I tell wonder-filled stories about hope and healing
“It’s a secular blessedness, to love what you do over a very long period of time. That’s as good as it gets.” ~ John Arras, Professor of Bioethics at UVA
I read this quote in our UVA alumni magazine and it warmed my heart. I feel blessed every minute of every day to do work I love. My days are long and busy, and they are most certainly blessed.
I spend a lot of time mentoring young people, especially those just starting their careers. Yesterday one of my mentees told me a horrific story about the behavior of her boss and co-workers toward her. The stress and abuse are affecting her health. I encouraged her to look for a new job. “I need this job. I left my last job because of an abusive boss after 6 months. I can’t leave this one so soon, too. It will look horrible on my resume.”
You know what would be really horrible? Developing a long-term health problem because of working for awful people who are rude, disrespectful, and unprofessional. Everyone deserves dignity; it’s a birthright. If you’re being treated badly, speak up and if your concerns are dismissed, leave. I’ve never been able to tolerate bad behavior and poor treatment, whether it was directed at me or others. I refuse to let it happen on my watch. I walked away many times without knowing what I would do next, and I always figured it out. Here’s the bottom line: you matter. If you don’t matter to the people you work for, then you need to move on. They don’t deserve you.
Now that the first quarter of 2014 is winding down, I am reflecting on and re-assessing my business plan for the year. I’ve found that it’s helpful to ask myself these questions and write out the answers to translate into action plans:
1.) What do I really want to do?
2.) What do I have that can help me do that?
3.) What do I need that will help me do that?
4.) How can I get what I need?
5.) How will I know when I’ve been successful?
I realize I have some heavy lifting and changing to do to answer these questions honestly and craft a road I’m proud to build and travel. It’s exciting to see it laid out in writing. It keeps me focused and persistent, the two attributes I find I need in spades these days. Do you regularly reflect on and reassess where you are on your projects, professional and personal? What questions are most helpful for you?
In many ways, I have my dream client – me. My personal projects, Compass Yoga, Sing After Storms, and this blog – are the most meaningful work I do. They don’t pay the bills yet so I create content and programs for a variety of other clients, too. That’s also very gratifying work because I choose those clients as much as they choose me. For a long time I wanted to work with Sesame Workshop and with an Olympics-related organization. It’s been incredible to have those experiences with those clients.
I’m not sure how much longer I’ll need to take on new clients, though as long as I do I want them to be people and organizations I admire, respect, and that can teach me something new. I keep a running list of dream clients and here’s how that list looks at the present moment:
– Pixar. I’ve worked for Disney Theatrical and I think it would be incredible to learn about Pixar’s storytelling machine.
– CBS Sunday Morning. My favorite morning program that I look forward to every weekend. I love they dig up that no other news program finds.
– Charlie Rose. He might be the last true gentleman of his generation who’s still so active in news and media. We could all learn something from Charlie Rose.
– A dog-based company or organization. This could be a nonprofit, dog products company, veterinary practice, or canine services organization. Phineas is a great teacher.
– Tea. I’m a bit of a tea-fanatic and I’d love to learn more about the cultivation, processing, packaging, and sale of it.
Do you have dream clients or partners you’d like to work with?
About 10 years ago, my sister, Weez, had a difficult health issue. (Don’t worry – she is completely healed, healthy, and sassy now.) In those scary days, her doctor said something that has always struck me as quite possibly the best thing that any doctor has ever said to anyone facing an illness. “I don’t fish. I don’t play golf. I am a doctor. This is my hobby. It’s all I do.” For all the talk about balance between work and life, this doctor’s maniacal focus on his work was exactly what my sister needed to hear.
Rather than building careers that we need a break from, that wear us out and deplete us to the point that a vacation is the only remedy, what if we find a way to build careers that build us up and give us energy? What if we all had careers that mattered so much to us that a separation between work and life was unnecessary, unwanted?
I know this may sound like la-la land to some people. It certainly did to me a few years ago, though now this is exactly the career I have. I wake up every day and write. What I used to do as a hobby on the side is now my focus. I write early in the morning and late into the night. I shut it down when my eyes grow tired or when Phineas lets me know it’s time for his late evening walk before he puts himself to bed, whichever comes first. I work a lot of hours, every day, and I don’t mind at all because I work at the craft that helped me build a life I love, no balancing act required.
I want you to know it’s possible. Even if you have a lot of difficulties, even if all you’ve known is difficulties, it can happen. The only reason I can say this with such confidence is because I came from very tough circumstances. Every step on this journey was tough and took a great deal of effort, and that’s okay. I wanted this enough to work hard for it. It takes planning, patience, time, and passion. I have to commit every day to this path, and it’s still not easy. It is always worth it. Every day, I wrap it up and say thank you because I know just how amazing it is to finally be right here, in this place, doing exactly what I love. I’m a writer, a working writer, exactly what I always wanted to be.
A few weeks ago, I watched an interview with Bryan Cranston of Breaking Bad fame. When he first started out, he met a lot of people who said they were giving their creative dream a shot for a year. If they didn’t have any success in a year, then they would pack up and go home. “That was amazing to me,” he said. “It takes so much longer than a year to realize a dream.”
