Category: failure

choices, failure, future, opportunity

Step 301: Put an End to Waiting

Christa Avampato

“If there is any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do for any fellow being, let me do it now, and not deter or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.” ~ William Penn

“Mantras you shouldn’t say: I don’t know; I’m not ready; I can’t do it.” ~ Yogi Tea

I’ve made excuses for why I can’t do good now. I need more experience, education, money, time. Truthfully, we will never have all of the resources we think we need to get something done, and the other side to that truth is that we don’t need as much as we think we do. I spent a number of years thinking I didn’t have enough experience to offer to be a teacher. In my writing, I kept seeing my age as a limiting factor. “I need to wait until I really know more before I commit my beliefs to writing,” I would tell myself. The actual reason why I put off too many actions for far too long – I was scared I’d get it wrong.

And then I tried and did get it wrong, and the world didn’t end as I had feared. I got opportunities to try again, and again, and again. As long as I’ve been willing to put myself out there, the world has given me opportunities to keep trying. We lull ourselves into thinking we just aren’t ready, that we had better wait to realize our full potential until some magical time in the future when the stars will align right before our eyes.

By waiting, we deny ourselves the power to create and align our own stars. We need to stop focusing on what we need, and recognize all that we have. We need to understand that achievement is based not upon what we have but who we are, and right now, in this moment, we are enough and we are all we truly need to make good happen. Pick up those mantras of “I don’t know; I’m not ready; I can’t do it” and chuck them out the window in favor of the mantras “I’ll figure it out; now’s the time; let’s get going.”

failure, rejection, writer, writing

Step 227: Rejection is a Part of the Writing Life

Christa Avampato

I used to keep a file of rejection letters from companies where I applied for jobs. I may have them buried in a sealed box somewhere on the top shelf of my closet. I hope so – some day I want to make sure to go back and read them. Most of them were probably right to reject me. And those rejections didn’t get me down; they just made me work harder and that probably warrants a thank you note to each of them.

As a freelance writer, rejection is part of the path. In the end, I know I’m a better writer for all of the rejections I’ve received (and there have been many.) There’s no getting away from the occasional (or common) ding. A few days ago I received the latest in a long line, though I must admit it did have some interesting insights and a compliment thrown in at the end. It is in response to a piece I wrote on my recent jury duty service where I believe that the defendant was a victim of racial profiling, landing him with an unjust prison sentence. What strikes me as sad about the rejection letter is that the injustice that I discussed in the essay would be considered commonplace (and therefore acceptable) by anyone, most of all an editor of a highly respected publication.

I will post the essay on this blog as tomorrow’s entry because I think it deserves as wide a reach of audience as I can get for it, not for my sake but for the sake of the defendant in the trial. In the mean time, here’s the magazine editor’s response to my submission.

“Christa,

Thanks for the submission. I’m afraid this isn’t a good fit for us, though. Certainly an injustice seems to have occurred, and it seems sensible to lament it. But as lamentable as it is, the story here feels too commonplace to support an essay. That our codes of law have areas of absurdity, and that minority citizens are more vulnerable than privileged ones, are widely recognized facts. The case of Mr. Bond illustrates those facts, but an essay must do more than that to be compelling — whether by means of a counter-intuitive twist, an eccentric voice, or some other mechanism that either delivers us to a destination that’s different than we might have expected, or gets us there by an unexpected route.

You write well and clearly, and I would be more than happy to consider other submissions from you. I just don’t think this is the one for us.

Cordially…”

determination, failure, faith

Step 221: Entrepreneurs Equally Confident and Vulnerable

Christa Avampato

“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability… To be alive is to be vulnerable.” ~ Madeleine L’Engle

Entrepreneurship takes a bit of unbridled confidence. Part of an entrepreneur must remain a child forever. Go into a kindergarten classroom and ask students to raise their hands if they believe they are fantastic singers. I bet everyone would not only raise their hands, but also start to belt out their favorite tunes. Ask the same question to a room full of adults and you’d be lucky to get a hand or two. That hand or two belongs to people who are innately entrepreneurs. If we really want to make it with our own ideas turned into businesses, we need confidence more than we need anything else.

And while all entrepreneurs need confidence, they also need to put the very best of themselves out there everyday, knowing that some days they may come home empty-handed. To put our own personal brand out into the world without hiding behind another company’s name leaves us equally open to praise and criticism. People will constantly ask us how it’s going, and we have to sometimes buck up and say “could be better”. We have to remain hopeful and vulnerable all at once. We have to keep knocking on doors to keep discouraging thoughts at arm’s length.

