failure, food, friendship

When failure leads to friendship

I have a long list of subjects to write about with everything that is happening in the world at this moment. But I’m taking a little pause tonight to talk about a very simple subject, and one that is so crucial to getting through the times we’re all finding these days: friendship.


I was part of a team today working on a local charity fundraiser. I was to be the big finale – the chocolate fountain. I got the fountain from my mom and got started about an hour and a half in advance. It was melting just fine though not flowing properly. It was too gloppy and sticky. So I added so milk to thin it out. Bad idea. It turned to fudge. I was so upset – this was supposed to be the finale event of the day and it was quickly becoming a disaster. (For the record, if you need to thin chocolate, you need to add a little vegetable oil, not milk.) 

Until my co-host looked at me and said – let’s take the rest of the chocolate, melt it in the microwave, put it in a nice bowl, and put it out with the dipping items. People will love it. And they did. A few people asked where the advertised fountain was, but no one much cared. They were just happy to have any kind of treat at all. Another co-host announced that the fountain had become a fondue. And everyone accepted that change just fine. 

Despite the fact that I was disappointed about the fountain, I did feel good that I had failed at my task and a co-host was able to pick me back up and help me keep going. It’s this leaning on each other, helping one another deal with our disappointments, that’s going to save us in this tough economy. We need to be joiners and supporters as much as we need to be leaders and innovators. 

I wrapped up the goopy fountain and brought it home to clean. As I was rinsing off the last of the chocolate, I began to laugh at myself – a sure sign that the disappointment had passed. And I smiled knowing that friendship had filled in the space where failure had been. 
career, corporation, leader, leadership, New York Times, Obama, politics, Thomas Friedman

The value of and quest for alignment

I walked around all day today with a smile from ear to ear because this morning I woke up more hopeful about our future than ever before. The afterglow of the election was shining brightly on people’s faces everywhere I went – at work, on the subway, in the grocery store. Construction workers at ground zero, my co-workers, doormen of apartment buildings in my neighborhood. I’m getting emails from friends telling me how excited they are about our future. And that excitement is infectious. Obama will be the greatest President this nation has ever had. I believe. As Thomas Friedman said in his column today, “The Civil War is over. Let Reconstruction begin.”


The critical activity that lies before Obama, and us, now is one of alignment. I thought a lot about the difficulty of achieving this state, especially among parties, factions, and classes that are sometimes so disparate with competing interests and values. I’m working on a project at work that is nearly at completion and just when I think I have alignment, something threatens to derail us and I have to gently and firmly coax that detail back into line. It is amazing how much daily effort and time alignment costs; it is an endless pursuit. 

So how will Obama get to alignment and how will we help him get us there? I’ve found that focusing on the finish line and getting others to place their focus there is most helpful. Playing pool helps.

An old boyfriend of mine was a very good pool player, and he taught me how to play. When I first met him, I wasn’t very good. I always focused on my cue ball, not on the ball I was trying to hit. And without fail, I would miss my shot. What I needed to do was get my eyes in line with exactly where I needed to hit that prized ball to sink it, not on the ball right in front of me that I would hit with my cue stick. I needed to keep my eye on the prize in the distance- that ball that I couldn’t quite get to directly. My game dramatically improved. 

The same strategy that works for pool can work for alignment. Get everyone looking toward the same goal, the same prize. And then you will find that they are less concerned that their desired road must be taken to reach that destination. As the leader, you choose the road that’s leading the group to the common goal, and cast the players according to their strengths and curiosities. Alignment is possible, even in the most fragmented of circumstances, if we as leaders are committed to making that alignment priority number one, every day.     
election, hope, Obama, politics

O-ba-ma

“O-ba-ma”. That is the chant that is echoing down the streets of my neighborhood. People throwing back their heads in laughter. Cars beeping their horns in celebration. There is joy in the air. 

