Category: fear

creativity, dreams, fear, feelings

Beautiful: Fear Can Be a Path to Free

Christa Avampato

494ab1219a79b1ae0d7cab6dcea48107 With just over a week to go in LA, it’ll be back to life and back to reality very soon. Some of my old familiar fears are beginning to seep in: Am I on the right track? Am I going the right way? Are these sacrifices really worth the potential rewards? And if they are, and I don’t ever see those potential rewards, will I still think of this path as one worth taking?

Too often I’ve associated freedom with lack of fear. With a year out on my own under my belt, one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that if I waited for the fear to subside before pursuing my dreams, I’d never pursue them at all. The road to freedom is paved with fears, and lots of ’em. I don’t banish my fears, but I use them like our bodies use carbohydrates, like cars use gas. I burn through them and part of that process means fully feeling them, looking them in the eye, and not flinching. I press on with those unrelenting fears at my back, and they only subside when I face them and live to tell about it.

And I don’t think that being afraid of something means that I should definitely do it. For me, it means that I should put a lot of thought and consideration into the decision. Facing fears is difficult work; it’s often painful, plagued by hardship, and there is no guarantee of success. All of those facets have to be weighed in totality. I have to ask myself, “Even if this path is difficult, do I still feel in my heart that it’s the best way to spend the precious little time I have?” If so, I use the fear for fuel. If not, I’m grateful for that realization and I pursue another dream.  After all, I’ve got a list of dreams that never seems to have an end. If this one doesn’t work out, there will always be another.

Up tomorrow: An exciting announcement about my company

creativity, education, fear, marketing, teaching

Beautiful: The Best Class You Can Take Is Practice

Christa Avampato

23252c94afced662d93d9659daff6a69 “The only way I know to get anything done is to work like hell.” ~ Robert Spekman, my MBA marketing professor at Darden

A few years back, I contemplated going back to school to get my PhD in education. Robert was one of my favorite professors at my Darden MBA program and I spent a good amount of time with him during my two years there. When I was thinking of going back to get my PhD, he was one of the first people I talked to.

He was in New York for a meeting so I met him at the restaurant of his hotel and we had breakfast together. I told him about my own history and how my education literally saved my life. I explained that I was a bit worried about applying for a PhD in a field in which I’d never formally studied. Robert told me I had the best experience of all: I lived it. He followed up the line above with this – “Take all the classes you want in any subject. Until you actually sit down and do the work, with your a*s on the line for results, it doesn’t matter.” And with that I put my fear aside and applied.

Things didn’t exactly go the way I had hoped. I only applied to one school, Columbia’s Teachers College, and I didn’t get in. (You can read about my rejection letter here.) It turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. And I never forgot that conversation with Robert, nor the lesson he taught me. I use his advice all the time. I’m grateful for his support, but I’m even more grateful that he didn’t coddle me with exclamations of how great I was, or intelligent, or talented, or any other load that he could have told me to just move the conversation along. He showed me that I already have what it takes to have an impact in a field that means a lot to me. I didn’t need another degree; I just needed to roll up my sleeves and get to work.

California, fear, health, meditation, teaching, yoga

Beautiful: How Meditation Helped Me Through a Bout of PTSD Triggered By the Santa Monica Shooting

Christa Avampato
Crowds on June 10, 2013, make their way to a campus memorial for the five killed in a shooting rampage on June 7 at Santa Monica College. The gunman was also killed. (Andy Holzman/Los Angeles Daily News)

I thought I was through with it. I don’t panic anymore when I hear fire engine sirens. I’m not afraid to be in my home. My nightmares have disappeared. I don’t end up crying on the street wondering how I got there after forgetting where I’m going. These were all symptoms I had after my apartment building fire almost 4 years ago. At the time, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I just felt crazy. Then after I started going to therapy shortly after the fire, I realized I had PTSD.

Brian, my wizard of a therapist, and I worked through decades of issues that my PTSD triggered and after almost 3 years of hard work, I found my way to stability and confidence. That was a year ago. Last week the Santa Monica shootings sent me into a spell. I’ll be staying near there all summer on a house swap. How could this be happening to me? I felt dizzy with the what if scenarios. What if I had been there already? What if I was driving and I had been the car that was hijacked? What if I was out walking Phineas and I had been hit by a stray bullet? What if. What if. What if. I started crying. And shaking.

I used my tools. I closed by eyes, placed one hand on the heart, one hand on the belly, and started to breathe. Body into the hands on the inhale. Body into the back of the chair on the exhale. I kept my attention at the third eye. I replaced those racing what ifs with this truth: “You are safe.” I began to wind down, slowly and with a lot of effort. It worked. I was safe, and then I felt safe.