A few months ago, I put together 27 interviews from my Examiner.com column about entrepreneurship into an e-book, Hope in Progress. Each of those entrepreneurs exhibits that perfect balance between remaining vulnerable and confident at once. I learned so much from them, and am grateful that they took the time to share their stories with me. Each of them lives by Madeleine L’Engle’s edict, expressed so beautifully in her quote at the beginning of this post: to be truly alive, we have to put our deepest desires out there into the world, listen to the response, and remain grateful for the opportunity to fully express who we really are.

art, failure

Step 215: Famous Failures

Christa Avampato

My friend, Amanda, wrote a very brave post about “failure”, meaning she tried something that didn’t go the way she wanted it to. That post coincided with my reading about failing the Pixar Way – at the speed of change.

My brother-in-law, Kyle, really should start a career as an animator, or maybe an animation historian. He knows more about Pixar and John Lasseter than they know about themselves. After a long conversation with him about Pixar, I picked up two books about the company: Innovate the Pixar Way and The Pixar Touch.

Both books gives us the background of how Pixar started and innovated its way into the top animation house in the world, despite having no nest egg to fall back on. My favorite piece of Pixar trivia: John Lasseter ended up at Pixar when Disney fired him for voicing his support for computer animation to Disney’s senior leadership. They disagreed with him, he stood his ground, and then they let him go from his dream job, the only job he ever wanted. Lasseter left Disney severely disappointed and disillusioned. By all accepted business practices of the day, Lasseter failed.

Of course, the story continues, as stories always do, and in the end Lasseter, the classic underdog, won. He now runs Disney animation, the very unit that deemed him unfit as an animator under the Disney roof. A Hollywood movie in the making.

In Innovate the Pixar Way, authors Bill Capodagli and Lynn Jackson list other famous failures and the list bears repeating. Some I knew and sometimes surprised the heck out of me!:

1.) The fax machine was a failed invention in the 1840’s

2.) The copy machine was rejected by GE and IBM in 1937

3.) John Grisham’s first novel, A Time to Kill, was rejected by 12 publishers. It took him 3 years to write it, and Wynwood Press eventually published it. It went on to become a best-seller and a Hollywood movie that grossed almost $110M. A first edition of the book goes for ~$4,000 on eBay. (Fun fact – in business school I lived in a house down the road from John Grisham’s home in Charlottesville, VA! He spoke at my University-wide graduation.)

4.) Henry Ford went bankrupt 5 times

5.) Vincent Van Gogh sold only one painting during his lifetime

6.) Orville Wright was expelled from elementary school

7.) Michael Jordan once failed to make his varsity basketball team

8.) Oprah Winfrey failed as a news reporter

9.) Winston Churchill finished last in his class

10.) J.K. Rowling was a jobless, single mom on welfare when she wrote the first Harry Potter book. (Incidentally, Disney CEO Michael Eisner passed on making the Harry Potter series into movies – even Disney still makes bad calls from time to time!)

I wrote this post to remind myself that when failure comes knocking, and it inevitably does for everyone, I don’t need to despair. In failure, I have good company. Just ask John Lasseter.

The image above depicts John Lasseter with Lightning McQueen, animated star of the hit movie Cars. The film was hailed as a critical success and its global gross topped $244M.

failure, innovation

Step 159: Labs – a Place for Pros

Christa Avampato

Today, Chris Brogan wrote about the value of having an on-line lab. Chris just launched his new travel blog (seperate from his main site) to experiment, try out some new ideas, play, and build another business. Chris also makes the points that labs transform failures into learning opportunities and invite us to continue rolling up our sleeves and getting into the nuts of bolts of making things work.

I have thought about this subject in relation to Compass Yoga, the site I set up 10 days ago to begin my yoga training business. I wondered if I should have fully-baked Compass Yoga into my personal site rather than building out a separate site with its own URL. Was I just shying away from really putting Compass out into the open on my personal site because I was afraid of how it might go? Then I read Matthew Russo’s excellent comment on Chris’s post: “The difference between a pro and an amateur in any field is that pros take the time to “practice off the court” while amateurs practice on the job. Labs are a perfect business example of this analogy.” I do want to be a pro with my yoga business, so I better give it its own court.

Here’s what the separation of my personal site from Compass Yoga does for me:
1.) Gives me a place to solely discuss all things yoga, wellness, and health, which while important to me, is only one of my passions.