We have a long road ahead to rebuild this nation, to heal this world that has been plunged so deeply into despair. And while hope is not a strategy, it is certainly a tool, something that will build us up, something that will give us confidence to keep going, in spite of the tough times that lie ahead.
We banded together. And we did it. We stood up, we let our voices be heard, and we count.   
change, education, election, government, Obama, President, vote

Why I vote

I had dinner over the weekend with a friend of mine who said that the person who is elected the next President of the United States will not be able to do anything to help our problems. He thinks we’re too far in trouble to be helped. In fairness, this friend is infamous for stating his opinion as fact (borrowing a phrase from my pal, Kelly) and he’s not American. He’s also facing a lay-off by his company that will likely send him back to his home country. He’s understandably angry and disappointed. And he doesn’t understand what it means to be an American. He doesn’t appreciate or understand how every vote by every citizen in this country makes a difference. 


I was a little miffed by my friend, the defeatist, though it has had me thinking very hard about why I vote and why I encourage others to vote. Right now, at this very moment, at every moment, people around the world are fighting for the right to vote. And I understand that passion but that’s not why I vote. Our economy is in shambles and our foreign relations are at an all-time low. I understand that we are in dire straights. But that’s not why I’m getting up at 5:30am and running to the polls tomorrow.

There were federal policies in place in the 1990’s that helped me put myself through college. Without them, I could never have become a college graduate, much less a graduate of a top academic institution. And as hard as Penn was for me, both personally and academically, my 4 tough years there changed my life. They opened up an entire world to me that I never knew existed. My future is shaped every day by what I learned and the people I met in that small area of West Philadelphia. And I had the great privilege of being there because people went to the polls on election day to put someone in the Oval Office who understood that equal access to education, regardless of socio-economic level, is critical to the future of this nation. Those voters and the policies they helped to put in place gave me a shot at a better life.

I vote to return the favor for so many people in this country who need my voice now more than ever. And they need your voice, too. Please vote. If you need to find your polling location, please visit http://www.voteforchange.com.
career, economy, job

Quelling financial anxiety

This morning the New York Times ran a great article on quelling the financial anxiety that is running rampant in this country. They interviewed Margaret Wehrenberg, a clinical psychologist in Naperville, Ill., and co-author of “The Anxious Brain.” That’s the permanent state of my brain: anxious. What a perfect article for me to read. According to Dr. Wehrenberg, I’m using my anxiety wisely: to prepare for anything. There is power and empowerment in action. Use the anxiety as fuel to get going.  


When I graduated from business school, I didn’t have a signed job offer in-hand. I had turned down several because they weren’t the right fit, and in the Spring of 2007, it was okay to do that because to economy was cranking along at a good clip. You could even negotiate a job offer. How quickly times have changed! I have friends who would take anything reasonable at this point, including a significant cut in pay and title, just to be working in their chosen field.  

I got a great job offer in June of 2007 but not before I had completely run out of money. I had to take a cash advance on my American Express Card and incur a finance charge – the only time I have ever had that happen in my 12 years as a card member. I read two books by Suze Oreman and have followed her advice to the letter. Since then, I have been on a diligent savings plan. Tax refund? Banked. Sale of car? Banked. One day of wages per pay period? Banked. I have set up automated funding into into my savings account every month and have been working to save 8 months of very modest living expenses. I started these habits when times were good, and now that times are not-so-good, these habits are easing my anxiety-prone mind.

So I’m in my apartment this morning, waiting for CBS Sunday Morning to start, drinking tea, eating granola, and battening down the hatches, or at least planning to. I love my job and am very happy to have it. The job losses of so many of my friends is weighing on my mind, and to remedy that, I feel like I need to consider what life would be or could be like if I were in their shoes. We all need to do that in this economy. So here’s the plan:

Update the resume: keeping it fresh is something we should be doing all the time, regardless of the job market. It needs to be ready to go at a moment’s notice. Update it on Linked-In, and any other on-line source you feel is appropriate.

Get out there: networking is a continuous activity. It’s much easier to establish and refresh a network when you aren’t looking for something, and then the network is there to tap when you’re in need. Keep your name out there, and let your contacts know what you’re up to.

Get your would-be action items in order: I am a list maker. I love lists of any variety. I’m working on several this morning – key contacts, brands I am passionate about (more to come on that in a later post), and job sources.   

