Category: friendship

change, death, family, friendship, legacy, time

My Year of Hopefulness – Our after-effect

Christa Avampato

Whenever I think about Penn, I imagine it to look like it did when I was there as a student. And every time I go back, I am always surprised to see how much it has changed. The place I imagine in my mind isn’t in the world anymore. Change happened without me.

My friend, Jamie, and I took a stroll along Battery Park at lunch time this week and a woman stopped us. She looked a little lost. “When does this park end?” she asked us. “I haven’t been in this neighborhood for 20 years and it looks completely different. This park wasn’t even here then!”

When we leave a place, we have a tendency to fix it in our minds. Even though we change and grow, we expect places we’ve been and people we’ve known to stay the same. It’s too much for us to imagine that life goes on without us.

Today I went to the funeral services for my Aunt Lorraine. She was a lovely lady that never forgot a birthday, an anniversary, or any other important occasion that involved her family members and friends. She lived a happy, long life, and I’m so glad that we had the opportunity to have her with us for so long.

On my drive home from the funeral, I kept looking at the clock, registering in my mind that all these minutes were unraveling, that I was traveling mile after mile, and my Aunt Rain wasn’t here with us anymore. Time went on, and we’ll all go on to make new memories even though she won’t be with us. And she’s going on without us, too.

I shed tears over the injustice of it all, of having to let go of people we love as a natural course of life. Change and time cannot be stopped. One day will fold into the next, whether or not we’re around. What changes because of our existence and the interaction we have in specific places with specific people is the how. How will one day become the next for me because I had my Aunt Lorraine as a role model? How does she live on in all of us even if she can’t be with us? And how do we want the world to go once our time has come and gone? This is really the only work that needs our attention.

The above images is from http://clock-desktop.com/screens/shiny_clock/palms-clock.jpg

family, feelings, friendship, happiness, mood, personality, technology

My Year of Hopefulness – Get Out of a Rut

Christa Avampato

As I trudged to the subway this morning under the gray, dense skies, I considered my mood over the last week. I’ve been a little down lately. Could be the rainy weather, losing my aunt recently, worry about my mom’s total knee replacement, the state of the economy and our nation’s safety. It’s likely a mixture of all of this. And I’m wondering what I’m really doing with my life every day – am I making a difference, or at least as big a difference as I could make?

Some of my friends and family members have recently expressed the same concern about their own lives. On my subway ride to work, I thought of ideas that might help me and help others out of this little rut. Here are some I came up with. Would love to hear what’s worked for you when you need a little pick-me-up!

1.) Ice cream. There’s something really special to me about getting an ice cream cone and strolling around my neighborhood. It reminds me of being a kid and being a kid inspires me to be a little more wistful and hopeful.

2.) Send someone a present. My friend, Brooke, recently moved from New York City and I’ve had her going away present / new house warming present sitting on my table for about a month. I put it into a padded envelope and sent it off to her today. It helped my mood considerably to be sending her a surprise. Same goes for sending someone a card or doing something nice for someone.

3.) Yoga and running. Both get me moving and remind me of how lucky I am to be in good health. While exercising, I think about building strong bones and muscles, increasing my lung capacity, and solutions to tough situations I’m having at the moment.

4.) Clean my apartment. For me, cleaning is therapy. I don’t like doing it but I love the end result. And my world looks a little brighter from the vantage point of a sparkling apartment.

5.) Communicate with others. Call a friend, send an email, get brunch with someone, click around on Twitter and see what people are talking about today. Breaking out of our self-imposed isolation is a mood lifter in and of itself.

6.) Find someplace to get lost. For me those places are Central Park, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and the American Museum of Natural History. Placing myself in the middle overwhelming beauty gives me a new perspective and make me feel connected to something much bigger than myself.

7.) Dive into a book. I’m always amazed at the way literature connects us to people across the world and across time. This reminder of common human experiences makes me feel less alone.

8.) Write. Yesterday I sat down to write a short story about a situation I witnessed on the street a few days ago. I put myself back in that exact situation, saw it all unfolding in my mind, and wrote it all out. When looking back at the story and reading work I was doing a few years ago, I realized how much progress I’ve made in my story telling by practicing every day. It was really gratifying to see myself improving a skill that I enjoy.

