Category: decision-making

adventure, choices, decision-making, dreams

Step 319: 2011 Planning

Christa Avampato

“Life’s like a movie, write your own ending. Keep believing, keep pretending.” ~ Jim Henson, American puppeteer

Many companies and organizations are currently reviewing their plans for 2011. They’re asking themselves about low hanging fruit and bit bets, where to place their energy, time, and money. Just as organizations go through this structured planning process, it’s helpful for us to personally review our own plan for 2011. On December 31st, 2011, what do we want to reflect on? What do we want to learn? Where do we want to be and what will we have accomplished? Tell me your ending and let’s figure out how to get there.

Here’s a quick exercise I did recently that really helped me fill in some of the blanks. I’ll keep working on it through December. I hope it helps you, too, as you start to create your dream ending for 2011:

1.) What are your big areas of focus? These can be project-based or topical (personal finance, career, relationships). Mine are all project-based because I work better when my energy is focused by project.

Mine:
a.) Compass Yoga classes
b.) Yoga and personal finance book
c.) This blog (of course) / my writing in general
d.) Innovation Station

2.) What are specific goals under each project or topic that you want to work on? Give each one its own line and feel free to list as many as you’d like. We’ll get to editing later.

Mine:
a.) Compass Yoga classes
– regular weekly yoga class
– give a workshop of some kind
– secure one additional regular teaching gig

b.) Yoga and personal finance book
– get all of the content written and organized
– work with a designer (hopefully my brother-in-law) on an illustration style and cover design
– decide if I want to self-publish or shop it around
– if I want to shop it around, ask for some advice from writer friends on the best way to do that (I know nothing about the traditional
publishing world)
– give a workshop based on the book

c.) This blog (of course) / my writing in general
– choose a blogging topic for the coming year. 2009 was about hope, 2010 has been about living an extraordinary life. What should
2011 be about?
– secure another regular writing gig, similar to my time with Examiner.com
– syndicate the content into a series of smaller e-books by topic
– continue marketing my e-book Hope in Progress

d.) Innovation Station
– compile all of the materials needed for a pilot
– secure a pilot in a public school

3.) Now we have to prioritize! First the big areas you want to focus on, and then the goals underneath each one. If you’re like me, you have a huge list that might just make you a little sleepy just looking at it. I’m not asking you to edit or cross out any of your dreams. Who knows? Maybe you’ll find a way to clone yourself and get it all done, or many some of your to-do’s will take a lot less time and effort than you think they will.

This prioritization will take some time because you have to spend some time thinking about your values. Take the time you need for this portion. This is a year of your life we’re talking about here, so give it the attention it deserves! I’m still in the prioritization phase myself. I’ll get back to you in a later post on how my planning is going.

4.) Once the prioritization phase is done, pour yourself a cocktail of choice and celebrate! You did a good piece of work setting up this plan.

5.) Now, after a celebration, get going. Post your goals on your fridge, on your front door, in your car, at your desk. Anywhere that you will see every day. And remember to celebrate every win, big and small.

Let me know if this process is helpful and what you’re planning for a happy and bright 2011. I’d love to give you a helping hand for an amazing year ahead!

adventure, career, change, choices, decision-making, risk

Step 315: Risks Are Less Scary Than They First Appear

Christa Avampato

I’m a fan of the daily newsletter from Psychology Today. Every day they send over 4 stories that are loosely connected, and try to make their readers better people. A few weeks ago they sent over a set of article about fear and how the mind interprets different fears. My big take-away: we have a warped view of risk, real and perceived.

I think about risk a lot for several specific reasons:

1.) At the moment I work in financial services – an industry built around the ability to manage risk
2.) I’m working on starting a small business – a challenging proposition even when the economy is at its best
3.) I live in New York City, a city built and run by people who take their dreams, and all the risk that those dreams carry, very seriously

One of Psychology Today’s articles talks about the 10 ways we screw up our perception of a risk. The good news: we’re actually much more capable than we give ourselves credit for. I understand that the economy’s in the hole because we got way too confident, that for years we were living way out of the ballpark of our means. I’m not suggesting we get back to that place of too-risky living.

