Category: dreams

art, books, dreams, love, relationships

My Year of Hopefulness – The Velveteen Rabbit

Christa Avampato

My friend, Eric, got married this weekend. He is one of my closest friends from business school, someone who got me through many tough assignments and helped keep me sane. We also had a lot of fun together. I’m so happy that he found someone as wonderful as he is and that they’ve started their lives together.

The one reading that he and his new wife, Daphne, had at their wedding is from The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams. The quote considers the very pertinent question “What does it mean to be real?”

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day…

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes. When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

It is the perfect allegory for starting a relationship with someone that is based on love, and therefore the perfect reading for a wedding. It’s also the perfect thing to consider for our lives in general. Our lives, from beginning to end, are based on the art of becoming.

As we grow older we develop new interests and relationships and dreams. Some we accomplish, others die away without coming to fruition for one reason or another, and still others have yet to be found. The end process of becoming is to be real. Authentically, imperfectly, beautifully an individual who will never be replicated nor replaced.

The process of becoming takes patience, with ourselves and with others. It can’t be rushed. We can’t skip to the end to see how it turns out. We can’t work backwards and engineer our way into the best possible ending. It can only be created forward. There will be unexpected instances that must be folded into the process, some will be welcome changes, strokes of luck and genius, and others may be painful and sad. They all matter and all contribute to the piece of art, the life, we get in the end.

Becoming real is not easy. It takes work and perseverance, compromise and sacrifice. And it requires that we take the long-view, always. There will be moments of great triumph and great loss. Those losses are the risks we take and the price we pay for actively living and participating in the world around us, the risks and price for becoming real. And those triumphs and happy moments, big and small, are what make it all worthwhile.

dreams, friendship, music, New York City

My Year of Hopefulness – New York as Neverland

Christa Avampato

If you’re looking for a fountain of youth, consider living in New York City. If it’s your fervent desire to grow up, be a realist, and take life very seriously then this might not be the place for you. This week in particular I’ve noticed the dreamy quality of New York. It’s a place that cultivates and perpetuates dreams of all kinds. In New York, I always feel possibility just around the corner. You really can be anything here.

During the summer, the many outdoor events remind me of everything that New York has to offer and how many people there are to meet just outside the front door. This week, the New York Philharmonic performs their two annual free concerts in Central Park. In all the years I’ve lived in New York, I’ve never seen one of these concerts until this year. My friend, Brandi, left New York this week for greener pastures in DC and a group of us got together for the concert to bid her a fond farewell which none of us are happy about. Brandi goes to this concert every year, and wanted to make sure to catch this one, her last as a New York City resident.

Brandi arrived first, getting us an excellent space in the middle section. From that vantage point we were in the middle of a wonderfully positive energy. The Park was packed, and during the evening I grew more and more grateful for the great diversity housed in this tiny island. Even on our small blanket, different groups of friends joined together from different walks of life to enjoy the event.

In the middle of the Park, I was reminded just how many people live in New York, and how unique each of their stories are. I could hear the laughter from every corner mixing with the music. People were sharing the details of their days. Reminiscing. Talking about what they hoped for and dreamed of. Some people were celebrating and others explained their gratitude for the amazing weather and the opportunity to be together. Flashbulbs were going off all around us as people snapped photos to remember the occasion.

The New York Phil’s concerts represent New York at its best. The many voices coming together, paths converging. Before we left the park, I took a look around, happy to live in a place that constantly changes and yet always feels like home, a place where anything and everything is possible. As the closing fireworks went off, for a moment I actually believed that I could reach out and touch them if I really wanted to. It’s the happy side effect of being a city that makes you feel like you can fly.

art, comedy, dreams, television

My Year of Hopefulness – Drop Dead Diva

Christa Avampato

“You are who you wanna be.” ~ Jane on Drop Dead Diva, played by Brooke Elliott

Last night, the show Drop Dead Diva had its premiere on Lifetime. Most pilots are awful. Beyond awful. This one is inspired, funny, smart, and tragic. Best of all, the back story is one of striving and thriving – a great example for all of us.

My friend, Brooke Elliott, is the star of Drop Dead Diva. I met her in 2002 when I joined the touring company of Beauty and the Beast. She is the funniest person I know. Some people tell funny jokes. Some people have crazy stuff that happens to them and their recounts of those crazy events are funny. Brooke is just funny, about everything. I can be in the most horrid mood, and the way she says hello sets me into giggles. It’s a wonderful, rare quality.

Two years ago I moved back to New York after business school and reconnected with Brooke. We had been in touch over email over the years, but hadn’t seen each other regularly since I left Beauty and the Beast in 2003. By 2007, Brooke had left musical theatre and was focusing on crossing over to film and TV work.

