Category: change

change, choices

Beginning: You Can Change Your Mind

Christa Avampato

I went to dinner last night with a group of people and a friend of a friend of mine insisted that she has lived in New York City for 13 years and it is just impossible to be mindful here. Given my own experience, I had to disagree. It may be challenging to be mindful here, but it is certainly not impossible. Mindfulness is a choice. And if we don’t choose mindfulness, then what do we choose? To be mindless? How sad.

This brief, and rather uncomfortable, exchange prompted me to think of a picture recently shown to me by my friend, Allan. Take a look at the image at the top of this post. The world “investment”. Now look a bit closer and turn the picture 180 degrees. “Speculation” magically appears. The image is exactly the same; what you see depends upon your point-of-view, literally and figuratively.

Brian and I had a tough conversation this past week. I was lamenting my student loans and the time I’m spending every day doing things that help earn my paycheck but don’t help to change the world. He was not having it. He raised a number of topics and anecdotes that are each worth their own post. I’ll be sharing them with you in posts this coming week because they were so helpful to me, even though they were tough to hear. I think they may help you, too, particularly if you are contemplating a new, scary beginning. As I left his office, there was just one statement that kept ringing in my mind over and over again. “Christa, you’re free if you want to be.”

I just finished reading Nelson Mandela’s new book Conversations with Myself, a collection of his personal papers that he has decided to release now that he is in the twilight of his life. Of the 26 years he spent in prison, he continually said that his mind was very far from his cell. In his mind, his thoughts, he was always free, even though physically he was servicing a life sentence. This idea helped me to reason that if he could feel free, then any of us can, too.

Freedom is all in the mind, and the mind can be changed. We can be mindful even in the mayhem of New York City; we can see an opportunity as speculation or investment; we can either lift ourselves up or keep ourselves down with our thoughts. If it is change we seek, on any scale, then we must first go inward and change our own minds.

adventure, change, choices

Beginning: The Kind of Woman I Want to Be

Christa Avampato

My friend, Susan, posted this up on Facebook last week and I love it so much I’m having it framed to hang in my apartment. This is exactly the kind of woman I aim to be. There are a lot of things in the world that I’d like to change, fix, and influence. It’s easy to get bogged down by the enormity of tackling even just one of them; quotes like this keep me going.

The only thing crazier than putting all of our efforts toward crafting a better world is leaving things just as they are.

change, environment, food, New York Times

Beginning: The People’s Republic of Food

Christa Avampato

“There’s plenty of good work to do. With food it can really have an impact, not only on your life but on everyone’s.” ~ Mark Bittman, New York Times Magazine

This weekend the New York Times Magazine revolves around one of my very favorite subjects – food. A few weeks ago I posted about my most recent obsession with food documentaries and my continued growing interest in sustainable agriculture. I’ve always loved to cook and have been rather dismayed that I can’t really bake that well. (I’m working on remedying the later.) Now I am putting a great priority on this activity.

Bittman’s interest in food extends not only from his interest and passion in personal health, but also public health and activism. A world that is increasingly interconnected and complex can leave us feeling paralyzed by the pace and degree of change. one person can and does make a difference. We are what we eat, and our world is also what we eat. Our food choices and how we consume our food has countless implications on the world at large. It’s an act in which we participate every day, several times per day, and it extends to all demographics. Change the way you eat, and you have the ability to change the world in a very tangible way.

The world of food is a true democracy – every person can and does make a difference.

change

Beginning: Rethinking Fire

Christa Avampato

Yesterday Brian coached me to think differently about fire. Yes, it burns things away. It can destroy and can spur beginnings, good and bad. As always, Brian took it one step further. “Why don’t we think about your inner fire, Christa, as something that keeps you in check?”

I looked at him with a puzzled and furrowed brow. He continued, “If your gut, where your fire lives, is getting angry, vindictive, or upset, don’t chide it. Don’t tell it that it needs to calm down. Maybe it’s telling you that the situation that seems intolerable should no longer be tolerated.” This doesn’t mean we should set everything on fire on our way out the door. It just means we need to begin to earnestly seek the direction of the door.

