Month: August 2011

meditation

Beginning: When to Quit

Christa Avampato

I’m not telling you to quit your job, though that may be immediately what came to mind when you read this headline. Quitting your job might be the answer to the question, “How can I set myself free?” It might also be a terrible choice. Quitting in its many forms – your job, a relationship, moving from the city where you live – are deeply personal decisions and only you can make them because you have to live them.

MJ, a very loyal and resourceful reader of this blog whom I will have the chance to meet in person this weekend!, sent me a recent article from the Harvard Business Review on the idea of giving up by Nilofer Merchant. It is a raw and honest account of the very personal and professional nature of quitting. What it means, how it feels, and how to handle the opinions of others. It gave me the chills to read her personal story first and then her professional story about quitting. Two very different sets of circumstances, two very different outcomes.

I’ve seen friends of mine end up on both sides of the spectrum. They quit, and it was exactly the change they needed to spur growth. Others quit with disastrous consequences. I’ve never quit and regretted it. Never. And here’s why: I don’t quit until my body tells me I must. The mind will try to convince you of all sorts of arguments, pro and con. The mind will ping-pong back and forth in a merciless volley against itself. The body doesn’t. It knows when you’re done. When it’s time to pack your things and go. The mind is clever but the body is brilliant.

It’s always easier to listen to the mind. It’s louder. It nudges you, prods you for action one way or the other. The body’s language is a quiet confidence. We must consciously tune into it as we turn down the volume on the chattering mind. You have to sit with the wisdom of the body, sometimes straining to hear its low, though consistent, hum. It is worth the time and effort, I promise you. Take a seat, close your eyes, relax the muscles of the face, and pay attention. Follow brilliance, and you’ll know if quitting is for you in this moment.

art, dreams, faith, free, work

Beginning: Let Yourself Get Carried Away

Christa Avampato
Illusion of Control by Brian Andreas

“If you hold on to the handle, she said, it’s easier to maintain the illusion of control. But it’s more fun if you just let the wind carry you. “ ~ Brian Andreas

The image to the right the latest piece of art gracing the walls of my tiny New York apartment. Brian Andreas is one of my favorite artists so I was thrilled to find this print of his at the new Housing Works store in my neighborhood just after writing a post about “Letting Go to Be Free”. It was like a universal affirmation telling me, “Hey kid, you’re on the right track. Keep going and have fun in the process.” Thank you, Universe. Duly noted.

I have often written about the illusion of control that came crashing down on us for a solid 18 months starting in 2008. The economy had been chugging along at a healthy clip for a number of years with only a few naysayers wondering just where on Earth all this growth was coming from. We wrote them off as fast as possible, covering our ears, smiling widely, and spending to our heart’s content. And we learned that the heart is never content. It always wants more so we leveraged ourselves to the hilt, the government included, and fooled ourselves into thinking that we were safe. The mind is a slippery place; we can convince ourselves of anything if we try hard enough.

Safety lies not in your company or your professional network. Both are as slippery as the mind. Like the girl in Brian’s painting above, you can hold onto the handle to maintain the illusion of control – after all, that’s what handles are for, right?

Or you could trust the wind, your own intuition. You can tune in to the circumstances around you in a very honest way, understand exactly the resources that you have at-hand (literally), and find the best way to get the two to mesh. The wind will carry you, like it or not. Try to fight those winds, and you’re likely to struggle to no avail. Recognize their power and give yourself a chance to steer them in a direction that works for best for you. Less struggle, more fun, more learning.

From one control freak to another, let’s hold hands and see where the ride takes us.

animals, books, dogs, story, writing, yoga

Beginning: Until Tuesday: A Wounded Warrior and the Golden Retriever Who Saved Him

Christa Avampato

“I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can’t see from the center.” ~ Kurt Vonnegut as quoted by Fmr. Captain Luis Carlos Montalván

I have read a handful of books in my life that have reached down into my soul and taken root. Fmr. Captain Luis Carlos Montalván’s book, Until Tuesday: A Wounded Warrior and the Golden Retriever Who Saved Him, is one of those books. Exquisitely written, Montalván and his beloved service dog, Tuesday, made me laugh, cry, and slam my fists on the table. I read much of it with Phineas, my own canine pal, in my lap, and the book made me hug Phineas even tighter than I usually do.