What I am suggesting is that we’ve gone too far in the other direction. We tell ourselves that we can’t take any risk now. Better to stay in the job, relationship, city where we are. New is scary. New is uncertain. New is overrated. I hate that we’ve painted ourselves into a corner. It’s true that we need to make smart choices, but it’s also true that we need to live, really live. We’re creatures of dreams and aspirations and joy. We won’t thrive if we don’t strive.

I’m not telling you to run out into the world, full tilt, throwing any and every caution to the wind. (Well, actually, I think it’s good to do that once in a while.) What I am asking you to do is keep in mind that we only get one crack at this go-around in the world and that this world needs you to live the best life you can imagine. We need you at your very best. It’s my firm belief that we’re at our best when we’re happiest, and we’re happiest when we’re out there in the world living the way we want.

So take a little tip-toe outside of that box you put yourself in. Try something new and different that does nothing but lift your spirits. If we all take some small steps, together we can leap.

choices, creativity, decision-making, determination, passion, patience

Step 269: Stubborn Persistance Pays

Christa Avampato

“Stubbornly persist, and you will find that the limits of your stubbornness go well beyond the stubbornness of your limits.” ~ Robert Brault

Phin and I head out early every morning for an hour-long walk, and I use that time to hang with him, get my own bearings, and meditate on where I am in life at that very moment. This often sends my mind just out over the horizon, into my not-so-distant future. What is it I’m really trying to do? What really matters?

These morning walks often have me thinking about limitations: financial, personal, professional. Sometimes these limitations really grab a hold of me and just won’t let go no matter how much I try to shake them off. I try every trick in my bag to make my limitations vanish (or at least my perception of them) and very often they just hang on, unabated. They are stubborn to say the least.

This morning I tried a different approach. What if I didn’t try to completely bust my limitations but instead just sat and talked with them? What if I could show them that my dreams and I are even more stubborn and will not be dissuaded? I will work around them and do what it takes to get where I want to go. And what if I could see my limitations as gifts, as teachers, rather than roadblocks. What can I learn from them, and more importantly from my fear of them?

As I considered this idea, I could feel my breathing loosen up and the creativity started to seep back in. Limitations exist to give us some bumper lanes, to actually heighten our creativity and provide some structure in which to build the life we want. It’s easy to get bogged down by them, to wish that that they would just melt away giving us complete and total freedom. The truth is that there will always be some kind of limitation on us. No resource is entirely unlimited, except creativity. Limitations may be stubborn, but they’re nothing compared to the creativity we can amass and put to good use to get where we want to go. Persist. Just persist, and see where that takes you.

care, career, choices, commitment, creativity, decision-making, determination, work

Step 266: Don’t Lower Your Expectations

Christa Avampato

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the conditions that surround him. The unreasonable man adapts surrounding conditions to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

When I was in business school, one of my favorite professors revealed his secret for a happy life: low expectations. He was kidding, a little laughter to break the mind numbing tension caused by information overload. He lives a life of the highest expectations I’ve ever known. And it is happy one, too.

Today, I had a conversation with someone who told me she was concerned about my expectations. I was explaining that certain areas of product development like mobile and social technologies require agile development – fail fast and don’t make the same mistake twice. Involve end-users in the process. Beat it, bureaucracy. And no, taking a year to develop a new product or service that isn’t even keeping pace with competition is not acceptable.

She tried to counter by saying that without a knowledge management system in place, there isn’t a way to lower run times between product iterations. I said that building a knowledge management system also needs to be done quickly, and it’s incumbent upon every one to create it and contribute to it. I was being unreasonable and displaying my very high expectations, and I would not back down. Her response, “Well your expectations worry me.” My response, “We have to do better.”

