Category: choices

adventure, choices, determination, government, journey, politics, risk

Step 256: What We Can Learn from Rahm Emanuel

Christa Avampato

“If you run before the wind, you can’t take off. You’ve got to turn into it. Face it. The thing you push against is the thing that lifts you up.” ~ Delta commercial

Rahm Emanuel has a reputation for being a tough administrator who gets the job done. He runs a tight ship as an ambitious First Mate. I’m sure somewhere in the history books, long after the Obama administration has left the White House, there will be some chapter somewhere that recalls Emanuel’s role as the White House Chief of Staff. More than likely, the average American will not remember him nor his critical role in making the Obama administration run. Even now, do we know how much policy he has influenced with a heavy hand? At best, we know that he is a trusted adviser to our President, though we don’t know his advice.

Last week Mayor Daley announced that he will not seek re-election, and rumors begin to circulate that Emanuel may exit the White House to return to his beloved city of Chicago to become the star of his own life and career, as opposed to someone’s manager who looks on from the shadows of the wings. I thought about that image when I met with Brian last week. Brian has been a supportive and unrelenting advocate for me and my career. He thinks I have spent enough time in a supporting role and that it’s time for me to step out on my own in some way. He voices that message on a regular basis.

I tell him I need some more time to save money, to grow my experience base. Brian’s all for pragmatism, though he’s more in favor of setting the stage for how we’d like our creativity to organize itself. In other words, if we tell our creativity we’re just not ready and we need a plan B then our creativity will believe us and get going on a brilliant plan B. Our creativity, in large part, does what we tell it to do.

The trouble is that I’m an excellent supporting character. I’m really good at juggling priorities and managing around challenging personalities. I’ve made a successful career out of improving situations that very much-needed improving, and until I decide to work from a clean slate, I will continue to be part of the clean-up crew. We get the circumstances we ask for, or at least the ones that we’re willing to tolerate.

We all deserve the opportunity to be the stars of our own lives, to test our own ideas, and to make our own independent contributions to the world. As much as Rahm Emanuel may respect his boss and believe in the Obama agenda, he doesn’t call the shots. At the end of the day, they’re called for him to execute against. That’s the gig that comes with being a Chief of Staff and not the Chief. Of course he’s considering the possibility of becoming the mayor of his hometown. And with that inspiration, we should all think about what stage it is that we’d like to star on – we all deserve a little piece of the spotlight in our own lives. Turn into the wind, and see what lifts you up. For Emanuel, it’s the city of Chicago. What is it for you?

choices, decision-making

Step 241: Big Choices

Christa Avampato

The through lines of our lives can be drawn between our tipping points, those moments and decisions that are so influential that they end up shaping our path forward in a dramatic way. I’ve had a few of those moments: my choices to try to create a career in theatre and then to leave touring theatre companies, moving to Florida and then DC, enrolling at Darden for business school, and then moving to New York City post-graduation without a set job.

Now I feel poised on the very edge of another turning point, with a window of opportunity that holds a lot of promise. That window won’t remain open forever. I have a limited amount of time to crawl through. If I choose to let it close, then I am certain that another window will open, but the opportunity will not be the same. Unlike my previous tipping points, this one makes me a little more nervous. I have more to lose now. Finally I’ve gotten to a comfortable point in my life, and I’m thinking of shaking it all up for the shake of a far-reaching dream.

My decision is eminent. In the next few weeks I will have to make some tough and interesting choices. My gut is conflicted, which rarely happens and which indicates to me that this decision is multi-layered with greater complications than my previous tipping points. I promise to disclose all of the details once I’ve made a choice. Until then, I’ll be turning the options over and over, looking for more information, hoping that my gut once again can show me the way.

While I’m thinking about this tipping point, I’d love to hear how you’ve made these types of choices and what the outcome was.

art, choices, decision-making, impact

Step 238: Virtuous Feedback Loops and Doing What We Do Well (and Love)

Christa Avampato

“In the last analysis, the individual person is responsible for living his own life and for “finding himself.” If he persists in shifting his responsibility to somebody else, he fails to find out the meaning of his own existence.” ~ Thomas Merton, Trappist monk, poet, and author

My Uncle Tom sent me this quote just as I was online researching virtuous feedback loops, an operations term that describes a system that is built to educate itself by doing the very act it was created to perform. (There really is no end to my nerd-dom.) With virtuous feedback loops, a system constantly learns and improves. It’s a technical paradigm that at its core supports the old adage of “practice makes perfect”, at least “practice makes better.”

