Category: happiness

choices, happiness

Beautiful: What to Do Once You Answer the Question, “Am I Happy?”

Christa Avampato

481983_420884124659822_1621485679_nA friend of mine sent this over to me on Friday after she received it from someone else. I love it because it’s so true. We have a choice when it comes to our happiness.

The question “Am I happy?” is very important. We should be asking ourselves this question every single day. If the answer is “no”, the next question is critical. “Do you want to be happy?” I’m always glad to help people who want to be happy and are willing to make some changes to be happy. I don’t spend a lot of time with people who are unhappy and don’t want to make any changes to be happy. Honestly, I can’t help those people. No one can.

Happiness is a choice. No one is stuck in an endless cycle of unhappiness that they are incapable of breaking. Happiness is something we create. Happiness, and unhappiness for that matter, doesn’t happen to us. (Obviously this doesn’t hold in rare, extreme circumstances like war, violent crime, etc.) It happens because of the choices we make and what we do with the results of those choices. It’s all up to us.

beauty, happiness, hope, sadness, time

Beautiful: Sing After Storms

Christa Avampato
107664247312743263_n6yAY04k_c
From Pinterest

“Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn’t people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them.” ~ Rose Kennedy, American philanthropist

2012 was difficult, particularly the latter half. Our country seemed to be in an odd state of discomfort. Even Christmas, usually such a bright and blissful time of year, was shrouded in something less than joy. Hurricane Sandy, Newtown, the fiscal cliff. Our country took a beating, and still got up to find a new day, albeit one that is beyond-difficult for many.

Then we turned the page into 2013 and we wondered what this year would hold for us. After shredding our disappointments in the Times Square confetti machine and resolving that 2013 will be better than the year we just finished, all we seemed to have left was hope. Hope for more happiness, more beauty, more peace. Somewhere in there, a tiny bit of guilt nags at us. Do we have the right to ask for more joy in the wake of so much hardship?

Hell yes. Joy is always our right, even in the darkest and saddest of times. Especially in those times. Once the clouds clear, and they always do, you go ahead and sing as loudly and clearly as possible. As our voices rise, our hearts follow.

beauty, choices, free, grateful, gratitude, happiness, make, maker, time

Beautiful: Make Your Own Freedom

Christa Avampato

54817320435182285_6WPkO2u4_cAction does not imply aggression. You don’t need to bully and bust your way onto the path that is best for you. It’s so tempting to push and prod and throw an elbow to exhibit strength. But there is a better way. A surer way. A happier, more peaceful option.

Just be your best self. Invest your time and effort not in making others see and behave in the way you want them to. Go about this work on your own and inspire through example.

Live your life. Make your choices. And not for the sake of achieving something or changing someone but only because they fill you with happiness and gratitude. That is the truest definition of freedom, something we all define on our own terms and in our own time.

gifts, happiness, love, peace

Leap: For the Happiness of Others

Christa Avampato

“One thing I am convinced more and more is true and that is this: The only way to be truly happy is to make others happy. When you realize that and take advantage of the fact, everything is made perfect.” ~ William Carlos Williams, American poet and physician

In this season of gift giving and buying, the idea of “it is better to give than receive” runs through my mind. The follow-up to this idea is “it’s best to give and to receive because when you receive, you give someone else the opportunity to give.”

For many of us, receiving is difficult. In order to fully receive, we need to leave our hearts open. We must let ourselves be vulnerable. On occasion, we receive from others because we have asked for help and support – another tall order for many of us who take pride in our independence and strength.

I am someone who once believed I was an island. I often felt like one not because I wanted to, but because I needed that toughness, that independence, to get through my days. It’s not true anymore, though old habits die hard. Every once in a great while, I still catch myself closing off at exactly the moment when I should remain the most open and receptive. I reverse course quickly but it’s not without effort.

If this sounds familiar, here’s what’s helped me: I know the joy I feel when I serve others. It brings a deep peace and purpose to my actions. It’s one of the very best feelings that I know and I try to bring it into my life every day, even several times a day if I can swing it. I want everyone to share in this feeling, to get that same sense of giddy happiness that comes from giving to others. Every giver needs a receiver.

It’s wonderful to be an angel to someone, to provide them with exactly what they need at exactly the moment that they need it. But angels come in many different forms. Sometimes, to be angel to someone else you need to be able to receive what they have to give, what they have to offer. Your sincere smile and thank you is exactly what they need to feel valued, appreciated, and useful. And we all want to feel useful. We all want to feel like we matter.

This holiday season you only need one recipe to feel the happiness that we all deserve: let others matter. Give and receive in equal quantities. Play both roles. Appreciate others and allow others to appreciate you. Love and be loved.

fear, happiness, love

Leap: Don’t Hold Back

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.” ~ Barbara De Angelis

Put yourself out there. In your relationships, in your job, in your community. You have nothing to lose. Things may not go the way you want them to go and you risk a bit of embarrassment or disappointment. Here’s what’s certain: if you hold back and don’t do something you want to do you will most definitely be disappointed. Worse than that, you’ll have regret. A lot of it.

If you care about something or someone, show it and say it. Make it known. I’d rather be rejected 100 times over than caught up in my shell out of fear. Sometimes we think we’re saving ourselves by holding back but what exactly is it that we’re savings ourselves from? A life fully lived? Learning? Authenticity? Joy?