2.) Compass is the very first business I’ve ever started. I’ve spent over a year intensely studying entrepreneurs and they have inspired me so much that I could no longer keep from jumping off the cliff. I’m sure I will make lots of mistakes and missteps, and all of them will be valuable to me in the long-term. Having a separate site for Compass lets me take risks and try some new, wild ideas, without worrying what impact it will have on my own personal brand.

3.) Giving Compass its own space keeps both my personal site and the Compass site clutter free. I can’t stand sites that have 800 things to look at. I’m always impressed by a clean design, easy navigation, and the ability of a content provider to edit out the unnecessary so the necessay can speak. I wanted Compass to have its own space, clutter-free, to stretch its wings.

Do you have an online lab where you play and experiment, separate from your main online presence? I’d love to hear about it!

failure, history, story

Step 33: Lessons from Scars

Christa Avampato

On Sunday, I found my way to In Over Your Head, Julien Smith’s blog, via a tweet from Tim O’Reilly. He recently wrote a post about the importance of scars. We spend a lot of time avoiding disaster, avoiding the eventuality of hurt and pain. I’m not suggesting that we head out into the world searching for trouble. I’m just saying that I think scars are under-rated and we should be less afraid.

I started to think of all the times I didn’t say something or do something or feel something because the prospects of failure and hurt were just too great. I insulated myself in an effort to protect my feelings, my heart, and my spirit. There are times when I wonder what would have happened if I refused to ever be afraid, or at the very least if I never, ever let fear stop me from doing what I want to do. What if I never worried about getting scars?

Julien artfully connected stories with scars; he frames up the need for scars as a way to track our personal histories. The idea is simple and powerful. Take a look at your hands and your heart. Take note of the scars and blemishes and the imperfections. Hang on to the lessons of heartbreak, failure, and disappointment, and let go of the sadness they brought along with them. We need those lessons because without them we’d forget where we’ve been.

dreams, failure, friendship, mistakes, success

My Year of Hopefulness – The Blessing of Mistakes

Christa Avampato

“A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.” ~ James Joyce, Irish novelist, from Ulysses

The passing of time can be a frustrating thing. We may spend time on one activity that leads us to a dead-end when we could have spent that time on something that would have lead us to a success. It’s easy to become overwhelmed by how many ways we have to spend our time; so many in fact that we might feel that no matter how much we love what we’re doing, we could always be doing something that would make us even happier. The odd paradox of choice, as Barry Schwartz calls it. Too many opportunities leads us to too many opportunity costs. These increased opportunity costs are beginning to effect the way we view failure and mistakes.

Rather than valuable learning tools, we might be tempted to view them as a waste of time. Why should I try and fail and learn when there are so many other things I could be trying and possibly succeeding at? And yet we know that failure is a part of this life. We have to fail. We have to stretch ourselves well beyond our comfort zones, well beyond even the most optimistic view of our own abilities. If we don’t push our limits and fail, then we’ll never know exactly how much we can achieve. Unrealized achievement that was within our grasp had we pushed a little harder is far worse than failure.

I think about failure a lot. In terms of jobs and relationships and pursuits I’ve considered, even in places where I moved and tried to make a home. Sometimes I feel badly about all my failures, and then I consider so many of my brave friends and family who just refused to let fear stand in their way. My friend, Phyllis, who just today wrote to me and said she left her job to focus on her own business full-time. “I’m secretly scared sh*tless,” she said. “I think that’s probably fairly normal for anyone who quits a well-paying job in this crappy economy.” I agree. And I’m so proud of her and inspired by her actions.

My friend, Allan, has a good paying job, albeit a little boring for him. He had the opportunity to continue with a new assignment there – one he could certainly do if he could just resign himself to not liking the job. Instead, he’s taking a risk and going back to school for a graduate degree in mathematics, his greatest passion.

I have a few friends who are getting married next year. And guess what? They’re all scared, too. They’re afraid of failing, of being hurt, of hurting someone else. They’re afraid of letting other people down, of wasting someone else’s time. They’re afraid they aren’t enough. When I asked them if they really thought this was a good idea, to be getting married, they all said yes unequivocally. “Marriage,” one of them said to me, “is the greatest leap of faith there is. We can be afraid of failure. We just can’t let it prevent us from going after happiness.”

What if we could think of failure as a blessing? What if we could seek out failure as a great teacher? And what if we opened up our hearts and minds and accepted and forgave our own failures and the failures of others, too? Would that kind of acceptance and forgiveness make the failures easier to bear and the successes that much sweeter to earn?