I thought about how we build systems into our lives that function as virtuous feedback loops. Certainly music, sports, the arts, and cooking are examples of these loops – we improve these skills just by practicing them, learning something from each new shot we take at it. Except when we hit a wall. Improvement ceases, we get stuck, and then grow to hate the activity altogether.

I was a saxophone player when I was in school, and I was truly mediocre. I would practice and practice and practice and really never make any great strides. I finally got so frustrated with the lack of progress that I decided to be a jazz fan and turn my artistic energy toward writing, design, and business (which, yes, is most certainly an art). It was a wise choice on my part. I’ve turned out to be a much more productive and happier writer, designer, and business woman than I ever would have been a jazz artist.

We have only so much energy and years to while away on this planet. Thomas Merton implores us to take a look at our lives from our own perspective, not anyone else’s. Take stock of what really matters, what we love to do, and where we can be useful, and action against that. Build virtuous feedback loops in our lives that do what they’re meant to do – help us get better at something we’re meant to do. I wasn’t meant to be a saxophone player. And as disappointed as I was to realize that at the time, I’m glad I didn’t spend years trying to hack away as a mediocre musician.

That move took some serious serious self-analysis and more than a little humility. I had to let go of what I loved but couldn’t improve so that I could find a new happiness and passion. I had to quit to succeed. Sometimes that happens, and it’s okay.

So if you find yourself stuck in a rut, working at something that just isn’t improving and that you’re actually growing to dislike as a result, then maybe it’s time to find a new passion, one that you can improve upon as you practice. Just make sure that if you do get a new dream, you’re the one making the choice. This is your time after all, and you only get one chance to be you.

choices, decision-making, literature, mentor, writer, writing

Step 236: Mentor: A Memoir

Christa Avampato

I went to The Half King (one of the last great New York literary bars) last night to hear the author Tom Grimes talk about his new book Mentor: A Memoir. The book discusses Grime’s relationship with Frank Conroy, his mentor and friend whom he met at the Iowa Writer’s Workshop when Grimes was a graduate student at Iowa. Grimes explained how the book came about from a magazine assignment gone wrong. An editor had asked him to write a piece on Conroy’s work and instead the piece morphed into an exploration of Grime’s mentor relationship with Conroy. While not what the magazine editor asked for, the editor encouraged him to keep going and 8 months later Grimes had a book he never intended to write.

Exceedingly gracious and humble, Grimes also read a passage from the book from his early writing career when he waited tables at a small restaurant in Key West, Florida. He had a several second encounter with Conroy when Conroy spoke on a panel about writing in Key West. Conroy brushed him aside as just another would-be writer wanting admission into Iowa. Because of his rude behavior, Grimes wrote him off until Conroy called him to offer admission and a scholarship to Iowa after Conroy read his application and sample manuscript.

Throughout the talk, Grimes offered advice and encouragement to the audience about publishing, the craft of writing, the struggles that every writer faces in finding their own voice. The advice that sticks with me the most is his most simple and straight-forward: don’t let other people talk you into giving up; only give up when you think you should. It’s good advice for anyone who’s doing something they’re passionate about – their art, a business idea, an education, a community project, even a relationship.

There will also be naysayers, and sometimes those naysayers will be people close to us who care about us and our future. They will tell us how to spend our time, what skills to work on, where to live, go to school, and whom to be with. Ultimately, the only opinion about our lives that really matters is ours because we’re the ones we have to wake up with everyday, no matter what. If you can’t live with yourself and your choices, then it really doesn’t matter if anyone else can. You only get one crack at being you – make sure it’s done on your terms.

The Half King has a great slate of events that happen every Monday night. Check out the schedule and sign up for their email at http://www.thehalfking.com/

choices, decision-making, future

Step 233: Non-negotiables

Christa Avampato

I talked to Brian today about the idea of non-negotiables. Now that the summer is drawing to a close, I’m feeling some shifts in a number of areas of my life. It seems like every piece of ground is a little unstable, a little shaky. Not in a bad, or even uncomfortable, way. Just changing, again. Constant movement. Change opens the way for new beginnings, and Brian encouraged me to think about how I really want to shape this change by establishing my non-negotiables and putting them into action.