I  picked up the book after seeing Montalván and Tuesday on Letterman. I usually miss the show because it’s on past my bedtime, but for some reason I was awake that night with the TV on. Montalván’s story is tremendously important to me on a number of levels, and so immediately went out the next day and got the book.

Helping returning vets
With Compass Yoga, I am very focused on helping returning veterans, their families, and caregivers. Montalván taught me so much about war and the toll it takes on a person. His story is at points devastating and my heart felt crushed for all he endured, in Iraq and then once he returned from his tours of duty. The challenges of vets and those who are care for them are complex and messy, and Montalván writes about them in such searing detail that I sometimes felt myself right beside him. It’s a situation I very much need to understand if I am going to be of service to vets when they return home. The book reaffirmed my commitment to them.

Championing the healing power of animals
Tuesday is clearly an exquisite animal, inside and out. Though I’ve never met him, I certainly fell in love with him and his story over the course of the 252-page book. I have been a dog lover all my life. Our family dogs were an enormous part of my childhood – the very best part of it. I adopted my rescue pup, Phineas, a year ago and rehabilitating him has been one of the proudest and happiest achievement of my life. Even on my saddest days, he is a little ray of light in my life and to everyone who meets him. He is not without his challenges, though he has now become so engrained in my life that I can’t imagine being without him. That is the magic of animals, and dogs in particular – just by showing up they teach us about commitment, devotion, love, loyalty, and empathy – all of the things that make us human. They bring out the very best in all of us. I decided to enroll us in therapy dog training this Fall so I can bring him to schools and hospitals to visit. Goodness like Phin’s needs to be shared with the world – Tuesday taught me that.We need more Tuesdays, especially for veterans.

Writing honestly to achieve understanding
Montalván is a master storyteller, and what I so respect and admire most about him is his ability to write so candidly about painful and joyful parts of his life. It took great courage to put pen to page to write this story. He is not a perfect man, and in his honest writing he teaches us that we can’t expect ourselves to be perfect either. He writes about forgiveness and authenticity. He speaks with confidence, grace, wisdom, and strength. He inspired me to continue my own personal writing, particularly about my father, which is a painful and tragic part of my past. Montalván taught me that there is so much redemption available to us through honest and thoughtful writing. He taught me just how mighty the pen can be, and just how capable we are of forgiving ourselves and others.

Until Tuesday is a truly beautiful book, a great gift that I am so grateful to receive. And so I pass the recommendation on to you – let Tuesday into your heart and he will change the way you see the world.

career, experience, work

Beginning: Learning from the Tiny Experiments of The Onion, Starbucks, and Chris Rock

Christa Avampato

On Friday, Brian and I talked about the idea of tiny experiments that get us ready for big leaps. I had been chiding myself a bit about all of the things I haven’t done yet in my 35 years of existence. This kind of topic always gives Brian a good chuckle.

A Realization Date
Last weekend I went on a date (nice guy, but not the right guy for me) and we got into talking about all of the work we’ve both been doing on our own personal projects. I tend to shy away from this type of topic on a first date because I know I am hyper-productive. Unfortunately, this guy kept asking questions and so I had to keep answering. Several times he articulated that he couldn’t believe how much I’ve done in the past two years. While I appreciate the compliment (?), I also know that I need to be with a guy who is in that same mode of productivity, who’s in this life to get as much joy from it as he possibly can. I need someone who inspires me and helps me grow.

The Mind Prepares
This date woke me up a bit and got me out of my tiny rut of being a bit down on myself as of late. I am a tough self-critic. Relentless. I expect a lot of myself. I’m a little annoyed that at 35 I haven’t made some bigger leaps in my professional life. Brian reminded me that I needed all these little pieces that I’ve been collecting over my career, that the step into full-blown entrepreneurship is a big, mind-shifting step and so our bodies and minds try to ease that transition as much as possible. It’s a step-wise process. “Inch by inch, it’s a cinch. Yard by yard, it’s hard.” Every role I’ve had has played it’s part, which might be why I’m being so darn picky about my next role. It’s got to fit in to the master plan, which is a new perspective for me to take.

