Category: animals

animals, books, film, health, movie, science

Beginning: How Temple Grandin Walked Through the Door to Her Dreams and Why You Should See Her Movie

Christa Avampato

Temple Grandin with one of her cows. From Nature's Corner Magazine
“Temple is different, not less.” ~ Eustacia Cutler, Temple Grandin’s mother to Temple’s science teacher and mentor, Dr. Carlock

“The world is cruel, but we don’t have to be. We owe it to all animals to give them our respect.” ~ Temple Grandin

After having read several of Temple Grandin’s books about animal psychology and animal behavior, I knew what a remarkable person she was. When I saw the movie Temple Grandin recently, I was not prepared for the emotional tug that my heart would feel in learning more about her own personal story. Portrayed brilliantly by actress Claire Danes, Temple Grandin’s determination, passion, and conviction made her one of my heroes.

Autism is a very personal issue for me. My father, a clinical psychologist, studied it which led me to explore the possibility of building my career in development pediatrics while I was a student at Penn and a work-study student at CHOP. My nephew also lives with a specific type of autism that has prevented him from speaking to us since he was about 3 years old; he’ll be 13 in June. I have close friends whose lives have been touched in one form or another by the condition. I’ve known autism to be fascinating and heartbreaking. Temple Grandin’s story made me realize that it can also be triumphant and hopeful.

In this post, I could expound upon the spectrum of autism and how it commonly manifests in both young children and adults. However, Autism Speaks, an organization that has worked tirelessly to fund research and provide education and support services to individuals and families affected by autism, is far more equipped to do that.

What I want you to do is go over to Netflix and put the movie Temple Grandin at the very top of your queue. I want you to take yourself to Amazon or your local bookseller or the public library and check out Temple Grandin’s books. Poke around on her website and be prepared to be inspired.

Her personal passion is the well-being of animals, particularly ones that we raise for our own purposes. What she teaches us through that passion is how to be better human beings. And given all that’s going on in the world, it’s a skill that is desperately needed in huge heaping amounts. For too long we have looked at autism as this hideous disease rather than seeing that the many challenges it presents have so much to teach all of us about compassion, determination, and the universal acceptance of all people as different but not less.

animals, dogs, kindness

Beginning: My Pup, Phineas, and the Homeless

Christa Avampato

Phineas happily rolling around on the grass in Central Park shortly before meeting his new friend
I took Phineas out for two long walks on Saturday and Sunday. The warming effects of Spring are underway and he’s more than happy to get outside for as long as possible and stretch those legs after a long and too-cold winter. He’s felt cooped up for too long; we both have.

One our way back home, Phineas stopped on the sidewalk right in front of a homeless man who was asking for change. I didn’t have any to give him though Phineas was intent on sitting with him for a bit, letting the man stroke his head and even give him a little kiss on the snout. I was surprised for a number of reasons:

1.) Phineas can be a bit skittish around men he doesn’t know upon first meeting them.

2.) This man immediately stroked the top of his head rather than under the chin. Usually Phin likes to sniff out a new person before he’ll let them pet his head.

3.) Kisses on the snout immediately upon meeting someone is a dicey proposition for a dog. I’m not sure anyone has ever done that with Phin except for me. He more than happily took the affection.

As Phin and I said good-bye to the man and headed for home, I wondered how long it had been since the man had someone to show affection toward. Social services focus on feeding and clothing the homeless, getting them into shelter and providing them with medical care and job skills, but rarely considers the value of basic kindness: a touch, a hug, a smile.

Phineas offered his affection and time to this man without any hesitation, even when I was a bit nervous about the endeavor. He wasn’t nervous at all; he was confident and calm and glad to sit with him for a while. I learned a lot about the role of kindness and concern in that moment, and plan to carry it forward. We have so much to learn from animals.

This blog is also available as a podcast on Cinch and iTunes.

animals, dogs

Beginning: 10 Things I’ve Done to Ease My Dog’s Separation Anxiety

Christa Avampato

Last week Phin, my faithful and adorable dachshund, had a bit of a setback in his training. To be fair, his schedule was a little out of whack with me coming home after work to walk him and then leaving again to meet friends, as well as having friends visit us before we all went out together, leaving Phin at home on Saturday night. His separation anxiety came back with a vengence with these changes and sent him into a panic, shaking and crying, sometimes for hours. Most of my neighbors were exceedingly kind about the situation and concerned about Phin since he has been fine for months.