My friend, Kristen, is a numerologist and at the start of the year she told me 2010 would be an interesting year, one in which I would just have to hang on as the unexpected twists and turns cropped up fast and furious. She told me that just when I thought I had it all figured out, the year would show we that the unexpected was just over the horizon. I hoped that 2010 would be a time of rest and rejuvenation. And despite my best efforts to make it that way, 2010 has been all about growth and very little about rest. It’s what I needed – 8 months in I’m much stronger than I was at the start of the year.

With everything changing, Brian asked me to think about my non-negotiables in every area of my life: work, home, relationships, how I spend my time, and what I want to look back on my year having accomplished. I can easily tick off a list of things I do want in my life, things I don’t want in my life are more difficult to categorize. I recognize their importance; I understand that they help us to make better choices. But the piece I struggle with is that non-negotiables can lead us to close doors, to let go of certain opportunities. And I suppose a piece of me has a hard time letting go of opportunity; there is something nostalgic about possibility, even if that possibility is a long-shot.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be thinking about the idea of non-negotiables. What stays, what goes, and what needs some more evaluation. Have you been through this process of setting firm non-negotiables in any area of your life? I’d love to know how it went for you.

choices, decision-making, imagination, intelligence

Step 218: Thinking and Doing Are Two Different Things

Christa Avampato

“Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one’s thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing it not enough; we must do.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German Philosopher

“Well done is better than well said.” ~ Ben Franklin

This morning Chris Brogan wrote an interesting post about setting a course that made me think of these Goethe and Franklin quotes.

I had a friend who really wanted to find a job. He’s a smart guy though I have to admit that he’s lazy. He expects his intelligence to carry him through life. He would routinely say that he’s tired of proving himself and potential employers should really recognize his intelligence. He would talk about all these grand plans he had for his career and then spent the bulk of his time playing video games and cleaning his apartment obsessively. He made a lot of plans and articulated a beautiful vision for his career, but he never followed through on anything. Intelligence really doesn’t matter if the ability to execute is lacking.

Every day this same friend would give me (unsolicited) advice on my career, my writing, dating, and myriad of other aspects of my life. If I had taken his advice, I am convinced I would now be angry and miserable. I ignored his advice, and eventually that choice ended up bringing our friendship to an abrupt halt. He wanted someone to be miserable with and when I decided not to play that role, we ended up not having much to talk about.

My friend was one of these “idea guys” who wants to surround himself with people who can bring his vision to life. And that’s an interesting idea but I don’t know anyone who wants to sign up for that gig. Everyone has ideas; the ones that see the light of the day and make a difference are the ones that move from the mind into the real world.

By all means, make plans. Change them, switch them up, talk to people to get their perspective. But eventually we have to stop planning and starting doing. There isn’t any other way forward. Actions, not plans, define who we are and ultimately what we’ll be remembered for.

choices, creative process, curiosity, discovery, dreams, experience, productivity, success

Step 204: Better to Never Finish Than Never Begin

Christa Avampato

“Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes – work never begun.” – Christina Rossetti

I saw this quote this morning on Twitter courtesy of Bridget Ayers, President of Get Smart Web Consulting. Over this week in Florida, I’ve been planning some new projects including a new blog / book idea about yoga and personal finance, my LIM College class about social media marketing, and schools where I can pilot Innovation Station, my after-school program for middle school students that teaches them about product design. I’ve had some moments of doubt about these projects – Are they valuable to people? Do I have enough experience to pull them together? What if they don’t work?

Doubts are important in the same way that a healthy fear of the ocean keeps us from drowning. After doubts initially occur to me, I remember to be grateful for them. Doubts, if handled properly, can dramatically improve our ideas. Doubts should be incorporated into our product development, but they should not deter us from getting started.

We should always begin, and if our projects don’t work out, we should just begin again. There’s no harm in giving something a go. The real harm is in never giving ourselves a chance.

change, choices, courage, discovery, encouragement, frustration, gifts, gratitude, loss, opportunity, yoga

Step 201: Obstacles as Path

Christa Avampato

“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.” –Alfred D. Souza

I keep thinking about the idea of “the path of least resistance.” I don’t know what that path looks like. I work and work and work, and eventually a pathway opens, but never constitutes taking the easy road. This quote helped me put this idea in perspective. When I think about the things I’m most proud of in my life, they all resulted from overcoming obstacles. It wasn’t always a fun journey, but the results were worth it.

I’ve written about Ganesha, the Hindu god of obstacles, and how much I learned about him during my yoga teacher training. Some people have interpreted his role as a remover of obstacles. That view is mostly right. It needs the addition of “removed of obstacles on our life’s path.” Sometimes, as Alfred Souza so eloquently states, obstacles need to be placed in our way to help us realize our path.

