Category: happiness

books, business, choices, entrepreneurship, happiness, job

Beginning: Joy is the First Ingredient of a New Start-up

Christa Avampato

“Intelligence and capability are not enough.There must be the joy of doing something beautiful.” ~ Dr. Govindappa Venkataswamy (Dr. V) – via Daily Good

As the year is winding down, I’m winding my way through Escape from Cubicle Nation: From Corporate Prisoner to Thriving Entrepreneur by Pam Slim. It’s addressing a lot of the concerns (some valid, some not) that I’ve had about Compass Yoga and my desire to work for myself full-time. It’s also been able to help me put together a plan of how to make this transition with unflappable grace and the best possible chance of success.

Work needs to equal joy
If you’re on the journey of entrepreneurship, too, and you don’t know where to start. Take Dr. V’s advice in the quote above (and then buy Pam’s book for everything else that follows!) There has got to be a great element of joy in the actual work you want to do. And while that’s true whether you work for yourself or someone else, it’s absolutely vital if you’re on your own.

When someone else is paying you a steady salary and benefits, you begin to weigh that against whether or not you really love the work. It’s easy for a lot of people to justify not loving the work when they have a lot of other benefits. On your own, the income may be unsteady (especially in the start-up phase) and the fringe benefits could be a step down from what you’re used to. In those moments, the joy of the work has to be a large part of the comfort you receive. Without it, the whole plan fall to pieces. The joy is the linchpin.

Why I’m glad I didn’t try to be a full-time freelance writer
For the past few years, I had been thinking about transitioning into being a freelance writer full-time. This would have been a very bad idea for a lot of reasons, and the main reason is that I actually don’t find joy in just the act of writing. My joy is found in writing exactly what I want to write, when, where, and how I want to write it. That is not always the choice of a freelance writer, and certainly not of one who is just starting out.

I took a fairly lucrative freelance writing job about legal topics for a newsletter that is sent to lawyers. I wrote a total of 3 articles and hated every single minute of it. If I had been a full-time freelance writer, I might have needed to continue in the contract to support myself. As a side job, I dropped it and learned a valuable lesson in the process.

Get going with joy
There are a lot of business ideas out there and a lot of unmet consumer needs that are ripe for entrepreneurs to take up. Find the ones that generate so much joy that you can’t wait to dig into the work. And be clear about exactly the work you love to do – there’s no such thing as too much detail in their definition. Then work like heck to put a structure around that joy so that you can afford to live a lifestyle in line with your values.

Now get cracking!

death, happiness

Beginning: Learn to Live Like You’re Dying

Christa Avampato
Image courtesy of h.koppdelaney

A few days ago I read a post entitled, “Top Five Regrets of the Dying.” Sound morbid? Read it anyway and learn from those who are preparing to cross over. They’ve taken the time to spell it out for us so that we can learn from their mistakes before it’s too late for us to do anything about them in our own lives. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about these ideas since I read them and I hope they always sticks with me.

Top Five Regrets of the Dying
By Bronnie Ware

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try to honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.

Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
This is a surprisingly common one.

Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice.

They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Original source – http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

Check out the book THE TOP FIVE REGRETS OF THE DYING by Bronnie Ware.
The amazon online shopping page for the book.

career, happiness

Beginning: The 10 Commandments of Steve Jobs

Christa Avampato

My friend, Lon, sent this infographic to me. I immediately printed it out and hung it up at my desk. I’m working on my own version of the 10 commandments – how I work and live, what I believe to be the blocks that help to build a life to a happy, fulfilling life. I’ll share them as soon as I’ve completed. Do you have a Until then, here’s Steve’s. Do you have a version you’d like to share?

books, feelings, film, happiness, medical, medicine

Beginning: This Emotional Life

Christa Avampato

I’ve been a fan of Dan Gilbert since I read his book Stumbling on Happiness about 5 years ago. Kelly, a dear friend and one of my housemates in graduate school at Darden, suggested it to me after it was assigned in one of her leadership classes. I’ve always been fascinated by happiness, primarily because it seemed like such an elusive thing to me for so long, though this book helped to intellectualize happiness for me, to start to realize the profound influence of the mind-body connection.