Yoga and dogs
For a moment I stepped back and thought how ironic it is that I am a yoga instructor who teaches relaxation and stress reduction, and my dog has separation anxiety. Then again, if anyone can understand what he’s going through and ease that feeling in him, it should be me. This is the professional calling of my life – to help others find ease and to become aware of their own inner confidence.

The toll of stress
The weekend with Phin was stressful, and it was a wake-up call for me. I had forgotten how much stress can harm us if left unchecked. Within hours I had developed a stiff neck, a loss of appetite, restlessness coupled with exhaustion, tight muscles, a general state of nervousness / anticipation, a fuzzy mind that made it difficult to think clearly, and my skin broke out. I wanted so much to help Phin, and yet felt so unstable myself. If I felt this badly, I could barely imagine how upset he must have been! It was a reminder of how important the work of stress reduction is, and how much of my life I used to spend in this state.

Calm, assertive, and relaxed
Several days later, and back into a normal routine, I’m glad to report that Phin is back to his sweet, calm self. Animals, and dogs in particular, are creatures of habit. They thrive on rituals and predictability. Stability and structure is something Phin needs as we slowly work toward his rehabilitation, and as his loving caretaker it is my responsibility to provide that for him. It will take patience and time, and there will undoubtedly be stumbling blocks for us. I sometimes forget that Phin and I are still at the very beginning of our relationship because I feel like I’ve had him forever.

Tips to ease anxiety in dogs
Here are some tips that so many incredible friends and animals advisors gave to me over the past few days that have helped Phin and I by leaps and bounds. There is no way to thank so many people for their support and love:

1.) I put his playpen back into place, leaving the door open but giving him a room of his own

2.) I put him back on his homeopathic anxiety relief supplement that helped so much when I first adopted him

3.) When the cold weather set in, I gave Phin a down comforter to snuggle into. I had put it into my laundry bag last week and now that he has it back he seems to feel much more secure. Just like Linus.

4.) Despite the cold, I am waking up earlier and walking Phin for a full hour every morning. Bundle up!

5.) He’s got a stash of new toys that seem to keep him more occupied: an extreme kong (which I now stuff and freeze), a tuffy circle, and a kong bouncy ball.

6.) Rather than just leaving music on during the day, I leave the TV on for him so he has the comfort of hearing human voices. I’m relying on him to keep me up-to-date on breaking news.

7.) Taking a cue from Temple Grandin’s research, I purchased a Thundershirt – a soft, close-fitting shirt that applies very slight compression to Phin and is said to ease anxiety in 85% of dogs. $36 and it comes with a money-back guarantee if it doesn’t work. I have nothing to lose so we’re going to give it a whirl.

8.) I’ve decided to have my dog walker come back regularly in the near future. Walking with other dogs gives Phin the experience of being with a pack of his canine pals. Walks with Jamie, my dog walker, helped him tremendously when I first adopted him and also eased up my after-work schedule. It’s important for him to be able to walk well with someone other than me, and it will make it easier on him whenever I might need to board him in the future.

9.) One of my neighbors suggested that a stuffed animal might help Phin feel less lonely when I’m gone. Kind of like a teddy bear helps little kids go to sleep. I gave Phin a plush Kermit the Frog, expecting him to rip it up in no time. He chewed it a bit and now happily uses it as a pillow.

10.) I had been leaving one my t-shirts in his travel carrier and moved that t-shirt to his dog bed. With that t-shirt, he knows I’ll always come back to take care of him.

My role in Phin’s rehabilitation
I’m not sure if it’s just one of those things or the combo that is really helping Phin. All I do know is that he seems to be in a more zen state in our home, and to me that’s all that really matters. As his owner, it’s incumbent upon me to be his leader and to constantly provide him with my calm, assertive energy. And not just 99% of the time, but all of the time. I saved a life by adopting him, and I want our life together to be well-lived.

