Category: love

creativity, imagination, loss, love

Step 352: Re-imagine

Christa Avampato

“They say improve and maintain. I say destroy and Re-imagine.” ~ Tom Peters

Last week I was really struck by the beautiful op-ed that Yoko Ono wrote about John Lennon, how when she thought about their life together and their relationship what she remembered most were the simple moments of laughter. John Lennon encouraged us to imagine a life very different than the one we currently have, to expand our sense of what’s possible and to not accept things as they are but to work toward something better.

I’m not one for maintaining. I get bored maintaining what already exists. Once I’m in maintenance mode chances are I’m moving on soon. Movement makes sense to me. Movement helps to keep my imagination alive and active, and my imagination is one of the sole reasons I have the really wonderful, blessed life I’m grateful for every day. There are pieces of my life that could always be better, pieces that I would like to tear down and start over. It’s always possible to begin again, it just takes some extra strength and faith, and some courage, too.

Re-imagining is the activity I’m turning to post-holiday. For now, I’m in Florida, hanging out with my family and mixing some fun and some relaxation. Just the idea of that re-imagining work ahead makes me giddy with excitement and keeps me looking forward just beyond where I stand now. It is work, for sure, but it’s work worth doing.

The image above depicts Yoko Ono and John Lennon and was taken by Kishin Shinoyama.

choices, decision-making, goals, love

Step 330: Focus on Small Intentions

Christa Avampato

“We can do no great things, only small things with great love.” ~ Mother Teresa

There is a desire in our culture to make everything big, to have all experiences be life altering. We want the very best of everything, always. We are not by nature happy with incremental change and improvement. We are a society focused on drastic shifts; we like to go to extremes.

As I’m reflecting on 2010 and thinking about 2011 goals, I feel that temptation toward big ambitions. And then today I read the quote above and reminded myself about the incredible accomplishments that can come from doing a small handful of things really well. So rather than saying I’ll own my own yoga studio, I’ll rent a tiny space in someone else’s studio and see how it goes. I’ll continue to try to make connections in the medical field to teach yoga as part of an integrative approach to health and wellness – and I’ll do it for free if need be. I’ll put together a book that uses some lessons of yoga to teach basic personal finance.

I’ll go into 2011 one small step at a time and take each step with a lot of love and care. This will be a whole new experiment for me. I’m not good at taking my time. I’m not good at being still, or even just slowing down. Despite my physical stature, small is not a common word in my vocabulary. When people meet me for the first time, they often remark that they thought I’d be taller. To be honest, I wish I was. I make up for it with a personality and opinions that are big and bold. This coming year I’m going to try to lead with my heart first. Small intentions, big love.

The image above can be found here.

animals, dogs, love, luck, pets

Step 300: A Tribute to Animal Rescuers

Christa Avampato

When I seriously began looking for a dog to adopt, I went to an event in my hometown with my mom. I had missed the only dachshund they had by just a few minutes. I wished I had gotten there earlier – of course there was no way I could have known how close I was to finding Phin, the pup I later adopted from the Humane Society. I just knew that my dog was out there somewhere. My animal loving and rescuing friends kept reassuring me that my dog would find me. I just had to keep looking. I had my list of what I wanted and needed in a dog, and I refused to give up. It’s a process very similar to dating. (My canine love took only a few months to find. My other love is taking a bit longer to find his way!)

At the adoption event, I took the organizer’s card and emailed him to keep an eye out for me should another dachshund come his way. When I got home, I turned his card over and read a beautiful poem about animal rescuers by Annette King-Tucker. In that moment, I knew I was on the right path toward adoption. I put the card on my meditation alter in my apartment, hoping it would help the process along.

Now a month into dog ownership, I couldn’t be happier with Phin. As my friend Col so beautifully says, loving a dog is the honeymoon that never ends. So this poem is for my friends Col, Janet, Amanda, Trish, Blair, Alex, Kelly, Ashley, Kerry, my mom and the millions of others out there who open up their hearts and homes to these amazing creatures who offer us far more than we could ever offer them. They are our greatest teachers.