There’s no shame in having obstacles; there’s no need for us to bemoan their presence. They can be our reasons to be grateful. They show us our strength, and if we can recognize their gifts and their reasons for being, we can often find our way around them.

career, choices, decision-making, education, teaching, yoga

Step 198: Decisions, Iriquois-style

Christa Avampato

I heard Jeffrey Hollender, CEO of Seventh Generation, speak at the World Innovation Forum and he explained his company’s decision-making philosophy with respect to the environment: they consider how their decisions will impact the world in seven generations (roughly 70 years.) Seventh Generation took a page from the law of the Iroquois. After Hollender’s inspiring talk, I created a similar decision-making rule for myself: when making important decisions, I think about how I’ll feel about my choice 7 years from now.

This has brought up some interesting effects that may seem small on the surface, though are huge underneath:

1.) I had a hard time figuring out how to fit my yoga teacher training into my schedule. I had to make trade-offs with some other projects like Innovation Station and finishing my first e-book. Ultimately, I decided that the yoga training could lead to a service that I could offer independently, giving me more flexibility to pursue so many of my interests. 7 years from now, I will be very happy I gave entrepreneurship a shot with Compass Yoga.

2.) I went to Greece a few weeks ago and soon after I made those travel plans my sister asked if I would visit for a week only two weeks after I returned from Greece to help her out with her kids while my brother-in-law was out-of-town. I usually wouldn’t ask to take my vacation days from work so close together. I’m in Florida now having a blast with my little nieces. 7 years from now, I will be so grateful for this time – I am already grateful for it now. Work will manage without me just fine.

3.) When the opportunity to teach at LIM College presented itself, working the class into my schedule was difficult. I could have just passed on the chance to make things easier at work. However, I’ve been wanting to teach a college level for the past few years, and that opportunity can be tough for a young professional to come by. So even though it was difficult to re-work my schedule, I knew that if I didn’t accept the teaching assignment 7 years from now I would regret it.

4.) Now 34, I’m considering how I spend my work life. For some time, I have wanted to turn more of my career toward the field of education in some way. It would be easy to just continue down the professional path I’m on, even though I know it’s not my passion. I make a good living at a popular company. 7 years from now, I know that I will wish I had made the move to education much earlier on. So even though making a career change can be challenging, particularly in this economy, I have to go for it.

This decision-making philosophy is helpful, but not easy to implement. It requires trusting my gut much more often than my head. The heart can take the long-view; the head can’t. In recent years, my head has won more often than my heart. The practical side of me has taken a bit too much control. I need a better heart-mind balance in my decisions. Thinking 7 years ahead helps me do that. I’m grateful to the Iroquois and Seventh Generation for the lesson.

The image above can be found here.

change, choices, education

Step 190: Structured Flexibility and Flexible Structure

Christa Avampato

“At the moment of commitment, the universe conspires to assist you.” ~ Goethe

This morning I had a terrific meeting with Dudley Blossom, the head of the Marketing Department at LIM College where I’m going to teach a class this Fall entitled “Guerilla, Viral, and Social Media Marketing.” We were tossing around ideas for the syllabus, getting it all down on paper. My first draft netted out at 6 pages, about 4 pages too long. To do that much editing, we needed to go back to the basics. Simplify, simplify, simplify.

This subject is so interesting because just when people think they’ve pegged the future of social media, there’s a beautiful disruption that takes content creators, consumers, and trend analysts in a new, never-seen-before direction. The way that the social media world exists today may be turned on its head by the time we wind up the semester in December. Still, we need to give students a sense of direction and give ourselves a way to change direction if the market warrants it.

What we need for this class is structured flexibility, or flexible structure. Social media, like yoga, like writing, like performance of any kind, needs to live in this in-between world. We have to be able to adapt on the fly. The more I think about my life and its directions, the more I see that I’ve been working on the skill of adaptation for many years, from so many different angles. A millieu of commitments made and commitments changed. As my friend, Amanda says, “You can choose 1 side or the other of an argument, but sitting on the fence is the weak position. And know that if convincing, contrary evidence is presented to you, you can change your position.”

I’m taking Amanda’s sage advice, and applying it to my syllabus for the LIM class and my life in general. Choices, and conviction behind those choices, do have a magic to them.

The image above can be found here.