“Keep looking up. That’s the secret of life.” ~ Snoopy
Sometimes things don’t go according to plan. We get disappointed, dismayed, and discouraged by events out of our control. But here’s what’s within our control: how we use today to help us tomorrow.
Every circumstance, and especially difficult ones, teaches us about the world and our place in it. We can use that learning to make better choices and take better actions. They teach us that we’re strong, capable, and adaptable. We fear less because we trust more. We’re secure in the knowledge that no matter what situation arises, we can handle it. No matter where we are today, we have to believe that tomorrow will be better because we will make it so.
In yoga, the concept of a life path is known as dharma. It’s our direction, our anchor, our reason for being and doing.
Here are a few things I know about dharma: 1.) You are the only person who knows what it is 2.) More often than not, it chooses you. Either you follow it or fight it, but that choice is up to you. 3.) It never fails you in the long-run, but in the short-run it can be bumpy, difficult, and uncomfortable. The good news is that you learn to love the discomfort because you know that finding your dharma is worth the ride. 4.) If you don’t follow your path, you feel a lack of fulfillment and purpose that is tough to find any other way. 5.) The way is always open, though the path is not always immediately apparent.
Here’s how these 5 principles came alive for me:
Theater, culture, and writing I left professional theater a number of years ago because the path that I was on in the industry wasn’t my path. I was working on the business side even though my path is to be a writer. I have known this for a long time, for many years. It took a long time for me to get the courage to follow the writer’s path. It also took me a long time to learn the craft well enough to trust myself to earn a living from it. And now I’ve written my first play about specific societal issues that are near and dear to my heart and am beginning to submit it to different theater companies for their consideration. My love for theater and culture finally merged with my path of being a writer. I’m also writing a book and writing for a number of publications and organizations rooted in good causes. I spend my day crafting words about things that matter to me, my very favorite activity.
Business and writing
Some people thought I was crazy to leave my job in the business side of theater without knowing what I wanted to do next. Some thought I was crazy when I left my comfy corporate job many years later to pursue a creative path that was not yet clear to me. I knew I wasn’t crazy; I knew I wanted to be happy and I had to take a new road to find out what makes me happy.
Technology and writing
My business experience in several different industries, including technology, has been an enormous asset to so many areas of my life, and I know it will continue to be. I love business and technology, and I especially love to explore the way in which they push cultural change. To be happy, I had to bring the pieces of my life together in a creative way – that was the path. It took a long time to learn that, and when I finally understood that I found that the way was open. I had to choose it, but it was there waiting for me.
A pic I snapped during one of the tech session at Advertising Week
Day 3 at Advertising Week blew my mind. Literally. Technology is taking us right to the brink, in a good way. The brink is where you want to be. The brink is where we push the boundaries of possible, where our wildest dreams become the realities that we seamlessly integrate into our daily lives. The brink is where it’s at. It’s where I want to spend all of my time.
In one particular session, I began to see my future come together, how all the pieces of experience I’ve collected throughout my life gel. I may have even heard a “schumpf” as the picture of my future as a writer in the fields of technology, culture, and business became so much clearer. The steps to the end game aren’t all laid out in a perfect sequence. There are holes that I don’t quite know how to navigate, but I do know where I’m going and why. And I do know the very next step I need to take. That’s enough to keep going.
I also know this: I needed every job I’ve had, every person I’ve ever met, and every place I’ve traveled to make sense of it all. Some were delightful and some were awful. They were all necessary. It is a satisfying thing to look back on our days and see the logic in the madness, the order in the chaos. It makes the day-to-day so much more manageable.
We spend so much time looking in the rearview mirror and pining for what was, that we forget to take a good look at what’s staring us in the eyes right through the front windshield. The road of life is so unpredictable. It’s full of wonder, magic, and experiences that we cannot yet imagine.
So here’s the first decision of my creative break: I’m done looking back. From here on out, I’m living my life forward. Thank you to my beautiful friend, Sara Alvarez Kleinsmith, for posting this picture and always inspiring me to live fully.
“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.” ~ Corrie ten Boom, Dutch writer
I’m all for planning, though as I get older I find that trust is a better companion. I trust that my hard work today will pay off tomorrow, even if it doesn’t pay off in ways that I expect. I trust in my own abilities to navigate any circumstance that arises, good, bad, or indifferent. I know now that even if something breaks me down, I can rebuild and be stronger for it.
From time to time, I do worry about tomorrow. I wonder how it will all come together and where it’s all headed. The difference is that I can put those worries aside and just keep moving forward. It’s not that I make them evaporate. I just keep them in check. When it gets to be too much, I use those worries as fuel. I think of all the other times in my life that I worried and how well it turned out in spite of my concerns.
And the most beautiful part of leaving tomorrow to tomorrow? We get the chance to fully enjoy today. After all, we will never be able to have this time again. Time does indeed evaporate so we need to make the most of every moment.
“What happens when people open their hearts? They get better.” – Haruki Murakami
When we are hurt, our natural reaction is to take refuge, to hunker down and shelter ourselves from any additional harm. This is a useful reaction in the short-term because it jump starts the healing process. Our wounds scab over and we begin to regenerate what’s been lost. For a while we need the bandaid to prevent infection.
