Category: happiness

happiness

Step 290: The Work of Happiness

Christa Avampato

“Happy people learn that happiness, like sweat, is a by-product of activity.” ~ Frank Pittman III

Happiness doesn’t happen to us. It doesn’t find us by accident. The happiest people I know get out there and work for it – happiness is a priority for them. They actively cultivate relationships and activities that make them smile. Sure they hit rough spots – they have times of sadness and loneliness, times when they’re disappointed or feel sorry for themselves and for others. But their MO when these tough times hit is to take action to turn the situation around. They feel empowered and confident to improve their lot in life, and by extension take their positive outlook out into the world to help others.

As we head into the dark half of the year, I start my ritual of reflection. Thinking about where I was last Fall, where I am now, and where I’d like to go. I take note of all of the good people and events in my life, and count my blessings. I am lucky to have many, and I know it. Lately a few things have been making me especially happy these days and they deserve some recognition:

1.) My dog, Phineas. I got Phineas almost a month ago to the day and he’s become such a good pal that I’m not sure what I did without him. He’s a continuous reminder to me that hurt can heal, that it’s okay to leave the past in the past and move onward and upward.

2.) Love is in the air. Some people think of Spring as the time for love. I always find that Fall is better in that department. I haven’t found that love just yet, but for some reason I feel like he’s right around the corner.

3.) The holidays are here. It’s not yet Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas are already abundantly present in stores across the city. I’ve started to think about holiday plans, and am looking forward to more time with family and friends. The holidays are always a joyful time for me, and this year will be especially so as it’s my little niece Aubree’s first year with us.

4.) Opportunities are cropping up everywhere. Once we tell the world exactly what we’d like to do, the world has a way of giving us resources to get those things done. It can be scary to admit, out loud, what we’d like to achieve, but I assure you that it is the best way to get the life you want. Be vocal about your dreams.

5.) A new boss at work. Change can be hard and getting a new boss can some times be a bit nerve-wracking. We don’t know how it’s going to go until we’re there. Lucky for me, my new boss is fantastic and she’s jumped right in to be a wonderful collaborator.

What things have you done to help generate more happiness?

growth, happiness, history, nostalgia, work

Step 235: Insights from a Little Trip Through My Archives

Christa Avampato

This weekend I needed to put together a portfolio of sorts. I started digging through my archived files relating to different projects I’ve worked on since graduating from business school 3 years ago. A few ideas hit me as I sorted through the many documents I have saved, and all of the personalities that had a hand in crafting them:

1.) The breadth of work that came my way once I entered the innovation field still knocks me out and makes me feel incredibly lucky. From re-designing a toy store floor to developing a cost-neutral social media system to track credit card fraud practice, the ride has been anything but boring.

2.) I have had the great good fortune to work alongside some incredible talent. I owe them a big thank you for everything I’ve learned from them.

3.) How some less-than-talented people climb the ladder, particularly in competitive cultures during a massive recession, still astounds me. My friend, Wayne, always says that a chapter in his corporate autobiography will be entitled “Cruella De Ville and Other Crazies I’ve Survived”. I’ve also seen a lot of wonderful people let go during a time when companies should have been thanking their lucky stars to have such incredible talent among their ranks.

4.) The amount of personal and professional growth is evident when I view the spectrum of my work as a whole. From the data analysis to the strategic planning to the execution design, I could see my strengths growing and multiplying throughout the paper trail. I winced a little looking at my early work after b-school – it was a good reminder that we all start somewhere and we’re all capable of growth, many times in leaps and bounds!

5.) The projects that I felt the most passion for weren’t always the most successful or the ones that earned my paycheck. The pro-bono work and the projects we couldn’t get funded were the ones that really made me come alive. Funding within large companies is an odd thing – newness and risk are not things that large companies easily take on. And yet, those are the very ideas that have the greatest upside. Playing it safe carries its short-term rewards for sure, but it doesn’t hurt to take a peek over the horizon toward a tomorrow further down the line.

As I look back on my body of work, it’s always the things I did against all odds that brought me the greatest happiness.

care, community, happiness, harmony, work

Step 230: Bring Your Heart With You

Christa Avampato

On the heels of yesterday’s post, I’ve been thinking a lot about heart and passion and why we show up when, where, and for whom. For a while, we can get away with putting in just enough effort and time, the minimum requirement. Things will crank along at an ok speed. The work will get done. Most people will think the result is just fine.

The problem is that working listlessly eventually takes a tremendous toll on our psyche and our spirit. It dulls our senses and our intellect. It makes us less of who we are, and that’s the last thing that the world needs, especially right now. What the world needs is all of us at our very best, bringing all of our gifts and talents and attention to bear. There’s no glory in spending our days in a holding pattern.

We need to show up every day, at home, at work, at play, with an open heart and an open mind. We don’t have time to phone it in. Really, life is precious and fleeting and we don’t get to choose how much of it we have. We only control the amount of joy we pack into it. And the world can’t wait for us. If need be, it will drag us kicking and screaming toward our better future.