This is what meditation can do for you. It can take you from panic to peace. I can take also take you from helpless to helpful. After I calmed down, I had the most incredible thought. What happened in Santa Monica is awful. There are people there who might be scared, people who might need the gift I have to give. Maybe there’s a way for me to teach what I know. After all, I’ve lived with those what if thoughts for a long time. I learned how to chase them away. I learned how to have power over them rather than the other way around. Maybe the people of Santa Monica need that gift, too. Maybe this summer I will be in just the right place at just the right time for people who need me.

courage, fear, time, worry

Beautiful: It’s Okay to Have Fear. Just Make Sure It Doesn’t Have You.

Christa Avampato

025452ff405960b936c014a1880afd7b“We must travel in the direction of our fear.” ~ John Berryman

A friend of mine called me late one night this week because she was panicking. She has a big trip coming up and she was worried about her safety while away from home. To be fair, this friend has a highly-tuned intuition, more highly-tuned than almost anyone I’ve ever known. She has good gut, so when her fears grew increasingly worse, she panicked. She couldn’t tell if her fear was valid.

I gave her my litmus test for fear. When I wake up in a panic, when my mind is on an endless loop of worry, I know that my mind is getting the best of me. When I am afraid but maintain a clear, calm resolve, I know that my intuition is on to something.

When my apartment building caught fire, I didn’t panic when I realized what was happening. My laser focus kicked in to get me out of the building as quickly as possible. There was no thinking in those moments as I scrambled down the stairs. I knew I was in danger and my only concern in those moments involved survival.

When I was considering leaving my corporate job to freelance full-time, I initially had some serious moments of panic. It took me a year to put a plan in place that gave me enough comfort to take the leap. My fear about going out on my own had nothing to do with my intuition. That fear was from that tiny voice in the back of my mind known as self-doubt. Here I am, 8 months after my leap, and doing just fine.  Self-doubt comes and goes, but it never stay for long anymore.

Don’t despair over your fear. It’s a natural reaction and everyone feels it, some of us more than others. Here’s the thing about fear: you really can’t hate it because it does mean well. On some level, it is trying to protect you. However, it does need to be tamed. You must learn to listen to it, take only what’s useful, and then keep going.

My one year plan that I put in place so that I would be comfortable leaving my job was well worth it. Fulfilling that plan has allowed me to take on projects in the last 8 months that have proven to be some of the best opportunities of my career. Fear served a great purpose and I am grateful for its counsel, but I didn’t let it become the focus. I didn’t let it paralyze me. You shouldn’t either.

It’s fine to have fear. Just make sure fear doesn’t have you.

action, beauty, community service, fear, freedom

Beautiful: Serve to Be Free

Christa Avampato

226094843762320617_DBDbo6Gu_b“There are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talk about in the great outside world of wanting and achieving. The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people.” ~ David Foster Wallace

Everyone whoever did anything worthwhile was completely scared out of their mind. And you know how they overcame that fear? They focused their attention on others. You want to make something? Make it for the sake of others. For the sake of being helpful and useful. Service isn’t about obligation. It’s about being free in the highest order.

The board of Compass Yoga has set large goals for the organization in 2013. If I just looked at them on paper, I might hesitate. They are that awesome. But here’s the trick that keeps me from any fear: I know that so many people will benefit from our work. We will build a happier, healthier, more vibrant world through our efforts. It happens every day, in every one of our classes taught by our incredibly talented, dedicated, passionate teachers. We are literally changing lives.

See what happens with that kind of intention? Fear just falls away. It evaporates. Once we realize that we have the power to give someone exactly what they need exactly when they need it so that they can live their very best lives, there is no way we can turn and run. Because it’s not about us. It’s about each other. It’s about helping one another through this life by giving the very best of what we have to others.

adventure, fear, feelings, patience, risk, strengths, time, yoga

Leap: The Path of Most Resistance

Christa Avampato
Vertical staircases at the foot of Mt. Huashan, China
Vertical staircases at the foot of Mt. Huashan, China

Difficulty is good for us.

Yesterday I was reading an article in Intelligent Life, an Economist publication, entitled “The Uses of Difficulty” by Ian Leslie. He gives examples, mostly from the music industry, that depict challenges and difficulties as gifts that we should seek out, even create, for the benefit of our growth. At first glance this argument sounds like something akin to the benefits of brussels sprouts, but I was intrigued by the argument (and I happen to love brussels sprouts) so I kept reading.

In yoga, we search for that magical space between effort and ease. At first, I thought that’s where Ian was going but he took this idea to a whole new level. He presents scientific evidence that shows we actually benefit cognitively from doing things that are difficult, that do not come naturally to us. The benefits are so stark that he suggests purposely creating difficulty even when we find ease. This theory flies in the face of the idea that we should play to our strengths, or at least the idea that we should always play to our strengths.

This article also has the wheels of my mind spinning around the concept of short-term versus long-term benefits. Should we accept, even relish, short-term challenge because in the long-term it makes us more creative, intelligent, quick, strong, resilient, and, let’s face it, interesting? Is discomfort today worth triumph tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow?

