Category: change

action, adventure, change, risk

This just in: Surviving in the In-between

Christa Avampato
Honor the space between no longer and not yet.
Honor the space between no longer and not yet.

Like me, you might be in the midst of a transition. A change in job, city, relationship, or a new realization about the world and your place in it and the people around you. We know we’re going to stop doing something and start doing something else. Right now we’re in that in-between space. And that can be unsettling. It certainly is for me.

Honor that space, that pause. It’s okay to reset and reconsider and reconfigure. It’s okay to try something on for a while and see how it feels. You can also toss it away if it doesn’t work. It’s also okay to decide to not try anything on at all. You can just be. In the In-between, you can see your past and your future and decide if or how the two could and should relate to one another. This is your show and you can play if you want to, or not.

This is a special place and a special time to not compare options to one another, but to what you really want. I know how hard it is to enjoy this time. In many ways I just want to move on and get it over with. What helps me is to remember that this isn’t permanent, that nothing is permanent. This is a rare and precious occasion, and I want to make sure to treat it as such. It’s challenging and I’m doing the best I can. I’m trying.

action, change, courage, learning

This just in: Keep perspective while learning hard lessons

Christa Avampato
Sunshine after the storm
Sunshine after the storm

Yesterday I learned some tough lessons. I didn’t cause them, but sadly I’m the only who has to deal with the fall out. Once I got over the initial shock of the reality, I had to quickly gain perspective. And I did, and I will, because of one simple belief: everything that happens has the potential to make us better if we use it with that intent. Even the things that hurt. Even the things that disappoint us and make us want to crawl under our beds to wait for sunnier skies.

The tough circumstances we face won’t resolve themselves. They won’t magically disappear if we ignore them. If anything, they’ll get worse and we won’t learn the lessons that they have to teach us. So after a short breakdown I picked up the phone, devised a plan, and took action. I don’t know if that plan will work. I’m going to give it my best shot and file away this moment as an opportunity to learn that will someday serve me well. Sometimes life beats the heck out of you, and you might be down but you’re only out if you give up. Keep learning. Keep going.

change, friendship

This just in: If you need help, ask for it

Christa Avampato
Friends
Friends

I have a difficult time asking for help, though to make this move to D.C. I needed help in a number of areas. I let my vulnerability show. Certainly there were people who kicked me when I was down, who took the opportunity to make themselves feel better by making me feel worse. I cut them loose. They were the vast minority and I realized in short order that I didn’t need that kind of energy in my life. Nearly everyone who heard about my move asked how they could help. It was an incredible feeling to have that kind of support, and I’m grateful for it every day. I’ve learned so much in this move and the most valuable lesson is this: when you ask for help nearly everyone will want to do whatever they can to help. My friends had an apartment for me to rent immediately. Others called, texted, and emailed me during my drive and the day I arrived to see if I was okay and if I needed anything. Friends have recommended me for jobs, and many people have cheered me on every day before, during, and after the move.

You might be going through a tough time right now – the loss of a job, difficulties with loved ones, or the general heaviness of life. Reach out. Connect. Let people know what you’re going through and what you need, and they will step forward and lend a hand. I know because I’m one of them. We’re in this together and to make life easier, happier, and healthier for each other. That’s what matters.

change, creativity, Life

This just in: In stillness we can appreciate change

Christa Avampato
Stillness
Stillness

“Within you there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” ~Hermann Hesse

I woke up this morning with one pervasive thought—how very different my life was a month ago. Not just my geographic location but also my outlook on my own life. I thought I might lose Phin. I wasn’t in my own space. My career was a giant question mark. I felt like I was spinning my wheels in the toughest way, and I really didn’t know how I was going to gain any traction from that place.

Then last night I went out to dinner to sit and laugh and eat with friends just 2 blocks from the Capitol Building. Phin is on the mend and we’re both settling into our new digs. I’ve got a number of career options on the horizon. I’m hopeful about the many possibilities ahead. For a while I laid in bed and just rested in the stillness, the stillness of knowing that if we can make a commitment one tiny step at a time to make our situation better, then all those steps will eventually add up to something that looks and feels like progress. And while it might seem like an overnight process, there have been so many forces at work for a long time, forces far beyond my control or understanding, that made today’s circumstances possible.

This can be a hard perspective to keep in the moment. Certainly a month ago it was hard for me to imagine what life would be like beyond the very minute I was living. And that has its own gifts. All of a sudden we realize that we are empowered to do anything we want to do. All of a sudden we realize that if we can honestly ask for help and advice and then listen to it, then others will come to our aid. That’s certainly what happened to me. These life changes that happened to me in the last month were largely built on the generosity and kindness of friends. And I’m grateful for every one of them.

change, choices, creativity, grateful, gratitude, Life, love

This just in: How to let the light in

Christa Avampato
Live in the light
Live in the light

“Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” ~Leonard Cohen

This quote has been an important guidepost for me for many months, now more than ever. It inspired the title of my novel, Where the Light Enters, and it continues to guide me through the many changes that I’m experiencing in my life now.