It’s rough out there and these are uncertain times. The best defense is one that is all-encompassing. We all want to feel safe and secure, and if this economy has taught us anything it’s that security is self-made. As Ani DiFranco sang, “Self preservation is a full-time occupation.”
career, education, failure, Seth GodinSpr

"Failure as an event" ~ Seth Godin

I’ve been reading Seth Godin’s blog a lot recently and he recently wrote a post about the dreaded “F” word – Failure. We shutter at the very thought of it. We are told this is the last thing on Earth we EVER want to do or be. It’s a death sentence. Seth has a different perspective, and in the economy we’re living in, his view is critical to our long-term health. For Seth, failure is learning. 


I thought a lot about this yesterday as I worked away at my desk, thinking about the 10% of my company that was be laid off this week. I’m sending those people all of the good energy I can scrounge up, and I am incredibly grateful to have my job. A number of my classmates have lost their jobs, some of them having to leave the country because their visas expired without a company to sponsor them. I’ve been thinking a lot about them lately, praying for them, hoping that even in this unfortunate economy they can find a way through. I’ve been wondering how I’d feel if I was the one who had lost my job. Would I feel like a failure? And if I did, what would I do to turn it into a learning, as Seth suggests? And this led me to think about the times I’ve failed, and what that failure meant to me.

At first I had difficulty thinking of any time I’ve failed – my mental blocking mechanism was running on overdrive to keep those failures at bay. But they’re important. So I kept digging into the recesses of my mind, and the failures were there, in abundance. Here are some of the big ones and what they taught me:

My college running career
I had dreams of running in college though I knew no one makes a living after school doing that. It prompted me to consider applying to Penn because of the Penn Relays, the world-class running event hosted by the school. My junior year in high school I injured myself so badly that I had trouble walking for the entire cross-country season and the Spring track season. My hope for a college running career went down the drain. But Penn stayed on the list of schools I applied to. I was accepted on merit, not as a runner. And it became my alma mater. I learned the very valuable lesson of diversification. I was a good runner, but I was an even better student. I worked as hard on the track as I did in the classroom. And that diversification saved me.
  
Princeton
But Princeton was my first campus crush. I wanted in, badly. I was going to study engineering and walk the same grounds as Einstein, my scientific hero. It was love at first site. But the school didn’t love me back. I cried, a lot. For the first time in my life, someone told me I wasn’t smart enough. And that was crushing. And very good for me, long-term, because it tempered by dangerously large ego and taught me how to rise above defeat with grace.  

Penn, at first
I got two C’s my first semester at Penn in courses for my major. I had gotten one B+ in school in my entire life prior to college, and that crushed me. But C’s??? What was going on here? I was dealing with the fall out of losing my dad, and being a very poor kid at a very rich school. I was WAY out of my league. These kids were smart, much smarter than me, well traveled, ambitious. I had to sprint to keep up with their leisurely strolls in every facet of my college career. I was an alien on those grounds until I found a niche in the theatre community that would change the course of my life, even though I didn’t know it at the time. I learned how to be flexible, how to adjust and change course. I got comfortable with being uncomfortable. I gained a work ethic that has served me well for over a decade now. And because I knew how it felt to not feel accepted, I gained an empathy for outsiders and learned to value, appreciate, and seek out extreme diversity.   

My relationship with my dad
I lost my dad when I was a teenager. We never got along. Ever. And he passed away before I had the chance to understand him and his perspective. We never made amends, and we never will. His death taught me about forgiveness, of others and of myself. And there is no time like the present to offer and ask for forgiveness. His short life taught me about the urgency of living. And the massive disappointment that he faced in his life, that ultimately destroyed him, taught me that we must put aside failure, and move forward, grateful for what we do have rather than dwelling on what we don’t have. 

Several long-term romantic relationships
If I had married any of the boyfriends I thought I might marry, I’d be divorced 5 times over by now. It is only now that I really feel I have come into my own, understand who I am, and have the confidence to live the life I imagine. Marrying any of my past boyfriends would have been an enormous mistake, and I am grateful that those relationships failed me before I had the chance to fail them (which surely would have happened.)

