figuratively, to recognize that change is needed. Yoga can be the practice that helps us recognize our truth, our purpose, our dharma.

Verse 3:19 speaks directly to the danger that surfaces when we get lost in the demands of our society, demands that others put upon us that do not align with our own personal truths. After my fire and after studying these simple words laid down in The Bhagavad Gita, I’ve come to believe that being “results-oriented” and “goal-driven” cause us to miss so much of life. To be shooting for the result, while remaining blind to each step leading to that result, denies us the beauty of practicing the yama asteya, nonstealing. Yes, where we’re going is important, and it is equally, if not more important, to be mindful of how we’re getting there. If we miss the journey, we deny ourselves the wonder and joy of the act of discovery.

Bearing this sentiment in mind, I read The Bhagavad Gita as if it were a map, laying out a method of living whose goal is boundless freedom. And from that freedom all good things come – kindness toward others because we no longer see them as competitors but partners; justice because we recognize in realizing our own freedom that all people everywhere have the right to be free; peace because all we’re really fighting for is our own self-discovery which doesn’t involve any type of harm to another being.

Several years ago, I read a book called Women Who Run with the Wolves. Although the actual words and anecdotes are different, the message is the same as the one delivered to us by The Bhagavad Gita around the question “How do we acquire freedom and mastery of the mind?” The answer in Women Who Run with the Wolves: “crawl through the window of a dream.” The window may be small. Undoubtedly, we will have to leave things behind in order to continue our journey through it. We may wonder why on earth we have to struggle so much, why we should even try at all when the big room full of our belongings that we currently live in is really just fine.

No matter how much we love our current room, that window will not be ignored. It will continue to stare at us until we take up the challenge of crossing over. Through that tiny little frame, lies Samadhi, enlightenment. The only thing stopping us from getting there is our courage, our own belief in our abilities to make the journey at all. Arjuna struggled with this same quest, just as we struggle with it. We’re all in this together, across the globe, across the centuries. The struggle does not change; we have to change. The only way forward is through.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

yoga

Step 125: Ease on Down the Road

Christa Avampato

The word vinyasa means “to place in a special way.” My yoga teacher, Will, encourages us to conduct our yoga practice, and life in general, with ease. Even, and especially, when we’re in an uncomfortable posture or situation. No matter what, can we find ease in difficulty, peace amidst conflict, calm while stressed? It’s a tall order, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot this week as I grind through a series of tough days with looming deadlines, piles of work, and a packed schedule.

My yoga teacher, Stacey, has been encouraging us to slow down and notice how changing our speed in class changes what we find in each breath. The goal isn’t to jump to the front of the mat or crank into a deep twist. It’s to float and to glide in the way that our minds want our bodies to do. And it requires placing our hands and feet in a special, intentional, slow way. And if we can’t do the posture with some sense of ease, then right now it’s not the right posture for us.

So I’ve started exploring ease on the mat, challenging my body while also thanking it for all of the tremendous work it’s doing. If the mat is a microcosm of the rest of my life, then finding ease on the mat should translate into finding ease in life. When my wrists hurt, I pull up in my core. When I twist, I also focusing on lengthening. When I flip myself upside down, I search for the new point of view I find by standing on my head. It feels good to know that in my life I’m heading down the right road. Now I want to find a way to ease through the inevitable obstacles that are cropping up.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

career, change, work

Step 124: Biding Time Wisely

Christa Avampato

I’ve recently had some conversations with friends who are considering making career jumps. Some to a new industry, some to a new company, and some into their own ventures. A few are actively out there looking and some are wondering if they should hang around where they are until they see some more improvement in the economy.

One of my friends has taken a new position within her company that is going to help her transition out to another company when the time is right. She’s interested in tech venture capital. Her former role was tech heavy, and her new role is in business development. While getting this second piece of the puzzle in place, she’s also started a tech venture capital club as part of her business school’s alumni network. She’s biding her time while gaining incredibly valuable experience in segments and making contacts that will serve her well in her career.

This is what it’s all about – gathering the bits and pieces we can find to help us build a brighter future. Even if we’re in jobs that aren’t perfect, there are activities, role, and projects we can take on inside and outside of the office that will keep us moving forward, even while we look before we leap. I’m all for taking the plunge, but while I’m up here on the cliff, I’m also a fan of making sure I’ve squeezed every last drop of value from my current view.

I’d love to hear about how you’re biding your time in support of your long-term goals!

