“If you want to understand today, you have to search yesterday.” ~ Pearl Buck
Searching yesterday is valuable, difficult work. I take it on every day because I believe so fully in the process of continuous improvement. I know and accept that I am not perfect, that I will never be perfect, and that there is always a way to do something better. This strong belief is helping me to make peace with yesterday and to lay down the heavy backpack of perfectionism. Perfection is a losing battle, and I hate losing even more than I hate imperfection.
Even with this strong belief in continuous improvement, some yesterdays have a way of gnawing at me even in my best moments. Not all yesterdays are created equal. I try to be thorough, thoughtful, and well-informed. I am the decision tree queen. I’d be willing to test my pro / con list speed and dexterity against anyone. I’ve been at this game of choice and decision-making for a very long time and for me, it’s an art.
My last yesterday with my father
So it’s sometimes especially difficult when I wish I had handled a situation from yesterday in a better way. I wish I had gone to the hospital and said good-bye to my father when I had the chance. I wish I could have swallowed my pride and my desire to be “right” – it might have saved me a lot of heartache in the aftermath. It’s not that I didn’t say good-bye to my father that bothers me so much; it’s that I made the free-willed choice to not say good-bye. I had good reasons for making that choice, though I wish I could have just laid them aside, whether they were right or wrong, and just been there with my mother to bear witness at the passing of a life that gave me life. It is my greatest and deepest regret, and with the finality of death it is something that I will never be able to do better. I can’t go back and say good-bye to my father in a better way, or for that matter, at all.
Keeping and living the lesson
The night my father died, I lost in a big way. His Holiness the Dalai Lama once said, “When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.” And in every day since my father passed I have tried to retain a very big yesterday lesson: when you walk away understand that you may not be able to retrace your steps.
Sometimes walking away is the best answer. Sometimes the only way you can really help someone heal is to remove yourself from the situation. Be very conscious of the downstream effects – for you and for that person – and understand that your decision in that moment has the ability to entirely alter your course going forward.
You will relive all of your yesterdays every day; act accordingly.
Published by Christa Avampato
The short of it:
Writer. Health, education, and art advocate. Theater and film producer. Visual artist. Product geek. Proud alumnae of the University of Pennsylvania (BA) and the Darden School of Business at the University of Virginia (MBA). Inspired by ancient wisdom & modern tech. Proliferator of goodness. Opener of doors. Friend to animals. Fan of creative work in all its wondrous forms. I use my business skills to create passion projects that build a better world. I’ve been called the happiest New Yorker, and I try hard to live up to that title every day.
The long of it:
My career has stretched across Capitol Hill, Broadway theatre, education, nonprofit fundraising, health and wellness, and Fortune 500 companies in retail, media, entertainment, technology, and financial services. I’ve been a product developer and product manager, theater manager, strategic consultant, marketer, voice over artist, , teacher, and fundraiser. I use my business and storytelling to support and sustain passion projects that build a better world. In every experience, I’ve used my sense of and respect for elegant design to develop meaningful products, services, programs, and events.
While building a business career, I also built a strong portfolio as a journalist, novelist, freelance writer, interviewer, presenter, and public speaker. My writing has appeared in The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, PBS.org, Boston.com, Royal Media Partners publications, and The Motley Fool on a wide range of topics including business, technology, science, health, education, culture, and lifestyle. I have also been an invited speaker at SXSW, Teach for America, Avon headquarters, Games for Change, NYU, Columbia University, Hunter College, and the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America. The first book in my young adult book series, Emerson Page and Where the Light Enters, was acquired by a publisher and launched in November 2017. I’m currently working on the second book in the series.
A recovering multi-tasker, I’m equally at home in front of my Mac, on my yoga mat, walking my rescue dog, Phineas, traveling with a purpose, or practicing the high-art of people watching. I also cut up small bits of paper and put them back together as a collage artist.
