Category: feelings

calm, feelings, free, meditation, yoga

Leap: Catch and Release – a Lesson in Breathing and Letting Go

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest member http://pinterest.com/waltonchrissy/

“Why do we work so hard on the (yoga) mat? We concentrate and focus so that we can then let go. It’s why we practice the limbs of yoga. It’s the reason for everything we’re doing here.” ~ Mel Brasier, ISHTA Yoga Senior Teacher

On Sunday, we studied bhastrika, a pranyama (breathing) technique in our yoga teacher training. It requires that we fully let go on the exhale, catch the breath, and then fully engage on the inhale. We need both pieces to feel the full benefits of the technique. It’s challenging because if we don’t catch the breath on the bottom of the exhale, then the inhale happens automatically rather than intentionally.

Mel explained to us that this intention of full concentration and full release mirrors the limbs of yoga that we study. First we focus, through our actions on and off the mat, and then we let it all go. We don’t get cold; we release heat. We can’t try to relax; we release our tension. We can’t draw breath in; we create a vacuum within our bodies that makes room for breath. We can’t try to reach samadhi, or the bliss state; we just allow our concentration to fade and then disappear to create a blank screen.

The difference is subtle but powerful. It’s like riding a bike – we concentrate so hard as we’re learning to balance, then we get it, and then we can let it go to fully enjoy the experience of the ride. We begin by gaining control over our own bodies and minds, and then we understand that control so well that we’re able to let it all fall away so that we’re left completely free. Freedom and bliss are found in that pause between the inhale and exhale when we stand on the very edge of our pure potential. All we need to do is show up and let ourselves be.

feelings, free, yoga

Leap: We Have to Let Go to Be Free

Christa Avampato

“If you come to the yoga mat expecting freedom from your emotions, you’ll never be free, just disappointed. Freedom comes when you can fully be with your emotions, watch them, and then let them go.” ~ Mona Anand, Senior ISHTA Yoga Teacher

Mona taught our asana practice on Sunday. It was a heavy back bending day, and by their nature, back bends induce strong emotions concentrated in the area around the heart. Ideally, we hope to feel those emotions and then release them. That latter bit is the tricky part that eludes us all too often. We come to our yoga mat as if it is a refuge, an escape, when truthfully our mat is a mirror. And perhaps a mirror that amplifies the good, the bad, and the ugly. What we live, we bring to the mat.

Mona encouraged us to be with our emotions, all of them, and then find the courage and strength to let them go without judgement. She asked us to soften so that we can release. We sometimes take our feelings and wrap them around us, holding tight to their skirt strings even though we long to be free from them. As it turns out freedom if often scarier than retracing our familiar patterns. Our familiar patterns give us something to work on. Once we’re free, then what will we do?

That’s the real unknown.

business, career, dreams, fear, feelings, wishes

Leap: Outrunning Fear

Christa Avampato

“What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step. It is always the same step, but you have to take it.” ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry via Daily Good

Beginning is the hard part, and every project, idea, wish, relationship begins the same way: setting an intention. That is the hard part. Loudly and proudly saying, “World, this is what I want and come hell or high water I’m going to make it happen.” Getting up the energy and gumption to make that commitment is the very hardest part. It’s not that there won’t be challenges and obstacles to making it happen. Implementation is tough stuff, but just getting the courage to try is the very hardest part.

Why? Why is it so hard for us to give our wildest dream a try? Sadly, we don’t live in a world of unending encouragement. There will always be people, sometimes people very close to you, who for one reason or another will tell you that your dream is too big. We don’t take a first step because we worry that it’s the only step we’ll take, proving all those naysayers right. Our dream was too big. We couldn’t do what we set out to do, and so we’ll have to slunk back to where we came from to take our seat next to the naysayers who never tried to make their dreams come true either.

That’s the fear talking and the only way to get over it is to get it out. Write it all down. Every last fear you have about your biggest, wildest dream belongs on a piece of paper so it can be torn up into pieces and burned into ashes. That very first step requires only one thing – the ability to silence fear. Maybe not permanently, but at least long enough to give us the confidence to take a second step, and then another and another and another.