Now I see where he was going. Yes, sometimes our temper needs to be softened and smoothed around the edges, pacified in the way that water pacifies fire. Sometimes, we need to use it as a catalyst for change and movement, two very scary actions. If our body tells us we need to flee, its message at least deserves our consideration. When we can’t free ourselves form our own ways of thinking, that proverbial inner fire can carve the way forward. It gives you a way to walk.

career, change, choices, decision-making

Beginning: The Grass is Greener Where You Water It

Christa Avampato

“The grass isn’t greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.” ~ my pal, Sharni

Earlier this week I wrote about my decision to turn down a recent job offer in favor of staying at my current company and pursing my own entrepreneurial projects through Compass Yoga and my writing. I have been surprised by how invigorated I feel from the decision. There is something to be said for having a look around at the career landscape, being given the opportunity to move, and then realizing that I have it pretty good exactly where I am. My current company, while it has its flaws, offers me tremendous flexibility and the opportunity to work with a lot of people whom I truly like and respect. The process of considering another offer gave me fresh eyes to see my current situation’s benefits to my life.

Just before receiving this new offer, friends of mine cautioned me about leaving. I initially wrote off the caution as their own hang-up about change. However, their advice planted a seed of balanced decision making. I really did need to weigh what I was giving up at my current company and what I could potentially receive in return at the new company. Ultimately it came down to realizing that I was going to have to give up a lot (flexibility, relationships and a reputation that I have worked hard for, and a solid compensation package), and I wasn’t going to get enough in return (lower title and compensation than I had expected, and a real loss of my personal time). Once that became clear to me, I knew the new offer wasn’t the right fit for me.

I was away on a business trip when I received the new offer and on the flight to my destination I saw the movie Midnight in Paris. The movie follows the lead character who is obsessed with 1920s Paris and The Lost Generation. He has the opportunity to live in that era of history, and in the process realizes that the people of that period longed for the Belle Époque, Paris in the 1890s. While he realizes his life in 2010 needs some changes, he recognizes that we’re always longing for another time. Too often we think the grass is greener elsewhere when in fact we almost always have the opportunity to make the grass we already have greener through our own efforts.

My friend, Sharni, has been blogging about this very point-of-view and her tag line “the grass is greener where you water it” perfectly sums up my recent career decision. My cautious friends were absolutely right – I have a lot more opportunity right at my fingertips than I realized. I bet you do to!

change, season, weather

Beginning: Greetings, Fall. I’ve Been Looking for You!

Christa Avampato
Fall images like these are the ones I live for

I’m searching for a place that offers perpetual Fall. The nights grow a little longer, the air gets a little chillier, and I come alive. The heat and humidity of summer are behind us in the Big Apple, and I couldn’t be happier. Sweaters and boots, pumpkin in everything, apple picking, the start of school, and those glorious colored leaves are on the way, and not a moment too soon. I need the energy and transition to Fall to give me a boost!

Despite the brilliant colors of the leaves that are actually triggered by their end of life, Fall is a time of rebirth and renewal for me. It lifts my heart and gaze up and out. Fall is always filled with new beginnings and so I look forward to its arrival like a kid longs for Christmas. Everywhere feels more homey and comfy in the Fall. I lap it up.

Nature, that brilliant being, is so wise. Fall has arrived just in time, as it always does. I’m closing out this year of living and writing about new beginnings with a to-do list filled not with tasks, but new adventures. You’ll be hearing all about them in the coming weeks. Here we go!

change, feelings, Life, loss, memory

Beginning: Another Meaning on 9/11

Christa Avampato
This is an image of all the beautiful faces lost on 9/11/01

Today I will be glued to coverage of the 9/11 commemoration. My first memory of seeing the wreckage is still burned in my mind. I was in a Chicago apartment, surrounded by friends, and mourning for my home city. My current office building sits right across the street from the World Trade site. I pass it every single day that I go to the office. It is visible from nearly every conference room where I have daily meetings. I consciously think about that tragedy and its wake all the time.