Last year, Gilbert put together a 3-part series for PBS called This Emotional Life. It’s roughly a 6-hour documentary exploring relationships, facing fears, and rethinking happiness in the context of these two complex areas. It’s remarkably well-researched with experts from a wide array of fields sharing their personal and professional stories. There is a piece on veterans in the second part of the documentary that features, Penn, my other alma mater. Another piece of my history fell into place. The documentary was so successful that it has now become a multi-platform source of information on the topic.

This documentary opens our eyes to taboo subjects – depression, therapy, anxiety, and fear – and makes the subjects palpable. It opens up the communication channels and shows that when we can discuss these subjects in a public forum, there is a great amount of freedom to gain. Truth be told, these are not isolated instances that happen to a minority of people. It is wide-spread, and there is help available.

As someone who has struggled, mostly in silence, this these types of issues, I’m grateful that so many top scientists and researchers have taken such an interest in tackling this difficult and uncomfortable subject. Coming through the other side of the issues, I feel so empowered to be able to help others on this journey to rebuild their own vitality. This Emotional Life reminded me of how much work there is to do and how much relief Compass Yoga can bring to so many who need it.

generosity, happiness, impact, kindness

Beginning: The Secret to a Happy Life is to Be Good And Do Good

Christa Avampato

yvonnedevilliers.com
“Aim above morality. Be not simply good. Be good for something.” ~ Henry David Thoreau via Tiny Buddha

This week I’ve been preoccupied with and writing about a mission-driven life and the power of making our own personal missions the center of our work. A fulfilling, meaningful life requires a cause, a passion, a center. It’s important to be a good person – to be kind and generous and grateful. It’s equally as important to do something powerful with that goodness – to be helpful and inspiring and gracious.

I was on an elevator recently and someone gave my yoga mat bag a funny look. “Is that a weapon?” the man asked me. “Yes,” I replied. “It’s a weapon for goodness.” And it is.

The goal of my teaching is to help everyone I ever come in contact with, on and off the mat, to become the very best version of who they are. I’m at my best when I’m teaching yoga. There’s a certain ease and gladness that fills me up when I have the opportunity to pass on a gift that has been passed on to me by many patient and loving hearts. The very least I can do, in their honor, is to offer up the same gift to those who need it most.

Teaching yoga is my do good moment. What’s yours?

choices, decision-making, happiness, health

Beginning: Let Your Body Set Your Priorities

Christa Avampato

My cold from last week is persisting, and to some degree worsening. Rather than shocking my body with an overload of cold medicine, I’m riding it out for one very simple reason: the medicine didn’t work because my cold is due to stress, not that nasty little common cold virus.

Last week I had a very upsetting event happen and I literally felt the moment when my mental stress transferred to my body. My throat started to close, then a few days later a full on cold had found its way into my sinuses. My joints filled up with pain and it took a great amount of effort just to walk Phineas last weekend. My body was begging me to listen and if I wouldn’t go willingly, then it would make sure I rested by knocking me out.

There are a few amazing things at play here as I battle this cold of mine:

1.) I have actually heightened my awareness to such a level that I am fully aware of exactly when and how my mental state manifests itself into illness. This is the first time that’s ever happened.

2.) It’s become very clear to me that certain situations in which I’ve put myself and made compromises must come to an end, and quickly. Time is precious and my body and mind have had enough. It’s time to get on with happiness.

3.) This cold has given me quite a bit of time to think and evaluate how I spend my time. I notice that my symptoms wane when I’ve been doing things I truly love and want to do over the past week. My symptoms worsen when I’m doing activities that make me feel like I’m wasting my time. The difference is blatantly clear to me, mentally and physically.

And here’s the big one…

4.) If we’re wondering what to do next, there’s no need to crack out the pro / con list, the decision tree, the horoscope, the I Ching, or any other external device about decision-making. (And I’ve used them all, and frequently!) Stop, close the eye, and listen to the body. It is the ultimate prioritizer, the master of triage. Give it what it needs to be strong and healthy, and you’ll be assured of being on the right path.