And pretty soon, before we know it, we’re running. One foot in front of the other, again and again. So fast and so strong, that the fear won’t even have a chance to catch us.

change, feelings, Life, loss, memory

Beginning: Another Meaning on 9/11

Christa Avampato
This is an image of all the beautiful faces lost on 9/11/01

Today I will be glued to coverage of the 9/11 commemoration. My first memory of seeing the wreckage is still burned in my mind. I was in a Chicago apartment, surrounded by friends, and mourning for my home city. My current office building sits right across the street from the World Trade site. I pass it every single day that I go to the office. It is visible from nearly every conference room where I have daily meetings. I consciously think about that tragedy and its wake all the time.

2 years ago, 9/11 etched another mark into my history of my time in New York. After my apartment building fire, in which I lost so many of my physical belongings and gained a level of insight into the magic of life beyond anything I thought possible, I moved into the tiny studio where Phin and I still live. I slept on a borrowed air mattress and had a tiny plastic bag of clothes. It was a sinking, lonely feeling. “Is this what life tangibly amounted to?” I wondered.

In the coming months and years, I would embark on a personal journey with twists and turns, peaks and valleys, tears and smiles. I would question everything and everyone that filled my life up to that point. I would break down in terrifying ways, physically and mentally, and then build myself up again sometimes for show and sometimes through true, authentic growth, though it was hard to tell the difference. I would have to tear down my conception of myself and the world before the fire so that I could rebuild my spirit post-fire from the inside out. It was gut-wrenching, beautiful work. And yes, those two descriptors can be felt in a single action. Eventually it became a good kind of hurt, the way a physical wound heals, the way my muscles rebuilt themselves after I ran the Chicago marathon in October 2001, almost a month to the day after the horrific events of 9/11/01.

Rebuilding over a space that is mentally, emotionally, or physically ripped apart is part of life. No matter how terrifying the act that caused the destruction, no matter the breadth and depth of the loss created, time goes on, and life right along with it. Anniversaries give us a way to honor our strength and bravery in that moment of loss, and also in the rebuilding it necessitates. We mourn and grieve, and then keep going. And there is no shame or embarrassment in that act of moving forward. It is required; who and what was lost would also want it that way.

Today on 9/11/11, I’ll be on my couch with Phineas. I’ll be reflecting and writing, listening and watching, as this day, 10 years later unfolds in a very different way than it did for our nation and the world a decade ago. My only goal is to bear witness, and feel whatever feelings arise, to be aware and awake, and feel grateful for the opportunity to do so.

books, feelings, film, happiness, medical, medicine

Beginning: This Emotional Life

Christa Avampato

I’ve been a fan of Dan Gilbert since I read his book Stumbling on Happiness about 5 years ago. Kelly, a dear friend and one of my housemates in graduate school at Darden, suggested it to me after it was assigned in one of her leadership classes. I’ve always been fascinated by happiness, primarily because it seemed like such an elusive thing to me for so long, though this book helped to intellectualize happiness for me, to start to realize the profound influence of the mind-body connection.

Last year, Gilbert put together a 3-part series for PBS called This Emotional Life. It’s roughly a 6-hour documentary exploring relationships, facing fears, and rethinking happiness in the context of these two complex areas. It’s remarkably well-researched with experts from a wide array of fields sharing their personal and professional stories. There is a piece on veterans in the second part of the documentary that features, Penn, my other alma mater. Another piece of my history fell into place. The documentary was so successful that it has now become a multi-platform source of information on the topic.

This documentary opens our eyes to taboo subjects – depression, therapy, anxiety, and fear – and makes the subjects palpable. It opens up the communication channels and shows that when we can discuss these subjects in a public forum, there is a great amount of freedom to gain. Truth be told, these are not isolated instances that happen to a minority of people. It is wide-spread, and there is help available.

As someone who has struggled, mostly in silence, this these types of issues, I’m grateful that so many top scientists and researchers have taken such an interest in tackling this difficult and uncomfortable subject. Coming through the other side of the issues, I feel so empowered to be able to help others on this journey to rebuild their own vitality. This Emotional Life reminded me of how much work there is to do and how much relief Compass Yoga can bring to so many who need it.

family, feelings, forgiveness, growth

Beginning: A 19-year Old Lesson of Forgiveness and Healing Finds Its Way Home

Christa Avampato

“When you feel pain, question it. Why is it there and how can we heal it? The body wants to heal.” ~ Cheri Clampett

In the last few weeks, there has been an opening. A pain that’s been hidden, so deep for so long, refused to lay down any longer. It had to bubble up in me so that finally after far too long it could release. The pain asked to be looked at, considered, appreciated, and then, finally forgiven.