But sheltering is only helpful for a brief period of time. A cut only fully heals once we take off the bandaid and it is exposed to the air again. Eventually, we have to crawl back out of our shells to find the sunshine again, to take in goodness. Yes, there is a chance of being hurt again. However, we will most certainly be hurt if stay tight in a bud for too long. We need the air. We need the light. We need love.
“As for the future, your task is not to foresee it, but to enable it.” ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery
I no longer try to predict the future. It certainly fascinates me; I am as eager as the next person to know what lies around the bend. The only thing I have some control over is now. I trust that what happens next will unfold exactly as it should and I’m confident that I can and will flex to make the most of the future, not matter what it holds.
I try to build skills and experiences that I think will be useful tomorrow.
I spend a lot of time nurturing relationships and giving much more to my network than I ask or take.
Each day I try to learn at least one new thing.
Before I go to sleep and as soon as I wake up, I make gratitude my first thought. I find that the more often I count my blessings, the more blessings I have to count.
The future is coming for us. We have a hand in how it unfolds. We may not always be able to control it, but we can control how we manage it when it arrives. Be ready.
“There is a hard law. When an injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.” ~ Alan Paton
Forgiveness is the hardest task before us and yet it is the most necessary. We can’t grow or learn without it. We can’t put our best selves out into the world without it. Forgiveness is the key to fulfilling our potential.
A long time ago, I had a boss who taught me a truth about the act of forgiveness that still lives at the forefront of my mind. One of the people on our team had been very rude to him in front of a large group of people. I was furious with the team member’s behavior. My boss was clearly hurt and embarrassed and I felt the team member had been cruel, insensitive, and ungrateful for the efforts my boss put into his job.
A couple of days later this same team member came into our office. I almost threw him out but he was there to see my boss so I held my tongue. The team member quietly said how sorry he was for his behavior. My first thought was “well maybe you should state that publicly just like you did your rude comments.” My boss graciously accepted his apology and the entire exchange was over in about 30 seconds.
“That’s it?” I asked my boss once the team member left. “You’re letting him off the hook with a barely audible ‘I’m sorry’?”
“Yep,” said my boss.
“Why?” I asked. Now I was even more annoyed.
“Christa, it’s so hard to ask for forgiveness. And if someone has the courage to apologize then I should have the courage to forgive them.”
I was stunned. In that one moment he taught me everything I ever needed to learn about forgiveness. We are all capable of asking for it. We are all capable of giving it. And that exchange has the power to save us all.
“No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking.” ~ Voltaire, French writer, historian and philosopher
In the last few weeks, I’ve done a heavy dose of reflecting. I’m in prime planning mode for 2013. What direction will I take with my career? How will my personal life unfold? What do I want to learn? What do I want to do more often and what do I want to give up? Where do I hope to be at this time next year and how do I chart a course to get there? These are heavy questions.
Sometimes, I get frustrated. I see so many options that I get stuck and run the pros and cons through my mind over and over again. When this happens, I just stop. I close my laptop. I put down my pen. I take myself (and Phin) for a walk.
The break clears my head and I return to my challenges with fresh eyes. While on break, the wheels of my subconscious spin and ruminate without interference from the filters of my conscious mind. My subconscious goes free-wheeling to make connections between seemingly disparate bits of information. It combines information in all sorts of ways without attaching judgement. The key is that last bit: no judgement. When I let my conscious mind give up, my imagination can run wild and that is the best way to solve challenges.
Maybe this time of year invites reflection for you, too. Like me, you may be running through different scenarios for the year ahead. You will need to make choices on how to spend your time, energy, and effort. If it overwhelms you, I hope you’ll give up, too. Stop trying so hard to figure it all out. Let your mind sort it out and don’t get in its way.
This holiday, spend time with your family and friends. Let yourself laugh. Power down your devices (at least for a little while.) Be present. Reconnect with nature. Go for a walk, confident in the knowledge that the answer will rise up precisely when it is needed and that you will be both aware and relaxed enough to hear it.
On Friday, I gave my homemade pasta making another try. I made a triple batch a couple of weeks ago and pasta dough holds up well in the freezer when stored properly. For a moment, I thought about making a different shaped pasta. Then I considered that my last attempt at forming the orecchiette (little ear shaped pasta) needed improvement.
So I rolled out the dough and took my own feedback on how to improve my pasta shaping. The result of the second trial – vastly improved! There is so much to learn during the second turn at bat.
I have a bit of an addiction to the new. My greatest fear is being bored so I often charge off in the direction of the unknown. However, there is so much to be learned by trying something, considering how to do it better next time around, and then actually having a next time around.
I started to think about how this may apply to other areas of my life. I am often guilty of filing an activity under “been there, done that” if I have an experience that is less than stellar. Maybe all this time I’ve been missing an opportunity for incredible learning. It’s wonderful to acquire new skills and experiences – it’s my favorite way to pass the time. But there is also real value in trying something and trying it again to compare the results.
Slowly, I am beginning to see that there may be more second chances in my future.
“Keep looking up. That’s the secret of life.” ~ Snoopy
Christa Avampato 