Brooke’s story is one of the most hopeful and compelling I know. When she left musical theatre, a lot of people asked her if she was going to get a day job while she pursued TV and film. Her answer was simple, “No, I’m going to book an acting job. I’m an actor.” No frustration, no anger, no naivety. She was going to practice her craft and make a living doing it. That acting job she was going to book is now Drop Dead Diva. And as so many critics have said, “Brooke Elliott is drop dead terrific.”

Her success comes as no surprise to me. It was just a matter of time before Brooke had her own show. With talent, grace, and determination so immense, the world was going to find her sooner or later and give her the credit she so richly deserves. After all, you are who you wanna be. It’s advice we could all stand to hear a little more often.

If you missed the premiere of Drop Dead Diva, catch the replay of the full episode at http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/shows/drop-dead-diva/video and tune in to Lifetime on Sundays at 9pm Eastern.

books, dreams, insomnia, inspiration, New York City, opportunity, sleep

My Year of Hopefulness – Energy Level

Christa Avampato

“There is something in the New York air that makes sleep useless. Perhaps it is that the heart beats faster here than elsewhere.” ~ Simone de Beauvoir, America Day By Day

Spoken like a true insomniac. I don’t know for sure if Simone de Beauvoir had insomnia, though I do understand her sentiments about New York as she made her way across the U.S. in 1947. Her diary from that year long trek from one U.S. coast to the other became the book America Day by Day. Her first step that journey was off a plane and into New York.

There does seem to be an energy here in this city that I have not found in other places. Maybe it’s the subway rattling underneath the pavement or the soaring buildings that mask the city in a unique pattern of shade and light. I think though that it’s the people that are attracted to New York that give it its famous zing.

The trick to living here and staying sane is to take advantage of the energy while not wearing ourselves out, to find activities to fill our time that give us as much energy as they require. I’ve struggled with this idea at various times in my 11 year love affair with New York. While I’ve moved in and out of the city 4 times since first coming here in 1998, this last time I hit upon the magic combination: a stable income, lots of green space just outside more door, and confidence in who I am. I spend equal time with friends as I do alone. I found an activity I love, writing, that has nothing to do with how I pay my rent. All this combined has made for a magical life. Now all I need is a dog – and he’ll be arriving at my apartment this Fall.

Even when I wasn’t living here, New York was the center of my world. New York was really it for me. It always was; I just didn’t always know that. It’s the place where I feel most alive, where I feel most my true self. It’s the place where I can dream and imagine and wonder. It’s the place where I can appreciate and love the life I have, while also aspiring to be something more.

As it is with so many relationships, it took time away to realize what I had here in this tiny set of islands. New York is a place of constant improvement, continual opportunity, and hopeful exuberance. You really can be anyone here, all it takes is time and commitment and on occasion, a little patience. Lucky for us, Simone de Beauvoir was right: our need for sleep is less here, making accomplishment, and thereby happiness and fulfillment, all the more likely.

The photo above is the New York City skyline at night. You can find this photo at: http://nycwrites.org/yahoo_site_admin/assets/images/nyc_manhattan_night.183194354_std.jpg

China, dreams, economy, entrepreneurship, future, money, social entrepreneurship

My Year of Hopefulness – A $7 lunch and off-balance sheet assets

Christa Avampato

I’m working on some new product ideas especially for the Chinese consumer market and for some perspective I turned to my close friend, Allan, who was born and raised in Beijing. With his drive and intricate understanding of the markets, I am eventually handing all of my money over to him to manage, and if I ever need a board member, my first call is to him. Allan never agrees with me right off the bat about anything – he doesn’t give me an inch of wiggle room. Allan, in his characteristically curious way, questions me incessantly on detail after detail. And I am deeply grateful for that.

Today, our conversation flipped from Chinese vs. American culture (a favorite topic of ours) to the state of our jobs to future plans and then to social enterprise. While everyone on the planet is gushing about the promise and bright future of social enterprise, Allan is skeptical. Today he forced me to take him through the concept of social entrepreneurship, step by step. The financials, the motivation, the benefits, the short-comings, the operational challenges.

Allan took all this information in and to wrap up, he got to 1 more very simple question and 1 very simple conclusion. Allan’s last question: “Christa, are you okay with having a $7 lunch for the rest of your life as opposed to a $70 lunch like those guys on Wall Street?” My answer: “Yes, I’d prefer it that way.” Allan’s reply: “Good. Then you are a perfect candidate to be a social entrepreneur.” Allan’s conclusion: “Seems to me that there must be some off-balance sheet assets that must be accounted for.” How true that is!