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

blog, writing

Step 123: Blogathon 2010

Christa Avampato

Thanks to a post by my friend, Amanda, author of the fantastically creative blog Tastee Pudding, I learned about the WordCount 2010 blogathon. Started by Michelle Rafter, this year’s edition is a commitment by 111 bloggers to write every day for the month of May. The blogs span a wide variety of subjects, from skincare to gardening to travel to life as a teenager. In a single year, the number of participants has more than doubled.

From Michelle’s site:

“In spring 2008, I was a still a blogging newbie and looking for motivation to post more consistently. I challenged myself to blog every day during the month of May. Since misery loves company, I invited other writers to join me. The WordCount Blogathon was born. Some two dozen of us posted about work, life, love, food, travel, kids and a lot of other things. We wrote a lot, learned a lot, and a good time was had by all.

Flash forward to 2009. Magazines are folding. Newspapers are getting skinnier by the week. Freelancers who once made their living writing for print publications are looking to expand their repertoire to include podcasting, multimedia reporting – and blogging.

So once again, we challenged ourselves to blog every day. We also held a guest post exchange day where we spent one day writing on someone else’s blog, and vice versa. We also tracked our activity on Twitter, using the hashtag #MayBlog2.

We wound things up on June 1 with a Blogathon wrap party, chatting about what worked, what didn’t, what we learned and what we’d do differently next time.”

Michelle’s efforts to increase her own writing motivation, and take others with her, is a cause I support and admire. Have a look at everything that’s cookin’ for the 2010 WordCount Blogathon and discover some kindred writing spirits.

courage, fear, yoga

Step 122: Facing Fears

Christa Avampato

Since my fire in September, I haven’t been able to walk down the street where it occurred. I’ve taken a few steps, and then I quickly cross the street, averting my gaze and avoiding any chance of looking through that door. To look at the building now, you’d never know that a fire happened there. It’s been reconstructed with new brick, repainted, doors and windows replaced. Everything covered over. For me, that street has a smoky covering, an eerie, uncomfortable feeling. Yesterday, I finally needed to stare it in the face.

I got out of the subway and made the turn I’ve been avoiding for almost 8 months. Since it was the Beltane yesterday, a day that celebrates life in all its glory, it felt like an appropriate time to face fear. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I didn’t cry. I didn’t really feel anything until I got right up to the building, and saw to my right a giant statue of Ganesha above a psychic reading place. Ganesha is the Hindu deity who removes obstacles to our spiritual development. On occasion, he will place obstacles in our path for us to deal with so that we grow and evolve. He gives us what we need, even when we don’t know exactly what we need at the time.

In that moment, seeing Ganesha juxtaposed to that building where the fire happened, I realized how much I needed that fire. In the three years that I’ve lived in this neighborhood, I’ve passed that statue many times. I just didn’t know who he was until my yoga teacher training. Now, it has a special significance to me. Now, I understand what I’d been seeing all along. I guess life is like that: we look and we look and we look, and then one day, the clarity that has been staring at us all along finally comes in to focus. I wish it didn’t take us so long to really understand what’s in our line of our vision, but then again, if we understood everything on Day 1, what would we have to look forward to? Here’s to seeing more clearly and facing more fears in the days ahead.

The photo above is of the Ganesha statue next to my old apartment building.

celebration, holiday, yoga

Step 121: Celebrating Workers Everywhere

Christa Avampato

May 1st – May Day. Honestly, I had no idea what May Day stood for, a day to celebrate workers, until this year. It is also the Beltane, the halfway point between the spring equinox and the summer solstice, a time for celebrating re-birth and burgeoning life. In honor of both holidays, I took the afternoon off. Way off.

This morning I took two difficult yoga classes back to back, and I struggled through the second one. My mind is tired. As my yoga teacher training is rapidly coming to a close and there is increasing ambiguity at work to navigate, I find that I am much more tired than usual. I can push myself to work hard just so far and then my mind and body need a break. I am literally forced me to surrender and take some downtime. I had a very long to-do list after yoga class today, and most of the items remain unchecked. My body and mind needed to rest today, and so I let them. I spent the day dreaming.

This week I had an intense conversation with someone about the need to celebrate in life, failures and successes. The person disagreed with me that we don’t celebrate enough, particularly when it comes to accomplishments in the workplace. It’s been my experience that there is such a desire to keep moving that companies often don’t take the time to genuinely congratulate and thank people for their efforts. We’re so worried about what’s next that we don’t pat ourselves on the back for all of the work we’re doing. Some companies, and some people, are much better at regular celebration than others. Where we find celebration, we find happy companies, happy people, and not surprisingly, a higher quality of life.