9.) Think about my ideal day and consider how I could live at least a little piece of that ideal day every day. Maybe it’s volunteering, thinking about what business I’d like to start, whipping up a really delicious meal with friends, or spending time with someone I love. Even on the worst days we have the ability to incorporate glimmers of happiness.

10.) Spend some time with an animal. Could be your own pup or kitten, a friend’s pet, or taking puppies at the local shelter on a walk. Animals have a natural inclination toward happiness and they take us right along with them.

There are countless ways to get ourselves into a healthier and happier frame of mind. All we need is intention, attention, and commitment to living a better day every day.

career, change, experience, family, friendship, love, relationships, travel
Christa Avampato

“Man can touch more than he can grasp.” ~ Gabriel Marcel

We have a very short time on this planet. While we might think that 80 or 90 years sounds like such a long time, in reality it is the bat of an eye when considering the length of history. In our lifetimes, we’ll see and take part in many different experiences with many different people in many different places. And while we might have the instinct to take part in any and every way that we can, we just can’t. We have to choose where and how and on whom to spend our time and energy.

Where will we have the most impact? Where will we find the most joy? Do we care about life-long learning or is it connection with others that is most important to us? These types of questions are critical for us to consider and answer when we think about what we’d like to do with our time here.

There are millions of ways for us to make a difference – there are so many places, people, and things that will somehow enter our lives. The only question we really have to answer is, “which experiences we will witness and let pass and which are the ones that are we will hang onto for longer than a moment?”

career, change, choices, family, friendship, movie, priorities

My Year of Hopefulness – 10 Items or Less

Christa Avampato

Phil Terry recommended the movie 10 Items or Less on his Facebook page. It is one of those exceptional indie films that slipped by me and I am glad Phil encouraged his friends to see it. In the movie, the two main characters discuss 10 items or less of things they love, hate, can’t do without, etc.

It’s a poignant and revealing premise. In a few short words, these lists can get at the heart of what’s really important to you. So here are my 3 lists of 10 items or less: things I love, things I need to do in my life, and impacts I’d like to have.

Things I love to do
Write
Develop new business ideas
Research
Read
Meet new people
Travel
Volunteer
Organize

Things I need to do in my life
Start my own business
Own the place where I live
Write and publish books
Fall in love for life
Travel a lot
Learn to play an instrument well

Impacts I’d like to have
Live an extraordinary life
Help other people live extraordinary lives
Help other people start their own businesses so they can be independent and create their own lives on their own terms
Further the cause of creativity and innovation

business, career, change, friendship, work

My Year of Hopefulness – Be the Change

Christa Avampato

I went to the Metropolitan Opera with my friend, Allan. Prior to the show, we met at the B&N on 66th Street to grab some coffee and talk about a business project he’s working on. As I was standing in line, I saw a mug merchandised with that familiar saying by Gandhi “Be the Change You Wish to See in the World”. I’ve seen it a million times before on every conceivable piece of merchandise from coffee mugs to calendars to t-shirt to bumper stickers. It’s published so often that it’s almost become a cliche.

So how about we take that saying and use as a discussion starter for business? We use it so often when talking about social issues, politics, the general act of living and playing a part in our communities. Now put yourself in your boss’s shoes or your CEO’s shoes. What is that you’d like to see your company do or say or be? And can you take those ideas and either transform your workplace or start your own company around those principles?

Here are the changes I’d like to see in the (business) world and ones I can be:
1.) A constant champion for new ideas, the crazier the better
2.) An empathic listener of all stakeholders that have anything to do with my business
3.) A cheerleader for those I know who are too afraid, nervous, shy, or embarrassed to speak up for themselves
4.) A constant confidence booster
5.) Someone who cares, all day, everyday
6.) Someone who shuts down negativity, know-it-alls, hecklers, bullies, self-proclaimed “idea guys”, and other unsavory characters who kill innovation and creativity with their brash, loud-mouth personalities
7.) A connector, especially of those parties who seem disparate on the surface
8.) Committed, compassionate, concerned, open-minded who believes a discussion and a promise are far more important and useful than hours, day, and weeks spent building powerpoint slides and graphs made from colorful shapes
9.) Organized as a web rather than a pyramid