Uncomfortable conversation? Yes. Would I take it back and change my behavior? No. Progress requires unreasonable, unrelenting expectations, and the ability to back them up with creativity and a strong work ethic. And I mean to be a person of progress, not a person of simple adaptation to someone else’s standards. I’d rather aim high and be disappointed every day of my life, than strive for and achieve mediocrity.

choices, decision-making, priorities

Step 262: More Life Editing – My First Lesson from Phineas

Christa Avampato

In January I wrote a post about my wipe board, the blank, erasable canvas that I use to keep track of the projects in my life. In the last two weeks, I’ve noticed that my wipe board, and by association my life, has become too full. I laughed when I caught myself squeezing project descriptions into unreadable script in the corners of the wipe board. I have been doing the exact same thing with my life. It’s easy to sign up, say yes, and create content in our lives. Deciding not to join, saying no, and editing the content are much tougher actions to take.

Now building time into my schedule to bond with and take care of Phin, it’s time for another round of editing. Phin showed up in my life to make me realize what’s really important and needs tending, and also what needs to go. It’s a message Brian has been giving me for months and I’m just now really hearing him – our creativity organizes around the constructs we give it, not the ones created by the outside world.

So I’m taking my time back into my own hands today. I’ve still got some more choices to make, but here’s what’s going so far:

1.) Free writing. Other than my own personal writing like this blog, I’m not writing anything for free – there has to be some kind of payment in the form of some currency I really care about. I have some writing work I want to get to like my yoga / personal finance book. Writing for free when that writing does nothing for me personally just isn’t an option anymore.

2.) Writing about topics I don’t care about. I’ve done some of these assignments recently for all the wrong reasons. Being rewarded financially is important to me, and it’s equally important for me to be rewarded financially for writing about topics that are important to me and that I want to promote.

3.) Work projects and colleagues that suck the life out of me. I have some of these at the moment, and I’ve recently become more vocal at work about the projects I want and the ones I don’t want. In middle management at a large company, it’s easy to just take what I’m given and tow the company line. I can do this, but it makes me miserable. And here’s the real upside about speaking up at work – it’s created a really open relationship with my Director and VP, it’s driving change in the direction that I want it to go, and I’m getting more of the work I want. Leadership from every chair is really important and possible.

4.) Friendships that are not a two-way street. I have a few friendships in my life that are not giving me as much as I’m putting into them and have been putting into them for many years. And then in contrast I have so many that are wonderful, fulfilling, balanced experiences. Going forward, I’m focusing on the latter.

5.) Private clients for Compass Yoga who can be serviced by other yoga teachers. Originally, I thought I would take on any private clients who were willing to work with me. Now, I see that I’m looking for people with very specific needs – whether it’s confidence, or having a specific ailment that they are trying to heal – physical or mental. I’m also tremendously interested in providing yoga to people who want to enhance their creativity through concentrated focus on calming their minds. There are plenty of wonderful yoga teachers who can teach anyone with $100 / hour to spend on private yoga. I’m not the right teacher for those students. My yoga is about helping people who can’t find the physical and mental help they need elsewhere. And that distinction is important, and feel right and good to me.

Are you doing some editing in your life, too? I’d love to hear about the choices you’re making.

choices, decision-making

Step 241: Big Choices

Christa Avampato

The through lines of our lives can be drawn between our tipping points, those moments and decisions that are so influential that they end up shaping our path forward in a dramatic way. I’ve had a few of those moments: my choices to try to create a career in theatre and then to leave touring theatre companies, moving to Florida and then DC, enrolling at Darden for business school, and then moving to New York City post-graduation without a set job.

Now I feel poised on the very edge of another turning point, with a window of opportunity that holds a lot of promise. That window won’t remain open forever. I have a limited amount of time to crawl through. If I choose to let it close, then I am certain that another window will open, but the opportunity will not be the same. Unlike my previous tipping points, this one makes me a little more nervous. I have more to lose now. Finally I’ve gotten to a comfortable point in my life, and I’m thinking of shaking it all up for the shake of a far-reaching dream.