NBC
Since I was a little girl, I have wanted a seat on that couch on the Today show. And I got my chance to be within arms-length of that couch during my second year at Darden when I went to NBC to interview for their MBA rotation program. I had imagined myself walking into 30 Rock everyday, donning my badge. I imagined myself whipping around that office, changing the face of network television. I was going to be a star. (Seeing a pattern yet?)

And then I went through 8 hours of demeaning interviews by people who thought I wasn’t good enough to join them from the moment I walked in the door. They were the worst interviews I’ve ever had. And it was humiliating. I had spent months preparing for those interviews, and all for naught. An alum brought me in as a favor, knowing I’d never make the cut. I was ashamed and embarrassed, and it was the best thing that ever happened to my career. I reached for something far beyond my grasp, and I missed. As a result, I went to work for a retail company after a very long job search, and my boss there has become an invaluable mentor to me. I discovered the world of innovation and product development, and picked up the trail of a path that I am thrilled to be on. Again, I learned about the power of humility, the courage it takes to hold your head high and look failure in the eye, and move on with continued confidence. 

All of these failures taught me a few valuable lessons:
The universe knows your destiny better that you do
Preparation and grace are key to moving forward
The world is a very generous place – it will give you the same lesson over and over again until you learn it and the don’t need to go through it any more

Seth is right – failures are moments of learning. And while in the moment, it may be difficult to be grateful for failures, we can take comfort in the fact that accepting and acknowledging their existence helps us to leave them behind in search of better times ahead.    
blog, blogging, social media, social media creation, social network

Social Media Primer

I spend so much time on-line that I have grown into one of those people who thinks everyone on the planet understands and appreciates the power of social media. I’m deluding myself. Many people are not involved and know next to nothing on social media. So if you’re looking to learn a bit more about social media, or know someone who’s interested in learning more, here’s the contents of my Social Media Primer, hot off the presses:

A Social Media Primer
(This list is by no means comprehensive of all the channels of social media, but it’s a good start)
October 31, 2008

Blog Search Engines:
Dogpile
http://www.dogpile.com/
A search engine that utilizes the power of the top five internet search engines. Also know as “metasearch”.

Technorati
http://technorati.com/
As the leading blog search engine and most comprehensive source of information on the blogosphere, Technorati indexes more than 1.5 million new blog posts in real time and introduces millions of readers to blog and social media content.

BlogCatalog
http://www.Blogcatalog.com
BlogCatalog is a social community for bloggers and one of the largest blog directories on the internet.

Google Blogsearch
http://blogsearch.google.com
Blog Search is Google’s search technology focused on blogs. Blog Search enables you to find out what people are saying on any subject of your choice. Your results include all blogs, not just those published through Blogger. The blog index is continually updated, so you’ll always get the most accurate and up-to-date results. You can search not just for blogs written in English, but in French, Italian, German, Spanish, Korean, Brazilian Portuguese, Dutch, Russian, Japanese, Swedish, Malay, Polish, Thai, Indonesian, Tagalog, Turkish, Vietnamese and other languages as well.

IceRocket
http://www.icerocket.com

NBCNY
http://www.nbcnewyork.com/
Just released in BETA this week, this site strives to be a one-stop shop for news on a variety of social media platforms.

Blog Publishers that you can search:
Blogger (owned by Google)
http://www.Blogger.com

Typepad
http://www.typepad.com

Moveable Type
http://www.Moveabletype.com

Twitter
http://www.twitter.com
(micro-blogging)

WordPress
http://www.wordpress.com

Wikipedia
http://www.wikipedia.com

YouTube (owned by Google)
http://www.youtube.com
(video blogging)

Hulu (owned by NewsCorp. and NBC – being hailed as the new YouTube)
http://www.hulu.com

Helium
http://www.helium.com/
Every day, this diverse community shares information on everything from politics to parenting advice, to pop culture, to the environment and more. You’ll find Helium rich with quality content, different points-of-view, and expert insight.

