“Your relationship needs to be a source of joy. Don’t forget that.” ~ Brian
At 35, I finally feel ready to begin a lifelong relationship. This was a long road – about a decade longer than I imagined it would be. For a while I thought that I might just date forever because it seemed like it would be much more fun than all the ways that a bigger commitment could go wrong. I’ve seen too many friends and family members have their hearts ripped apart my a romantic commitment gone wrong. It was hard enough to watch these relationships end as an outsider to the situation. I wasn’t sure I could handle it on my own. Despite my sometimes-too-tough exterior, there’s a fairly intense fear of heartbreak and disappointment locked up inside me.
I talked to Brian about this last week about my recent dating experiences. I’ve gotten quite good at figuring out very quickly if there’s real potential with a guy I’m dating. Brian had me make up a list of my nonnegotiables in an effort to build up my perception skills in dating. That’s been working well, but I just can’t believe how many frogs there are! And then he said something I had forgotten in all the hustle and bustle of dating. Meeting the right person and being with him is a source of joy. I was so focused on my list that I forgot to visualize what it will be like to be with that right guy. Focusing on the work of dating, I lost the picture of what it’s like to be with the right person.
With the idea of joy, something strange happened. The fear I felt about falling in love again just melted. The possibility of heartbreak and disappointment didn’t seem so scary anymore when I concentrated on making the choices in my life that bring more joy. Sometimes that means moving toward something or someone and sometimes that means moving away. It’s all just a pursuit of what creates the most joy. And yes sometimes those choices are tough and are cause for compromise or change, but in the end they all serve the same purpose. We’re just trying to make our days as meaningful as they can be.
Published by Christa Avampato
The short of it:
Writer. Health, education, and art advocate. Theater and film producer. Visual artist. Product geek. Proud alumnae of the University of Pennsylvania (BA) and the Darden School of Business at the University of Virginia (MBA). Inspired by ancient wisdom & modern tech. Proliferator of goodness. Opener of doors. Friend to animals. Fan of creative work in all its wondrous forms. I use my business skills to create passion projects that build a better world. I’ve been called the happiest New Yorker, and I try hard to live up to that title every day.
The long of it:
My career has stretched across Capitol Hill, Broadway theatre, education, nonprofit fundraising, health and wellness, and Fortune 500 companies in retail, media, entertainment, technology, and financial services. I’ve been a product developer and product manager, theater manager, strategic consultant, marketer, voice over artist, , teacher, and fundraiser. I use my business and storytelling to support and sustain passion projects that build a better world. In every experience, I’ve used my sense of and respect for elegant design to develop meaningful products, services, programs, and events.
While building a business career, I also built a strong portfolio as a journalist, novelist, freelance writer, interviewer, presenter, and public speaker. My writing has appeared in The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, PBS.org, Boston.com, Royal Media Partners publications, and The Motley Fool on a wide range of topics including business, technology, science, health, education, culture, and lifestyle. I have also been an invited speaker at SXSW, Teach for America, Avon headquarters, Games for Change, NYU, Columbia University, Hunter College, and the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America. The first book in my young adult book series, Emerson Page and Where the Light Enters, was acquired by a publisher and launched in November 2017. I’m currently working on the second book in the series.
A recovering multi-tasker, I’m equally at home in front of my Mac, on my yoga mat, walking my rescue dog, Phineas, traveling with a purpose, or practicing the high-art of people watching. I also cut up small bits of paper and put them back together as a collage artist.
My company:
I’m bringing together all of my business and creative career paths as the Founder of Double or Nothing Media:
• I craft products, programs, and projects that make a difference;
• I build the business plans that make what I craft financially sustainable;
• I tell the stories that matter about the people, places, and products that inspire me.
Follow my adventures on Twitter at https://twitter.com/christanyc and Instagram at https://instagram.com/christarosenyc.
View all posts by Christa Avampato
“Your relationship needs to be a source of joy. Don’t forget that.” ~ Brian
Christa Avampato 
This is awesome!!! Go you. I’m proud of you for working through the fear. I think we’ve all protected ourselves against the possibility of love because there’s a potential for hurt but the guarding is both ways – you can’t get the joy without the risk.
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Hi Jennifer – thanks so much! It is that joy that for too long I forgot about. Yes, relationships are work but with the right person that work is more than worth it!
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Christa,
I want to take this opportunity to thank you for writing this post. It was deeply moving and comes straight from your heart. I appreciate your life situation even more now.
I think you are on the right path. Dating is a great option. You may even find the right guy through your work and volunteering opportunities and socials. Keep on going.
So many relationships fizzle out. It is difficult to find the right person who will stay with you through the ups and downs of life. This is true for many singles like you, me thinks, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
There are plenty of eligible bachelors out there for you. It is just a matter of time before you find the right one. It will just feel right to you to be in his company and you will enjoy it. You will look forward to meeting him.
In the end, he will make you happy. As always, I wish you the best and hope you will find what you are looking for. Keep on meeting different guys even if a few end up as duds or frogs.
Through the process of trial and error, you will find closure.
May your life be paved with gold and honey. Cheers to you.
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Hi Archan,
Thanks so much. For too long I’ve thought about all of the downsides of being committed again and forgot about all of the joy that it brings as well. There’s a difference between being realistic about the possibilities and shutting down the possibilities all together to completely avoid risk. The latter leads us too far away from the joy. Cheers to more dating and searching!
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