I tell wonder-filled stories about hope and healing
“In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.” ~ public transit poster
This is a short week for me because of the holiday so on Friday I’m giving myself a day of intensive self-care: my first ever acupuncture treatment, a new haircut, a delicious lunch, and some time going to a museum or an indie film at my favorite movie theater in D.C. The best way to give your best to others is to take care of yourself. Be a rebel; like yourself.
There’s nothing wrong with taking the high road, even when someone hasn’t earned that amount of kindness and courtesy from you. After all, you’ll have a better view from up there and that perspective will help you avoid the people who choose to make the low road their home.
I hate setbacks. They are a drag with a capital D. They’re also a natural, albeit nasty, part of life. Anyone who tries to create something or change something experiences them. I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Come close and listen. Those setbacks are jewels. They are roadblocks in the best sense of the word. They make sure you don’t go down paths that aren’t meant for you and that you stay focused on the people who are meant to be in your life. Not everything, nor everyone, is your work to do.
So take the roadblocks as they come. Take a deep breath and look around for the clear way forward. It may be a different road than you envisioned but that’s the nature of adventure. It’s never how you imagine it to be. Relish the surprises and take them in stride. They’re there for a reason, and someday that reason will be clear. Trust.
So many times we’re asked to shrink, to tempter our expectations, to conform, settle, and receive less than what we truly deserve. Yesterday, the Supreme Court changed that. Love won, and not just the “right” kind of love according to the definition of a shrinking minority, but ALL love for EVERYONE. That decision made my eyes tear and my heart open. The decision on gay marriage is proof that we have higher standards, for ourselves and our government. That we can do better than we’ve done in the past. That we can transform. That light, and love, will win as long as we continue to believe and continue to fight for every person’s dignity. Up with love!
“You must find the place inside yourself where nothing is impossible.” ~Deepak Chopra
External circumstances affect our state of mind. They help us to make excuses for ourselves and others. We point to time, a lack of experience, too much competition, or money as obstacles to having the lives we want and deserve.
But even in your darkest hour there is a light. Maybe small, maybe hidden from plain sight. Somewhere inside you, there is a place that believes in goodness. A place that believes your life now doesn’t have to be your life tomorrow. That light burns with the belief that change, growth, and joy is not only possible, but probable, if only we could tap into its strength.
When life seems overwhelming, I close my eyes, I put both hands on my heart, and I breathe. I breathe right into that tiny light. And with every breath, I let that light grow. I spread it around into every dark corner of my mind and my body. Especially the parts that hurt. Especially the parts that house fear, anger, or loneliness. That’s where the light is needed most, and all we have to do is allow it to do what it does best—shine.
Life doesn’t always give us what we want. We strive for something (or someone) only to find we’ll never be able to reach it, fix it, heal it, or save it, try as we might.
This has happened to me several times in the past few months, and I have to be honest: I felt crushed. Confused and beat up. Even unsteady at times. And then I read this: “Sometimes life doesn’t give you what you want, not because you don’t deserve it, but because you deserve more.” And I’m reminded that life isn’t so much about what we want; it’s about what we need. We don’t always know what we need until we look back on our trail of broken dreams and realize they had to break so that something more beautiful could take its place.
Like me, you might be going through some things right now. Things that hurt. Things that make you feel sad, afraid, or angry. You might be asking yourself, “why me? Why is this happening now? How did I get to this point? Where did I go wrong?” I get it. I really do.
Cry it out. Dance it out. Talk it out. Rid yourself of that thing that just didn’t go the way you wanted, secure in the fact that it went the way that it needed to go so that you could live your best life and be your best self. That idea keeps me going, and I hope it will keep you going, too.
Maybe it’s the heat. Maybe it’s the humidity. Maybe it’s the fact that summer just isn’t my season and so it always ignites in me a desire to get away. Yesterday my boss told me about “wwoofing“, a travel phenomenon that involves volunteering to work on organic farms all over the world in exchange for room and board. It stands for “World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms”.
I’ve done two volunteer vacations—one in the south of France and one in Costa Rica—and deeply loved those experiences. They made me a different and better person. I came away from them grateful for the blessings and riches in my life, and determined to pay forward all of the goodwill I found in those countries.
This idea of wwoofing has me intrigued. I have a feeling a plan is already in the works.
What we want determines who we are and who we become. Where we want to live. Who we want to be with. What we want to do. That all feeds into our experiences now that will shape who we are tomorrow. Right now, we’re actively shaping who we will be, and that’s worthy of consideration.
These last few months have held a lot of change for me and I’m not particularly skilled at giving myself any slack. I expect that I can accept and make the most of change at every turn. This weekend I found myself a little overwhelmed by it all. I had a stressful week and a weekend that, while filled with activity, was also on the stressful side in a number of ways. At one point I was very tired, and also not feeling well, and all of this change hit me like a ton of bricks. Even though many of these changes have been good, all change takes some getting used to.
So today I’m making a pledge to be kinder to myself. To give myself some more time and space to breathe and just be. I’m working on making my life simpler and easier to manage. I’m setting aside specific blocks of time for writing and reflecting. I’m also doubling down on my home meditation and yoga practice. More sleep. More leafy greens. More water.
These sound like simple things. But they’re powerful. I’m learning to accept that I’m a work in progress. I’m not going to get everything just right out of the gate. It’s going to take some iteration. It’s going to take making some mistakes and falling down. And that’s not easy but it’s necessary. Anything worthwhile takes time, and love, and sometimes that love needs to be directed within.
Father’s Day, the summer solstice, international yoga day. Just let yourself be open to the light, love, and care that the world is offering to you today. We don’t always recognize its form. Support can come in ways we least expect. But never doubt that it’s there. Even in our saddest, darkest times, the light and love from the universe are there if we want to find and embrace them.
Christa Avampato 