Here’s the rub: everything we have, everything we feel is temporary. As far as I know, when our crack at life is over, we can’t take any of it with us. It will all fall away. With that in mind, I do everything I can to be as happy as I can as often as possible. I’ll risk some sadness, I’ll actually take the risk of a lot of sadness, in order to have a shot at a life full of meaning, purpose, and service. And I do what I can to bring others along, too.

I’ve lived in the land of holding back and I’ve lived in the land of loving, and I’ll tell you this – loving is always better.

happiness, kindness, New York City, patience

Leap: Small Opportunities to Make a Difference

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“Sometimes the little opportunities that fly at us each day can have the biggest impact.” ~ Danny Wallace

In a time when emotions are running high, I’ve found myself compelled to be more patient. When I’m on the subway with people who are pushing and losing their temper because of the intense crowding and delays, I am driven to be more tolerant, to smile more, to give others the right of way even when it’s my turn.

So often we think we must do something big to really make a difference. We have to start a company or organization, make a huge donation, or broadcast our message through a megaphone of some form. During this odd time in New York City as we are reminded of the power of nature and the incredible gift of neighbors helping neighbors, I am learning about the immense value of small, everyday kindnesses that we can all give and receive.

They give us a sense of belonging. They cause us to pay it forward, igniting a chain reaction of compassion and courtesy. It’s in these small moments that we recognize just how connected we all are. And it’s a really beautiful thing to understand.

happiness, sunshine, travel, work, worry

Leap: If You Want to Find Meaning in Your Work, Find the Sun

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

I spent the weekend in Buffalo with two of my best girlfriends, Kelly and Alex. Kelly is getting married next Fall to a wonderful man and Alex and I are in the wedding. Alex and I made it to our flights home just in time as Hurricane Sandy approaches the Eastern seaboard.

On my Delta flight, I had the most delightful flight attendant. As we broke through the clouds, I commented that it had been at least a week since I’d seen sunny skies.

“That’s the greatest thing about my job,” said the attendant. “It’s always a sunny day at the office for at least part of the time.”

How many of us can say that? And how many of us would like to say that?

This year, following happiness and joy has been a good strategy for me. I don’t always know what lies around the bend with my newly designed career. Heck, sometimes I barely know what lies in wait for me in my morning inbox. I don’t worry though because I just keep following goodness, sunshine in some form or other, and so far it’s always been a good day in my (home) office.

choices, decision-making, happiness

Leap: Joy is a Non-Negotiable

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“It is only in sorrow bad weather masters us; in joy we face the storm and defy it.” ~ Amelia Barr, British novelist

The clouds will gather. The storms will come and they will go. We can’t control them. They are bigger than us. Bigger than all of us banded together. But what we can control is the amount of joy in our lives. We can choose happiness. We can choose, in this and every moment, to be grateful, to love, to be kind, to be strong, to pay attention.

Too often we have come to think of joy as a luxury. We think we should thank our lucky stars for the opportunity to be joyful when in fact joy should be the default state. We weren’t born to trudge through our existence with a heavy load bearing down on us, constantly downtrodden and agitated.

We are made for joy. I completely reject the idea that, “It’s called a job for a reason, and not because it’s fun.” Who decided that work couldn’t be joyful? Who decided that we couldn’t find enjoyment in our efforts?

What if we made that path a non-negotiable? What would come of us if we decided that joy had to be an integral part of everything we do? And going a step further, what if we refused to do things in which we couldn’t find any joy or purpose? What would our world be like then?

commitment, happiness

Leap: The Eveyday Work of Happiness

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“Happiness is a skill. It requires effort and time.”~ Andrew Weil

There is no place on a map called Happy. It is a slippery state of being. It requires commitment and dedication. And not the kind of commitment that we make to go to a class for a semester or to eat more vegetables this month. It’s more on par with raising a child who never intends to be independent; it requires near-constant care and tending.

I used to have a friend who constantly complained that she could never catch a break. The irony for me was that she had so much privilege, and as far as I know always had, and she just couldn’t see it, nor appreciate it. She stared at the closed doors for so long that she never turned around to see all of the opportunity waiting for her. And no amount of encouragement could ever help her get out of her own way.

Happiness doesn’t just decide where to land by blind chance. It is drawn to those who pursue it, who want to bring it into their lives in a profound way. It favors the hard-working and the ones who accept that happiness is a personal choice we make in every moment. Happiness takes up residence with those who are willing to prepare a home for it.

change, decision-making, happiness

Leap: Bringing Happiness Into Focus

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“Happiness can only be found if you free yourself from all other distractions.” ~ Saul Bellow

If we sit down to write out our goals, how likely is it that we would list “be happy”? The great majority of us want to be happy. I’ll go so far as to say that’s the whole point of having goals. When we talk about wanting our lives to have meaning and to be purposeful or when we work on following our bliss, happiness is the root goal.

And yet, we get distracted. We list a million other tasks and goals that we think will bring us happiness but we don’t focus on just being happy. It’s as if that goal is not lofty enough or it’s too self-indulgent. I’m dropping that hang up. When someone asks me why it is that I’m making such a big shift in my career and in the way my life is structured, my reply will be very simple – because it makes me happy.