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

change, choices, decision-making, failure, fate, success, time

My Year of Hopefulness – Stepping up and out

Christa Avampato

This week I got approval and funding for a project that I’ve been pitching for a year. A solid year of effort, and beating a drum that most had no interest in hearing. For the past year, I’ve felt alternately foolish and hopeful. One minute I thought I just didn’t get it, couldn’t see past my own stubbornness. The next minute I’d think, no, it’s everyone else who doesn’t get it.

I now realize that it wasn’t a matter of people getting it; it was entirely a matter of timing and circumstances. I wanted an idea to flourish ahead of its time. Had I gotten approval a year ago for it, the idea would have crashed and burned, no doubt about it. And then I would not have only felt foolish – I would have looked foolish, too.

The universe tries to protect us from ourselves. It throws down roadblocks to test our passion and perseverance, and also to give the rest of the world time to catch up with us. At the time that I first developed the idea, I didn’t see it that way. I was so willing to toot my own horn, thinking that I knew something others around me didn’t. In reality, the universe was saving me from me. It’s a difficult, necessary lesson to learn; when the path is cluttered with resistance, it really is best to wait it out with quiet strength.

This is not to say that we should all zip it and go stand in line waiting for our turn. I still maintain that it takes the ability to step up and out for an idea we believe in that really creates progress. However, the next time a project is not going exactly according to plan, I’ll have more patience with myself and with those around me. If the idea’s a good one, it’s time will come. Perhaps not on the schedule I’d like, though at the time when it has the greatest chance to not only survive but thrive.

business, career, entrepreneurship, failure

My Year of Hopefulness – Fear #3 of entrepreneurship

Christa Avampato

“I’ll fail.”

A hallmark fear for anyone starting anything new – whether it’s a business, a new job, getting a degree, starting a relationship, moving to a new city. Every time that we adopt a change in our lives, we open ourselves up to the risk of failure. The flip side of that possible failure is a tremendous upside for growth, learning, and improvement of our current situation.

Failure has a very negative connotation in our culture, and it’s often unwarranted. Failure means to discover what doesn’t work. Knowing what doesn’t work puts us one step closer to knowing what does work. And once we know what doesn’t work, we can correct it and move forward. Peter Skillman of Palm is famous for advocating for early failure. Try something. If it doesn’t work, switch gears, and take another run at it.

Whenever I am afraid of failing, I consider what I would have to do to completely protect myself from it. And the answer is often that I would end up not doing anything. That’s no way to live. Our time on this Earth is too brief, too precious, to stand still for every long. Life is about experience, and with every new experience comes the risk of failure.

Like death and taxes, failure is a part of life. It can be a wonderful teacher if we cast in that role in our lives. Whether it changes our lives for better or worse is largely up to us – it all depends on what we do with the lessons it teaches us. Do we use them as valuable information or do we take them on like a yolk, a source of discouragement and despair? How we look at and use failure says a lot about how we live our lives.

failure, food, friendship

When failure leads to friendship

Christa Avampato

I have a long list of subjects to write about with everything that is happening in the world at this moment. But I’m taking a little pause tonight to talk about a very simple subject, and one that is so crucial to getting through the times we’re all finding these days: friendship.


I was part of a team today working on a local charity fundraiser. I was to be the big finale – the chocolate fountain. I got the fountain from my mom and got started about an hour and a half in advance. It was melting just fine though not flowing properly. It was too gloppy and sticky. So I added so milk to thin it out. Bad idea. It turned to fudge. I was so upset – this was supposed to be the finale event of the day and it was quickly becoming a disaster. (For the record, if you need to thin chocolate, you need to add a little vegetable oil, not milk.) 

Until my co-host looked at me and said – let’s take the rest of the chocolate, melt it in the microwave, put it in a nice bowl, and put it out with the dipping items. People will love it. And they did. A few people asked where the advertised fountain was, but no one much cared. They were just happy to have any kind of treat at all. Another co-host announced that the fountain had become a fondue. And everyone accepted that change just fine. 

Despite the fact that I was disappointed about the fountain, I did feel good that I had failed at my task and a co-host was able to pick me back up and help me keep going. It’s this leaning on each other, helping one another deal with our disappointments, that’s going to save us in this tough economy. We need to be joiners and supporters as much as we need to be leaders and innovators. 

I wrapped up the goopy fountain and brought it home to clean. As I was rinsing off the last of the chocolate, I began to laugh at myself – a sure sign that the disappointment had passed. And I smiled knowing that friendship had filled in the space where failure had been.