If you have rescued and rehabilitated animals, I’d love to hear your stories! Any advice is most welcomed here 🙂

This blog is part of the 2011 WordPress Post Every Day Challenge.

This blog is also available as a podcast on Cinch and iTunes.

animals, dogs, guest blogger

Advice from Janet Casamento on Becoming a Responsible Dog Parent

Christa Avampato

Janet and I have been friends since our early years as students at the University of Pennsylvania. We were part of the theatre community at Penn and I have always admired Janet for her ability to always go her own way and be her own person with confidence. In the last year she has become my own personal dog whisperer, a skill she developed after adopting and raising her adorable pups, Bruno and Melody.

Her expert advice and guidance helped me to become a responsible and loving dog owner and I wanted to showcase her knowledge on this subject for anyone considering adopting a pet of their own. This is my small attempt at thanking her for all of her help and advice as I go through the process of raising my rescue pup, Phineas.


Christa – How did you know you were ready to adopt your dogs? Were there certain circusmtances in your life that made this time a particularly good one for you to get a pup? 

Janet – I’d wanted to adopt a dog for quite some time.  I adopted Bruno right after I graduated from business school because I knew I’d be settling into a regular schedule with my job at that point in time.  I knew that dogs need a schedule and structure, so it just seemed like the right time for me.

Christa – I know you are a huge advocate for pet rescue, as am I. How did you make the decision to adopt your dogs versus buying them from a breeder?

Janet – Just walking into an animal shelter makes you realize how many dogs are in desperate need of homes.  To me, it just seems unconscionable to get a puppy from a breeder when so many adult dogs are being euthanized daily in our nation’s shelters.  Before breeding new dogs, it is our responsibility to first care for the ones who already exist and are in need of homes.

Christa – What drove the decision to get your Melody after you adopted Bruno?

Janet – I think I started feeling a bit guilty that Bruno was home alone all day while I was at work, so I made the decision to foster for a local rescue group as a way to help animals in need while also providing Bruno with some companionship.  Dogs are very social, pack animals, and most dogs appreciate being in the company of other dogs.  Melody started out as a foster, but I after seeing how well she and Bruno got along and how nicely she fit into my household, I decided to make her a permanent part of the family. 

Christa – When adopting a dog, were there any specific traits that you were looking for?

Janet – When I adopted Bruno, I was looking for a sporty dog, since I’m a pretty active person.  I intended on adopting a 20-30 pound dog (I lived in an apartment at the time and there was a weight restriction for dogs there) that I could take with me running and on hikes.  I ended up taking home an adorable fluff ball who stole my heart at the shelter.

Christa – When you were starting out as a dog owners, were there resources or products that you turned to that were especially helpful?

Janet – I did a lot of research online.  Google was my friend for quite some time.  I also highly recommend any dog owner, experienced or new, when bringing a new dog into their household sign up for a basic training class.  The training class provides structure and is an opportunity for your dog to learn to socialize and behave in the presence of other dogs outside the home.  Furthermore, training helps you form a bond with your new pet. 

Christa – What’s been the thing that has surprised you the most about being a dog owner?

Janet – When I started out with Bruno, I never thought in a million years I’d have a dog sleeping in my bed with me.  I’d always intended for him to have his dog bed to sleep in every night.  Two years later, I couldn’t bear the thought of sleeping without him next to me.  I guess you could say I’m surprised at how deeply I love my dogs and how close our bond is!

Christa – Do you have any advice for people who are thinking of getting a new dog? Are there certain circumstances in their life that they need to develop before bringing a new pup into their lives?

Janet – Yes.  Always, always, always do your research before you adopt.  Understand yourself and your lifestyle before bringing a dog into your home.  Different dogs have different needs.  For instance, puppies especially require a lot of time, attention and training.  If you work 12 hours days, a puppy is not the right choice for you.  You might want to consider adopting an adult dog already past the puppy stage and be prepared to hire a dog walker or find a doggy day care facility for your dog if you do work long hours, or consider adopting a bonded pair of adult dogs so they have each other as company while you are gone all day.