2 years ago, 9/11 etched another mark into my history of my time in New York. After my apartment building fire, in which I lost so many of my physical belongings and gained a level of insight into the magic of life beyond anything I thought possible, I moved into the tiny studio where Phin and I still live. I slept on a borrowed air mattress and had a tiny plastic bag of clothes. It was a sinking, lonely feeling. “Is this what life tangibly amounted to?” I wondered.

In the coming months and years, I would embark on a personal journey with twists and turns, peaks and valleys, tears and smiles. I would question everything and everyone that filled my life up to that point. I would break down in terrifying ways, physically and mentally, and then build myself up again sometimes for show and sometimes through true, authentic growth, though it was hard to tell the difference. I would have to tear down my conception of myself and the world before the fire so that I could rebuild my spirit post-fire from the inside out. It was gut-wrenching, beautiful work. And yes, those two descriptors can be felt in a single action. Eventually it became a good kind of hurt, the way a physical wound heals, the way my muscles rebuilt themselves after I ran the Chicago marathon in October 2001, almost a month to the day after the horrific events of 9/11/01.

Rebuilding over a space that is mentally, emotionally, or physically ripped apart is part of life. No matter how terrifying the act that caused the destruction, no matter the breadth and depth of the loss created, time goes on, and life right along with it. Anniversaries give us a way to honor our strength and bravery in that moment of loss, and also in the rebuilding it necessitates. We mourn and grieve, and then keep going. And there is no shame or embarrassment in that act of moving forward. It is required; who and what was lost would also want it that way.

Today on 9/11/11, I’ll be on my couch with Phineas. I’ll be reflecting and writing, listening and watching, as this day, 10 years later unfolds in a very different way than it did for our nation and the world a decade ago. My only goal is to bear witness, and feel whatever feelings arise, to be aware and awake, and feel grateful for the opportunity to do so.

celebration, change, grateful, gratitude, growth, yoga

Beginning: Curative Energy

Christa Avampato

“You can channel your pain into helping others and spread a tide of curative energy throughout the world.” ~ Daily Good

I wrote earlier this week about the desire to be grateful for my hardships, to become so thankful for them that I would never think of trading them for any different history. Shortly after that post, I watched the PBS series This Emotional Life, and as if by some stroke of synchronicity learned that there is a growing body of research that points to gratitude for hardships as the potential silver bullet for a lifetime of happiness. Can our pain be the source of what breaks us down and what completes us?

Compass Yoga is taking a cue from Daily Good. We are generating a tide of good will and compassion. We’re attempting not to help our students escape, but to help them use what they’ve got, everything they’ve got, to help them heal themselves from the inside out. I’ve heard the saying that every difficulty contains its own answer. I am beginning to see just how much value our pain has, and the recognition of that value is what begins to help us make meaning of the hurdles in our lives.

I would never wish trauma on anyone, though slowly I’m also beginning to realize that I may be getting to a point where I would never wish mine away because it’s too valuable for me and now through Compass Yoga, too valuable to others. Acceptance and healing don’t have to be elusive goals. We can draw them to us and embrace them. They are ours for the taking.

change, choices, dogs

Beginning: What Dogs Teach Us About Change

Christa Avampato
Phineas patiently waiting for a hug

I’ve now boarded Phin twice, one for a business trip and once to visit my friends in DC. Boarding him felt like such an enormous decision. Would they take good care of him? Would he be safe, fed, and exercised properly? The team at Biscuits and Bath has been wonderful with him, giving him lots of attention and play time, though each time I’ve left him there’s a little part of me that feels hollow. And while I was briefly free of the obligation to take care for him at all times while I was away, it felt strange to not have him with me, as if something was not quite right with the world until I would pick him up.