This reminded me of something Cheri Clampett said a few weeks ago in the therapeutic yoga teacher training at Integral Yoga Institute. Pain is our friend. It may not feel like it at first brush, but it is there to teach us. You can ignore it, medicate it, and try like heck to forget about it. It will not be dissuaded. Loyally, it will wait for you to be ready, to have the strength to meet it, sit with it, and understand it. That moment has finally arrived for me and my dad. We are ready to forgive, release, and move on.

I have known this pain a long time. In some odd and uncomfortable way, it has become a friend. It’s been my fallback and my excuse for certain circumstances in my life. “I can’t do this because my dad was like that.” And for a while that was true; it’s just not true anymore. I am healed. I am whole. And I can do anything, even if I my dad didn’t he could.

Yesterday, I wrote about my regret that I didn’t go say goodbye to my dad when he was dying. What I didn’t mention is that I was 16 at the time. I didn’t have the tools to look so much pain in the face and not crumble. I needed to grow up before that was possible, and at 16 I wasn’t grown up, not by a long shot, and I couldn’t possibly have been expected to be. It was my dad’s time to go but it wasn’t yet my time to let go. Sometimes life is like that. Sometimes our timing is just off, and in those moments we do the best we can with what we’ve got. We operate with imperfect information all the time.

In the post yesterday I spoke about yesterday lessons, the lessons that our past teaches us so that we can improve going forward. Another yesterday lesson that my father’s passing taught me had to do with forgiveness. That lesson appeared more slowly, over a very long period of time, and in fits and starts: if we’re truly sorry, then pure, true forgiveness will find us. The “I’m sorry” moment starts us down the road to healing of every kind. All we have to do is ask for it. Forgiveness is a life force in and of itself. It changes everything. And if we believe in learning, in growing, in constantly evolving, then we must believe in forgiveness, of others and even more importantly, of ourselves.

In Buddhism there is a belief that every moment provides the exact teaching we need exactly when we need it. There’s no way at 16 that I could have known how deeply it would affect me to not say goodbye to my father. And in some strange, cosmically-correct way, I think the moment came and went exactly as it was supposed to be. I know so deeply that every moment comes to pass this way, and because of this belief, I have to forgive my dad and I have to forgive myself. We were two people who were doing the best we could with what we had. And even though we didn’t get a chance to meet in the middle this time around, in our own ways, in our own now separate worlds, we are both finding our way to forgiveness – of ourselves and of one another.

clarity, communication, courage, feelings

Step 239: The Ease of Stepping Out and Up

Christa Avampato

“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.” ~ Henry David Thoreau, American Author

There was some little snap inside me this week. I’m not sure what it is – could be that the heat has just gotten to me. (After this blistering summer heat, I truly can’t wait for sweater weather!) It might have to do with some shifting tides at work – all good and different. Brian would probably say that finally, finally, finally I am trusting my gut enough to let it have its own voice. Or he might say that the prana really loves me and therefore uses me every chance it gets. Whatever the reason, this week, for the first time in a long time, I was unmistakably me. My friend, Col, also realized this trend and wrote about it on her blog this week.

I have what some people have termed as a bold personality. Though for the past few months I’ve tempered that, particularly in public forums. My friend, Blair, gave me the nickname “Scrappy” (yes, as is “Scrappy Doo”) some years ago. Lately, I’ve lost a bit of that spiciness. This week it came shining through on several important occasions.

On Wednesday morning I had a meeting about a new initiative that I’m particularly passionate about. A lot of people gathered around a table to offer up feeble, same-old same-old opinions. So rather than tuning out and going to my happy place as I often do in meetings with people who have fancy titles and not much to support them, I spoke up. There were some arched eyebrows around the table, a few sheepish looks, and while I certainly remained professional and courteous, I pointed out that doing what we’ve always done just isn’t working and we should do x, y, and z instead. And then I produced the data to back up my opinions. I think a few people left the room at the end of the meeting saying, “and who was that woman and what part of the company does she work in?” in a positive way. I do like to encourage curiosity and push people’s boundaries.

The funny side to my boldness is that I’m also a pleaser. I do like people to like me. I like to be helpful, to strangers and friends alike. And I’m good at sharing, listening, and empathizing. I paid attention in kindergarten and got a good foundation of social skills. But pleasers have a rather dangerous lot in life – as pleasers, it’s easy to lose ourselves.

