I tell wonder-filled stories about hope and healing
I saw this image yesterday and it stuck with me all day. We’re so inclined to think that technology, money, emotions – any tool or source of energy – has control. It doesn’t. It’s up to the user. It’s how you wield these tools that makes the difference. It’s about intention and purpose. It’s about deciding how to use the forces within us and around us that determines our impact. Choose and act wisely.
“In the fight between you and the universe, back the universe.” ~Frank Zappa
Have you ever just wanted to understand why something has happened, why life has unfolded in this particular way that doesn’t match the vision we have for ourselves and our futures? I spend a lot of time thinking about this idea, and when something doesn’t go my way I often go through the classic stages of grief. Because let’s face it, having life not pan out as we hoped, in big and small ways, is a kind of loss or at least a recalibration of expectations. And it feels awful.
No matter what I’m facing, the idea I come back to is the one Frank Zappa references in this quote. I’ve got grand ideas about how life should go, and they rarely, if ever, happen. But here’s what I know to be true—never, not even once, have I looked back on any time in my life and said, “If life had gone the way I wanted it to go, I’d be so much better off now.”
The Universe always gets it right, and I’m so grateful for that. It’s so much wiser, more experienced, and generous to us than we are to ourselves. That knowledge temporarily stops the whirring in my mind. It stops the incessant analyzing, bargaining, and blaming that I usually direct inward in a moment of disappointment. It helps me smile, pick up, and go on. Double down on the Universe—it’s there to support you.
I’m now in the process of sorting through different ideas for my storytelling class. I keep looking for an idea that has the possibility to encompass everything I love in a story. Something both funny and poignant, particular to me that many people can relate to. What makes a good story, at least in this case, is not the telling of some big milestone but a tiny moment that reveals something meaningful. I don’t know what that will be but I trust that I’ll know when I find it.
Yesterday I went out to dinner and had beef for the first time in a while. For the first time in my life, my system didn’t take it well. Right then and there I decided that for the next month I’d give myself a break from meat. Technically, I’m going to try life as a pescatarian (meaning I’ll eat fish but give up other types of meat) to see how I feel and then I’ll re-evaluate. And so it goes for 2015…one more change I never saw coming until it arrived.
I write as a way to retreat and to create a retreat. In my writing, I recast reality into a form that saves and serves the future I want to create. It’s a place that doesn’t judge me nor limit me. It’s safe there. The possibilities are endless and by plunging into that vast pool I become limitless.
Yesterday a friend of mine had some people over to her apartment in Navy Yard. I’ve never been to that area of town and found it to be a new gem of the city I am growing to love. This is a view of her rooftop pool where we relaxed long into the evening. A welcome respite to laugh and recharge.
“That’s the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good fucking life.” ~ Chuck Palahniuk, author of Fight Club among many other novels
When someone’s really hurt you, what’s the first thing you want to do? At the very least, you want that person to see that he or she was wrong and out of line. Maybe you’re going to get an apology at some point, and maybe you aren’t. Honestly, it’s not up to you. It has everything to do with how self-aware and kind the other person is. Everyone makes mistakes that can be hurtful to others. We all do. We’re twisted humans.
The best part is that no matter what’s been done to you, you don’t need an apology to move forward with your life. It’s the great benefit of being an adult. You can decide how you want to proceed, with or without that person who hurt you, and then choose to be happy with your decision. I’m not saying that’s easy. It’s damn hard. That sting takes a while to subside, and then there’s the scarring to deal with. But don’t make things worse for yourself with extra baggage that you create by carrying around old grudges, debts, and heartaches. Chances are those debts will never be repaid by the ones who owe them. Repay yourself. Be happy and create a good life for yourself. That’s all the revenge and repayment you need.
I’m in the very early phases of a new theater project in DC, or rather what may become a new theater project. Right now, I’m researching the community and the potential opportunity for my idea to spread its wings in this new city. It would be the biggest project I’ve ever considered doing, and therefore requires more research and consideration than any other decision I’ve ever made.
Whenever I’m approaching a big idea, I break it down into its smallest elements as fast as possible. That way I can take it one piece at a time. I can see myself approaching from a distance. I have to time to prepare and can take in the whole landscape around the idea.
There’s a time for taking a giant leap. There’s a time to run toward something as fast as our legs will carry us. And there’s nothing wrong with testing the waters before diving in head first. It’s the best way to avoid the rocks and provide us with smooth sailing.
“Stories make potential futures tangible.” ~Business Model Generation by Alexander Osterwalder and Yves Pigneur
Stories are powerful. When I was in the midst of a very stressful move from Florida to D.C. all while conducting a job search and nursing my sweet dog, Phin, back to health, my friend, Alex, encouraged me to think about life three months down the line. Florida, the job search, and Phin’s recovery would all be behind me by then and the future would look much brighter than it did from my vantage point in February. Or would it?
As much as I believe in stories, I wasn’t sure this approach would work. I thought it was a nice idea, but in many ways I doubted its power. Could I really bring a reality into being just by writing it down? Was I just deluding myself with a happy future narrative? Was I choosing fantasy over reality? Despite my hesitations, I took Alex’s advice. I didn’t have any better ideas.
Looking back now, not everything panned out as expected. Remarkably, and much to my surprise, about 90% of it did. Since that 3-month mark in May, more challenges have found their way across my path and I’ve written letters to myself from the vantage point of October. I figured if it worked in February, arguably one of the very lowest points of my life, then why not now, too?
The journey from February to May wasn’t easy nor was it solved with some pixie dust and a wand. It’s magic was more grounded than that. It was filled with doubt, fear, sadness, and loneliness. It was also filled with a ton of hard work, courage, determination, and learning. It was a time when I took solace in my friendships with people near and far, a time when I believed in the goodness of those friends who were more than willing to lend a hand or two or three because I had the strength to ask for help.
I re-read the story crafted by my 3-month older self over and over again during that time, and it helped me get up every day and keep working. It helped me believe that I could and would make things better. I just had to keep showing up and not give up. That story gave me strength in a time when I desperately needed it. And strength, especially in the face of difficulty and loss, is its own kind of grounded magic. It’s something to believe in.
I’ll go see any show that’s a take on Alice in Wonderland, my favorite book of all-time. Last weekend I went to see Dodgeball Theatre‘s steampunk-inspired ALICE, a part of Capital Fringe. Performed in the round with exaggerated stage movement and outlandish characterizations of the story roles I love so much, I was able to see the story in a whole new light.
Seductive undertones, a dream-like weaving of the story’s most famous lines, and a triumphant Alice all made me realize that stories, like life, are malleable. Words are only the beginning. Physical movement, rich visuals, and lush music can transform lines of text into an experience that we can dive into head first and never look back. Like the white rabbit, I lost all sense of time and space as I looked on waiting to see where this multi-talented and imaginative cast would take me. Falling down the rabbit hole with them was a delight.
You can still catch ALICE on Thursday, July 16th, Saturday, July 18th, Tuesday, July 21st, and Saturday, July 25th. And if I were you, I’d mark these down as very important dates to relish how theater can make an old story new again.
