Month: June 2015

care, community, compassion

This just in: Can we ever truly have empathy?

Christa Avampato
Start empathy
Start empathy

“The only true voyage of discovery is not to visit other lands but to possess other eyes, to behold the universe through the eyes of another, of a hundred others, to behold the hundred universes that each of them beholds.” ~Marcel Proust, “Remembrance of Things Past”

I read this quote while I was on the metro Sunday morning and as I looked around the packed train car, I thought about how different the world must look through every set of eyes around me. Sometimes we talk about empathy as if it’s a switch we can flip, as if it’s something so easy to attain that anyone could do it. But truthfully, empathy is difficult and constant work, something that takes effort and grace. To have it, we have to give up our own biases. We have to drop our own baggage and put aside our hard-won perspective in the hope of somehow finding a glimmer of understanding, a glimpse into the world through eyes that aren’t our own.

The New York Times article by psychologist Paul Bloom that featured the quote from Proust questioned whether true empathy is ever really possible or if it’s an unachievable pipe dream. I’m fine with it being either. No matter if it’s achievable or not, it’s worth the effort. Even if we fall far short of true understanding, at least the attempt shows that we cared at all. And isn’t that concern what life is all about?

creativity, relationships

This just in: Faults and remedies

Christa Avampato
#waytobe
#waytobe

“Don’t find fault, find a remedy.” ~Henry Ford

Faults are easy to find. And the voicing of those faults are the very things that can break us down and damage relationships and the best of projects. What’s more powerful, mature, and helpful is finding a remedy to those faults. The remedy takes creativity, empathy, and concern. It takes a willingness to win, and help others win, too. It means that we’re more interested in seeing something succeed than we are in voicing our own opinions and biases. So let’s be remedy hunters. Let’s help each other find a better way forward, together.

 

creative process, creativity, leader, leadership

This just in: Fighting for what matters

Christa Avampato
Leadership is service.
Leadership is service.

“Fight for the things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you.” ~Ruth Bader Ginsburg

The creative process is always messy, always fraught with disagreement on some level. This is especially true when the stakes are high and there’s a lot of passion to fill the need that began the effort in the first place.

What I’m learning in my startup is that strong opinions need to be expressed with a lot of care and concern for the people who are hearing them, the people whom we ultimately want to win over and have support us. So often our point-of-view is so strong that we forget that it’s not so much about us voicing it as it is about it being received in the way we want it to be received. That takes finessing. We can’t lead if no one follows.

friendship, relationships

This just in: Carrying the load together

Christa Avampato
It's not the load that breaks you down; it's how you carry it. ~Lena Horne
It’s not the load that breaks you down; it’s how you carry it. ~Lena Horne

“It’s not the load that breaks you down; it’s the way you carry it.” ~Lena Horne

This quote is on my mind today as I continue to roll up my sleeves and remake my life here in D.C. And though I drove alone with my belongings packed into my tiny car for 900+ miles with my tiny dog who was healing from painful back surgery, I knew I was driving toward a better, brighter future. I just didn’t know what that future was at the time. I knew I was going to have to dig down deep into my personal reserves to muscle through perhaps the most difficult move of my life.

In many ways, coming here 3 months ago was a practice of wiping the slate almost completely clean, save for my incredible friends who supported my journey in every way imaginable. Whether it was through phone calls, messages of support, renting me an apartment, sending me job leads, helping me unpack and get settled, showing me around the city, watching Phin, or just being there whenever I needed anything, they came through with flying colors. And now I feel really lucky to be back on my feet again and in the position to give all that love and support right back to them.

I’ve been honored by the number of people who have recently reached out and asked me for help. I like to be that resource for people, especially in times of change. I’ve been through the wringer, and I want as many people as possible to benefit from my experience. Whether that means looking at a resume, meeting for coffee to brainstorm, offering writing and job search advice, or anything else that they might need, I feel glad and grateful to offer that up. It’s the best thing about getting older—I’ve now got more experience to share than ever before.

So maybe you’re going through something right now. Something that feels uncomfortable or confusing or disappointing. You might feel alone, but you aren’t. Far from it. There are many helpers, seen and unseen, who are waiting in the wings for you to ask for help. I know because I’m one of them.

courage, creativity

This just in: The gift of honesty

Christa Avampato
Honesty takes courage
Honesty takes courage

“Honesty is an expensive gift. You shouldn’t expect it from cheap people.” ~Warren Buffet

No one ever said honesty is easy, at least at the moment when it’s needed. Honesty is one of those things that grows in value over time. We get honest feedback and it can be tough to take. We scowl, run, and brood (or at least I’ve been known to do all three of these things when I hear something that’s less than a glowing remark.) But after I’ve had time to reflect and absorb that honesty, I’m grateful. I appreciate how hard it is to deliver honesty, especially when the stakes are high. It takes a lot of courage to be honest, and that courage should be honored.

 

 

loss, love, relationships

This just in: Hands strong enough to come home empty

Christa Avampato
Hands strong enough to come home empty
Hands strong enough to come home empty

My college friend, KaRyn, once write a beautiful poem and the lines from it have stuck with me for almost 20 years. One line in particular has been running through my mind lately and I think it’s the perfect way to think about change: “With hands strong enough to come home empty.”

It’s easy to take the opportunities that just come along. It’s hard to turn away or let go of something that’s not right for us when it seems like the alternative is nothingness, emptiness. But here’s what I’m learning. If we want to receive what and who is truly meant for us, then we need space. We need emptiness before we can have fullness. These days I’m reminding myself that emptiness isn’t something to fear or be sad about. It means we’re ready for what’s next.

creativity

This just in: Keeping it weird

Christa Avampato
Let's be weird together
Let’s be weird together

When we’re first getting to know someone, we may let our eccentricities out of the bag slowly. I’m not saying this is good or bad. It’s just natural. Recently I’ve started wondering if a slow intro to our weirdness is really the best approach. Like Austin, Texas, maybe we should keep it weird as much as we can.

What if right from the get-go we decided to just be our crazy nut bag selves? If people run in the other direction, so be it. They were probably going to do that anyway, or we were going to get stuck in a cycle of playing a part that’s not meant for us and pretending to be someone we aren’t. Maybe if we let ourselves be free to be who we are, then others will feel free to do that in front of us, too. Then maybe we’ll run in the other direction or hang around to see what their crazy selves do next.

Either way, isn’t authenticity, crazy or not, the point of it all?

action, feelings

This just in: Letting go and digging in

Christa Avampato

“There is a time to let things happen and a time to make things happen.” ~Hugh Prather, American writer

I’ve been thinking a lot about effort recently. When it’s warranted and when it’s not. When it’s time to let life unfold and when it’s time to actively unpack it to see what we’ve got.

In general, I believe in being proactive and I always believe in being honest with ourselves and others. It’s not always easy or comfortable to honestly (and respectfully) express how we feel. But I always find that in the end I’m glad I’ve done so.

If people stick around through my honesty, then I feel like we may be able to get somewhere. If they walk away, then I know our paths were meant to go in separate directions. And either way is okay as long as I’ve been true to who I am and expressed what I need.