No matter what’s happening to us and around us, it’s important for us to continue to ring the bells that still can ring. Smile and love and help where and when and how we can. Our actions don’t need to be perfect; we don’t need to be perfect. We can’t be. We live in a world that is wholly imperfect. All we can do is our best, and that means continuing to show up and put our hearts and souls into the act of creating the best lives we can, for ourselves and the people we love.

And that’s the trick of it all, that’s how the light gets in. It gets in with love and gratitude and actions guided by them. It gets in when we let ourselves we vulnerable, when we allow ourselves to learn and change and grow, not in spite of adversity, but because of it. That’s how we make a good life.

change, moving, Washington

This just in: Taking life one day at a time as I start over

Christa Avampato
One day at a time

I made myself a little crazy on Friday racing around trying to finish all those tasks that come with starting over—unpack, organize, get groceries, and figure out where the heck I am. I’ve done this many times before. All of a sudden I’m looking for things I used to have, things that cost more to move than they do to buy new – a colander, a roll of tape, furniture – and I’m faced with the task of re-acquiring.

A trip to Bed, Bath & Beyond always brings out my reflective side. Maybe it’s all those colorful kitchen gadgets that I never knew I needed. (An avocado dicer? How have I lived without THAT for so long?) My recent trip there was no exception. Suddenly, the weight of starting over, again, hit me hard. It quickly passed but having it at all left me a little shaken.

I focused on my breath. I put one foot in front of the other as I weaved my cart through the aisles. The tightness in my chest gave way to something like freedom mixed with curiosity and a dash of confusion. How did I get here? And how do I get there, to that place where I feel settled and stable again?

Breathing, walking. That’s all I needed. It’s usually all I ever need to get through any flavor of fear. Starting over is a process that takes time. I can’t get it all done today, but someday soon I’ll look back for a moment and say, “Wow. I did that. I made this life and I love it.” And that shining moment that I know is on the way keeps me going; it helps me enjoy the journey.

change

This just in: Let the laughter in every day

Christa Avampato

Last night I watched the 40th anniversary show of SNL. After a few long days of packing and a long drive ahead of me this week, I needed a good healthy dose of the giggles. I was reminded of the potent power of smiling and laughing, of its ability to get inside our minds and hearts and turn the beat around. On an unsure road, I’m grateful to have laughter as a constant companion. In the days ahead as I incur the stress that always comes from moving and job searching, I’m going to make sure to get my daily dose of laughter. If I forget, please remind me. Jokes welcomed and greatly appreciated.

beauty, change, creativity, imagination, inspiration

This just in: Rock bottom is a strong place to start

Christa Avampato
J.K. Rowling quote
J.K. Rowling quote

“And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” ~J.K. Rowling

There’s something amazingly strange and eventually wonderful about starting from rock bottom. Rock bottom’s a blank canvas, an empty room. It’s space, and within space, we can create something we love.

This quote from J.K. Rowling has been running through my mind this week as I prepare to change everything in the coming days. I’ll pack a few suitcases into my Mini, put Phin in his carrier in the front seat, Fedex my small amount of remaining items, and away we’ll go, headed straight for a new adventure in Washington D.C.

Rock bottom has such a negative connotation, but we don’t have to think of it that way. Rock bottom is solid, stable, unwavering. There really is no better place to build from. I’ve scraped down the walls of my life, removing the old chipped paint to reveal something fresh and new that is ready for color and beauty. I’ve stopped trying to make the best of the old parts of my life that no longer fit. I lovingly and gently packed them up and gave them away to make room for the new and extraordinary.

If you’d like to read the entirety of the speech that Rowling gave at Harvard that includes this quote, click here.

change, future, time

This just in: Feeling down? Write yourself a letter from the future

Christa Avampato
Write yourself a letter from the future
Write yourself a letter from the future

Everything, good and bad, is temporary. It can be hard to remember that in tough times. A while back my friend, Alex, gave me some great advice. She said that in tough times it helps to imagine our lives 3 months from now.

To take Alex’s advice one step further, I decided to write myself a letter as if I were 3 months older looking back at myself now. Sort of like a letter to my younger self, in reverse. I told myself what life looked like then in every aspect that mattered to me, and it helped. It helped a lot.

Sometimes the best we can do is pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and start all over again. And that’s a good thing. We come back stronger than ever. I’m excited to take this letter out 3 months from now and see how it all turned out.

change, choices, decision-making, future

This Just In: Honor the space between no longer and not yet

Christa Avampato
Honor the space between no longer and not yet.
Honor the space between no longer and not yet.

Are you in the in-between, that place where you’ve stopped doing something to make room for something else, even if you don’t quite know what that something else is just yet? I’m with you! That place isn’t just something to get through; it’s something to be honored and treasured. It happens a handful of times in our lives after we’ve gone through an intensive learning period, made some changes, and now we’re turning our eyes to our future that’s just around the bend.

Before we plunge headlong into the future, let’s turn around and reflect. Let’s enjoy the view created by getting some distance from where we were. Let’s celebrate the effort it took to create that distance. It’s okay to pause for a moment, take a deep breath, and congratulate ourselves for doing something that was difficult. The future will be here soon enough.