So how do we cut ourselves some slack to take the small steps that prepare us for the big leaps? Author Peter Sims has some ideas. This Sunday’s Times ran an article by Sims on the “daring to stumble on the road to discovery”. Sims’s book “Little Bets: How Breakthrough Ideas Emerge from Small Discoveries” is a treasure trove of successful examples that illustrate how powerful it is to try, tinker, and try again based on experience. Starbucks, The Onion, and Chris Rock hold the same truth: try out a creative idea on a small beta scale, learn, and then go bigger.

Quiet Down
The article helped to quiet my inner critic. This is exactly the approach I’ve been taking with Compass Yoga. I offered by-donation classes – made a bit of money, grew as a teacher, no way to scale. I rented my own studio space for group classes – broke even financially, took a lot of marketing time, and brought me little satisfaction as a teacher. I attempted to partner with nonprofit organizations and grow a community of new teachers to offer free classes to their communities – no money, lots of administration, grew as a teacher and leader. None of these experiments were a waste, and ultimately they each gave me something that lead me to my latest experiment in mission and direction for Compass.

My message is this: take your time, figure out what you really want to do, and then give a small bet a-go. Hang your foot out over the edge and pay attention to how it feels. If that bet doesn’t work, place your foot back on solid ground, regroup, and try again with a new bet based on your learnings from the first bet. Get going, stumble, discover, learn, repeat. A winning formula.

health, technology, wellness

Beginning: Wellness One Tiny Step At a Time. Repeat Daily.

Christa Avampato

My friend, Pam, recently posted on Facebook about a new service she’s trying out from Me You Health. After a quick sign-up, Me Youth Health will email you one simple step every day that will bring you closer to wellness. Clean out your closet for 15 minutes. Stand up and stretch your abs. Trade your sugary snack for a healthier choice. Click the “Done” button in the email after you’ve completed it and you’re awarded points that can be redeemed for content that helps you improve your wellness is a specific area of your life.

You’ll be able to track your wellness overall, as well as in specific areas of your life. With a few quick questions, I was able to get a clear snapshot of how the pieces of my life are fitting together and which ones really need my attention. It helped me focus my efforts and chart a path to success, exactly as I define it. It’s a brilliant example of how technology can further health.

The site is incredibly interactive, easy to navigate, and has a great community where it’s easy to participate. Ah….everything a social site should be. And all in the name of wellness. I’m in! Join me and add me as a connection so we can share the goodness and encourage each other along the way.

comedy, television

Beginning: Happy 100th to Lucille Ball

Christa Avampato

Lucille Ball is a towering figure of comedy and of my childhood. When I was little, my mom would take my dad to the train station to go to work and I would wake up, make myself some oatmeal, and watch I Love Lucy reruns with my mom until I had to get ready for school. I loved her spunky, “I can do it” attitude, and in many ways I think I fashioned myself after that side of her.

She wasn’t content with an ordinary life, on screen or off, and I admired that. I wasn’t content with it either. Like Lucy, I had big dreams. I wanted to break through, and she showed me that was possible. That we could find our own way.

Today, Lucy would be 100 years old and though she’s been gone now for over 20 years, she’s still making us howl with laughter. With much love and thanks to her for giving me such special memories, here’s a classic Lucy clip that happens to be one of my very favorites. The Spanish subtitle make it even funnier. Enjoy!

movie, story, writing

Beginning: The Only Advice About Writing (and Life!) You’ll Ever Need, Courtesy of Pixar

Christa Avampato

“Find out how a character feels, and why he feels that way. That’s how we write stories.” ~ a member of Disney’s 9 Old Men

Last week I watched the documentary The Pixar Story. Their story is one of resilience and confidence, vision and courage. They are the stuff dreams are made of, and that includes plenty of doubt and failure, grueling schedules and conflict. That company fought for every success they’ve had, and against all odds. It’s better than anything they’ve ever put on screen, and what they’ve put on screen is phenomenal.

They are master storytellers. It’s the most important work they do. The effects and the artistry is groundbreaking and beautiful. It transports us to another world, and it’s all done in service of the story. They take the advice in the quote above very seriously, and it’s been a good reminder to me as I work on new writing projects and genres. All I ever have to do to create a compelling story is to find out how my characters feel, and why they feel that way.

