Category: peace

holiday, peace, stress, tradition

Step 339: Take the Stress Out of Togetherness

Christa Avampato

“Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.” ~ Henry Ford

The holiday season brings about a lot of thinking around the importance of togetherness. Why we come together and how much happiness we gain from being part of a community, particularly a community of our own design. Togetherness can bring stress as well especially around the holidays. There’s an old age that goes something like “If you want to test your level of enlightenment, go spend a week with your family.” As much as we like to think that the holidays are nothing but love and light, they can bring tensions, old and new. And then to top it off, we feel guilty about those tensions because we think every family in the world is perfect and content while ours is the one that isn’t.

Over the years, I’ve found that there could be nothing further from the truth. Every family has its own secrets and myths, its rivalries and competitions. No family is perfect. Every family has its complexities and idiosyncracies. If you feel tensions creeping in at all during family or friend gatherings over the next few weeks, here are 3 ways to keep it from getting the best of you and those around you:

1.) Make meals easy. If togetherness is really the important thing to you, forget about all of the fuss. The table and food don’t need to be perfect and special – it just needs to be heartfelt. You don’t need to become an overnight gourmet, or even a cook at all. Focus on being together, not on the table settings. Martha Stewart’s way isn’t the only way to a happy holiday meal.

2.) Ease up on the gifts. The economy is still in very tough shape. Every day there are conflicting job reports, and with every ounce of good economic news, there’s a hefty dose of reality, too. Maybe this is a year to ease up on all of the shopping craziness. I’d be much happier knowing that a donation was made in my name to people who really need help this holiday season. I really don’t need anything – I’m more than fine. I’m much happier with a fun experience than a wrapped box under the tree.

3.) No one ever said the holidays are only about togetherness. Take some time out for you. Make it your gift to yourself to relax and unwind. Take a yoga class, go get a massage, or take a long walk. Enjoy an afternoon at home with a good book and a yummy beverage. A little down time will help you relax into the time you have with others and appreciate that togetherness even more.

What tips have helped you calm holiday stress?

death, dying, gratitude, happiness, peace, religion

My Year of Hopefulness – Trinity Churchyard

Christa Avampato

A happy side effect of losing close family members at a young age is that I never feel uncomfortable with the concept of death. I often talk to my relatives who have crossed-over. I think about them all of the time; I find reminders of them everywhere; I feel their presence in my daily life. On and off in my life I’ve done volunteer work in nursing homes, with hospice, and in critical care facilities in hospitals. It’s something I’m considering doing again – there’s so much to be learned about life from the dying.

Because of my comfort with death and dying, I find comfort in places like cemeteries. They’re such peaceful places. On my lunch break yesterday, I went to do an errand and went past Trinity Churchyard, this tiny plot of land that sits at the corner of Wall Street and Broadway. It’s a small green haven among the concrete and constant construction in the area. It is the final resting place for a number of famous New Yorkers, Alexander Hamilton being the most iconic figure there. I couldn’t resist stepping inside for a moment. Once I crossed through the gate, the noise of the city seemed to dissipate. I don’t know how that happened. The sunshine seemed a little brighter, the air felt a little sweeter. It actually felt homey.
Much to my relief, many other people were seated on the benches that are dotted along the cemetery paths. People enjoying their lunch, talking with friends, sitting quietly, thinking. It was a sweet thing to see the living and the dead co-exist in such an easy harmony. It’s exactly what a final resting place should be.
I felt drawn to take a look into Trinity Church as well. I felt like I was peeking into someone’s home. It’s a fairly small church when compared to the likes of St. Pat’s or St. John the Divine, but it feels warmer, like a place where you could take your problems and worries and ask for help. In the main hall, I felt like I was so close to something holy, a kind and empathic ear.
In the back of the church there is a small chapel meant for quiet contemplation and prayer. There was a man at the front weeping, softly. He must be going through a very hard time. I lit one of the candles just outside the chapel and took a seat in the back. I thanked God for helping me through these last few weeks, offered up my immense gratitude for my wonderful friends and family who have been so supportive and helpful.
Just before I left, I found myself saying a little prayer for the man at the front of the chapel. I don’t know him, will probably never know him. I don’t know what he’s going through but it must be something very difficult. I prayed that the same strength I’ve found in the past few weeks will touch him as well, that somehow the strength and positive outlook that’s been such a gift to me will find its way to him also. With all of the abundant blessings in my own life, I felt that it was the least I could do.
happiness, home, peace, simplicity

My Year of Hopefulness – Living With Less

Christa Avampato

My friend, Laura, and I have made a pact of simplicity, a promise to keep each other on the path of less is more. My apartment’s furniture consists of a yoga mat, my friend, Jamie’s, air mattress, and a couple of IKEA plastic chairs that I plan to use on my little patio. It’s sort of like camping indoors. I lie awake at night staring out the windows at the beautifully illuminated view, and I say a little prayer in the hopes that I will always feel this content.