There’s a balance between boldness and pleasing, to be sure, and in the past I have often veered too far to one side of the spectrum or the other. This week, I got that balance right, dead on. While I did want some new audiences to like me, I also made it a point, without even trying, to also have some tough conversations with those parties, not for the sake of being tough but for the sake of really helping them and making our interaction a valuable use of their time. It was easier than I thought it would be, certainly easier than it’s been before. I cared less about being liked by them, and more about helping them think more clearly and contribute in a more meaningful way.

Brian told me that adolescence actually lasts into our early 30’s. Now at the start of my mid-30’s it’s no surprise to him that I’m beginning to rise up in every area of my life – personally and professionally. I do feel that after so much work of laying the foundations of my life, I’m now building castles in the air – exactly the opposite of the order that Thoreau discusses in his quote above. After this week I’m now wondering whether a good foundation naturally supports and builds a castle on its own simply because that’s what a foundation is meant to do. And by comparison, if we spend so much time working on who we are at our very core, all of a sudden do we step into the light just because that’s where we’re now ready to be?

change, creativity, feelings

Step 211: 5 Ways to Improve Concentration

Christa Avampato

“Through meditation and by giving full attention to one thing at a time, we can learn to direct attention where we choose.” ~ Eknath Easwaran

A lot of people want our attention. Take a walk stroll through Times Square without any sense of urgency, and your mind will start spinning with the dizzying number of companies and brands who ask us to pay attention to them amid the chaos. In New York City, distraction takes up residence in every nook and cranny. We spend a lot of energy and time just trying to focus. I’m sure residents of other cities have the same challenge. Not an impossible task, though certainly a difficult one.

The list below details 5 things that help me focus amid the turbulence of New York. I first moved to New York at 22, left, came back, didn’t last long, left, and came back again. In this 3rd stretch, I have lived here for over 3 years – a personal record of staying put in one city. Recently, the winds of wander have come knocking. While in Florida on vacation, I actually contemplated packing it all up (especially since I no longer have that many belongings), and heading for new pastures, even if not necessarily greener ones. Then the Universe, did a funny thing – it made it very difficult for me to physically get home from vacation. Absence, even short and fleeting, always makes me long for New York. The Universe has a deep wisdom and a wicked sense of humor.

5 ways I stay focused here in New York:

1.) Yoga helps. Really. I have a bias here because I am a yoga instructor. Though I got into yoga to reduce stress and anxiety. It gave me the lovely and unexpected side effects of increased creativity and the extremely ability to focus when needed. I don’t use yoga, nor do I teach yoga, to help someone balance all of their weight on their pinky while up in some crazy balance pose. I use it to decompress, and that works for me.

2.) Meditation helps, too. I hated meditation for a long time. I actually thought the whole idea of it bore a striking resemblance to The Emperor’s New Clothes. I spent many years as a critic of meditation without ever giving it a fair shake. Then with my yoga teacher training, I had to have a daily meditation practice as part of the program. Even for just 5 minutes. That regular practice did the trick. Now I have a meditation buddy from my yoga training – we don’t meditate together. We just check in with one another each week to keep one another on the meditation path. No I actually feel the effects of meditation, even during moment of increased stress. It taught me how to calm down and gave me a pathway to a peaceful, restful mind.

3.) Choose your neighborhood wisely. I live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. People ask me why and my answer never wavers. I like to go to crazy, but I don’t want to live in. There are far cooler, more happenin’ neighborhoods, no doubt. The restaurants in my neighborhood are decent, I have a Whole Foods and a branch of the public library around the corner, and live very close to two huge parks. That meets my requirements. I also live alone on a high floor and have some outdoor space in a quiet building. Those two things remind me just how lucky I am to live where I live. Crazy lives a short cab or subway ride away – good enough for me.

4.) And choose your friends even more wisely. About a year ago, I gave up on negative people. I had a lot of them in my life. People who never get to happy and cannot be happy for others. I serve as blood-in-the-water to those types of people because I have an extraordinary flair for listening to hard luck cases that want no help or improvement. Now I focus my time on those people in my life who give me more energy than they take, people who create and dream and grow. It had made a world of difference.

5.) Get a coach or therapist. The old joke goes that everyone in New York goes to therapy because we are all extraordinarily screwed up. Truthfully, everyone, everywhere can benefit from therapy. We all have issues and challenges and an unbiased opinion really, really helps. I see a social worker who acts more as a life coach than a therapist. If you want his name, I will gladly referred you. He helped me to gain more confidence and pursue a life that excites me. I also recently interviewed Will Meyerhofer, a lawyer turned therapist, for an upcoming freelance piece. He works on a sliding scale and has oodles of integrity and talent. Check him out at http://www.aquietroom.com/.