My decision is eminent. In the next few weeks I will have to make some tough and interesting choices. My gut is conflicted, which rarely happens and which indicates to me that this decision is multi-layered with greater complications than my previous tipping points. I promise to disclose all of the details once I’ve made a choice. Until then, I’ll be turning the options over and over, looking for more information, hoping that my gut once again can show me the way.

While I’m thinking about this tipping point, I’d love to hear how you’ve made these types of choices and what the outcome was.

art, choices, decision-making, impact

Step 238: Virtuous Feedback Loops and Doing What We Do Well (and Love)

Christa Avampato

“In the last analysis, the individual person is responsible for living his own life and for “finding himself.” If he persists in shifting his responsibility to somebody else, he fails to find out the meaning of his own existence.” ~ Thomas Merton, Trappist monk, poet, and author

My Uncle Tom sent me this quote just as I was online researching virtuous feedback loops, an operations term that describes a system that is built to educate itself by doing the very act it was created to perform. (There really is no end to my nerd-dom.) With virtuous feedback loops, a system constantly learns and improves. It’s a technical paradigm that at its core supports the old adage of “practice makes perfect”, at least “practice makes better.”

I thought about how we build systems into our lives that function as virtuous feedback loops. Certainly music, sports, the arts, and cooking are examples of these loops – we improve these skills just by practicing them, learning something from each new shot we take at it. Except when we hit a wall. Improvement ceases, we get stuck, and then grow to hate the activity altogether.

I was a saxophone player when I was in school, and I was truly mediocre. I would practice and practice and practice and really never make any great strides. I finally got so frustrated with the lack of progress that I decided to be a jazz fan and turn my artistic energy toward writing, design, and business (which, yes, is most certainly an art). It was a wise choice on my part. I’ve turned out to be a much more productive and happier writer, designer, and business woman than I ever would have been a jazz artist.

We have only so much energy and years to while away on this planet. Thomas Merton implores us to take a look at our lives from our own perspective, not anyone else’s. Take stock of what really matters, what we love to do, and where we can be useful, and action against that. Build virtuous feedback loops in our lives that do what they’re meant to do – help us get better at something we’re meant to do. I wasn’t meant to be a saxophone player. And as disappointed as I was to realize that at the time, I’m glad I didn’t spend years trying to hack away as a mediocre musician.

That move took some serious serious self-analysis and more than a little humility. I had to let go of what I loved but couldn’t improve so that I could find a new happiness and passion. I had to quit to succeed. Sometimes that happens, and it’s okay.

So if you find yourself stuck in a rut, working at something that just isn’t improving and that you’re actually growing to dislike as a result, then maybe it’s time to find a new passion, one that you can improve upon as you practice. Just make sure that if you do get a new dream, you’re the one making the choice. This is your time after all, and you only get one chance to be you.

choices, decision-making, literature, mentor, writer, writing

Step 236: Mentor: A Memoir

Christa Avampato

I went to The Half King (one of the last great New York literary bars) last night to hear the author Tom Grimes talk about his new book Mentor: A Memoir. The book discusses Grime’s relationship with Frank Conroy, his mentor and friend whom he met at the Iowa Writer’s Workshop when Grimes was a graduate student at Iowa. Grimes explained how the book came about from a magazine assignment gone wrong. An editor had asked him to write a piece on Conroy’s work and instead the piece morphed into an exploration of Grime’s mentor relationship with Conroy. While not what the magazine editor asked for, the editor encouraged him to keep going and 8 months later Grimes had a book he never intended to write.

Exceedingly gracious and humble, Grimes also read a passage from the book from his early writing career when he waited tables at a small restaurant in Key West, Florida. He had a several second encounter with Conroy when Conroy spoke on a panel about writing in Key West. Conroy brushed him aside as just another would-be writer wanting admission into Iowa. Because of his rude behavior, Grimes wrote him off until Conroy called him to offer admission and a scholarship to Iowa after Conroy read his application and sample manuscript.

Throughout the talk, Grimes offered advice and encouragement to the audience about publishing, the craft of writing, the struggles that every writer faces in finding their own voice. The advice that sticks with me the most is his most simple and straight-forward: don’t let other people talk you into giving up; only give up when you think you should. It’s good advice for anyone who’s doing something they’re passionate about – their art, a business idea, an education, a community project, even a relationship.