I don’t know that I’ve ever been happier with the decor of an apartment. In my old apartment, I was in such a rush to get it “perfect”. I actually made that statement out loud several times and each time it felt wrong. Now that I think back on that old apartment, there was always something just a bit off about it. I felt shut in despite all of the space. Now with less room in my new apartment and fewer belongings I feel a freedom that I don’t think I’ve ever felt before at home.

On Tuesday I saw my first sunset from my patio. I face west toward the Hudson River and my view is dotted with those beautiful water towers that are found everywhere in New York City if we turn our gaze upward. The sky was a deep ruby red and lined with puffy clouds that took on a dusty blue hue as the sun sunk down behind New Jersey. There’s an odd, comfortable feeling of belonging in this new space. I can’t explain it except to say that it feels just right, imperfect and unfinished.
My life prior to this most recent move was too full. I felt too obligated, too burdened, a little claustrophobic and over-committed. I just didn’t know how to simplify, how to free up my energy and my time. Now that I am through the stress of the most recent events, I am searching for every bright side possible. I’m too grateful for today, for every day, to not look for the bright sides. I’m turning over every stone to make sure I find as much happiness as possible.
In the past few days, I’ve found myself more relaxed and at ease, reluctant to rush or buy much of anything, reluctant to give away my time and space for anything less than those people and things that I truly, truly treasure. It’s a sweet feeling to be surrounded only with what fills us up with joy.
apartment, home, peace, writer, writing

My Year of Hopefulness – Writing Peace

Christa Avampato

“We cast a shadow on something wherever we stand. Choose a place…and stand in it for all you are worth, facing the sunshine.” ~E.M.

Forester, A Room with a View Yesterday I read a post on Theatre Folk that talks about how the physical place where a writer is located effects the quality of the writing. So often, we think writing is some elusive, muse-like magic that just shows up when it’s good and ready. I’m still waiting for my muse to walk through the door, so I figured that while I’m waiting I should follow the advice of E.M. Forester and hang out in the sunshine.

Right now as I’m writing this post, sunshine is streaming through my living room window, dappling the keyboard. My apartment faces into the courtyard (which sounds lavish, but I can assure you it’s not) so I can see the goings on of all my neighbors if they’re at their windows. This also means I avoid a great majority of the street noise, though because I’m on a higher floor, I also get the sunlight. It’s a win-win for me and my writing. There are some trees and butterflies outside right now. The blue sky is swirled with clouds and the breeze in gently blowing. It’s a peaceful kind of place.

By my desk I keep three things taped to the wall. One is a card with the quote from Thomas Jefferson, “The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.” The art of brevity and good editing. The second is a card that has my 2009 to-do list. I wrote it up in December of 2008 and so far, I’m doing pretty well. I’m actually on track to complete all 10 by the end of the year. They are things I am really interested in, and just needed to dedicate the time to them. For example, I wanted to cook more, get a new apartment, and expand the reach of my writing. Done, done, and done. The third thing is a card with a simple quote by John F. Kennedy: “Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process.”

I used to think that peace was a destination. An achievement. Since I was a teenager, I made one simple wish on birthdays, when I’d see the first star at night, whenever I’d blow an eyelash from my fingertip. I just wanted to feel at peace. Sounds like such an easy thing to have. Just stop worrying and feeling anxious and scared and stressed, right? Right. And all of that was very hard for me. Much harder than I wanted it to be so in addition to feeling all of these things I also felt frustrated. Where was that damn peace of mind hiding?

Now I know that peace wasn’t hiding at all. In order to access it, I had to go out into the world and live. Peace doesn’t have a permanent place at all. It’s an active, living, breathing way of life that moves with us, within us. It’s accessible at any and every moment. And just because we feel it at this moment, doesn’t mean it will be readily apparent the next. It is a state of mind that we must continually commit to, and share with others. And eventually, it just becomes a part of us. We will, with time, patience, and practice, be a living vessel for peace, and I hope my writing takes on that form as well. Though to tell you the truth, sunshine on my keyboard certainly helps.