That’s not a bad list. And it’s not impossible to accomplish either. Best of all, business, companies, and stakeholders would be a lot better off if the world of commerce had these qualities in abundance.

death, dying, experience, family, friendship, grateful, gratitude, human factors, loss, sadness

My Year of Hopefulness – Trade-offs

Christa Avampato

Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars. –Henry Van Dyke

A friend of mine recently lost his father and as we talked about loss, we delved into the topic of trade-offs. It’s part of life to enjoy good, happy times for a while. And yet somewhere in the back of our minds, we are conscious of the fact that these moments are fleeting. Part of experiencing life, and love, and a connection to others also requires us to have the ability to let go. It’s an odd and scary thing if we think about it too long, so it usually comes to us as a passing thought, and then we send it away.

I used to have a very hard time dealing with the loss of someone. It seemed so unfair to me to have someone we love taken away. Was it really worth it to feel a connection to people? Did it make sense to spend so much of our very brief time on this planet cultivating relationships with others that eventually fall away, for one reason or another.

Many years ago, a friend of mine was dealing with the loss of his grandfather. Knowing how much he loved his grandfather and how close he was to him, I expressed my extreme sympathy for his loss. And without a tear in his eye or a choked up feeling in his throat, he said, “Please don’t be sorry. I’m not.” I just couldn’t understand. How on Earth could he not be sorry?

“I had this amazing person in my life for so many years. I was so lucky to know that kind of love and closeness to someone for so long. He taught me an amazing amount throughout my whole life that I’m able to pass on to others. He was such a gift and I’m so grateful that I had the opportunity to have him in my life.”

I think about this conversation every time I or someone I care about must deal with losing someone. It’s so hard to imagine letting go, and I find that emphasizing the gift of their presence in our lives for however long we have them eases the sadness. It doesn’t eliminate the sadness and it doesn’t betray the person’s memory. It just helps us keep perspective, and we helps us to begin to understand that it is all worth. The cultivation of relationships is what this life we live is all about. They are the very essence of human experience.

economy, friendship, neighbors, New York City

My Year of Hopefulness – Look Up

Christa Avampato

I was walking along Amsterdam Avenue recently, taking notice of all of the store fronts now covered with brown paper and masking tape. A large “retail space for rent” sign hangs prominently on too many doors these days. I kept wondering how we slipped so far so fast, how in a matter of days and weeks businesses are opening and then shuttering their days. Less than two years ago I moved to the Upper West Side, grateful for an apartment under $2000, no store front left unoccupied. On what used to be one of the busiest blocks, 5 spaces are now available.

Equal parts nervous and confused, I was preoccupied with the state of our economy. And then a man and a woman whom I had passed in a rush had a 10 second conversation that made me almost stop in my tracks. The man said, “Oh look at that! The stone work on that building is beautiful. Have you ever seen that before?” “No,” she replied. “In all the time I’ve lived here I’ve never noticed it.” I looked up. I’d never noticed it either. And it is beautiful – cerulean blue, grass green, sunny yellow, and bright orange. How could I have been missing that magnificent splash of color all this time? I guess I’ve been looking down too often.

Sometimes it takes people new to a situation to help us see clearly. We are in such a rush, so used to our surroundings, that we often don’t see the beauty right in front of us, or above us as the case may be. We become so lost in our thoughts and concerns, that we miss out on what’s happening all around us.

We’re exposed to so many signals and messages and images with every step, that our mind has to filter just to stay somewhat organized. This filtering sometimes causes us to miss out on things that could and should bring us some amount of joy and happiness. I am a firm believer that eventually we will always find what we’re looking for. The flip side of that is that if we aren’t looking for something, we may not find it on our own. It often takes someone else’s perspective and experience to wake us up to the life we’re walking through.

friendship, social change, social media

My Year of Hopefulness – The Power of Passion

Christa Avampato

By nature, I am a passionate person. I get excited about charitable causes and I enjoy sharing my excitement about them. I often write about them on this blog and on my Examiner.com column. On occasion, I wonder if anyone’s listening or if anyone reading shares my interest and excitement. I guess that insecurity is normal for writers though I’ve never been able to be comfortable with it, particularly when I’m writing about something that I care about deeply.