For the rest of the afternoon, I thought about the role of off-balance sheet assets that we must consider in every aspect of our lives; how we spend our time and with whom, our happiness, the amount we laugh everyday, and our sense of purpose are all assets that are tough to value in dollars. And yet, they are critically important – I would argue far more important than our salaries (provided our salaries cover our basic needs). These “other” assets, the ones we can’t hold in the palm of our hand, are the stuff that make our lives worthwhile.

Allan and I trekked up to the castle that overlooks the Great Lawn in Central Park. I was grinning from ear to ear and Allan asked me, “What does that view mean to you?” I looked out at the people relaxing, smiling, and enjoying the simultaneously simple and complex act of being alive. A small oasis of hope in a city that is seeing its fair share of challenges. This view is off-balance sheet assets personified. And from that view, their value is very easy to see.

The photo is from Pbase.com/mikebny

change, dreams, imagination, social change

My Year of Hopefulness – The World We Live In

Christa Avampato

“Every aspect of our lives is, in a sense, a vote for the kind of world we want to live in.” ~ Frances Moore Lappe

This is one of the best quotes I’ve read in a long time. Think about the hundreds, even thousands of small choices we make every day. Where to shop, how to commute to work, where to live, work, and play, how to treat strangers and co-workers and family members and friends, where and how we spend our time and with whom. Every one of those choices has an impact on the world, and therefore shapes it.

It’s easy to feel that we’re so small and that the problems in our world are so large that we couldn’t possibly make a difference with our daily choices. The truth is we make a difference with every step without even knowing it. We have so much ability to change our existence and the existence of those around us. We do it every day; we’re already impacting the world right now, so why not recognize that and make the choices that lead us toward making the world the kind of place we want to be?

dreams, entrepreneurship, television

My Year of Hopefulness – Doing the Impossible

Christa Avampato

Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible. –St. Francis of Assisi

Tonight I’m home on one of my writing evenings: I come home from my day job, I make a quick dinner and I spend the entire evening until midnight writing, researching, and reading. I try to have a few of these nights a week. It helps me stay sane and makes me feel like I’m moving forward.

I usually have my TV on while I’m writing for a few reasons – one, it occasionally provides me with some materials and two, it keeps me company in my thoughts. I’ve noticed over the years that my writer’s block begins when I experience complete silence. The TV fills the void while also giving me complete control over the noise level.

I didn’t think I’d ever mention the TV show How I Met Your Mother and St. Francis of Assisi in the same blog post but here we are. I was just watching the show and one of the characters has decided to start his own architecture firm. Like many people who start a project that they are worried is more than they can handle, the character is staring at his phone, unable to pick it up and make calls to potential clients. He’s all he’s got in his own business. He is paralyzed by the fear we all know too well – the fear of failure.

He goes on to tell his friend a story about an architect who build an incredible library. The only problem is that he forgot to account for the weight of the books, and that extra weight caused the library to sink. “What if I forget to account for the weight of the books?” he asks his friend.

I did a little on-line research about this subject and it turns out that there is no truth to this beloved rumor of a library sinking because of the weight of the books it holds. The character was telling this story to himself as a way of stalling, of keeping a dream just a dream, perfect and untouched by someone’s ambition. We’ll tell ourselves anything if it helps curb our fear and anxiety. We’re so in love with the potential of our dreams that we some times have a tough time getting started.

So here are a few ways to help get us going:

1.) I like lists. They can be tools of procrastination so you need to be careful of them. However, if I can break tasks down into smaller tasks and then do one small piece at a time, they seem less daunting.

2.) Reading for inspiration helps me, too. I try to find people who I model my career after and read about how their success unfolded. Usually they made a lot of mistakes and wrong turns on their journey and that helps assuage some of my fears.

3.) And I follow the advice of St. Francis. I have big dreams and big ideas. And sometimes they are too big for me to bear myself. So rather than starting with the seemingly impossible, I just do what I need to do. Then I do what’s possible. And all of a sudden I realize that my big dreams can be accomplished with my big efforts. And before you know it, I’m humming along just fine.

This confirms my desire to believe that the impossible is nothing more than the possible that we just never thought of before.

animals, art, children, dreams, photographs

My Year of Hopefulness – The Art of Gregory Colbert

Christa Avampato

I recently purchased a print by photographer Gregory Colbert. I am in love with his work because it lifts me up in a way that is wholly different from most other fine art. He’s famous for his sepia-toned photographs of people interacting with animals. A boy in Mexico reads a story to an elephant, a gymnast swims with whales, a child crouches down beside a leopard.

