Yesterday was a tough day. I got home and just felt wiped. You know that feeling, the one that says you can’t take even one more little thing. I just felt sad, and tired, and tapped out.
To get myself in a better frame of mind, I took a shower to wash off the day and then took Phin for a walk. I bumped into a few of my neighbors outside and had a nice conversation. We didn’t talk about anything life-changing – just our dogs and the humid weather. And then something shifted. I can’t put my finger on exactly what it was. All of a sudden, I felt at home.
To be honest, I’ve been mourning a few things – the change in neighborhood, the fact that my condo deal fell through and I’m still renting, Phin’s difficulties adjusting with separation anxiety again. We also lost a dear family friend this weekend. She lived a long, happy, beautiful life, and still, I wish it wasn’t her time. I have a lot of friends who are struggling right now with so many things in their lives, and all I can do for them is listen and love them. And this is just what’s happening in my tiny world to say nothing of what’s happening to the world at-large.
It seems that a lot of people are grieving. In times of grief and change, I tend to cocoon myself. Maybe it’s a protective reflex. Maybe it’s because I need some quiet time to figure out how I think and feel about something. What I do know is that if I can stay open to possibility, to new insights and ideas, to the beauty that can come from change if only I can give myself time to adjust, then eventually things click. What seemed like a burden becomes a gift. What seemed like work becomes play. What was foreign becomes familiar. Openness paves the way for transformation if we can allow it the space to do its work.
Christa Avampato 