What did I miss? What helps you stay sane in this crazy world?

adventure, business, entrepreneurship, fear, feelings, yoga

Step 113: F.E.A.R.

Christa Avampato

“F.E.A.R. – false evidence appearing real.” ~ Tracy, my yoga teacher

Whenever I have class with my yoga teacher, Tracy, I keep my pen close by. She always has pearls of wisdom that she carefully places before us as an offering, wisdom that has been passed down to her from her own practice and meditation and her teachers. Last night she laid the quote above before us and asked us to consider why we would hold any fear at all give this acronym. I couldn’t think of any good reasons.

It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of letting our thoughts get the best of us. Certainly they should make us considerate of our actions, though we can’t allow them to prevent us from finding our true way. Lately I’ve been feeling my way toward my path with a little more spring in my step than usual. I’m growing increasingly aware that my life’s work, that elusive things I’ve been rummaging around for, is just around the corner, and so every day I wake up with the feeling that today might be the day when all these pieces that seem to be heading toward one another finally coalesce so beautifully that I wonder why I didn’t see their connection all along.

Every once in a while I catch myself believing in my false evidence appearing positive: “There are lots of yoga teachers in this city, all over the world. What will you do that’s so different?” or “There are people who are professionally trained industrial designers who develop products. How can you produce something as elegant as their work?” During my 18 minutes of meditation a day, my mind’s eye recognizes these F.E.A.R.s, acknowledges them, and then politely moves on. This doesn’t mean they go away completely; I certainly have moments of self-doubt. Can I really make a go of my own business? Can I really offer up something special and unique? And the answer I keep hearing, “well what else are you going to do with your time here if not create something special and unique.” Prana has a sense of humor. And it’s blunt. It’s got no time for messing around.

So I’ve started cranking along, planting lots and lots of seeds in all of this rich soil in my life. Every once in a while an early shoot sprouts up, I go over and water it, and despite my best efforts it just doesn’t root down properly. That’s okay. I thank it for making an appearance, showing me a way, knowing that its possibility put me one step closer to finding my way.

False evidence is all around us, and its a very good actor. But if we take the time to really sift through, to really match up the opportunities we find with what we truly want, it’s easy to detect which options are distractions and which ones we really need to cultivate. The next little adventure I’ll be cultivating is a trip to Santorini, Greece for a yoga retreat and teacher training with Shiva Rea. I have been looking for a retreat for some time now that really offer a nice combo of downtime and practice, in a place I’ve never been, with a teacher I really respect and admire. It just happened to work out that the week Shiva’s going is the perfect time for me to take a vacation, the price is perfect, and the theme “radical relaxation” is just what my curious soul needs. Synchronicity: a sure sign that I’m going exactly where I need to be. F.E.A.R.s be gone…

The image above is not my own. It depicts the sunset in Santorini, Greece, hopefully similar to the ones I’ll be seeing very soon. It can be found here.

feelings, happiness, Marcus Buckingham

Step 90: Contemplating Happiness

Christa Avampato

I’m working on a project that involves researching the female consumer’s changing behaviors during this latest economic downturn. As part of that research, I went back to Marcus Buckingham’s columns for the Huffington Post about the state of women’s happiness. In reading through the articles again, I found myself thinking about the 5 questions Buckingham considers when evaluating happiness:

1.) How often do you get to do things you really like to do?

2.) How often do you find yourself actively looking forward to the day ahead?

3.) How often do you get so involved in what you’re doing that you lose track of time?

4.) How often do you feel invigorated at the end of a long, busy day?

5.) How often do you feel an emotional high in your life?

I really wanted to answer ‘always’. I actually felt guilty about even contemplating any answer other than ‘always’. So how could I really evaluate my happiness? How could I ever make sure that I was being honest, and not answering the way I’m “supposed to”, so that I could really look at the areas of my life that need some extra work? “Don’t write it down,” I thought. “Just answer (silently) and observe.” And I did.

The answers to these questions are powerful cues if we give ourselves the permission and the space within our own hearts to be really, really honest with ourselves. Forget about the expectation of happiness that everyone else has. We have the power to transform our lives, to change and grow and become more aware. We can’t do that if we can’t ever let go of others’ expectations. Before we can improve our lot in life, we need to allow ourselves to just be however we are, wherever we are, and see what bubbles up.