The body knows the way. Listen to it.

choices, happiness, opportunity

Beginning: Choosing Light

Christa Avampato

“Turn your face toward the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.” – Maori Proverb via Tiny Buddha

Yesterday I expounded upon my love for Daily Good’s daily email that inspires me on a regular basis. Another site that I love for its flat-out joy and love of life is Tiny Buddha. I found my way to Tiny Buddha via MJ, a tremendously loyal and helpful member of the Christa in New York community. Lori Deschene, the creator of Tiny Buddha, is another one of those sources who delivers tidbits of delightfulness to my inbox and always seems to find exactly the right words exactly when I need to hear them. The quote above is an example of that.

The light is closer than we think
This Maori Proverb made me think of a picture of someone looking down at the ground, searching for some positive sign, searching for some kind of light and hope, never realizing that all the light they could ever want is just above them. If only they would take their gaze up, they would be able to find all the signs they could ever ask for. I have a friend like this. She is someone who has been blessed with so many riches, material and otherwise, and yet is never happy. She often says, “I really just need something to go right in my life soon.” What she doesn’t realize is that she has the ability and the power to take her life in the direction she wants to go. Great things aren’t going to happen TO her; they are going to happen when she brings them into being.

A life of light or darkness is often a matter of choice
And this is true for us, too. We can choose to live in the shadows – goodness knows there are enough of them in the world and in our own pasts. We can also choose to acknowledge the shadows for what they have to offer us, take their learnings, and then turn toward the light. Those shadows will stay with us as reminders, as teachers, but they don’t need to hold so much power over us. We can take another road. Once we change our minds, we change everything.

happiness, loss, love, relationships, yoga

Beginning: Healing By Chance – A Story of Feeling and Transcending Anger

Christa Avampato

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~ Paul Boese

I had an odd encounter on Friday that I wasn’t expecting, not at that moment, not ever. I was sitting on the steps of the main New York Post Office at 31st Street reading a magazine as I waited for my friend Jeff’s improv show to start that was playing around the corner. It was a nice night outside and I had just a few minutes to spend before heading over to the theatre.

A stranger I knew
A man stopped down on the sidewalk and stared at me. It was the guy I was dating when my apartment building fire happened almost two years ago. He was a gem in the immediate aftermath of the incident and showed is terribly ugly true colors not long after. His behavior and words were really hurtful; he kicked me when I was already down and out. We stopped seeing each other shortly after the fire, and I chose to completely cut off any contact with him. I was really, really angry with him and I had bigger issues to contend with. The last thing I needed in my life was someone like him, in any capacity.

He climbed the steps and asked if he could sit next to me, and then made a wise crack inquiring about whether or not my current apartment had caught fire, too. A very insensitive, cruel comment, especially given all of the trauma that unraveled in the months immediately following the fire. Sadly, I wasn’t surprised. Then he began his barrage of personal questions about my life, some I answered and some I left intentionally vague. I actually didn’t ask him a single question about his life because I didn’t really care what the answers were. I wasn’t happy to see him and I wasn’t unhappy to see him. I didn’t feel numb; I just didn’t feel anything. Not about him and not about us. All that anger was gone. I was shocked at how calm I felt. The conversation was only a few minutes long because I had to leave to go see Jeff’s show. We said good-bye – he went his way and I went mine – and I never looked back.

Automatic healing
Just prior to this chance encounter, I was talking to Brian about what I hoped to be able to give veterans and their families who I work with through Compass Yoga. Brian mentioned that I may want to focus on helping them heal to the point that they don’t even have to put themselves through the motions of yoga. The calm they gain through the practice with me would be with them always so that the stress response never even kicks in unless they truly need it to get themselves out of true danger. I wasn’t sure how this would work. though I told Brian I’d think about that idea.

After my brief encounter on the post office steps, I completely understood what Brian was talking about with the veterans and their families. If I had this encounter a year ago, it’s likely that I would have felt nervous, that I would have felt the need to meet his snarky comment about my fire with a snarky retort. Instead, I just told him a few details of my life in response to his questions. I was polite and detached, with no feeling about ever hearing from him or seeing him again. I was so angry with him for a long time, and I realized in this instant that I had found my way to the other side of anger as a much better person. A friend of mine once said, “You really know it’s over when you have nothing left to say.” True statement. I had moved on, completely.