Also consider your breed carefully. If you’ve always dreamed of owning a Vizsla, but you are a couch potato who lives in a studio apartment in Manhattan, you should probably reconsider your choice, as Vizslas need lots of exercise or else they will likely become bored and destructive.  Concentrate on finding the right dog(s) for you and your lifestyle.  I believe just about anyone can have a dog if they want one, but it does often mean making some sacrifices and compromises to accommodate your dog’s needs.

Please understand adopting a dog is a commitment to the care of that animal for its entire lifetime, which can be up to 15-20 years. Some other things to consider are if you are financially capable of caring for your dog should it become ill and require medical treatment, daily upkeep costs such as food and grooming, your willingness to tolerate damage to your home and possessions as I guarantee no matter how well behaved and trained your dog is, there will inevitably be accidents and destruction of some sort at some point, your willingness and ability to deal with training and behavior issues, who will care for your dog while you are at work and/or on vacation, and any other changes to your lifestyle/schedule you can anticipate happening during the course of your dog’s lifetime such as job demands, moving, marriage/divorce, having children, or retirement.  Are you prepared to make sacrifices for your pet, from the perspective of both time and money?

Adopting a pet should never be an “impulse buy”. Dogs look to humans for leadership, care and affection.  If you can’t adequately provide these things to your dog, you shouldn’t have one.  Please do not contribute to the overcrowding problem in our nation’s shelters and carefully consider your ability to fully care for your pet for its entire life.  Pet ownership is a highly rewarding experience, but it is not a decision that should be taken lightly!

Janet is the proud owner of 2 rescue dogs, Bruno, a Pekingese/Cocker
Spaniel mix and Melody, a Lhasa Apso. Janet, an animal rescue
volunteer, lives and works in sunny Los Angeles, CA. She maintains
her own snarky blog about the little things in life at
http://miniletters.wordpress.com. To keep up with Bruno and Melody,
please “like” them on Facebook.

animals, dogs, love

Beginning: Loving an Animal

Christa Avampato

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” ~ Anatole France

I’m a new dog owner. I adopted Phin almost 4 months ago and he is the first pup I’ve had whom I’m solely responsible for. By some great good fortune, I have a team of dog whisperers. My brother-in-law, Kyle, my friends Trish, Janet, Amanda, Col, Courtney, Kerry, Blair, and Ashley (who thankfully have talked me down off the ledge several times as I puzzle my way through how to best care for my favorite furry friend.) And my newest animal-loving friend – Gregg.

I met Gregg and his lovely wife, Linda, at the semi-annual dachshund festival held each Fall and Spring at Washington Square Park. Gregg was easy to pick out because he proudly wore a Godfather themed t-shirt that very simply said, “The Dogfather”, and that he is. He and Linda are the owners of two amazing full-sized dachshunds, both therapy dogs. Gregg is a professional dog trainer and has provided me with an enormous amount of advice and counsel, and has cheered Phin and I on as we helped transition Phin from a rescue to part of the pack. I highly, highly recommend Gregg if you need a trainer.

Right around Christmas Gregg sent me an incredible slide show with a simple note that said “This is why I thank God that I’m able to do what I do…” It’s a collection of fantastic dog photos that show just how much humor and love is wrapped up in these remarkable beings. And it makes me burst with happiness to know that one of those lovely souls found his way to my home.

Click here to view the slide show.

I snapped the photo of Phin above over the Christmas holiday. Deep in thought perched high on the couch.

This blog is part of the 2011 WordPress Post Every Day Challenge.

animals, dogs, love, luck, pets

Step 300: A Tribute to Animal Rescuers

Christa Avampato

When I seriously began looking for a dog to adopt, I went to an event in my hometown with my mom. I had missed the only dachshund they had by just a few minutes. I wished I had gotten there earlier – of course there was no way I could have known how close I was to finding Phin, the pup I later adopted from the Humane Society. I just knew that my dog was out there somewhere. My animal loving and rescuing friends kept reassuring me that my dog would find me. I just had to keep looking. I had my list of what I wanted and needed in a dog, and I refused to give up. It’s a process very similar to dating. (My canine love took only a few months to find. My other love is taking a bit longer to find his way!)