This is exactly the reason I’m working on a new book, Your Second Step. You’ve taken your first step – you’ve identified your dream and you’ve started working on it – maybe part-time, maybe full-time. Maybe you haven’t seen the success you’d hoped for in the timeline you planned. So should you pack it in? Should you start to work on something else and come back to it later? In other words, should you hedge your bets?
Put aside any disappointment. Go back to the dream itself. Does it still matter to you? If the answer is yes, then don’t hedge and don’t give up. Commit. Double down. Invest more time and more energy, not less. Be Yoda. Don’t try. Do. And keep doing. Don’t back down now. You’re closer to your dream than you think.
In keeping with the theme of using October as a month of renewal, I’ve decided to stop doing some things. Time has value far beyond any other possession we have. We must spend it wisely. For a few months I’ve been writing branded content through a third-party vendor as one of my writing gigs. The vendor has a stable of writers, finds brands that need quality content, and puts the two together.
It’s a fine concept – on paper. The trouble is that with this particular vendor the writers and clients never speak directly to one another. They only communicate via email through the third-party, and very little information is given to the writer at the outset. Lots of signals get crossed and lost, leading to hefty rewrites that make the per piece pay rate untenable given all of the work and re-work each piece takes.
I dropped the gig yesterday, and feel happy / sad about the decision. The third party vendor isn’t happy about it. I never like walking away from work though I understand from friends of mine who have been freelancing far longer than I (Amanda, I’m looking at you with my big blog-y eyes) that this is the way of the freelance world. Not every opportunity will be as good as it seems. And some opportunities will be good for a while, but aren’t suited for the long haul.
As Kenny Rogers says, you gotta know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away, and know when to run. A gambler I am, at least in the proverbial sense. Next!
To move ahead, an arrow must first be drawn backward. So it is for us, too. We take one step forward and two steps back. We feel like we are in a perpetual game of catch up, make ends meet, and CYR (cover your rent). I hear you. I live it, too. For every success I’ve ever had, the have been hundreds, maybe thousands, of strike outs. Sometimes I’ve even gotten up to bat to find out that the whole game was cancelled and everyone heard the news except me.
It takes a certain resilience, a certain beautiful brand of lunacy, to carve our own paths, to buck convention, to make the career we want rather than take a job someone else creates. It is a grind, and a grind is what makes diamonds brilliant; it’s what turns wheat into flour that makes bread; it’s what helps aged spices release their gift of fragrance and flavor. The grind is necessary.
We can’t get ahead without first being behind. We can’t give the best that we have without first undergoing some refinement. Our refinement as entrepreneurs is rejection. Rejection shows us in no uncertain terms what really matters to us, and more importantly it shows us what we’re made of, just how strong we really are.
Life is hard in some ways for everyone, and for some of us it’s hard in many ways. We are all battling something, healing from something. We’ve only really got two choices – we can let what happens to us build us up or break us down. I prefer up.
“Be a jack of all trades, master of one. Be a specialist and a generalist.” ~ Calvin Soh, SXSW V2V
This piece of insight from SXSW V2V may have been the most helpful in terms of my own personal career. For a long time I’ve wrestled with a way to reconcile my vast number of interests with the desire to choose an expertise. During the recession and in its aftermath, I’ve seen specialists struggle to make ends meet. Personally, I’ve felt the stress of being pulled in many different directions by my passions and eagerness to learn new skills and information. Calvin helped me see that both are possible in the world that we live in. Being a generalist and a specialist isn’t weird; it’s necessary.
The secret is self-control and self-monitoring. The key question I have to ask when tackling something new is: how much knowledge do I need to connect the dots and make this new information useful? My former boss Bob G. used to say, “I want to know enough to be dangerous.” In other words, know enough to be articulate and ask the best questions of the experts. I don’t need a PhD in every subject that interests me. I just need to go as far as the fun of learning takes me. That is enough.
There’s nothing like distance to make us realize what matters most. A painter steps back from his painting, a film maker moves away from the tiny screen on which she’s editing to take in the whole world that she has created, a theatre director moves to the back of the house so he can see the whole stage. Our life and work can be unclear when we are trying to get a sense of it while in the midst of it.
I went 3,000 miles away to look at my life and my work and I stayed there longer than I initially wanted to so that I could take in the view. I liked some of the things I saw about my life and I hated others. And then I got out my trusty three lists to sort it all out – things I can easily change, things I can’t change no matter how much I try, and things that I think I can change if I’m willing to put a heck of a lot of work into it. Leo was right – now I can see where there is a lack of harmony, now I can see where the proportions aren’t quite right. I’m more confident in my judgement even if I’m not entirely clear on all of the pieces of the puzzle.
A big overhaul in my life is underway – long overdue and lots of work ahead of me but I’m excited to be digging in, to be getting on with the life I want and not just the life that I have cultivated until now. It’s easy to walk a road; it’s much harder to pave it in a direction I’ve never traveled before but I’m up for the challenge.
Christa Avampato 