My friend, Amanda, got me interested in a blog called Hip Tranquil Chick, written by yoga teacher Kimberly Wilson, whom Amanda used to take class with. Kimberly’s post today talks about her dreams for May and her progress on her April dreams. She’s a celebrator. I like this idea and am adopting it, in honor of workers everywhere and their dreams. At the first of each month, I’ll share my up coming dreams and plans for the month, and provide progress on my previous month’s dreams and plans. It’s a positive way to stay connected in the here and now, while also celebrating past accomplishments and looking forward to new ones.

My May goals:
1.) Complete my 200 hour yoga teacher training and testing, and celebrate it.
2.) May is a stressful month for me with visitors, a heavy work load, travel, and the general feeling that I need a serious vacation. I’m going to make the effort to build in some much-needed downtime, letting myself rest and relax between the burst of energy needed. This is interval training to the max.
3.) Complete my travel plans for my Radical Relaxation yoga retreat.
4.) Maintain my meditation practice.
5.) Continue building my plans for my own business.
6.) Setting up some new writing goals for the second half of 2010.
7.) Stay present and in the moment during each task at-hand.

April accomplishments:
1.) Gave up any fear of teaching.
2.) Recognized that my fear in starting my own business was related to the dips that are inevitable for every business.
3.) Established a regular meditation practice after many years of not being able to do this.
4.) Started planning a much-needed vacation after I realized I have not taken any break since Christmas.
5.) Made progress on my writing goals and booked two more regular freelance columns – details forth coming as the new sites launch.
6.) Got up the courage to talk down the street where my apartment building fire happened and decorate my apartment again. (Blog posts on the way)
7.) Stood up for myself in my personal life, setting boundaries and striking a balance between being authentic and being tactful.

If you have short-term goals you’re working on this month, I’d love to hear them! Happy May Day!

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

choices, decision-making, dreams, history, television

Step 120: Forget the Odds

Christa Avampato

“All quests worth undertaking … require audacity. And willpower. (Of course.) And persistence. (Of course.) But frankly, a persistent misreading of the odds.” ~ Tom Peters

The History Channel is running a series called America: The Story of Us. In each episode, the series talks about a specific chapter of American History. VSL highlighted it last week in their daily listing and I added it to my calendar. I could always use a little more history in my life.

I saw the series premiere and thought about how unlikely it was that we’d ever become a nation. The odds of success at the beginning of the Revolution had to be near zero. We are the most unlikely story ever told, and lived. This week I’ve been thinking about that episode in the context of pursuing my most unlikely dreams. The quote above by Tom Peters showed up in my inbox, and it reminded me how much courage comes from consistently misreading the odds, or seeing them and paying them no mind. If the people who fought for our early nation got out some paper, drew up a business plan, and calculated the NPV of America, risk factors and all, we’d have British accents.

I’m not suggesting that we throw every caution and hesitation to the wind. I’m suggesting that we have this one life, this one opportunity to do something extraordinary. People may not understand where we’re going. They may not understand why we’re making certain choices or taking a chance on a dream. That’s okay. They don’t need to understand. They’re crunching numbers and drawing up pro-cons lists and calculating odds. You’re out there living the life that you want to live, the way you want to live it. And in that scenario, there’s so such things as odds. You either live fully, or you don’t.

nature, yoga

Step 119: Finding Beauty

Christa Avampato

“Real beauty isn’t about symmetry or weight or makeup; it’s about looking life right in the face and seeing all its magnificence reflected in your own.” ~ Valerie Monroe

The beauty industry is a funny one. We spend gobs of money on creams, gels, cleansers, toners, and coloring to cover, extract, fill-in, pluck, nip, and fade every trace of experience from our physical appearance. I’m as guilty of it as anyone. I have a stash of products that I love and use every day. But I don’t feel my most beautiful with a face full of make-up and my hair done up. I find the most beauty on my yoga mat where I can see and feel the strength of my body, the clarity of my mind, and the joy of my smile. The rest is just a nice cover-up.

My yoga teacher, Jo, talks about aging in our teacher training. We’d all like to reverse the lines that time is leaving on our faces, and yet, those lines make us who we are. The experience they reflect allows us to connect to one another. And it is amazing to look at people who are truly joyful – they literally glow. Jo is one of those people. All of my yoga teachers are. Their beauty comes from being on the path.

Part of being on the path involves recognizing that we are a reflection of the world we live in, and that the world we live in is a reflection of who we are. There is no separation. It’s a gentle, continuous give and take. Real beauty isn’t in a jar, bottle, or tube. It’s out there, living, moving, and breathing through the world. You want to find real beauty? Go into the heart to see what lies there, and then get out into the world and share it.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.