At the adoption event, I took the organizer’s card and emailed him to keep an eye out for me should another dachshund come his way. When I got home, I turned his card over and read a beautiful poem about animal rescuers by Annette King-Tucker. In that moment, I knew I was on the right path toward adoption. I put the card on my meditation alter in my apartment, hoping it would help the process along.

Now a month into dog ownership, I couldn’t be happier with Phin. As my friend Col so beautifully says, loving a dog is the honeymoon that never ends. So this poem is for my friends Col, Janet, Amanda, Trish, Blair, Alex, Kelly, Ashley, Kerry, my mom and the millions of others out there who open up their hearts and homes to these amazing creatures who offer us far more than we could ever offer them. They are our greatest teachers.

“I Am an Animal Rescuer
My job is to assist God’s creatures
I was born with the need to fulfill their needs
I take in new family members without plan, thought, or selection
I have bought dog food with my last dime
I have patted a mangy head with a bare hand
I have hugged someone vicious and afraid
I have fallen in love a thousand times
and I have cried into the fur of a lifeless body

I am an Animal Rescuer
My work is never done,
My home is never quiet
My wallet is always empty
But my heart is always full”

~ Annette King-Tucker, Wild Heart Ranch Wildlife Rescue

The photo above is Phin posing for his close-up. It was taken by photographer James Riordan

animals, dogs, nature

Step 285: Talk to the Animals with Trish Scott’s Help

Christa Avampato

When I first adopted Phineas, he had some separation anxiety. He cried when I left for work, and those little cries broke my heart. One of the first calls I made was to Trish Scott, a brilliant animal behaviorist, loyal reader of this blog, and talented writer. Trish responded immediately with top-notch advice. I also read a copy of her e-book, An Introduction to Animal & Nature Communication. Phineas is now well-adjusted to his new surroundings and barely blinks when I leave for work in the morning.

One of Trish’s key pieces of advice that really helped me and Phin, and appealed to my yoga philosophies, is that dogs can feel our energy whether we’re in the same room or many miles apart. When I’m at work and Phinny is home, we’re still linked. Intuitively I have known about this link between animals and humans for many years. When I was in college, I had several dreams about saying good-bye to my black lab, Cosby. Sure enough, my mom called a few days later to say that he had passed. He and I said good-bye in our own way, separated by hundreds of miles. Cosby’s spirit found his way to me to let me know it was time for him to go. I had a chance to hug him one more time and thank him for being so faithful for so many years.

Trish suggested that while I’m at work I imagine giving Phin a hug, patting him on the head, and telling him I’ll be home soon. I do this several times a day, and remarkably I can feel that it helps Phineas. Trish also gave me a few other tips like getting a kong toy for him and carving out a little space in my apartment for him to have as his own. Combined, all of these tips made a huge difference, though I truly believe recognizing and honoring our energy connection helped the most. As soon as I started practicing our long distance communication, I noticed a difference in his demeanor. He calmed down, relaxed, and trusted me more. Trish gave me such a precious gift – she gave me my pup in his very best form.

If you’ve ever wanted to have a closer relationship with animals, or you’re curious about the lessons they have to teach us (and yes, animals are some of our very best teachers!), I highly recommend Trish’s book. The happiness and peace you’ll find by taking her advice to heart will richly improve your life. It’s certainly improved mine by leaps and bounds.

animals, dogs, health, nature, teaching

Step 281: The World is Awake at 6:00am

Christa Avampato

I woke up early this morning to walk Phineas. We strolled along the river inside Riverside Park, smelling the Fall flower arrangements, admiring the sailboats, and listening for the acorns falling from the great oak trees scattered all over the park. It was warm with a little breeze, and around 6:00am the sun was just stretching up over the horizon. A perfect morning, albeit a little early.

I’ve always loved the morning, though liked to view it from the comfort and warmth of my own bed with a delicious cup of coffee. I try to walk Phin for an hour every morning so I’m waking up earlier these days. At first I thought it would be such a chore and now almost 3 weeks in to owning a pup, I see our early morning walks as a real gift. I have time to think, and be, and just relax. There are a lot of people awake at 6:00am walking around New York City; I’m a little late to the party.