This sentiment is so simple and powerful, not only for writing, but also for living. You seek enlightenment? Get to the bottom of your emotions and you’ll find all the wisdom you’ll ever need.

books, writer, writing

Beginning: The Generosity of Books

Christa Avampato

“For some of us, books are as important as almost anything else on earth. What a miracle it is that out of these small, flat, rigid squares of paper unfolds world after world after world, worlds that sing to you, comfort and quiet or excite you.” ~ Anne Lamott

Anne Lamott is one of my favorite authors. I keep her books close by – she’s taught me about writing and faith, fiction and biography, the human heart’s resilience even when faced with the toughest human conditions. She made me realize the wonder of thoughtful writing.

I use books and writing to take me away. When I was younger, I used them as a way to let my imagination travel. They would help me consider new possibilities; they helped me learn how to dream bigger and brighter. In books, there are no boundaries, and so I realized the same was true of life.

In many ways, I became a writer to pay it forward. Books made me free, even when my circumstances seemed so binding. I wanted to give that gift to someone else, anyone else who wanted as extraordinary life as I want. Books and writing give us a way to give and to get exactly what we need.

art, books, story, writer, writing

Beginning: Author As Art Director

Christa Avampato
Scene from The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore

In the past few months, I’ve been working on some fiction writing for a young adult audience. It’s a fun and interesting project, and it stretches my skills as a writer. I can write lifestyle-type pieces, as I do for this blog, with a certain ease after 4+ years of daily writing. Over 1400 days of practice, and counting.

Fiction is something different. When I write for this blog, I know where I’m going. With fiction, the future is an open road and while you may have a map, the characters take on a life of their own. You have to find out what they’re feeling, and why they feel that way. Sometimes they make you laugh out loud and sometimes they break your heart. The author may create these characters, but like children they grow up to be independent with their own ideas about the world they live in. The author just has to get it all down as honestly as possible.

The story I’m trying to tell is fantastical and though I’m not a terribly visual person, I’ve found myself imaging scenes and colors, as if I’m on the outside of a large picture window, peering in with my hands framing my eyes. I’ve struggled a bit with how to describe in words what I see in my mind’s eye, with how to communicate to a reader everything that I imagine. How do I get the reader to see all of the detail I see, exactly as I see it.

And then I came across “The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore”, a creation of Moonbot Studios. The story is not quite a cartoon, not quite an ebook. It’s a delightful mash-up of the two, and it is the new poster child of just what’s possible with electronic books, particularly for a young audience.

After watching “The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore”, I realized that writers and storytellers have just picked up another hat. I can now imagine a time not too far off when people will laugh about the term “transmedia storytelling” because all stories will have to jump across different mediums with ease in order to delight an audience with increasingly savvy expectations. It won’t just be a nice bonus, but required development. Writers, grab your virtual paintbrushes – you’re going to need them!

career, dreams, learning, work, yoga

Beginning: Wounds Can Be Made Into Wisdom

Christa Avampato

“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

Opposites are a blessing. We gain new insight into joy through sorrow, love through heartbreak, health through sickness, success through failure. In this way, not getting what we want is a reason to be grateful.

A blessing wrapped in disappointment
When I graduated from business school, I wanted to get a job in media. I had been out of the entertainment industry for a few years and I wanted to get to it more than anything. I interviewed at NBC and it proved to be a day of horrible experiences. I didn’t get the job, and even if I did I wouldn’t have taken it. The day of interviews was that bad, and I was horribly disappointed and hurt by the process. I have been a huge fan of NBC since I was a kid, and this was a dream job for me for as long as I can remember. With this opportunity gone, I had to get a new dream. And I did through Compass Yoga. NBC did me a huge favor in the long-run, even if I didn’t know that at the time.

A chance to show what you know
As life often does, I got another chance to enter the world of television. I recently interviewed for another large TV network whose work I greatly admire. This time I didn’t go into the situation with rose-colored glasses like I did with NBC. I was clear about who I am, how I like to work, and what I’m meant to do. This opportunity just wasn’t what I wanted, and so I opted out of the process despite the network’s strong plea for me to see it through.

That wound from my NBC interview provided me with a great amount of wisdom and the confidence to take control of my own career. It felt good to turn toward a path of my own making.