“I Am an Animal Rescuer
My job is to assist God’s creatures
I was born with the need to fulfill their needs
I take in new family members without plan, thought, or selection
I have bought dog food with my last dime
I have patted a mangy head with a bare hand
I have hugged someone vicious and afraid
I have fallen in love a thousand times
and I have cried into the fur of a lifeless body

I am an Animal Rescuer
My work is never done,
My home is never quiet
My wallet is always empty
But my heart is always full”

~ Annette King-Tucker, Wild Heart Ranch Wildlife Rescue

The photo above is Phin posing for his close-up. It was taken by photographer James Riordan

dogs, faith, loss, love, pets

Step 299: Letting Go Helps Us Find the Path We’re Meant For

Christa Avampato

“On my yoga mat, I ask myself what I can let go of & what I can let in to be more connected to the essence of yoga.” ~ Planet Yoga via Twitter

Dogs are resilient. They leave the past where it should be – in the past. They take the learnings they need from their experience and move forward. I’m not sure how they figured that out and left us to the task of reliving our pasts over and over again. I do know that we have a lot to learn from our canine pals.

When I read Planet Yoga’s tweet on letting go, I was reminded of how much we have to gain from release. We think of letting go as just loss, but there’s a flip side to it, too. When we release and empty out, we make room for new chances for happiness and fulfillment. We give ourselves permission to move onward and upward.

Hanging on to the past doesn’t serve us. I think about what Phineas’s life would now be like if he couldn’t let go of the heartbreak he must have felt when his first family mistreated him. What if instead of being his loving, friendly self, he had let the mistreatment make him bitter and cold? He may have never found his way to me, and might never have been able to enjoy the truly charmed life he lives now. What’s more, he ran away from his abusive home without knowing if things would be better. I think he just knew that his conditions were bad, unacceptable even, and somewhere in his tiny dachshund heart he knew that there had to be a better life waiting for him someplace else. He went it alone, and in a way based on nothing but faith.

On Sunday morning, the sun was shining and Phin and I were making our way up West End Avenue under the brightly colored leaves that line the street. I could smell hot apple cider from the street fair underway and there was a saxophone player entertaining us with a song that could have set up the opening credits to a feel-good movie. We passed by the beautiful brownstones of the Upper West Side, and in that instant life felt absolutely perfect. I was overwhelmed by a feeling of gratitude at the simplicity and happiness of that moment, and carried it with me for the rest of the day.

In order to have that moment with Phin, I needed to let go of the pain I felt when Sebastian passed away a year ago and Phin needed to let go of the family that had abandoned him. We both had to learn how to love again. I may have rescued Phin from the Humane Society, but he rescued me right back. Right then, I made a vow to let go of sadness more often in favor of letting in more light.

The photo above shows Phin and I at the 8th Annual My Dog Loves Central Park Country Fair. It was taken by photographer James Riordan.

business, community, creativity, entrepreneurship, love

Step 294: Love Connection

Christa Avampato

“You are connected to everything. Love accordingly.” ~ All Day Buffet during The Feast Conference

The Feast Conference happened last week in New York. I didn’t attend this year but plan to attend next year. The Feast Conference is curated by All Day Buffet, a company based in New York City that connects, develops, and launches purpose-driven ventures. I featured my interview Jerri Chou, one of the co-founders of All Day Buffet, in my book Hope in Progress. She is among the most inspirational, dream-pumping innovators out there, as is Co-founder Michael Karnjanaprakorn. I regularly visit the site to keep up with their work. There’s always something good cookin’ over there.

The quote above showed up on All Day Buffet’s Twitter feed last week during The Feast Conference, and it is now the title image on their site. There’s so much emphasis put on connection and collaboration, and it’s an easy thing to do. There is so much knowledge that lies just a few clicks away. It’s found just outside every door and during every interaction we have. We have the opportunity to connect every moment.

Love is a main ingredient to connections. Love for people, ideas, learning, causes. Every time we put negative energy out there, and particularly when we direct it at someone, we are actually hurting ourselves more than we realize. This is a big, big world, despite how small it feels given technology. There is more than enough room for more dreams and ideas and voices. And they don’t threaten our own ideas and voices. When we build others up, we do ourselves a favor by growing our networking and engendering support and faith in return for the support and faith we give to others.

Call it a retro idea to love our neighbors. Think of it as crunch-y and granola-y to believe that we reap what we sow. I love granola and I love love.