DailyMotion
www.dailymotion.com
Dailymotion is about finding new ways to see, share and engage your world through the power of online video. You can find – or upload – videos about your interests and hobbies, eyewitness accounts of recent news and distant places, and everything else from the strange to the spectacular.

Metacafe
www.metacafe.com
Metacafe is one of the world’s largest video sites, attracting more than 25 million unique viewers each month (according to comScore Media Metrix). They specialize in short-form original content – from new, emerging talents, and established Hollywood heavyweights alike.

Piczo
http://www.piczoinc.com/
Piczo empowers teens worldwide to creatively express themselves, build personal communities, and share ideas and experiences with their friends in a safe online environment. Since its launch less than three years ago, Piczo has grown to roughly 10 million monthly unique visitors and over a billion monthly page views solely through the viral efforts of loyal members. Rave reviews from these members claim that Piczo is unmatched in the control, ease-of-use, and flexibility it offers them when building their websites.

Piczo’s customizable content, colorful graphics, glitter text, video, and photo tools spotlight member creativity without requiring technical skills. Members share their life stories with friends by designing their sites with multiple pages featuring photos, graphics, videos, music, comment boards, games, and more. Each site can be linked to other friends’ sites and users can interact with them and their friends, and meet new people online. And, the “first of its kind” Piczo Zone allows members to share their customizable content with the rest of the Piczo Community.

Yahoo!video
http://www.video.Yahoo.com

Google video
http://www.video.google.com

Sharing Technologies
Del.icio.us
http://delicious.com/
Delicious is a social bookmarking service that allows users to tag, save, manage, and share web pages from a centralized source. With emphasis on the power of the community, Delicious greatly improves how people discover, remember, and share on the Internet.

Digg
http://www.digg.com
Everything on Digg — from news to videos to images — is submitted by the Digg community either directly on the site or by clicking on the Digg icon at the bottom of many news articles. Once something is submitted, other people see it and Digg what they like best. There’s also a conversation that happens around the content.

Reddit
http://www.reddit.com

Stumbleupon
http://www.stumbleupon.com
A relative newcomer to the scene of sharing technologies.

Yahoo!Buzz
Http://www.buzz.yahoo.com

Buzzup
http://www.buzzup.com
Caters mostly to the Tech community

Sphere.com
http://www.sphere.com
Provides a way to pull a thread through a variety of different articles and platforms on a specific topic

Mixx
http://www.mixx.com
Allows you to connect to others with interests similar to yours, or to create your own niche network

Newsvine
http://www.newsvine.com

Blogmarks
http://blogmarks.net/
A mashup of a reader, bookmark bank, and a social network. You store URLs, tag them, and then are able to share them with the network

Social Networks
Facebook
http://www.facebook.com

MySpace
http://www.myspace.com

BlogHer
http://www.BlogHer.com
The largest social network of women bloggers

Gather
http://www.Gather.com

Linked In
http://www.linkedin.com

Blogcatalog
http://www.blogcatalog.com
This is a social network for bloggers

Helium
http://www.helium.com/
This is a social network of self-described “experts” and “thought leaders” in a variety of fields. Largely a community of writers.

Bebo
http://www.bebo.com/
Largest social network in Europe

Hi5
http://www.hi5networks.com
The third largest social network in the U.S. behind Facebook and MySpace. Very young company, though growing quickly. Strong emphasis on Spanish-speaking countries and Hispanic US population. Recently featured in Fortune:
http://money.cnn.com/2008/10/13/technology/hempel_hifive.fortune/index.htm?postversion=2008101512

Ning
http://www.Ning.com
This is a network of social networks where you join niche networks (or start one) based on common interests. Recently featured in Fast Company:
http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/125/nings-infinite-ambition.html

Reader / Aggregator:
Readers and aggregators allow you to “bookmark” blogs you want to keep up with by subscribing to those blogs’ RSS feeds. The feeds populate your page in the reader and then you log into the reader to read the new posts on the blog you follow.