This is the lesson of change that Phin has taught me: change takes adjustment. When I first got him, I had to reconfigure my schedule to wake up earlier to get a long morning walk in and adjust my weekends so I would also be around in the afternoon for his walk. I had to find a dog walker so he would have company during the day and so I could go out after work without having to rush home every night. It was a financial adjustment, too, securing pet insurance, medical appointments, high quality food, and regular medications as needed. We also had separation anxiety to sort through, and a routine to establish his security when I did have to leave him on his own at home. And above all, we needed to bond as a pair to enrich both of our lives.

It’s a lot of work to have a dog, particularly in a city and on my own. Much more work than I ever thought it would be. And yet, I cannot imagine what I ever did without little Phin. He’s become so much a part of my life in every way that I feel strange without his energy in my home. It’s as if I can’t be wholly me unless I know he’s safe and sound in our home.

Animals have this magical way of finding their way into our hearts just by being. Phin and I don’t speak the same language and yet we certainly understand each other. Just when I need a hug, he climbs out of his bed, does his little yoga stretches and makes his way over to my lap. When I need to get some work done, he toddles over to his toys and is more than happy to play independently. All without me saying a word. His innate comprehension on an emotional level is astounding.

If only people could be so attuned to their environments. Imagine how much more we could be there for each other, how much more comfort and concern we could provide in exactly the right amount, at exactly the right time. No wonder so many say that dogs are more than companions; they are our greatest teachers, too.

1, career, change, work

Beginning: Get It Done

Christa Avampato
from http://risefromyourashes.blogspot.com/

“You know the rule: If you are falling, dive. Do the thing that has to be done.” ~ Joseph Campbell (given to me by reader, MJ)

“If you have a financial safety net, you’ll always be able to walk away. And that in and of itself will prevent you from having to walk because you can be brutally honest about what you need to stay.” ~ Margaret Heffernan

Being truly honest in the workplace is difficult. Companies have these nasty little things called performance reviews that they can and often do lord over us to get us to fall in line. That is until you just can’t stomach the party line anymore. Some of us have lower tolerances for this than others. Mine is extraordinarily low to nonexistent. Everyone I’ve ever worked with will attest to this, and all of them will say that I am very straight-forward. My favorite description that one of my team mates used a number of years ago to describe me is “tough and fair.”

My mounting frustration at work over the past few months is plainly obvious, to me and to others, and this has been intentional. Authentically, I have to let others know when something just isn’t working. And finally I just decided something had to change, or I had to walk – or dive as Joseph Campbell would say. I am just done with the current situation, and during my mid-year review this week I expressed that. No anger or cynicism. Just a simple statement – “I’m done.” It needed to be said for my own health and the health of the whole system.

This kind of statement is alarming to most because a) few people speak that plainly at work and b) it takes a lot for most people to get to this point. It was a risk certainly, though with Margaret Heffernan’s brilliant advice and my saving abilities, I have the luxury, and I mean luxury to the highest degree for which I am very grateful!, to be able to back it up. I can walk if I need to or want to, and so I can lay out very clearly why improvement needs to be made quickly or we need to part ways.

I had my doubts about whether anything could or would be done in enough time, though I was pleasantly surprised to show up today and find that a shift was put into place overnight. I have some strong beliefs about improvement – 1) it’s a continuous process, 2) it’s always possible, and 3) it’s important to give people a chance to try. It’s incumbent upon us to lay out our frustrations clearly and succinctly, with possible solutions. It’s incumbent upon leaders to get to the bottom of those frustrations and try to solve the systematic problems that cause them. And if those leaders show a genuine effort in trying to improve, I think they deserve a chance to give it a whirl on our behalf. A former boss of mine once told me that it’s important to let people apologize for their mistakes. I’d extend that same kind of sentiment to improvement, too.

So, we’ll see how it goes. We’ll see if the change sticks and if this situation can be turned around, at least in the short-term. Clearly there is something for me to learn in this latest twist in the story. I promise to keep you updated.