Image above from All Day Buffet’s website.

books, diet, dreams, entertainment, film, food, forgiveness, love, movie, relationships, religion, simplicity

Step 225: The Best Way to Eat Pray Love

Christa Avampato

“In a world of disorder and disaster and fraud, sometimes only beauty can be trusted. Pleasure cannot be bargained down.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love

The long-anticipated movie of a woman traveling through the world looking for delicious food, peace of mind, and love opens in theaters nationwide today. Last week I walked by a swanky home store advertising “get your Eat Pray Love scented candles here” in its windows. Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat Pray Love, runs an importing business with her new husband. That may explain the commercialization of the film. Still, the merchandising seems like an odd play destined for a less-than-stellar market performance, no matter how high the box office ratings are.

The sad truth is that Eat Pray Love is a well-written book, with lyrical language, rich imagery, and some important insights that, if put to good use, could actually increase people’s happiness. The problem is that it’s been so hyped that most consumers are sick to death of it. And the onslaught of book-related merchandise doesn’t help matters any.

Here’s my suggestion: don’t go to the movie at all. I’m not even sure I’d suggest you read the book at this point. You know how the story goes so it sort of takes the fun out of it. Here’s how you can really live the message of finding your own path, the issue at the heart of the story:

1.) Eat well and enjoy it. Stop mindlessly munching on whatever is within arms reach, enjoy your food with good company, and rather than beating the heck out of yourself for the calories, just exercise more

2.) Pray in your own way. I’m a spiritual person, meaning that the light that is within me honors the light that is within you. Be good to your family, your friends, and your neighbors. Stop asking what the world needs you to do, and just concentrate on doing what brings you joy. That’s where the real goodness is. Recognize that there’s something beyond the here and now, and that we are all intricately and beautifully connected. Honor that connection through service, which is at its essence a divine act.

3.) Love. Forget your past failures in love. Forget the heartache and the tears and the anger and the screwed up behaviors of people who hurt you. Get it all out in the open, let it go, and move on. There’s nothing worse that ruining our next relationship by imbuing it with the problems of the last one. I know it’s hard. I’ve had my heart broken in a million pieces more times than I can count. I’ve got a good family and good friends who help me pick up the pieces and put them back together, and I’m a better person for it, even though it was hell to go through in the first place. Keep loving. The alternative is what causes this world to be such a rough place to live – we shouldn’t make it any worse by carting around our disappointments from one relationship to the next.

And if you really want to know what Elizabeth Gilbert and her journey are all about, watch her TED talk on creativity. In 18 minutes it will inspire you to do something extraordinary, and the world could use a little more of that these days.

The image above depicts Julia Roberts as Elizabeth Gilbert in the movie Eat Pray Love, opening today nationwide. I like the sunflowers.

books, love

Step 140: Meet Tre Miller-Rodriguez

Christa Avampato

I met Tre Miller-Rodriguez about a year ago as a result of my Examiner.com column. At the time Tre worked as a Senior Account Manager for Harrison & Shriftman. She set me up with several start-ups to feature in my column about entrepreneurship. Once Tre left Harrison & Shriftman we stayed in touch and then I discovered her inspiring lifestory outside of her career.

A little over a year ago, Tre, 34 years old, lost her husband, Alberto, to a sudden heart attack. I have trouble getting over a break-up with a boyfriend. I can’t imagine how I would get through losing the love of my life at such a young age. Tre’s strength bowls me over. She left Harrison & Shriftman to travel to Cuba, Alberto’s family home, and finish her book, The White Elephant in the Room: Diary of a 30-Something Widow. She recently launched her blog, of the same title as her book.

Her writing packs a punch, and her heroic journey reveals just how much might this woman has in her heart. Her first page of the book put a knife in my heart. She placed me right into the center of the situation with Alberto, and my mind raced with questions. I found myself saying out loud “no, no, no! This can’t happen!” I wanted to stop, rewind, get Alberto to a medical center, and save him. Tre recounts her loss with awe-inspiring grace and dignity. Your jaw will drop, as mine did, before you turn to page two.

Want to know how to rise above tragedy and live an extraordinary life? Get to know Tre.