I would rather just take the world by the hand, and go along smiling toward the bright, happy days ahead where I’m using my heart and my mind in equal measure. The only work we have to do is the world we’re meant to do. Everything else is just a distraction.

family, happiness, harmony, sunshine, thankful, time

Step 202: Making Moments

Christa Avampato

Yesterday, the fam and I headed out to New Smyrna Beach, Florida. We splashed around in the salty surf, hung out on the sand in our sun dome – so much better than an umbrella, collected seashells, and looked for jellies washed in by the waves (my niece, Lorelei’s, favorite beach activity). Perfect temperatures, both air and water, made for a relaxing, care-free afternoon.

My sister, Weez, snapped pictures of us and as I looked at those photos I was reminded of how special days and moments like these will be treasured for many years to come. My nieces are growing fast. I imagined how we’d think about these days when the girls are older, how we’d long for these very moments as life trolls on. I was glad and grateful to appreciate them in real-time, for what they are now and what they will mean in the days ahead.

That awareness is something I’m working to harness. We have special moments all the time; we just don’t always know they were special until they’ve passed. I’d like to catch them by the tail as they whiz by, in the hopes that I can hang on to them for just a little bit longer.

The image above is a picture of New Smyrna Beach, Florida.

family, happiness, simplicity

Step 200: Getting to Simple

Christa Avampato

“Power is the ability not to have to please.” ~ Elizabeth Janeway, American author and critic

Simplicity is hard work. It involves letting go of preconceived notions, the opinions of others, and every would, could, and should that we encounter daily. A lot of people, products, services, and companies want to complicate our lives; they want to keep us on our toes and on the go for their own purposes. Gaining and maintaining simplicity requires power and willpower.

I am in Florida this week with my family and we’re enjoying a lot of simple fun. Hanging out with the kids, going to the beach tomorrow, easy meals, morning cartoons, and afternoon siestas. Every day this week will feel like Saturday. A few times I’ve caught myself making to-do lists and panicking that this, that, and the other thing need to be done. And they do – but not right now. Chores can, and will, wait.

Even when I get back to New York City life, I’m going to give it my best shot to keep it simple. Complication is easy – it’s everywhere, comes in every flavor, and can be taken up at any time. Simplicity is the harder road, the more challenging goal, but in the end I think it’s the way to more happiness. Just check out the grin on my face above.

The image above is my niece, Lorelei, giving me a kiss to wake me up from a nap I was taking in the car.

children, Disney, film, happiness

Step 149: Blue Skies and Sunshine

Christa Avampato

After a 3 hour flight delay, I finally arrived in Florida to spend some vacation time with my sister, brother-in-law, and 2-year-old niece, Lorelei. I love how kids get so focused on a topic that they can’t think about anything else. My niece can’t get enough of her favorite flicks. The Princess and the Frog currently rules her movie world. She sings the songs spontaneously, in and out of context. She does a heart-felt rendition of “Blue Skies and Sunshine”.

The Princess and the Frog centers on a female would-be entrepreneur in New Orleans who wants to carry on her family’s dream of opening a restaurant. She diligently saves her money, places a down payment on a space, and then, of course, runs into a lot of trouble along the way. She meets a cast of hilarious, sensitive characters, as well as a vilian, and overcomes great odds to realize her dream. A wonderful example of courage, faith, and good business sense for my niece.

As we sang the songs from The Princess and the Frog yesterday, in public spaces and at home, my niece never paid any mind to our surroundings. We twirled around in our sun dresses, gave ourselves numerous rounds of spontaneous applause, and clapped along to our self-made beat. Every space we found became a place where she made herself comfortable. Even her neighborhood Target store. Everywhere we went became a place a joy because we had our songs, and our dancing, and each other. We created those blue skies and sunshine in every corner of our day. Two year olds have a lot to teach us.

Image above is from The Princess and the Frog, courtesy of Disney.

business, happiness, media, school

Step 116: Where the Hell is Matt Meets Darden

Christa Avampato

Inspired by the videos “Where the Hell is Matt”, a Darden student, David Shepro, made his own version, C’ville style. I went to business school at Darden so this video has very special meaning for me, but it’s got so much joy that it would bring a smile to anyone’s face, Darden grad or not. There’s something really unifying about a bunch of people dancing around with wild abandon in unexpected places. I don’t know why. There just is. We love the unexpected.

Welcome to the lighter, more joyful side of life at one of the world’s very best schools with one of the very best communities I’ve ever been a part of. For four and a half minutes, David showcases Darden’s amazing characters. I’m keeping this one in my archives to pull up whenever I need a great big smile. I’m so inspired, I think I’m going to do a little boogie break in my office right now. We could all use a little more dance in our day. Here’s to hoping this video makes you smile today, too. Enjoy!

Click here for David’s YouTube video.