The photo above is the view from my desk in my living room, where I do most of my writing. If you look closely you can see my reflection in the bottom left corner, snapping the photo.

calm, health, meditation, peace, stress, yoga

My Year of Hopefulness – Stop the World, I Want to Get Off

Christa Avampato
This week has been a roller coaster. My stress level was up and down every other hour, so much so that at one point I was physically dizzy. I was joking with my friend, Denise, who was having a similar week, that my theme song should be “Stop the World, I Want to Get Off.” Then she reminded me that should be the theme song not just this week but every week.

To reduce stress and keep myself in check, I practice yoga, run, meditate, and breath. I back away from stress slowly, keeping my eye on its source so that it doesn’t sneak up on me again for a repeat performance. I think of it as a very hungry grizzly bear, something to be handled with extreme care and to diffuse by almost any means necessary.

I keep looking for ways to cut stress from my life, as if it’s some disease. The moment it rears its ugly head I want to banish it. This week I tried to appreciate stress’s occasional appearance in my life. It puts a fire under me to get something finished. In my effort to diffuse stress, I actually max out my productivity to get the job done. Stress often leads me to some of my most creative work. (I wish some scientist would do a study on stress’s effect on creativity.)

This isn’t to say that I crave stress, seek it out, or love opening up my front door to see it glaring down at me. It’s true that when it arrives, I hang my head a little low and quietly curse under my breathe “not again!” However, after a minute or two, I sit up straight, roll-up my sleeves and get to work. In the case of stress, there’s no way past it except through it. While the temptation is to step off the stress merry-go-round, there are a lot of learnings and value to be derived from its occasional visit. Our challenge is to manage through it so that it doesn’t set up camp and make itself at home in our everyday lives.

art, calm, career, encouragement, job, meditation, peace, work

Keep Calm and Carry On

Christa Avampato

My friend, Monika, graciously hosts group dinners at her home; a small group of us are hoping to make this a regular event with each of us taking turns with the hosting duties. Yesterday, I went over to Monika’s and we were taking turns trading stories about work when I noticed a poster she just had framed. It’s reprint of a WWII British propaganda poster that reads “Keep Calm and Carry On”. I figured if the British could keep their cool during such tumultuous times, I could certainly do the same. 


At the moment I am feel a fair amount of anxiety, more than I have felt in a long time. A lot to do and not enough time to do it. All day today I’ve been working, getting things in order, and I have been concentrating on my anxiety trying to figure out how to get it to dissipate. It really is like this knot in the very pit of my stomach, and it’s casing my muscles to ache, especially in my shoulders and neck. So I sat for a few minutes on my couch, and concentrated on just breathing, just being. And remarkably I felt better despite that I hadn’t gotten any further along than I was 5 minutes before.      

I realized how much time and energy I was spending being frustrated and irritated. How much effort I was putting into my disappointment. And it was clouding my ability to see this tremendous opportunity for growth and change that was being laid at my feet. Challenging situation, yes. Impossible to get through, of course not. It’s a moment when I am rising to my potential and then some. And that is something to be grateful for, if only I can remember to “Keep Calm and Carry On”. I just ordered my poster. Get yours at:  http://www.barterbooks.co.uk/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=32036    
family, friendship, home, peace, visitors

The Irony of Company

Christa Avampato

I love company – so much so that I sometimes I think I am running a small hotel in my studio apartment. My sister, brother-in-law, and baby niece just left after a four-day stay with me. I loved showing them around, taking photos of them in places familiar to me but new to them, and seeing NYC through their fresh and appreciative eyes.


The irony is that I have worked hard to create a very peaceful life. Odd that we should have to work at peace, but I must admit that it is a daily process rather than a destination. And sometimes I wonder if my desire for peace is causing me to create a world where change is something I resist. 

This is strange ground for me — I am used to actively seeking and embracing change. Now it seems the challenge for me is how to have my peace and maintain it too, while also staying flexible and open to the world and the opportunities it presents. 
happiness, news, peace

100 Ways to Generate Peace

Christa Avampato

I receive an email every day from Daily Good. With all of the negative news out in the world, I wanted to have a daily reminder of wonderful things that are happening to. Even in the darkest times, there are at least slivers of light.

Today I received an especially dose of Daily Good. David Krieger, Founder and President of the Nuclear Age Peace Foundation, put together 100 ways that each of us can create a more peaceful world. They’re simple things. Nothing Earth shattering. Nice reminders of things that we need to be reminded of. I’m printing it out and hanging it up in my home in the hopes that these reminders will bring about a more peaceful 2008, even if just in my own small world.

The list of 100 ways to generate peace and the photo above can be found at http://www.wagingpeace.org/menu/issues/peace-&-war/start/100-peace-ideas/100-peace-ideas.htm