The sweetness of healing found
As I walked toward the theatre to watch Jeff’s show, I thought about our immense capacity for healing every wound, no matter how deep, no matter how long it’s been with us. I found a way to feel anger and then transcend it in a powerful way. In the past year I’ve spent so much time caring for myself and building a life I truly love. It happened so gradually and with so much hard work that I’ve never taken the time to really reflect on just how much healing I’ve done, just how different I am. “You’ve come a long way, baby,” I thought to myself. “A long way. And it feels so good.”

business, happiness, health, inspiration

Beginning: Monica McCarthy and Sara Alvarez Begin Their New Coaching Journeys

Christa Avampato

I am blessed with a life filled with inspiring friends. I love to feature the important work they’re doing out in the world. Today’s features fall to Monica McCarthy and Sara Alvarez, two women finding their voices through their writing and their practice as coaches.

Monica McCarthy with pup, Kenya
Monica McCarthy, the Lifestylista
One of her mantras: “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~ e.e. cummings

Monica and I met through Twitter. I was heading out to a Meetup for Tech Nerds and Monica tweeted me that it sounded interesting. I invited her to join me, and we’ve been karma pals ever since. While she’s been blogging for quite some time, she has recently revamped the blog as one piece of her broader life coaching site. Monica’s mission to help creative professionals and entrepreneurs craft lives they love.

On her gorgeous site, she officially describes herself as “a Certified Holistic Health Coach, Recovering Actor, Writer, Speaker, and proud pup parent (isn’t she pretty?) with no plans of retiring. Ever.”

Though these are the parts of her self-description that I love the most and explains why we were such fast friends:
“I Feel most alive when I trust my intuition.

I Dream of having a second home in France where I ride my bicycle to the café to read and eat my daily chocolate croissant.

I Fear mediocrity.

I Lust after all things travel and have been fortunate enough to live/work/perform in Germany/London/Scotland/Japan.

I Drink Green juice, Joe’s iced coffee, Malbec, and Guinness with equal fervor

I went from bartender to Broadway to being my own boss.

I Surmise I’m an ENFP (me, too!), Vatta, Pisces (again, me too!), with a Flowing Radiant Style Statement.

I Believe everyone is capable of the extraordinary.”

Isn’t this the kind of coach you want to help craft your life?

Sara Alvarez
Sara Alvarez, Founder of Sara Alvarez Artistic Wellness
One of her mantras: “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” ~ Dalai Lama

I met Sara through yoga teacher training at Sonic Yoga and since then she has proven to be a bright, shiny, supportive light in my life. She recently completed her Holistic Health Practitioner certification and started a blog called Blissful Brides where she “tracks her personal experience as a Yoga teacher, Holistic Health Coach, and BRIDE.” Her business provides yoga and holistic health counseling for artists and professionals. With a heart as big as her home state of Texas, she is “dedicated to helping others follow their bliss and learn to make healthier lifestyle choices which will empower them to succeed in every aspect of life.”

Sara’s focus on a wellness plan that is “flexible, fun, and rewarding” makes her the perfect choice for people not only looking to improve their nutrition, but to also improve their lives.

I’m mighty proud to have these two ladies in my life, and I hope you’ll take the time to get to know them, too.

happiness, healthcare, values, yoga

Beginning: Sustainable Happiness Event at the Urban Zen Center

Christa Avampato

“Figure out your service on this planet. Figure out how that service nourishes the Earth and go do that.” ~ Elena Brower

On Monday night, through a tip from the always-in-the-know Yogadork and by the grace of Mike Kim, I was able to attend the Sustainable Happiness event at the Urban Zen Center. The talk was curated by Dr. Frank Lipman, founder of the Eleven Eleven Wellness Center, and included life coach Lauren Zander, Chairman and Co-founder of the Handel Group, and yoga instructor Elena Brower, founder of Virayoga. The talk was part of Dr. Lipman’s series Conversations on Wellness.