There will also be naysayers, and sometimes those naysayers will be people close to us who care about us and our future. They will tell us how to spend our time, what skills to work on, where to live, go to school, and whom to be with. Ultimately, the only opinion about our lives that really matters is ours because we’re the ones we have to wake up with everyday, no matter what. If you can’t live with yourself and your choices, then it really doesn’t matter if anyone else can. You only get one crack at being you – make sure it’s done on your terms.

The Half King has a great slate of events that happen every Monday night. Check out the schedule and sign up for their email at http://www.thehalfking.com/

choices, decision-making, future

Step 233: Non-negotiables

Christa Avampato

I talked to Brian today about the idea of non-negotiables. Now that the summer is drawing to a close, I’m feeling some shifts in a number of areas of my life. It seems like every piece of ground is a little unstable, a little shaky. Not in a bad, or even uncomfortable, way. Just changing, again. Constant movement. Change opens the way for new beginnings, and Brian encouraged me to think about how I really want to shape this change by establishing my non-negotiables and putting them into action.

My friend, Kristen, is a numerologist and at the start of the year she told me 2010 would be an interesting year, one in which I would just have to hang on as the unexpected twists and turns cropped up fast and furious. She told me that just when I thought I had it all figured out, the year would show we that the unexpected was just over the horizon. I hoped that 2010 would be a time of rest and rejuvenation. And despite my best efforts to make it that way, 2010 has been all about growth and very little about rest. It’s what I needed – 8 months in I’m much stronger than I was at the start of the year.

With everything changing, Brian asked me to think about my non-negotiables in every area of my life: work, home, relationships, how I spend my time, and what I want to look back on my year having accomplished. I can easily tick off a list of things I do want in my life, things I don’t want in my life are more difficult to categorize. I recognize their importance; I understand that they help us to make better choices. But the piece I struggle with is that non-negotiables can lead us to close doors, to let go of certain opportunities. And I suppose a piece of me has a hard time letting go of opportunity; there is something nostalgic about possibility, even if that possibility is a long-shot.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be thinking about the idea of non-negotiables. What stays, what goes, and what needs some more evaluation. Have you been through this process of setting firm non-negotiables in any area of your life? I’d love to know how it went for you.

choices, decision-making, imagination, intelligence

Step 218: Thinking and Doing Are Two Different Things

Christa Avampato

“Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one’s thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing it not enough; we must do.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German Philosopher

“Well done is better than well said.” ~ Ben Franklin

This morning Chris Brogan wrote an interesting post about setting a course that made me think of these Goethe and Franklin quotes.

I had a friend who really wanted to find a job. He’s a smart guy though I have to admit that he’s lazy. He expects his intelligence to carry him through life. He would routinely say that he’s tired of proving himself and potential employers should really recognize his intelligence. He would talk about all these grand plans he had for his career and then spent the bulk of his time playing video games and cleaning his apartment obsessively. He made a lot of plans and articulated a beautiful vision for his career, but he never followed through on anything. Intelligence really doesn’t matter if the ability to execute is lacking.

Every day this same friend would give me (unsolicited) advice on my career, my writing, dating, and myriad of other aspects of my life. If I had taken his advice, I am convinced I would now be angry and miserable. I ignored his advice, and eventually that choice ended up bringing our friendship to an abrupt halt. He wanted someone to be miserable with and when I decided not to play that role, we ended up not having much to talk about.

My friend was one of these “idea guys” who wants to surround himself with people who can bring his vision to life. And that’s an interesting idea but I don’t know anyone who wants to sign up for that gig. Everyone has ideas; the ones that see the light of the day and make a difference are the ones that move from the mind into the real world.

By all means, make plans. Change them, switch them up, talk to people to get their perspective. But eventually we have to stop planning and starting doing. There isn’t any other way forward. Actions, not plans, define who we are and ultimately what we’ll be remembered for.