Today, I received an email from a friend of mine that eased my sense of insecurity and re-energized me. Recently, I put together a post about a cause that I’d like to support. I’m not sure how to support the cause as it’s not one that is talked about frequently, at least not in the circles I travel in. My passion for the idea and my desire to make a difference in this area prompted me to put the idea out there into the world, hoping that I’d attract people to it who are as interested in it as I am. For a while, the airwaves have been silent but today, all of that changed with my friend’s email.

As it turns out, he and a friend of his are also very interested in this cause. They’ve been in the process of creating some content to support the cause and have been searching for someone to do the business framing around the idea. Perfect! I’ve got the business framing in mind and have been searching for content.

In addition to finding out about this shared interest with my friend, I also learned a critical lesson about social media. It gives us a way to howl and find our pack. It gives us a way to connect and explore new interests in ways that are far-reaching and previously impossible. It gives us a way to unite, collaborate, and innovate in extraordinary, immediate ways.

friendship, relationships

My Year of Hopefulness – Accept People From Where They Are

Christa Avampato

I had drinks with my friend, Brooke, on Friday. I was telling her about a recent challenge in my love life. She listened patiently and with only a few moments of explanation she was able to make me see that the challenge I was facing had nothing to do with me and had everything to do with the guy. It’s his past relationships that are effecting his current behavior. I was presenting him with a similar situation that he’s faced in the past and that past situation didn’t go well for him. Subconsciously, he’s put me in that same category as his last girlfriend because of the circumstances, even though our personalities are completely different. 


This got me thinking about some challenges in other parts of my life and I realized a pattern. I have been losing a lot of sleep wondering what I can personally do to overcome these challenges. My conversation with Brooke showed me that sometimes all we can do to resolve a situation is nothing. We have to step back and take people from where they are, not from where we are or where we’d like them to be. The longer we live, the longer we’re likely to face some kind of trauma and discomfort. And those things alter us, and they alter the way we look at new situations. The old carries forward, no matter how much we profess to turning over a new leaf. We can change a lot of things, but we can’t go back and change our experience. That is frozen in time. 

This simple insight gave me a lot of comfort. Anxiety builds up when we feel that we should be or could be doing something to improve our lot, and for one reason or another we don’t act. Knowing that in some instances there isn’t anything we can do to improve a situation because the situation is entirely out of our control brings a sense of calm and peace. And it’s through providing that peace to someone else that may just help them resolve the challenge on their own, allowing us all to move forward.  
books, environment, friendship, nature, yoga

My Year of Hopefulness – Winter Cocoons

Christa Avampato

My friend, Monika, was telling me about her recent spell of wanting to remain on her couch as much as possible. Though she likes the winter weather, this season she’s felt the need to hunker down and stay inside. I’ve been feeling the same way. It reminded of a story I like to read several times over the winter. It’s only one page, written by Nina Zolotow in Rodney Yee’s book, Yoga the Poetry of the Body.


Nina writes about her time in Ithaca, New York. Her neighbors had this incredible garden and the summer time lunches they would spread out in their backyard transported her to Tuscany. These lunches would always end with beautiful, fresh black figs from the neighbors’ garden. There was a massive fig tree in the middle the neighbors’ yard and she couldn’t understand how that tree would survive the rough upstate New York winters.

She finally got up the courage to ask her neighbor his secret. It’s very simple – after all the leaves have fallen, he severs the roots on one side of the tree, folds the flexible trunk down to the ground into a ditch he digs, and covers it with soil to rest, warm and safe, until Spring arrives. I think of this story all the time during the winter season.

Winter is a time of incubating, of resting and recouping, of letting ourselves get comfortable with peace. It’s a cycle. Monika’s cocooning really is a natural reaction, one we all should have. We burrow in to reflect on what’s happened to us in the more hectic Spring, Summer, and Fall. And we plan – for warmer days, for greeting friends when the sun comes out again, for reintroducing ourselves to the world when our surroundings take on that brilliant green hue again. 

For this next month or so of winter, I want to have that fig tree always in my mind. I want to imagine myself resting and regrouping, healing and soothing my tired soul, mind, and heart, gearing up for the best Spring of my life. 

The photo above can be found at here.