I like to look out over the time horizon. I like to dream and plan and plot. I love outlining and developing a strategy. But truthfully all we can do is take life in one day at a time. Everything else is speculation, wonderful speculation yes, but speculation all the same. We don’t know what circumstances will await us tomorrow, and once we do know we’ll need to adjust our plans with the new information we receive.
That’s not going to stop me from making plans; it’s helpful and healthy to pick our heads up and see the possibilities of the future. But what I am doing is living much more in the moment, appreciating blessings great and small and everything in-between. The now has many gifts, and if we’re not careful we’ll miss them in the blink of an eye. I want to live fully, today and every day after.
Are you in the in-between, that place where you’ve stopped doing something to make room for something else, even if you don’t quite know what that something else is just yet? I’m with you! That place isn’t just something to get through; it’s something to be honored and treasured. It happens a handful of times in our lives after we’ve gone through an intensive learning period, made some changes, and now we’re turning our eyes to our future that’s just around the bend.
Before we plunge headlong into the future, let’s turn around and reflect. Let’s enjoy the view created by getting some distance from where we were. Let’s celebrate the effort it took to create that distance. It’s okay to pause for a moment, take a deep breath, and congratulate ourselves for doing something that was difficult. The future will be here soon enough.
Eventually we all face this question: walk away or try harder? I face this kind of choice every day, multiple times a day, especially at that dark 3:00am hour. It happens so often that I’ve had to devise a method to calm myself down and thinking clearly. The beauty of this simple system is that it lets me respond to my fear and doubt without being consumed by them. I ask myself four questions:
1. Do I find joy in doing X?
2. Am I helping someone by doing X?
3. If I stop doing X now, will I regret it?
4. Is what I’m giving up to do X worth the tradeoff?
Sometimes these questions showed me that I did need to walk away. That walking away wasn’t easy or pain-free, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Compass Yoga, the nonprofit I founded and recently dissolved, is an example of that. Other pursuits, like my writing, proved to be things that I decided to double down on. These questions aren’t one and done. I re-evaluate regularly, sometimes hourly, and these questions help me get through the process so I can get on with my life. I hope they work for you, too.
Destiny is a decision—yours. As we approach the end of the year, spend some time thinking about what went right, what went not-so-right, and decide what you want 2015 to look like. Unexpected things will happen in the new year, of course, but we have much more control than we give ourselves credit for. You have everything you need to shape it and direct in a way that brings you all the happiness you deserve. Choose to give yourself exactly the year you’re hoping to have.
“The only good thing about pounding your head against a wall is when you stop.” Robert Spekman, my marketing professor in my Darden MBA program, said this during one of our classes almost 10 years ago. I repeat this line to myself almost daily because I like messy, complex challenges without clear answers. I guess it’s the adventuress in me.
Author Ray Bradbury once said, “Learning to let go should be learned before learning to get. Life should be touched, not strangled. You’ve got to relax, let it happen at times, and at others move forward with it.” We can’t force realization.
Once I’ve gone ’round the mulberry bush to the point of dizziness, I do anything but sit down and try to reason through the challenge at-hand.Take a walk. Write. Paint a picture. Do a jigsaw puzzle. The sooner I do that, the sooner I find the answer I need. The older I get the more I understand that the answers I really need are those that start in the heart. What the heart speaks, the head eventually understands.
What we do with our days is of course what we do with our lives. I used to think that crossroads were a few times in a lifetime experience. Now I see that my whole life is a daily series of a crossroads, especially as an entrepreneur and a writer.Some crossroads are larger than others. Certain times of year, like the end-of-year holidays, magnify them.
At the moment, I’m at a pretty significant crossroads in every area of my life. Moving to a new city, and subsequently setting up a new life, brings everything into question because life literally becomes a blank slate. All my old habits and patterns are gone. I could start something completely brand new, re-jigger what I’ve already got, or continue along the same path in a new way.
I don’t have any definitive answers yet, but I do have three key questions that I’m spending a lot of time with now. If you’re in this same place, I hope the following questions help you, too:
1.) Internal question: Look in. Take money out of the equation; we’ll put it back in later. What would make you excited to hop out of bed in the morning and get going?
2.) External question: Look out. What’s happening in your city that sounds like something you’d like to be a part of? Whether it’s a community of hobbyists of some kind, a certain activity, or a place where people come together, what’s already there that you could build onto rather than starting alone completely from scratch? If there’s already a conversation happening, or a group of people have assembled around a particular interest, then there’s some indication that there’s already some level o forward momentum that you can leverage.
3.) Blended question: Move the two answers above toward one another. Where’s the overlap? Where’s the disconnect? The answer I’m looking for lies not in the internal, nor the external, but where the two come together.
Like the start of a new relationship, the start of a life in a new city (or even in your same city) is filled with a jumble of feelings: trepidation, confusion, excitement, joy, and uncertainty. Let the wild ideas flow. Building is messy, but it’s also fun. Enjoy the ride.
Every day the first decision you make is whether or not to rise. Is it worth getting up or should I just stay in bed and wait for something better? Physically, most of us must make the choice to rise. We have work to do, a family to tend to, or a dog that needs walking. But what about mentally and emotionally? Are we all in — heart, body, and soul — or do we plunk along just trying to get back to bed at some point later that night? Are we even aware of the choice we’re making?
Lately, I’ve been working with being more conscious and present. As a writer, this is hard because I live my real life and I live my writing life and those two worlds often live in different places even though I haven’t yet found a way to clone myself. The two exist side-by-side the moment I open my eyes in the morning and I have to choose: rise or don’t. Put your best foot forward even if it scares the hell out of you, or don’t.
Me? I’m going to decide to rise. Always. I’m all in.
I control my direction; the speed is none of my business
Part of the reason I left New York was to have the freedom to say “no”. “No” to things I don’t want to do. “No” to following paths that I know aren’t right for me. “No” to anything that doesn’t make me jump up and down saying, “Hell yes!” I can control my direction; the speed at which I travel is a matter of timing and that timing is none of my business. I’m just grateful to be able to give my dreams the chance to unfold.
“To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time.” ~ Leonard Bernstein
This philosophy of time and planning really resonates with me. I’ve always found deadlines and outsized goals to be great motivators. They give me something to aspire to with just enough doubt to make me put my best foot forward. We don’t have forever to maximize and reach the potential within us. We have to act, sooner rather than later, with attention, determination, and energy, and that idea gets my blood pumping. Certainly, the process can feel daunting and scary, though when I look back on my life the things I treasure most are the things that required me to take big chances on big dreams that had an expiration date. That’s as true right now, as I transition to writing full-time, as it’s ever been. The time is now.
My beautiful and intensely wise yogi friend, Sara Kleinsmith, sent this to me as I was telling her about my decision to write full-time and to make whatever life adjustments I need to make the writing life a reality. In response, she sent me this quote. And I just love it. And her. And all the people who don’t give a damn about the odds but instead care deeply about happiness and the courage to create. Just go for it with everything you’ve got. We make our own odds. (And if you find yourself in Austin, Texas, then you must go to Sara’s yoga classes. She’s magical.)
Christa Avampato 