The talk kicked off with Dr. Lipman discussing the emerging field of epigenetics, the premise of which was perfectly described in a 2010 Time Magazine cover story: Your DNA Isn’t Your Destiny. Despite what we’ve been told by many people who practice medicine, epigenetics says that we are able to make profound changes in the way our genes present themselves. We are not victims to our genes; they are just one component of how our overall health and well-being evolves over a lifetime. And that component is only roughly 25% of our wellness story. 50% has to do with our lifestyle – our exercise routine, our stress level, the food we eat, etc. The remaining 25% is influenced by our environment – the air we breathe, the water we drink, etc. The best part? It’s never too late to make positive changes that impact our wellness of body, mind, and spirit.

The most interesting part of the evening involved Elena discussing how her life coaching work with Lauren changed her life in profound, unexpected, and sometimes uncomfortable ways. Elena talked about a struggle we all know too well at some point in our lives – our excuses for why we don’t do what we want with our lives. The only one stopping us is us. An ugly, though honest, truth. Lauren’s method helps her clients tease out their beliefs so that they discover why it is they don’t have what they want in their lives.

Being an enormous fan of life coaching, this talk was right up my alley and brought up so many issues that I work on regularly with my coach / therapist, Brian, whom I’ve been working with for 18 months. I showed up at Brian’s door shortly after my apartment building fire to deal with some PTSD issues. I’ve stayed because quite frankly the fire was a wake up call to get my life moving in a more authentic direction. I suspect if Lauren heard my story, she’d concur.

To bring her method of coaching to life, Lauren described several facets in great detail that I found truly thought-provoking:

Chicken and Brat – purposefully annoying, though accurate, descriptions of the voices that pop into our heads the moment we say we can’t do something. We’re either afraid or being stubborn. No, I can’t go for a run. No, I can’t eat healthy. No, I can’t let that guy know I’m really interested in him. All of our excuses can be traced back to one of these personas. So what’s the remedy? Chicken – make a list of all the things you’re afraid of and then go do them. Brat – just stop whining and DO IT!

Happiness Found – we are running all over the place trying to find it. We prop ourselves up with our many vices when happiness is right here in front of us. It’s on the other side of our fears, and its neighbors are confidence and gratitude.

Further Thoughts on Fear – and these just made me so happy to hear that I grinner from ear to ear. 1.) What you are most proud of in your life involves conquering fears. Seriously, make a list of your proudest accomplishments. I bet many if not all of them came about because you conquered a fear. 2.) If you aren’t scared, you aren’t up to enough. You don’t have any fears, you say? Go get some, and then have some fun conquering them.

Promises and Consequences – have trouble keeping New Year’s Resolutions or promises to yourself? Here’s a trick. Make a promise and then give yourself a consequence. Didn’t exercise like you promised yourself you would? That will be an extra hour of cleaning (if you hate cleaning.) Didn’t feel like meditating even though you promised yourself that you’d take 5 minutes out every day to do it? No dessert for you (if you love dessert.) Lauren stressed that the consequences can be funny, but should certainly be deterrents that help you keep the promises you make to yourself. Elena vows that this method, if you get the promises and consequences right, creates new health habits in 6 weeks.

Parent Traits – you vowed you’d never be your mother. You did everything possible to avoid becoming your father. Lauren asks you to make a list of all your parents traits, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Now go do some digging and detail out, in writing, how each on lives in you. Then find a way to evolve those traits to their enlightened state. It’s difficult and uncomfortable, but worth it. Brian’s put me through the same exercise, and in the process has helped me re-write my story with more authenticity and personal power.

The quote at the top of this post by Elena Brower is one that fills my heart until it’s overflowing. It was the most powerful statement of the evening for me, particularly because my vision for Compass Yoga is becoming so clear. Lauren’s goal with her clients, Elena’s with her students, and Dr. Lipman’s with his patients come from this one universal truth: you get one shot in this life as the beautiful creation that is you. Stop making excuses, inventing stories, and living behind half-truths of why you can’t have what you want. Just go get it.