Step 85: Choosing Where to Place Our Energy

“The only thing that keeps a man going is energy. And what is energy but liking life?” ~ Louis Auchincloss

Today someone whom I volunteer with tried to give away my time. A month ago I had offered to help with an event this person is running and then, unbeknownst to me, she assigned me to run the entire event without asking me if I’d be willing to do that. Even worse, she sent around an email, buried the change in the minutes, and then never said a word about it to me until today when she needed something.

A younger me (and by younger I mean 6 months ago), would have taken on the job, even though I didn’t agree to it, because I would have felt obligated. I would have felt like I needed to take on the event because otherwise I would let this person down, even though this person gave away my time publicly without my consent. Mind you this person is overwhelmed at work (aren’t we all these days?) and the other people on her committee are not engaged (which I think she should take a hard look at and find out why that might be rather than playing the martyr). I am sure she didn’t intend to be sneaky and assign me to a responsibility I didn’t agree to. The trouble is she’s a poor leader, and I have no intention of ever following a poor leader again. I’ve been there thank you, and it’s not fun. Poor leadership sucks the life out of me.

So very professionally I paid tribute to my anger, made it clear that this person could not give away my time, and could not assign me to a responsibility that I didn’t accept, no matter how many smiley faces she puts in an email and no matter how much she complains about her life. I kindly told her that she would have to find someone else to take full responsibility for the event. Offering to help with an event and taking full-responsibility for it are two different things. Rather than feel guilt about this, as I could have in the past, I learned that I can have empathy for her situation without accepting a responsibility that I didn’t sign up for. If I had the time to fully take on the event by myself, I would help her out, but I don’t have the time and her behavior is unacceptable. So I took myself out of the game. She’ll have to look elsewhere for someone who’s willing to tolerate that treatment. The train I’m driving has left the station.

Life is about energy, and we need to seek out people, relationships, and activities that provide us with enjoyment to provide us with that energy. We can’t let others weigh us down. We can feel for them, have empathy for their situations (which most of the time they bring on themselves), and also preserve our own dignity and self-respect. (Now, I’m talking about people who are truly down on their luck and need our help because they actually can’t help themselves. I’m talking about people who make choices and then don’t accept the responsibilities that go along with those choices). It is a human right to enjoy our lives to the fullest, and the moment someone begins to treat us in a way that compromises that right, we can take our energies elsewhere. There are people out there who do appreciate our time and effort, and those are the people who deserve our attention.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.