My company:
I’m bringing together all of my business and creative career paths as the Founder of Double or Nothing Media:
• I craft products, programs, and projects that make a difference;
• I build the business plans that make what I craft financially sustainable;
• I tell the stories that matter about the people, places, and products that inspire me.
Follow my adventures on Twitter at https://twitter.com/christanyc and Instagram at https://instagram.com/christarosenyc.
View all posts by Christa Avampato
“If you want to understand today, you have to search yesterday.” ~ Pearl Buck
Christa Avampato 
This is a very powerful and personal post Christa. I find myself thinking of forgiveness and acceptance… perhaps the most powerful forces of healing. And one of the most profound things we can do in our lives is offer forgiveness and acceptance to ourselves. As we can do this we are more able to offer these qualities, and healing, to others. Just some thoughts. Peace.
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Thank you, Sol. Your comment and the others on this post have prompted my post for tomorrow on forgiveness. Stay tuned..
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Christa,
Thank You.
It is a moving tribute to the relationship you enjoyed with your father.
I think you have been wanting to write it for the longest time, but such personal issues are difficult to cope with.
Therefore, I want to take this opportunity to say “bravo” for having the courage to write about such an important event in your life. It must have been an emotional moment for you, but also a moment that was like a catharsis.
We, your readers, encourage you to write such pieces more often, but only if you feel comfortable with it.
The reason is, it can help you heal and we want you to find the healing within yourself. I find there is something in common with yoga and creative writing–whatever helps us to heal is good news.
I practice meditation every day, for example, because it helps me to heal. I also write for the same reason: we share that in common.
You are so brave to have shared such a personal anecdote from your life and bless your heart for that act of courage.
You have a lot of empathy for others–that much is clear–and I think that will make you a better human being and a better teacher too.
Cheers. Live long and prosper, but I am not the Vulcan Spock.
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Thanks Archan. As tough as this writing about my dad is, I have found it to be such an act of healing. More to come, my friend. Thanks for the encouragement & support.
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Don’t be too hard on yourself… we all make mistakes and things we later regret… remember hindsight is always 20/20… but if you stay true to yourself and do what is right for you at that exact moment… there is nothing to regret later. You did what you thougt was right at the time…that’s all you can do…
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Thanks so much for the words of encoragement. The comments I got on this post have prompted my post tomorrow on the challenge and joy that is realized in forgiving ourselves. We do the best we can with what we’ve got, right?
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Christa write your father a letter saying good-bye. And please, forgive yourself – XO
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Thank you, Sonia. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post. 🙂
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Hi Christa,
This was so powerful to me, having recently lost my Dad…not for me so much as I am comfortable with having said my goodbyes to my father…I am however struggling with other issues regarding my fathers passing…I would love to be able to share this on my facebook as there are people that I know that should see this…thank you for writing this!
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Hi Susan Marie,
I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. Please feel free to share this, and any post, on FB. I write this blog about my own experiences to let people know that if they are going through circumstances like these, they are definitely not alone. Knowing we are all in this together somehow makes it all more manageable. Please know my thoughts are with you during this tough time.
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Reading this gives me such a peaceful feeling, Nan.
Dad’s death changed who I am entirely. I would never have considered a Christian college, majored in Psychology, become an educator or found the drive or desire to become active in church (and then ultimately find my career there!) if his life and the difficulties he imposed on us persisted beyond our high school days. Much of all those decisions were based in the fact that I was searching for a way to be close to the good man he was before his issues deteriorated him – the one we never knew.
He made me who I am, and so I am grateful in hindsight.
Regret never helps me, so I regret nothing. I, of course, wish I made different decisions in many instances. But I feel that regret is like a grudge that serve no valuable purpose and can often hold up growth. Dwelling on anything (good or bad) for too long can sometimes mean missing a blessing waiting to be noticed.
Always, Weez
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So beautifully said, Weez. May we always be able to see the blessings that are all around us.
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