Many thanks to my friend, Abhilekh, for passing this link to me.

feelings, happiness, Marcus Buckingham

Step 90: Contemplating Happiness

Christa Avampato

I’m working on a project that involves researching the female consumer’s changing behaviors during this latest economic downturn. As part of that research, I went back to Marcus Buckingham’s columns for the Huffington Post about the state of women’s happiness. In reading through the articles again, I found myself thinking about the 5 questions Buckingham considers when evaluating happiness:

1.) How often do you get to do things you really like to do?

2.) How often do you find yourself actively looking forward to the day ahead?

3.) How often do you get so involved in what you’re doing that you lose track of time?

4.) How often do you feel invigorated at the end of a long, busy day?

5.) How often do you feel an emotional high in your life?

I really wanted to answer ‘always’. I actually felt guilty about even contemplating any answer other than ‘always’. So how could I really evaluate my happiness? How could I ever make sure that I was being honest, and not answering the way I’m “supposed to”, so that I could really look at the areas of my life that need some extra work? “Don’t write it down,” I thought. “Just answer (silently) and observe.” And I did.

The answers to these questions are powerful cues if we give ourselves the permission and the space within our own hearts to be really, really honest with ourselves. Forget about the expectation of happiness that everyone else has. We have the power to transform our lives, to change and grow and become more aware. We can’t do that if we can’t ever let go of others’ expectations. Before we can improve our lot in life, we need to allow ourselves to just be however we are, wherever we are, and see what bubbles up.

happiness, time

Step 85: Choosing Where to Place Our Energy

Christa Avampato

“The only thing that keeps a man going is energy. And what is energy but liking life?” ~ Louis Auchincloss

Today someone whom I volunteer with tried to give away my time. A month ago I had offered to help with an event this person is running and then, unbeknownst to me, she assigned me to run the entire event without asking me if I’d be willing to do that. Even worse, she sent around an email, buried the change in the minutes, and then never said a word about it to me until today when she needed something.

A younger me (and by younger I mean 6 months ago), would have taken on the job, even though I didn’t agree to it, because I would have felt obligated. I would have felt like I needed to take on the event because otherwise I would let this person down, even though this person gave away my time publicly without my consent. Mind you this person is overwhelmed at work (aren’t we all these days?) and the other people on her committee are not engaged (which I think she should take a hard look at and find out why that might be rather than playing the martyr). I am sure she didn’t intend to be sneaky and assign me to a responsibility I didn’t agree to. The trouble is she’s a poor leader, and I have no intention of ever following a poor leader again. I’ve been there thank you, and it’s not fun. Poor leadership sucks the life out of me.

So very professionally I paid tribute to my anger, made it clear that this person could not give away my time, and could not assign me to a responsibility that I didn’t accept, no matter how many smiley faces she puts in an email and no matter how much she complains about her life. I kindly told her that she would have to find someone else to take full responsibility for the event. Offering to help with an event and taking full-responsibility for it are two different things. Rather than feel guilt about this, as I could have in the past, I learned that I can have empathy for her situation without accepting a responsibility that I didn’t sign up for. If I had the time to fully take on the event by myself, I would help her out, but I don’t have the time and her behavior is unacceptable. So I took myself out of the game. She’ll have to look elsewhere for someone who’s willing to tolerate that treatment. The train I’m driving has left the station.

Life is about energy, and we need to seek out people, relationships, and activities that provide us with enjoyment to provide us with that energy. We can’t let others weigh us down. We can feel for them, have empathy for their situations (which most of the time they bring on themselves), and also preserve our own dignity and self-respect. (Now, I’m talking about people who are truly down on their luck and need our help because they actually can’t help themselves. I’m talking about people who make choices and then don’t accept the responsibilities that go along with those choices). It is a human right to enjoy our lives to the fullest, and the moment someone begins to treat us in a way that compromises that right, we can take our energies elsewhere. There are people out there who do appreciate our time and effort, and those are the people who deserve our attention.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

happiness, harmony

Step 84: The Wind of Enthusiasm

Christa Avampato

“Just as cotton is swayed in the direction of the winds coming and going, so should one surrender oneself to one’s enthusiasm, and in this way one’s supernormal powers will thrive. ” ~ Shantideva ch. 7 v 75

Beth, one of the most supportive readers on the planet, sent me a comment with this quote a few days ago. I keep mulling it over in my mind. Life has to be filled with what gives us energy, what lifts us up, and as we rise we can take others with us. Enthusiasm is contagious, and if we let it guide our actions, if we let it choose the road we should be on, I’m convinced that our success will be inevitable.

We could spend a lot of time worrying and wondering what we should do, what others wants us to do. But when we’re on our dharma, when we’re on the road we are meant to be on, enthusiasm cannot help but bubble to the top. So do at Shantideva says. Let yourself be cotton and let yourself be swayed by the current of your own enthusiasm. I can’t wait to hear what superpowers you find within your own heart. Let me know how it goes so I can cheer you on.

And thank you, Beth, as always, for these words of wisdom.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.