I was yawning wide this morning when up over a small hill I saw an older man slowly coming toward me via a walker, oxygen tank in tow. He was up at 6:00am, getting his exercise despite the extraordinary effort it obviously took him, and here I am thinking about my bed. I know I’m not a lazy person (my greatest fear in the world is to wake up one day and realize I’ve become lazy), but in that moment I felt a little embarrassed. At 34 and in perfect health, I’m thinking about sleep and this older man was content, probably even very happy, to be making progress one short step at a time.

I get why we walk into Borders or Barnes & Noble to find countless books filled with the lessons that animals teach us. I know Phinny arrived in my life as a teacher because in this moment, there is a lesson I need that he can provide. To date, the greatest lesson he’s given me is getting me up out of bed early to exercise, enjoy the morning sun, and continuously be reminded that I am one lucky lady to be blessed with this life.

animals, dogs, family

Step 261: Meet Phineas, My New Dog

Christa Avampato

Finally, after months (maybe even years) of deliberating, I rescued a dog from the Humane Society. Meet Phineas (Phin for short), a black and tan 10-pound dachshund, part wire hair, part smooth coat, part mini, part standard size. About a year ago, we lost our dachshund, Sebastian, and it was a heartbreaking event for my entire family. We really loved that little guy and this is the first year of my life that I’ve ever spent without a dog to love. Now that the grieving has passed and I can now almost mention Sebastian’s name without crying, it’s time for a new chapter in my life with canines. And just as I decided I was ready, Phineas appeared through the help of New York Dachshund Rescue and the Westchester Shore Humane Society in Harrison, NY.

I woke up this morning as if it were Christmas, eager to meet Phineas and see if he was a match. I knew in just a few minutes that this guy was the one for me – now if only dating were so easy (and I suppose it is with the right guy!) My newly retired mom, a great dog lover, met me at the Humane Society and agreed to watch him this weekend while I’m out-of-town. She fell in love with him on sight – another good sign! I’ve started reading Cesar Milan’s book, Cesar’s Way, and have plowed through many of Temple Grandin’s books in an effort to understand how dogs think and how to give them the very best lives possible by giving them what they need, not what we need. It’s going to be quite an adventure with Phineas and I’m looking forward to it!

A lot more to come as I travel down this new path. As I learn about Phineas, dogs, and myself in the process, I’ll record the journey here. Happy trails and tails!

Above is a photo of Phin and I, about 10 minutes after meeting. It’s our first photo together.

animals, family, friendship, hope, loss, love, pets, sadness

My Year of Hopefulness – Lunch with God

Christa Avampato

On Monday afternoon, I got angry. Throughout the day I found myself running into the ladies room for short spurts of tears, and then cleaned myself up and returned to my desk. I don’t like to work this way but the heavy load demands it at the moment. In the shower this morning, as I was crying, again, over the loss of our family dog, I started to shake my head in disbelief. How could the Universe let this happen?

At lunch time, I went to my favorite little sandwich shop and took a seat in Trinity Churchyard near Alexander Hamilton. I’ve been going to Trinity a lot during lunch lately. Last night I didn’t sleep too well and I thought a walk over to Trinity might help me clear my head. And then something very odd happened, as if Hamilton’s feisty spirit and his inability to ignore injustice inspired me. I was tearing up behind my sunglasses and then this burst of anger came to the forefront of my mind. It was a little un-nerving because I am not at all an angry person by nature. Anger, mine or anyone else’s, makes me very nervous. Without being able to stop it, I began to have a stern conversation with God, silently.