The photo above depicts Tre and Alberto on their fairytale wedding day. Tre’s blog can be found at: http://whiteelephantintheroom.tumblr.com/

love, relationships

Step 45: Love, Love, Love

Christa Avampato

Valentine’s Day. I know lots of people who hate this holiday. “Invented by Hallmark,” so they say. “Gross, canoodling couples. Every day should be Valentine’s Day. Love, yuck. Men suck. Girls are mean. And all the rest of it. Who needs it?” Me. I need it.

Valentine’s Day always keeps me looking up. I don’t have a Valentine this year, but I wish I did. Love and romance are really wonderful things to have, and I do believe that the more we truly are open to them, the easier it will be to find them. We have to be positive about love. If we have a negative attitude toward finding it, or not finding it as the case may be, we can be sure it will continue to elude us.

My friends, Jeff and Ashley, and I have a little love pact. We go out of our way to find singles events that we can all go to so that we can meet as many people as possible. Parties, mixers, events, etc. If it’s possible that we can meet new people, we bring one another along. It’s our philosophy that we never know when love will find its way to us, but we’re certain that the more we get out there into the world, the easier it will be.

In our quest for love, we need support to keep us going and looking. Maybe 2010 will be my year for love. Or at least one step closer to it. Happy Valentine’s Day.

art, creative process, creativity, love

Step 41: Charting Eternal Mysteries

Christa Avampato

A few days ago I was shut inside my cozy apartment, working away, blocking out the cold. After an afternoon of intense work, I took a break and made some tea. Tazo Cucumber White Tea – a new flavor for me. I turned the box in my fingers and on the back found the steps to brewing a perfect cup of tea:

Step 1: Bring some fresh filtered water to a boil.

Step 2: For hot tea, place one Tazo filterbag in your cup, mug, or gourd.

Step 3: Pour 8 fl oz of water over the filterbag.

Step 4: Steep for 3 minutes while contemplating your favorite eternal mysteries.

I smiled when I read step 4 and started to walk away from the cup of steeping tea, back to my computer. And then I stopped, mid-step. “I have 3 minutes,” I thought. “What are my favorite eternal mysteries?” I jotted these down:

Why does love take it’s time to find some of us?

Why does the world work in mysterious ways?

Why does beauty take so many forms, and how come beauty is not always readily apparent to the eye?

How do we heal? And when and why?

Why are we able to forget that which hurts us while finding it nearly impossible to forget that which brings us joy?

And then I started imagining pieces of art like those of Brian Andreas: powerful, magical statements accompanied by an illustration that brings those statements to life. I’m not sure if there are any answers to eternal mysteries, but I am glad I took the 3 minutes to think about them, to jot them down. I don’t know if there are any answers to questions like these, but I do think they might make some beautiful art. I do think that they keep us reaching, and in the end, that’s what matters most.

The image above is not my own. I can be found here.

career, education, love, writing

My Year of Hopefulness – Personal Statements

Christa Avampato

Today I began writing my personal statement for my PhD application to Columbia. I have been thinking about it for a week. Usually writing comes very easy to me. It’s something I love and a skill I work on every day. The words usually come faster than I can type them. Several times I have sat down to write this personal statement and starred at a blank page for a long time, closing my laptop with nothing to show for my time.

What is it that’s getting to me? Why is it that putting fingers to keys to write this personal statement is so tough? I can talk about why I want to get my PhD; I know my dissertation topic and I know what I want to do post-PhD. So why is this personal statement giving me writer’s block?
In one to two pages I have to explain who I am and what I’m most passionate about to people who barely know me. Every word counts. Because of the critical importance of this piece I was editing before I even started writing. I let my quest for perfection get in the way of telling the truth, plain and simple.
While I need perfection before I click the ‘submit’ button, I was forgetting that the first draft, along with the second, third, and thirtieth can be far less than perfect. A final piece that shines from beginning to end is composed of bits and pieces of glimmer from the many drafts that come before it.
Life’s the same way. Love’s the same way. Careers are the same way. We usually don’t get things perfectly correct the first time around. It takes a lot of trial, and error, and trial again. It takes the courage to fail, to follow a dream as far as it will take us. And many times our dreams dead end and we have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and start all over again. Life, love, and careers take many drafts, and in each new experience we gain a little piece of magic, a little piece of awareness that will get us a bit closer to our own version of perfect. The trick is to never call it quits until we get exactly what we want.