Bloglines
http://www.bloglines.com

Blinklist
http://www.blinklist.com

Blogmarks.net
http://blogmarks.net/

career, friendship, relationships, work

Mixed signals

Another update from my friend, John, the extremely talented graphic designer whom I spoke about in a post last month. He’s still plugging away on his huge amount of work to get his projects off the screen and off the ground. It’s slow going, but he’s making progress. Or at least he was until today. And his story from today is a good example of why alignment matters. (Regardless of what John McCain says, I’ve never seen two mavericks make a good team.)


John has been working away on his enormous projects for several clients. On occasion he needs sign-off from his boss (let’s call him Tom) and his boss’s boss (let’s call her Barb). Trouble is that those two aren’t aligned on the artistic direction of John’s projects. (I’m getting nervous just thinking about what’s coming next.) So today, he discovered that Barb hadn’t received some mission-critical information from Tom, who was conveniently out today – the day of the deadline. Ouch. So not only did Barb call John to find out the whereabouts of Tom, but she also gave him direction on his #1 project that was entirely contradictory to his Tom’s direction from earlier this week. 

After a flurry of emails back and forth with Tom copied on them, Tom starts to reply and put in his two cents, arguing with Barb. John was hoping to back away slowly and leave Tom and Barb to fight it out. No such luck. So while John was working away all day under Barb’s direction, Tom essentially ignored that work and did his own thing. In essence, John would have had a more productive day if he had stayed home and hid under his bed. (I’m not suggesting that that would have been a good idea – merely making the comparison to demonstrate what a complete waste of time all of John’s work was today.) 

To add insult to injury, Tom then called John to walk through his (Tom’s ideas) that he wants to present to Barb tomorrow morning with John’s help. And then, when Barb cancelled tomorrow morning’s meeting with Tom via email, Tom shouted a very loud and inappropriate expletive and proceeded to complain about Barb, wanting John’s support. Good grief – Tom needs to watch the movie Saving Private Ryan where Tom Hanks says to his soldiers, “always remember to complain up.”       

I had a bit of good counsel for John, after his long and weary day.  The line “self-preservation is a full-time occupation” kept running through my head as I listened to his story. The name of the game here is documentation, communication, and concentration. Keep track of everything that’s happening so there is a clear record of sign-offs, communicate to all parties equally so everyone has the same information, and concentrate on getting the job done that needs to get done and that John has the ability to control. It’s not easy to be Switzerland, but it John’s case it may be the only way forward.
blogging, charity, customer service, environment, New York City, social media, social network

Make it easy for me to participate

See that blog post just below entitled, Root for Your City? I didn’t write it – not a single word of it. A handful of clicks and it was posted for me. American Express ran a program called “Root for Your City”. 8 cities across the country are competing for the largest share of 1 million tress to plant in their cities. By using my Amex cards (I am now up to three of them as of yesterday!) at participating stores and restaurants, I am contributing to the effort in my city.

I went to the site after receiving a customer email (1st click) and clicked on the button “RootforNYC.com” (2nd click). After arriving on the home page for the contest and learning a bit about it I clicked on the button “Spread the Word” (3rd click). There was a tab titled “Post to blog” (4th click). I checked the “Blogger” button (since my blog is hosted by Blogger), entered by username and password, clicked “sign-in”, and then click “post” (5th, 6th, and 7th clicks). That’s it. Done. Posted up to my blog with a link to the contest’s site and a pretty picture. A clean, easy to follow, aesthetically-pleasing process. (It was so easy that I felt like I was visiting a site designed by Apple!) Now that is service.

This tiny event was a big lesson for me. In this day and age of messaging and the need for mass participation, the organizers of events, efforts, and campaigns need to make participation easy. Companies need advocates now more than ever. Give a customer a good experience and they’re with you for life. This is the age of customer service, when finally customers are given their due as valuable, cherished members of a company. And the companies that will come out ahead when it is all said and done are those that not only call their customers kings and queens, but treat them like that as well.

Life

Root for Your City

Help bring the largest share of a 1 million-dollar tree-planting grant to your city. You could make an amazing difference in your community simply by using any American Express® Card at participating businesses from Sept 22 to Oct 31, 2008.