There’s only one way to find out.

adventure, commitment, discovery, dreams, experience, failure, fate, fear, time

Leap: Take the Journey Away from Comfort

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” ~ Pema Chodron

Comfort feels so good that we never want to leave. The trouble is that if we never set out for higher ground, if we never throw ourselves out of our comfort zone and into unfamiliar territory, we don’t grow. We don’t learn just how strong we are. We only build resilience, determination, and grit by remaining focused in the face of discomfort. Life is a continual adaptation to change.

Sometimes, I wish this weren’t the case. I wish we didn’t need a burning platform to truly change our ways. I wish we could learn how to be calm in the face of discomfort without ever having to actually be uncomfortable.

It doesn’t work that way. Life is a full contact sport. We actually have to live it – all its ups and downs and the ride in-between – in order to understand what it’s all about.

For this reason, I don’t get frustrated or angry when the going gets tough. I may briefly feel sad or unhappy that something I wanted didn’t go my way. As a general rule, I give myself about 10 minutes to feel as terrible as I want to feel without passing any kind of judgement. I can sit in the dust of disappointment, shake my fists at the sky, and ask “why, why, why?” as loudly as possible. And then I need to pick myself up, shake off the dust, and get on with my day, grateful for the tough times upon me that help me to wake up and feel truly alive.

So often we hope that the clouds hanging above our heads will magically part but what I’ve found is that the clouds part through our own volition. We decide that it is time to clear them away. We climb up and with our own two hands, we brush them out-of-the-way to let the light in. We are happy, free, empowered, and awake by choice, not chance. We restore comfort in our lives by creating it in every circumstance of our living.

fear, happiness, love

Leap: Don’t Hold Back

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.” ~ Barbara De Angelis

Put yourself out there. In your relationships, in your job, in your community. You have nothing to lose. Things may not go the way you want them to go and you risk a bit of embarrassment or disappointment. Here’s what’s certain: if you hold back and don’t do something you want to do you will most definitely be disappointed. Worse than that, you’ll have regret. A lot of it.

If you care about something or someone, show it and say it. Make it known. I’d rather be rejected 100 times over than caught up in my shell out of fear. Sometimes we think we’re saving ourselves by holding back but what exactly is it that we’re savings ourselves from? A life fully lived? Learning? Authenticity? Joy?

Here’s the rub: everything we have, everything we feel is temporary. As far as I know, when our crack at life is over, we can’t take any of it with us. It will all fall away. With that in mind, I do everything I can to be as happy as I can as often as possible. I’ll risk some sadness, I’ll actually take the risk of a lot of sadness, in order to have a shot at a life full of meaning, purpose, and service. And I do what I can to bring others along, too.

I’ve lived in the land of holding back and I’ve lived in the land of loving, and I’ll tell you this – loving is always better.

dreams, fear, finance, financing, money

Leap: The Most Important Purpose of Money

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“The importance of money flows from it being a link between the present and the future.” ~ John Maynard Keynes, British economist

Money – what we earn, what we save, what we spend, and what we give away – is always a bridge between what we have now and what we will have in the future. It’s just energy. It ebbs and flows.

This perspective helped me to think of money as a much less terrifying force. I used to be petrified of it. Afraid I’d never have enough. Afraid that my pursuit of it, no matter how noble my path, might consume me if I didn’t remain on constant watch.

Now I see it for what it is – fuel that gets me from where I am now to where I want to be next. In this way it’s become a very selfless entity – something that shows up when I need it, allows me to use it to the best of my ability, and then happily changes hands without even so much as a glance back at me over its shoulder.

It feels good to no longer see it as a foe, but rather as an ally.

choices, commitment, determination, failure, fate, fear, rejection, sadness

Leap: Ditch Your Fear of Rejection

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

I know this is true: because I have no fear of rejection, I have been able to do a lot more with my life than I would have done otherwise.

I’ve been rejected so many times, I’ve lost count. And you know what? None of those rejections killed me. Some of them hurt, badly, but none of them kept me down.

Rejection, that nasty, endless tape of “You can’t…”, “You aren’t good enough to…”, “Who are you to…” is worthless. It runs its mouth and there is no pleasing it. You can’t compromise with it. You can’t reason with it. You can’t take something good from it. It is rotten to the core. All you can do is shut it down.

Here’s the best outcome: you will do something you really want to do, gain confidence, be happy, and then work on your next dream. Awesome.

Here’s another possible outcome: you will pitch yourself into something and it will not work. You will fall down, you’ll perhaps sustain some bumps and bruises, and then you’ll get up. Big deal. You’re strong. You’ll become more resilient with each fall and rise. You’ll live to fight another day.

Here’s the worst possible outcome: you will let the spokesperson for the fear of rejection keep you from trying to do something you really want to do. And you’ll never do it. That’s just sad.

I know which of these paths I’m taking. Do you?