The images are striking in their simplicity and their profound belief that animals and people can co-exist peacefully and for mutual benefit. I find that they are images that help me to meditate and center my mind that runs at a million miles an hour these days. I never grow tired of looking at them, imagining the stories behind those photographs. I ask myself so many questions as I look at them: how did this animal and this person come to be in the same place? How do they know each other? What were they doing just before and what did they do just after the photo was taken?

This is the beauty of art like Gregory Colbert’s: it allows us to imagine the improbable, it takes us on a journey that we would never go on otherwise, and it inspires us to dream. Through good art, we actually grow our idea of the world around us and can begin to see our role in the world with fresh eyes. All of sudden we realize that the improbable is not impossible. All things become likely.

dreams, education, hope, youth

A Lesson in Teaching

Christa Avampato

This morning Junior Achievement was on-site at my office building for a day of financial education. I co-taught the first session: A Day in the Life. We discussed feelings about money, sources and uses of it, and the value of savings and making a budget. Those 16 sets of eyes were some of the most discriminating I have ever been in front of. They are reacting to the teacher, to their peers, to the person at the front of the room, all while searching for self-definition. Quite a mixture of emotion, and therefore, behavior. 


We got through the lesson with little pain. Though nervous, I found it was helpful to put on the face of confidence and push through without stuttering or stopping except for questions from the group. I forgot nearly every one of the notes I had memorized. When in doubt of what to say next, I asked for participation, and the students happily responded quickly and intelligently.

I co-taught for close to an hour and then returned to my day. I will admit that today was more irritating than most of my days. It seemed that I would put out one fire and then find that another one had been building strength just behind me. And this went on for several hours. By lunch time, I was cranky. The last thing I felt like doing was having lunch with 16 high school students. But I went because I promised I would go. 

Bob, my previous boss, continually says that there is magic in commitment. I learned that lesson today in a few short minutes, and it was taught to me by a group of 16 year-olds. If you’re ever wondering how old you are, sit with a group of high school students, and will quickly become apparent. Over sandwiches and pasta salad, we talked about their studies, their schools, their hopes for their futures. During our conversation, I felt my frustration lift and dissipate. They made my day brighter by shining their own light on me, and for that I am very grateful. Lesson learned…
career, dreams, friendship, work

Getting to what’s possible

Christa Avampato

Considering the possible alongside the impossible is one of the joyful dichotomies in product development. The excitement bubbles over when you begin to consider, and help others consider, what it would take to remove those two tiny letters, “im”, from the latter. Put another way it’s the commitment of individuals – I am (I’m) going to remove them, and help others do the same.

Yesterday, I had dinner with my college friend, Chris. I hadn’t seen him in 10 years! He’s now at Carnegie Hall working on the international education exchange program. And along the way we have both become interested in technology as a way to communicate art, and we got into a long discussion about vision and funding, whether that funding comes from donors for a nonprofit or from sales and investors for a for-profit company. Money can and often in time does follow vision. The opposite does not work. No leader can gain vision by having funding, and any leader who thinks (s)he can or should progress in that order is setting himself / herself up for a rude awakening.

And yet, it happens all the time. Organizations lose their way. Companies forget their core customer or core competency in favor of some hot trend or a fervent desire to just grow and make as much money as possible. It might work in the short-term; in the long-run failure is nearly certain. In the case of vision, an ounce of prevention is worth a least a pound of cure. So how do we, as individuals and as organizations, stay true to who we are and keep our vision front and center?

I have a few ways that I maintain my vision for my life. I have the great gift of being able to delude myself for a very short period of time (about 60 seconds several times per year). On occasion, I take a minute (literally) and imagine what I’d like to be doing, right now, if money didn’t matter. If I’m doing something radically different, chances are I’m on the wrong track. My writing helps – in print, it’s much harder to lie to yourself. We have this built-in filter that does not allow us to put falsehoods to paper without feeling really awful about ourselves. I also consider my level of sleepiness. While most people may consider their sound sleep to be a good sign, if I’m feeling worn out at the end of the day, sleeping dead to the world, something is terribly wrong. If I’m energized and ready to go 20 hours a day, then I know good stuff is happening.

And in recent months, I have thought a lot about one other remedy. I am still mourning the loss of Tim Russert, especially as this election grows closer and closer. I still flip on the Today Show and expect him to be there guiding us, coaching us along. And the sentiment that everyday he woke up as if he’d just won the lottery sticks with me. I think about people like Tim, people I admire and look up to, and consider whether or not I’d be proud to tell them what I’m doing with my days if I ever had the chance to meet them. In short, I’m trying to win the lottery of life everyday, and trying to take as many others with me as possible. That’s my vision.