“I really hope you’re happy because now you’ve really done it. You have screwed up royally here. It wasn’t enough to have my apartment building catch fire, have me almost get trapped inside, and then destroy most of my belongings with smoke. You had to take my dog, too? Really? You must be really proud of yourself up there, divine and content, messing with all of us down here. My sister’s crying. My brother-in-law’s crying. I’m crying. I accept that most of the losses that I’ve had in my life were timely. Sebastian’s was not. He was only 7! Our last dog lived to be 17! A full decade longer! I hate to say it, God, but you were wrong on this one. Completely wrong. I must emphatically disagree with you; it was not Sebastian’s time yet. You pulled the plug on him way too early and I’m really pissed off at you for that. We needed some more years with him. He deserved some more years with us. I really hope the next time something like this comes up, you think a little bit harder about what you’re doing. And by the way, I have had more than my fair share of sadness this month. Actually, I’ve had enough for the remainder of the year, maybe for the remainder of the next few years so you are really going to have to back off. I’m sick of going through boxes of tissues in a day. I’m sick of feeling disappointed and sad and frustrated and scared. There’s a big ol’ lesson in all of this for me. I get it. I hear you. ‘Nothing is permanent.’ Fine. ‘We have to be flexible.’ Got it. ‘We need to accept that with great love must also come great loss.’ Check. ‘Some days, we’re the pigeon and some days we’re the statue.’ I understand that, and I’m telling you I’ve reached my quota of statue days. Enough!”


And then I let out a big, big sigh. I looked over at Alexander Hamilton, and then around at the other people sitting near me having lunch. And though my thoughts just now raged inside my mind, it seems that no one else heard me. Except God. He heard me. I knew he did, and I think he’s a little ashamed of his recent behavior toward me. And he should be. The piling up of this month’s events was really uncalled for. Whew – that was scary but it felt great. I needed to get that out.


As I got back onto Broadway and headed North, I found my smile again. I even laughed a little. I just yelled at God – really yelled at him. (I’ve never yelled at anyone like that ever. Actually, I can’t even remember the last time I raised my voice. I was probably a teenager!) Tiny little me, 5’2”, 110-pound me, just yelled at the Creator of the Universe. And he listened. He didn’t try to deny my grief or anger or sadness. He didn’t try to make it better or soothe my weary mind. He showed up and just listened. He eeked out a very small “I’m sorry” and I whispered back “I accept your apology.”


We have a funny relationship, God and I. Throughout my life I have at times adored him and doubted him. Sometimes I have flat out walked away and left him in the dust. And then I realized that I wanted him back, and when I peeked around the corner of faith again, a little embarrassed that I stormed off, there he was. Right where I left him. Waiting patiently, just like Sebastian would wait for us to get home. They’re more alike than I realized. Animals are more virtuous that we recognize – they might be the closest we ever get to a holy presence on Earth. I think God and I are going to be okay now. And I think Sebastian is okay, too.


As I got closer to my office, I felt that awful terrible weight from Sunday lift off my heart slightly. It’s still there. I got over my apartment and belongings going up in smoke, though I really miss Sebastian, and always, always will. I miss knowing that he’s not in the world anymore. That I won’t be able to hug him again, or take him for a walk, or rub his cute little belly. I would have liked just one more hug, and sadly that wish will not be fulfilled until I cross over to where he is now. Waiting for us, as he always was here on Earth. God better make sure Sebastian’s up there, well taken care of, and ready for me to take him for his walk when we all get back together again.


My friend, Amy, is a conflict resolution and trauma expert. I spent a long time on the phone with her on Sunday night, talking through what I’ve been feeling this month. She refers to this process of grief as the glass of water analogy. We can think of difficult times as being a specific amount of water and ourselves as glasses. Each time we encounter something difficult, the respective amount of water gets poured into our glass. I could have dealt with any one of the sad circumstances from this month, but putting them all together within 3 weeks’ times was just too much and my glass has overflowed with sadness.


The overflow happens sometimes, and as my pal, Laura, said to me “it sucks and it’s okay to feel like it sucks for a while.” Eventually the only thing to do is to sop up the excess water and start to empty our glass, even it’s just one little teaspoon at a time. The love and support from my friends and family this month has been such an amazing source of strength, and they’re helping me bail out the water from my glass. It’s going to take me a little time to get that glass emptied but I am 100% committed to getting it done. Alison Krauss, one of my favorite musicians, sings a song that goes “Just get me through December, A promise I’ll remember, Get me through December, So I can start again.” Her December is my September, and I am almost through it. After a very long, sad month, I feel like I’m moving in the right direction.

The photo above is not my own. It can be found here.